Soul Protector (14 page)

“We broke up,” she said softly,
“and I’ve moved out of his bedsit.”

I took a couple of deep breaths
to calm myself and erase the venom from my voice. “So, are you
moving back in with Mum?”

She shook her head and her
earrings made a clattering sound. “No, not yet anyway. I want to
wait until things are more normal. I’m crashing at Lucy’s for a
bit.”

“So what is it you want from
me, to pretend none of it ever happened?”

I saw tears building behind her
thick mascara.

“Gracie, please believe me. I
would do
anything
to go back in time and change things.”

I half-laughed. “What? Like
make sure I never got to find out?”

“No,” she said, her brow
crinkling. “I mean I wish I never let myself fall for him in the
first place.”

I sighed, pausing to order my
thoughts. “Michelle, you really don’t get it do you? You and Mike
hooking up was bad enough, but there’s more to it than that. At
least he owned up to what was going on behind my back. You seemed
to think it was alright as long as I didn’t find out.”

I stopped talking as the moment
I found out about the pair of them flashed into my mind.

I’d still been reeling from
Mike dumping me, but I was nowhere near the emotional-wreck stage
at that point. Kerry and Lydia, on a mission to take my mind off
things, had taken me to see a movie at a cinema complex nearby. It
was a comedy flick with Jack Black, and I’d had to admit, laughing
out loud improved my mood no end. Even Lydia had let herself go,
succumbing to deep belly laughs. When it finished, we walked out
through the large glass doors of the building and into the chilly
evening, giggling as we reminisced over various scenes.

There was a McDonalds at the
other end of the car park and it stood out like a sore thumb with
its golden arches lit up against the dark sky. In spite of all the
pick-a-mix we’d scoffed, Kerry decided we should pop in and grab
something for the journey home.

We trotted across the tarmac,
arms linked together as we decided what to order. Lydia said she
could only manage a small portion of fries, but Kerry reckoned she
was having a Big Mac
and
fries.

In order to reach the entrance
we had to walk alongside the cars in the drive-thru queue. I was
still trying to decide what I fancied, when I casually flicked my
eyes forward. What I saw made me stop in my tracks. Sitting just
ahead of us was Mike’s distinctive camper van.

Kerry followed my gaze. “Oh
great,
he’s
here.”

Lydia grabbed my arm, pulling
me forward. “Ignore him, Gracie. Look the other way.” Something
about the urgency in her voice made me curious.

We had no choice but to walk
directly past his van anyway, and as I drew level, I couldn’t stop
myself peaking through the window. Mike didn’t see me at first. He
was completely focussed on his passenger,
Michelle
.

I couldn’t tear my eyes away. I
stopped walking and a wave of nausea washed over me. I still had my
arm looped through Lydia’s, and I was grateful when she tensed to
steady me.

Kerry took a sharp intake of
breath. “What the hell are those two doing together?”

She jumped down the kerb and
rapped on the window. Mike and Michelle both jumped and looked our
way. Guilt was plastered all over their faces.

“Hey, what are you two up to?”
Kerry shouted.

Michelle was quick to unbuckle
her seatbelt and jump out. “No, no, you’ve got it all wrong. It’s
nothing, honest.” She stopped in front of me, panic reflected in
her eyes. “We were just talking… about you… and the break-up.”

I stood silent, hoping she
would say something else to clear up the confusion and prove it was
harmless.

“You do believe me don’t you?”
The pitch of her voice grew higher with every word.

I heard the door creak as Mike
stepped out of the driver’s side. The temperature had plummeted,
but he was still wearing his favourite Rip Curl t-shirt and
board-shorts. He’d obviously got over the initial shock, because
his laid-back persona was firmly back in place.

Ignoring me, he stood by
Michelle’s side. I watched, mesmerised as he reached out and
stroked her face.

“Mich, babe, she needs to
know.”

Michelle’s eyes widened as she
looked between Mike and me.

“Needs to know what?” Kerry
spat.

Mike ignored Kerry and turned
his attention to me. At the same time he put his arm around
Michelle.

