Sophie's Path (21 page)

Sophie, who had spent her life cherishing her family, who only felt comfortable living in the town where she'd been raised, realized her definition of “home” had been lacking.

Kissing Jack and feeling his arms around her showed her that there were many places where the heart could dwell. Jack was offering her a home unlike any she'd experienced before.

When Jack finally broke the kiss, he pressed his forehead to hers. She admired his long lashes, which she'd forgotten about. She hadn't studied his face so closely since she nursed him in the hospital.

“I've wanted to do that for a long time,” he whispered.

“You have?”

“Yes. Since the first night I saw you. I thought...” He stopped himself and tilted his head back. “Well, it doesn't matter what I thought. I was pretty out of it.”

“You were.”

With a gleam in his eye, he smiled. “I also wanted to show you I could kiss better than you.”

“Oh, you did, did you?” Was that a challenge? “Well, it wasn't a fair competition, then. When I kissed you, it was on impulse.”

He loosened his hold on her, his expression still mischievous. “Oh, and this was premeditated?”

“It sure sounds like it,” she countered.

His dark eyebrows knitted together. “I suppose I drummed up that rainstorm all on my own. Made sure we were both soaking wet and then finagled a way to get you up here all alone.”

“That's not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean?”

“That you thought a lot about kissing me ever since the other day at Mrs. Beabots's house.”

He put his hands on his hips. “Of course I did! Didn't you?”

She started to shake her head. He put both hands on either side of her face.

“Be honest.”

She bit her lip. There were some things in life that were good to deny. Ice cream was one. But to deny Jack right now might be the biggest mistake of her life. She still didn't know his true feelings. He could be playing games with her, much like she'd played with men all her life. Karmic payback was never pretty.

She looked into his eyes and made her decision. “I thought about it.”

“Good answer. My next question is the kicker,” he said with a distinct crack in his voice.

Was he nervous?

“Go ahead and ask,” she taunted him. “Nothing has ever held you back from speaking your mind before.”

His dark gaze pulled her in as surely as if he was the lighthouse and she was a ship headed to rocky shores. “Would you kiss me again?”

Her breath froze in her lungs. Her heart stopped. She felt as if he were asking her to commit for the rest of her life. She knew he wasn't. All he'd asked was if she would consent to a kiss.

But she felt that cosmic train rushing past her and knew that if she didn't flag it down, demand to get on, that the rest of her life would pass her by and all she'd have to show for her days on earth was regret.

Sophie didn't give Jack an answer.

All she did was pull him close and kiss him like he was the last man on earth.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

S
OPHIE
DROVE
ALONG
Maple Boulevard on her way to the Salvation Army shelter. Eleanor had instructed her to make unannounced visits to check on Jeremy, and she hoped to see him today. When they were living on the street or in shelters, addicts had few people to whom they owed any responsibility. That allowed them to convince themselves that no one cared if they used. No one would ever know. Sophie's presence in his life, both scheduled and unscheduled, was much like normal family relationships, especially to a person like Jeremy who had started using so young that his emotional and social development had been affected. Jeremy reacted to people and situations like a child in many ways.

She glanced at Austin and Katia's house as she drove by, and her thoughts of Jeremy faded.

She'd never be able to pass that house again without remembering that it was the place where she'd had the first heart-stopping, mind-blowing kiss of her life.

Since Katia's wedding, Jack had called her three times and had started texting her regularly with silly comments about work, his runs or adorable Frenchie. She saved one selfie of Jack and Frenchie to her albums.

In her previous relationships—no, flings—with men, she'd seldom talked about ordinary things. She'd never shared her feelings about her family or disclosed her guilty pleasures like ice cream or extra foam on Maddie's cappuccinos. But she felt like she could talk about anything with Jack. And she wanted to. They compared their personal running styles. He asked her to be his tennis partner against Katia and Austin after they returned from their honeymoon. Sophie didn't play tennis, so Jack offered to teach her. What she didn't tell him was that her mother had always warned her about taking any kind of lessons from a man she was in love with.

And that's when it had hit her. Sophie had realized she was falling in love with Jack.

She'd tried to tell herself that though kisses like the one they'd shared were unique, they didn't always mean love.

But the more they talked, the more common ground they discovered, the more certain she became that it wasn't just the kiss making her feel this way.

At the end of each of their calls, Jack had mentioned Katia's wedding and being caught in the rain together. He'd told her he liked kissing her and hoped they could try it again soon.

It had only been three days since their kiss and Sophie found her lips missing his more than she liked to admit.

Sophie parked near the shelter and went inside to the reception desk, where a slender young man wearing a sleeveless shirt, obviously to display his extensive tattoos, greeted her. Though he couldn't have been more than twenty-five, his head was bald in that way that suggested chemotherapy rather than a preferred style.

