Something Wild (12 page)

They said their goodbyes and Ryan hung up, feeling as hollow as such conversations usually left him. Oh well, at least the call was out of the way now.

Sniffing the air, Ryan caught a whiff of something hot … burning! Plunking his beer can on the counter, he dashed to the stove and yanked open the oven door.

Damn. Nothing like crunchy pizza rolls.

Fumbling for a pot holder, thankful he'd even remembered to use one the way his night was going, he rescued the pan from the oven and decided the garlic bread didn't look like a total washout, only a little brown around the edges.

He didn't bother hunting for a plate, just took the whole pan to the table, lowering it to a woven place mat, then grabbed his beer and sat down. He'd planned on doing some work on Penny's system tonight, but as he popped the first crisp pizza roll into his mouth, he decided he really was too tired; he was going to go to bed and get some rest.

And he was going to wake up with a new attitude, he vowed. No more messing around, no more taking chances, no more wild women, no more anything that could ruin his life in any way. He might resent his parents, but he still couldn't help wanting, wishing, to make them proud.

None of this was Penny's fault—well, except for the first incident in the limo—but either way, Ryan had to be done with this, done with her. She might be cute and fun and sweet and sexy, but that didn't matter. Starting tomorrow, no more Penny. Well, no more Penny outside of their working relationship, something he didn't have much of a choice in. And to facilitate that, he was going to set a new number one priority—get Penny's computer fixed, so they wouldn't have to meet at her house any longer.

* * *

"The party you are trying to reach is unavailable. Please leave a message."

Penny sneered at the phone in response as she stood behind the closed door of the pub's office the next morning. But today she had enough wits about her to do as the voice instructed. "Martin, call me as soon as you get this." Then she hung up and exited the office, where it appeared a small mid-morning rush on coffee and Danishes was just dying down. It was raining outside—the only thing to cool the city in a week—and rain always brought in the coffee drinkers.

"Sorry," she said to Patti, who'd handled the whole rush alone. None of the other servers clocked in until eleven, since mornings were usually quiet.

"No biggie," her sister replied, wiping her hands on a towel. Penny joined her behind the bar and as the last customer went out the door, paper bag in hand, Patti lifted her gaze. "So what were you cleaning last night?"

Penny blinked, feeling as if her sister had just flashed a bright light into her eyes. "Nice segue."

Patti snapped her fingers repeatedly. "Come on, come on, answer me, quick. What did you clean?"

"Uh … floors," Penny claimed, wishing she had more experience at lying.

"With a mop or on your hands and knees?"

Recalling having said she was up to her elbows in suds, she smugly replied, "Hands and knees."

Patti reached down to grab one of Penny's wrists and they both looked down at five perfectly manicured nails. "Liar," Patti said.

Penny sighed. She really did hate being dishonest with Patti, but she still couldn't tell her about what had happened in the limo because something about it continued to feel so intimate, so private, so painfully personal.

"Do I have to twist this," Patti asked, still gripping Penny's arm, "or are you gonna spill?"

Penny narrowed her eyes, and decided to tell her sister as much as she could.
"You
want to know what I was really doing when you called last night? Fine. I was standing in the foyer making out with Ryan in my underwear. Happy now?"

Patti's jaw dropped and Penny took perverse pleasure in having shocked her. "Ryan, the sexy computer guy?"

"That's the one."

Patti sucked in her breath and tightened her grip on Penny's wrist. "Pen, does this mean you're not…"

"Marrying Martin? Correct. I'm not." She glanced at the clock above the bar. "Now I just wish he would call, so I could tell him."

"He doesn't know yet?"

Penny shook her head. "In fact," she sighed, feeling more than a little sheepish, "I may as well tell you. I, uh, didn't exactly have sex with him the other night, either."

"Exactly?
What does that mean?"

Penny really did want to be as honest as possible, but… "It's complicated," she said, pulling her arm away to straighten a perfectly straight row of glasses and congratulating herself on having said something entirely truthful. "But all that really matters is that we didn't do it."

She feared Patti would be angry or hurt that she'd lied, but when Penny looked back at her sister's eyes, they shone with happiness. "You made the right decision," she said, then grabbed back onto both of Penny's wrists. "And, oh my God, Pen, you and the hot computer babe! How did this happen? Tell me everything. And is it … serious?"

Penny ignored everything else Patti had said except the last part since it stood out the most. She almost wanted to laugh at the very
suggestion
that it could be serious, since it was undoubtedly the most unserious, meaningless relationship she'd ever indulged in, at least from his point of view. But her heart hurt too much to even force any laughter, so she just tried for an easygoing expression. "No. In fact, he sort of dumped me already."

A look of horror reshaped Patti's face. "What happened?"

Penny released a heavy breath, realizing she was sending her sister on a veritable roller-coaster ride of emotion. "Martin is his boss. And Martin wants to marry me. You do the math."

"Oh," Patti said, catching on to the dilemma. "Oh, Pen, I'm so sorry."

Penny shook her head. "It wasn't important. Just a fling."

"You're lying again," her sister said without missing a beat. "You've never had a fling in your life, and besides, I can see it in your eyes. You've always been lousy at hiding your feelings."

Which meant, Penny thought, that Ryan had probably seen it last night, too—her hurt, her sadness. But who cared anyway? Chemistry aside, who needed a guy that held her feelings in such low regard?

"Well, it looks like I've had a fling
now.
But I'm over it," she added, which wasn't entirely true, but no one needed to know that. And when Ryan showed up at her house this afternoon, she was going to fill him in, as well. The new and improved Penny she'd discovered last night after his departure was more than just wild, she was assertive, too, and she wasn't going to put up with this now-I-want-you, now-I-don't stuff. She intended to make her position clear, show him she wouldn't be walked on, and then he'd be sorry he couldn't have her.