“Me and Mich, we’re an
item.”

I felt Lydia squeeze my
arm.

I swallowed hard. “How
long?”

Michelle looked up at Mike. She
was giving him tiny shakes of her head and pleading with her
eyes.

Mike ignored her. “About a
month.”

Kerry’s voice took on a
sinister tone. “You devious, nasty…”

The car driver behind Mike’s
van blasted his horn, making us all jump. He furiously signalled
for Mike to move forward and catch up with the queue.

“Yeah, yeah, chill out, old
man,” Mike called to him, making no attempt to climb into his
van.

I turned my attention back to
Mike and Michelle and braced myself. “Have you two
slept
together?”

Michelle’s face fell into a
frown and she lowered her head, giving me all the confirmation I
needed. I flicked my eyes to Mike and was horrified to see the hint
of a smile forming on his lips.

He began nodding. “Sorry,
Gracie, but you can’t fight love.”

Michelle broke free, giving him
a look of disgust before stepping towards me.

“Gracie, it’s not as bad as it
sounds...”

“Yeah, well you could’ve fooled
me.” I was amazed my voice sounded so normal when I was finding it
hard to breathe. All I knew was that I needed to get away from the
pair of them as fast as possible. I turned and sprinted back to
Lydia’s car. Behind me I heard Michelle calling my name
hysterically, but I didn’t look back.

I shook my head trying to get
rid of the image, and the feelings it conjured.

“I only tried to hide it
because I didn’t want to hurt you,” Michelle was saying. “I thought
it would be easier for you that way.”

“If you were worried about my
feelings, you should have stayed well away from him.”

She swallowed hard. “I
couldn’t, Gracie. I had such a huge crush on Mike, ever since you
first brought him home to meet us. I used to doodle his name on my
school books, and write over them so no one would know.” She
stopped for a moment to check my reaction. When I didn’t say
anything, she sighed and carried on. “It was just a harmless crush,
but then he started taking notice of me. He gave me compliments and
said things like...”

“Michelle, stop. I don’t want
to hear all the sordid details. You should have ignored it. You
knew how I felt about him.”

“I know,” she said quietly.
“I’m so sorry, Gracie. All I want is for us to get back to
normal.”

She looked so vulnerable, I had
to look away to keep my resolve.

“I can’t bear not seeing you,”
she carried on. “Mum lets me know when you’re at hers so I can turn
up, but as soon as I get there, you just leave. Gracie,
please
, you have to forgive me.”

I took a deep breath. “I can’t
yet. It’s too raw. You have to give me time to get over it.”

“And then you’ll forgive
me?”