“Hi, I'm here to see Jeremy Hawthorne.”

“Sure,” he replied with a closed-mouth smile. He consulted his computer screen. After a moment, he said, “Jeremy isn't a resident anymore.”

Sophie didn't do well hiding her surprise. She felt ambushed. And betrayed. “When did he move out? Does it say?”

“Uh, two days ago.”

“Did he leave a forwarding address?” she asked, desperation in her voice.

He shook his head and said knowingly, “They never do.”

“Gotcha. Thanks, anyway.”

Sophie turned and went back to her car, feeling a growing emptiness inside her. It had only been a little over a month since she'd brought him here. She'd bought him nicer clothes so he would feel better about himself. She'd called him on her breaks to let him know she was thinking about him, even though most times she'd had to leave a message. Jeremy didn't have a cell phone and her only connection to him was at the shelter. Each of the residents had a phone in their rooms and three times she'd caught him there and had a pleasant conversation.

Naively, she'd been encouraged by what she saw as progress.

She pounded the steering wheel and dropped her head into her arms. She'd barely begun working with Jeremy and she was failing already. Eleanor's warnings raced through her mind. She'd been told not to blame herself when there was a setback.

Sophie couldn't help it.

Eleanor told her to strike “betrayal” from her vocabulary.

Sophie didn't know how.

All she could think was that she had to find him. But she had no idea where to begin.

She started the engine and pointed the car toward town. Jeremy could have walked to Michigan by now. If he was ignoring her, there was nothing to keep him in Indian Lake. Was there?

He'd left his home and family in Phoenix. He'd left every other town and city he'd stopped in before coming here. Why wouldn't he continue that pattern?

Obviously, Jeremy hadn't cared or trusted her enough to tell her about his plans to move. Maybe she was wrong to have spent so much energy and emotion on him. She thought they were building a rapport and didn't understand why he'd leave without a word. But she knew addicts didn't think like she did.

She was just as Jeremy had said: she was normal.

She gripped the steering wheel as she braked at the light at Main and Maple. The corner of Jack's office building.

Jack
. She needed his advice, reassurance and comfort. They'd been exploring a new side of their relationship since their kiss, and she hadn't wanted to broach the subject of addicts and drugs in case it brought them back to Aleah. But now she wished he could be there for her.

What she wouldn't give for a moon roof. She could look up and see the windows. See if he felt her presence. See if he knew she was close.

She turned the corner and pulled up outside the Alliance. She needed to tell Eleanor that Jeremy was gone, but she also needed her counsel.

A group session had just broken up and the clients were standing around chatting. Eleanor was pouring coffee into a Styrofoam cup in the back.

“Sophie, hi.” Confusion crossed her face. “Did we have an appointment? I misplaced my calendar over the weekend and I'm lost without it.” She chuckled.

“No, but do you have a few minutes?” Sophie asked. “I need your help.”

Eleanor's expression became concerned. “It's Jeremy, isn't it?”

“Yes. He left the shelter and didn't tell anyone where he was going. He didn't tell me.”

“I expected this.”

“You did?” Sophie asked with a jolt of surprise. “Because I'm shocked. I thought he and I had bonded. That I was getting through to him.”

“He let you think he trusted you.”

Sophie nodded.

Eleanor turned. “Let's go into my office.”

Sophie followed her into the cubbyhole of a room that served as her office. Someday, Sophie hoped there would be money for a build-out, maybe even a larger facility. But that was down the road. Way down the road.

Sophie listened attentively as Eleanor reiterated much of what she'd told Sophie in the beginning. “You must remember, Sophie, that this is all on Jeremy. He has to want recovery. In my talks with him, he hasn't even come close to surrendering to a higher power. In fact, he's quite resistant.”

“Maybe I should have set a specific meeting with him each week. Maybe once a week isn't enough.”

“Remember, he has to reach out to you. You can't do the work for him. Once he's made the overture, then you can guide him.”

“I understand. Well, I guess I have to wait for him to show up again. If he's even in town.”

Eleanor smiled knowingly. “I'll bet he's around.”

“Why do you say that?”

“He's been in town over a month. That's enough time for him to get the lay of the land. He knows we have food here. There are several soup kitchens and two churches in town offer free dinners. He can go back to the shelter anytime.”

“But if that's true, why would he leave?”

Frowning, Eleanor replied, “He found somebody. Either a girlfriend who's taken him in or a buddy he's bunking with. What we have to hope is that they aren't into drugs, that they'll help him stay clean.”

Sophie peered into Eleanor's wise and experienced eyes. “But you're not optimistic.”

“I do try to have hope. But no, I'm not optimistic. Sorry. I've been there too many times.”

Sophie's eyes stung and though she tried, she couldn't stop her tears.