Patti took her hands and tried to look cheerful. "How about if Scott and I take you out to dinner tonight?" Penny could only guess that her firm independence had failed to show on her face just now, since her sister obviously felt sorry for her.

"Thanks, Patti, but I'll pass. I've always hated doing the third wheel thing."

"You wouldn't be a third wheel, I promise. And I want you to get to know him better."

Patti's current boyfriend had popped into the pub for lunch a couple of times, but Penny had never had the chance for more than a hello. "Why? Is
your
thing getting serious?"

Patti hedged a little, but resembled a bashful little girl when she finally smiled. "Kind of. Maybe."

Penny gave her sister a quick hug, accompanied by a reassuring smile. "I'm glad. One of us should have a happy love life."

"Sure I can't talk you into dinner?" Patti asked again.

"Some other night, okay?"

She did want to get better acquainted with Scott—she couldn't remember the last time she'd seen her sister blush over a guy—but the timing was all wrong. Too much remained up in the air. Oh, she certainly didn't expect Ryan to stay at her house late again—in fact, she would make sure to get him out the door by five—but she wanted to be home in case Martin called. She wanted to close this crazy chapter of her life, then move on.

* * *

As she had for the past few days, Penny left the Two Sisters Pub just after the lunch rush, knowing Ryan would arrive around two. Upon getting home, the first thing she did was check her answering machine, but no message, no Martin. The second thing she did was change into a pair of jeans—the rain had persisted and given Penny a slight summer chill. Rather than retucking her Two Sisters T-shirt, which had gotten damp and limp from the rain, she twisted the bottom into a knot, then swept her rain-frizzed hair up on her head into a loose bun.

Next, she pulled up her system notes on the computer. She knew they would review whatever new screens Ryan had created first, but thought she may as well be ready to keep the work rolling. Just as she opened the pertinent file, the doorbell rang.

Taking a deep breath, ready to put all this foolishness with him to an end, she rose and whisked opened the door.

He stood on the front stoop, putting down his umbrella and looking just as handsome as ever. But she was going to ignore that completely. She held open the screen door and let him in out of the rain.

"We have to talk," he said, before even laying down his umbrella or taking off his trench coat.

"I agree." She crossed her arms.

"We can't keep doing what we've been doing. We can't keep … getting close. As in physically."

Penny let out a sigh of annoyance and rolled her eyes. "Yes, I think we keep agreeing on that, too."

But she didn't think he'd even heard her since he rambled right on. "I'm thirty years old and dedicated to settling down and excelling in my career. And I've already been through my swinging single stage, and I just can't go there again, as much as I might like to. Okay?"

"Well," she said, just as directly, "I have news for you, too. I figured something out last night after you left."

"What's that?"

"You were right. I
want
to be wild! I
want
to have fun! I want to do things I've never done before! And the last thing I need in my life is a man who can't deal with that. That means Martin
and
you."

Ryan's knees nearly gave out. She
wanted
to be wild now? And she wanted to get wild with someone other than
him?
Alarm raced through his body at lightning speed and his stomach twisted in pain as images of her with another man pummeled him. "Who, then? I mean … you're not just gonna go out and—"

"No, of course not!" she snapped, and relief chased the worry from his mind, but he still felt unsteady. "And it's not like I have some particular guy in mind, and it's not even like I'm on the hunt, for heaven's sake, but when I meet the right one, I'll know it. And
he
won't tell me how bad I am for him."

Ryan let out a huge sigh. He felt awful. And sick. He'd thought he had this all figured out, thought he was going to come here, state his case, be completely sturdy and stalwart—even when desire struck—then leave feeling like a new man.

Instead, he felt as if he'd been run over by a truck. The last thing he'd expected was to find out she didn't want him anymore.
And
that she was in the market for somebody else, somebody new, even if she'd claimed afterward that she wasn't.

Aborting his original plan, he ran a hand back through his damp hair, trying to summon the right words, trying to make up for everything he'd done wrong here. "I'm sorry I said that, about you being bad for me. I shouldn't blame you for my issues." He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, realizing that after all they'd been through in the few days they'd known each other, the least he owed her was some honesty. "But the thing is—" he met her gaze and lowered his voice "—I've never said no to myself on much of anything before. So I have to this time or else what kind of man am I? I can't keep screwing up my life for the sake of just doing what I want, doing what feels good at any particular moment." Oh hell, he wasn't saying this right. He needed to get to the heart of the matter, which was her. "But if I could, Penny…"

Her eyes changed then, looking as though they belonged to someone much more gentle than the girl who'd just announced her sexual independence. "Yes?"

"Well, let's just say I'd give anything to help you explore this side of yourself, because it's a damn appealing side."

She swallowed visibly, appeared nervous. Dropped her gaze, but raised it once more. "Really?"

He lowered his eyes, too, seeing for the first time that her feet were bare again, peeking from the bottom of her blue jeans. He nodded, and his groin began to tighten. Just over her feet? he wondered, incredulous. No, over all of her, every beautiful ounce of her. From her sweet, trusting eyes to the way her T-shirt hugged her breasts to the pale pink polish on her toenails. Part of him wished he hadn't said so much, been so honest, but he'd had to. He couldn't be so cold without at least letting her know why.

And it was in that moment of silence that Ryan finally understood the whole problem here.

When she'd seduced him in the limousine, he'd had no choice but to see her as some strong, bold, take-charge woman who wanted nothing more from him than a good time. Yet every minute they'd spent together since then had altered his thinking. She was that strong, bold woman; he knew it, he'd lived it. But she was also soft and vulnerable, the sort of woman who needed more than just the physical act of sex. And that part of her got to him. Down deep.