I sighed. “Just let me have
some space, Michelle.”

~~~

CHAPTER 11

.

Dan

.

I got in the lift, and pushed
the buttons with my elbows, trying to avoid the usual shock of
static that zapped me most mornings. Then I slumped against the
wall while I waited to be deposited on the second floor. It was
only a short ride, but the lift was so old and cranky, I always
felt like I should be on the top floor of The Empire State Building
by the time I got out.

After Michelle had visited at
the weekend, I’d nearly gone into meltdown. It was too much to deal
with on top of everything else. I waited for the familiar grinding
and creaking to come to an end while I reflected back over the last
few days. I still couldn’t comprehend it all. I’d discovered I
could switch – twice, then been kidnapped, nearly died, fallen hard
for a guy and now realised it was with a person who didn’t really
exist, well not as a whole person anyway. Was it only a few days
previous I felt my life was going nowhere? Now it was going off in
all directions and I felt worse than ever.

I came out of the lift and
passed Arthur at the coffee machine. He gave me a smile so wide, I
could count all the teeth he was missing at the back.

“Hello, love. Can I get you a
hot drink?” he said, pushing the well-worn button to dispense his
hot chocolate.

“I’d love one, Arthur. But can
I have an extra shot of espresso in it?”

He stopped what he was doing
for a minute, and frowned at me.

“You sure? You normally moan
it’s too dark.”

“I just need it strong today.
Don’t ask.”

He shrugged his shoulders and
carried on while I made my way over to our desks.

I had to make the right
decision. I knew I owed Dan the courtesy of seeing him again. He’d
been so good to me. But I’d kind of laid my cards on the table with
the attempted kiss, and I really wanted to avoid the awkward moment
when he realised I didn’t feel the same way about the real him.

I didn’t know what to do for
the best. I thought maybe I should put off the awkward conversation
and just tell him I was ill or something. But that would be
procrastinating, and I was trying to give that up. I deliberated
whether to just call him and cancel, that way I would never have to
see him again. But I had felt so drawn to him, whatever he looked
like, there was a good possibility I would still fancy him.

I decided to wait until I saw
him in his own skin before I made any rash decisions. I tried to
bury the fact that I was falling hard and fast for the Dan I had
met, and couldn’t see how any other version could compete.

It felt like I was going on a
blind date. I cringed as I said the word in my head. I wasn’t a fan
of the blind date scenario. Kerry had set me up on one of those in
the past, before I’d met Mike, and it had been a monumental
disaster. Not only were we
not
attracted to each other, we
had nothing in common either. I’d spent the whole night thinking of
excuses to leave early without offending my date.

At least I knew Dan and I got
on well. Still, no matter how nice someone was, in my experience
you either fancied them, or you didn’t. And out of any twenty
random guys, how many did I actually fancy?
Probably none.
I
don’t think it’s because I’m especially fussy, it’s just that while
I enjoy the company of most guys, I don’t want to swap spit with
them all.

I started to imagine what Dan
might look like. I realised he could look like any of the men right
in my office. I leant back in my chair and swivelled round to have
a good look at the cross-section at my disposal. The first guy I
clocked was Arthur depositing my extra strong coffee on the
desk.

“Thank you,” I said looking up
at him, and he winked at me. Arthur was a great guy, and I loved
him dearly, but not in
that
way. He was far too old for me.
I felt a twinge of anxiety as I remembered the old guy from the
Office, who was switched into the much younger body. It hit me that
Dan could actually be really old. It didn’t bear thinking
about.

The only thing I could rely on
was that he was male. Apart from that, he could be anything. He
might be short like Fraser, our trainee. I almost giggled out loud
as I imagined us both having to ask for help in Tesco’s because our
favourite brand of cereal was on the highest shelf.

Hoping for reassurance, I
turned round and looked behind me. Sean, one of the freelancers
looked up and smiled. Sean was great fun, but he was way too
scrawny to be anything other than a friend. I was old-fashioned and
liked my men to be strong and able to take care of me in a crisis,
not the other way round. Or what if he had really bad eyesight like
Bruce, the guy who did all our legal stuff? Poor Bruce had to wear
those glasses that made your eyes look really, really small. There
was a rumour going round that if he looked at the sun too long, he
would probably blow the back of his head off.

I turned back round to face my
computer screen. I needed to stop stressing about the evening
ahead, so to give me something else to focus on, I decided to
tackle the task I’d been putting off. I still hadn’t rung Lydia and
apologised for shutting the door in her face after the second
switch.

I dialled her number, and felt
the butterflies stirring in my stomach. I hated falling out with
anyone, and it was going to be hard finding the right words to
appease her. What gripped me was that I knew I was going to have to
lie.

The phone clicked and I braced
myself for a hostile reception, aware she would have seen my name
pop up on her display.

“This is Lydia,” she said
bluntly.

I tried my best to sound upbeat
and jolly. “Hi, Lydia, it’s me, Gracie.”

“Yeah.”

“Um, are you okay?” I gritted
my teeth while she left a pause.

“I’m fine.”

“Great. Look… why I’m ringing…
what it is, is… I wanted to apologise for not being able to see you
when you came over the other day.”

“You mean when you shut the
door in my face? Hey, don’t worry about it.”

“I’m sorry. I couldn’t help it,
Lyd.”

“No, I suppose you couldn’t
help leaving me stranded outside yours without a car, either.
Bloody hell, Gracie, all I wanted was to come inside and wait for a
taxi, but that was obviously too much hassle for you.”