What was going on with her? Sophie had never cried easily. Not that she didn't cry at all, it was just that with years of nursing behind her, she'd learned to deal with disappointment. Lately, just about every new experience was touching her emotionally. Jack. Jeremy. Even Frenchie.

Sophie rose. “Thanks for your help, Eleanor. I guess I have to wait.”

“If I hear anything, Sophie—anything—I'll let you know immediately.”

Sophie let herself out and returned to her car. She was just about to get in when she heard her name.

“Sophie! Sophie!” Eleanor called, vigorously waving her arm. “Come back!”

Sophie locked the car and sprinted back to Eleanor. “What is it?”

“He's on the phone! Jeremy. I told him you were here. He sounds really down, but he asked for you.”

“Thank God.” Sophie rushed toward her, overcome with relief.

Back in Eleanor's office, Sophie picked up the phone. “Jeremy? How are you?”

“Okay. Not good. Bad. Real bad.”

“Talk to me.”

There was a long pause. “You're a cool dude, Sophie. I know you wanted to help, but I couldn't stay at that shelter. Too many do-gooders. Not in a good way.”

“How do you mean?” she asked.

“Sophie, I have a lot of problems. I'm a heroin addict. I'm also bipolar, and for a long time I took medicine for that. It didn't help, so I stopped.”

“It's not good to drop your medication without supervision. I could take you to the county clinic and a doctor—”

He cut her off. “Look, Sophie. You don't want to help me. Nobody does. I'm not worth it. See? That's the thing. I'm just going to use again and you'd get stuck in my black hole. It's like being a ghost. You don't go anywhere. No up or down. No escape. And you're too nice of a person. You need to spend your time with someone who's good for you. Someone like Jack—and Frenchie.”

“Jeremy...”

“That's a good idea. You and Jack would make good parents for Frenchie. Yeah. I like that.”

Sophie shivered. He was trying to tell her something and she didn't like any of it. “Jeremy, where are you right now?”

“I'm in a phone booth.”

Sophie ran through the phone booths she knew of in town. Mini-markets. Grocery stores. And Jack had said he'd met Jeremy at a gas station. “Where exactly? I'll come get you.”

“No, Sophie. I have to do this myself.”

“Do what?”

“You know. Go out...in a blaze of glory.”

Terror struck her. “No, Jeremy, you're not alone. I'm coming there.” In the background, she heard the clanging bells of a railroad gate being lowered. Then she heard a train whistle. He was on the other side of downtown at one of the two gas stations along Indian Lake Drive. “You stay where you are. I'm coming.”

“Really? You know where I am?”

“Jeremy, I'm here for you. I'll find you. Always.”

Sophie dashed out of Eleanor's office and shouted, “I'll call you!”

“Good luck!” Eleanor offered as the door banged behind Sophie.

* * *

S
OPHIE
FOUND
J
EREMY
right where she'd guessed he'd be, sitting on the concrete directly beneath the phone booth with his knees to his chest, his arms wrapped around his skinny legs and his head resting on top of them. He didn't get up as she approached, though he did raise his head.

He had a hollow look in his eyes. She could only guess at how much heroin he'd done that morning.

She got out and opened the passenger car door. “Come on.”

Slowly, he rose with the creaks and stiffness of a seventy-year-old. “Where are we going?”

“You tell me. You left the shelter. Where do you live now?”

He eased himself into the seat while she held the door. “With Buddy.”

“I'll just bet he is,” she growled angrily.

Jeremy gave her directions to a run-down section of commercial buildings that were now used as body shops, machine repair shops and storage facilities. Or places where addicts could crash.

On the north side of the street from the commercial buildings was a row of dilapidated houses, which looked like they hadn't been painted or repaired in decades. Jeremy pointed to a house with peeling gray paint and disintegrating front steps. “You left the shelter for this?”

He avoided her gaze by opening the door. “Yeah. Brilliant of me, huh?”

“What exactly does this Buddy do?”

“He's got friends. He helps people like me. Like you do.”

“Buddy's not normal, is he? He's a dealer.”

Jeremy got out of the car and slammed the door with surprising force. He leaned over the roof as she got out and faced him.

“Look. You did your job today. You saved me.”

“Jeremy, you are not my job or my mission. You are not a project. You are a person. A human in trouble. I want to help, but not if you don't want me to.”

He lowered his eyes.

She realized he was crying.

“I did today.”

“Then that's enough,” she said, compassion filling her voice and her heart.

He opened his eyes. “You're about the most wonderful person I've ever met, Sophie. And I'm trying to be better. I am.”

“Then let me take you back to the shelter. I don't feel right leaving you here.”

“I'll be fine. I promise. Tomorrow will be better.”

Sophie felt hope spark inside her. That was one of the key phrases Eleanor had told her to watch out for. If an addict talked about hope, if anyone who was depressed spoke of hope, then there was hope.