Soul to Take (5 page)

VICKY

I couldn’t be more pleased with how that went; my party was every bit the success I knew it would be. Lying here, I must be the most contented woman in Freddock. How many people can say that they’re so happy that they can’t sleep? Well, Dan’s snoring isn’t helping either, bless him! I just keep re-living the evening over in my head; it gets better every time, like a good chic-flick on a girly night in!

If I do say so myself, I looked sensational. Lots of people admired the cat-suit, although I must have put on a couple of pounds since Christmas as it was starting to restrict my breathing by the end of the night. As they say, pride is painful! All that time I spent doing my hair and make-up really paid off and I’m proud that I managed to keep steady on my heels on all night, despite the vodkas! Seems a bit silly, when you think about it, wearing heels to a party in your own house, when you don’t intend stepping foot outside. But I wouldn’t be seen dead without them.

Anyway, I was pleased that so many people came. Barbara and Frances turned up first. I think they said their husbands were looking after their kids or something. Isn’t that what you pay babysitters for? I’m sure it wouldn’t keep me in on a Friday night. They’re a bit odd but I think I could grow to like them. It was all a bit awkward at first when they insisted on talking about their bloody Parent Teacher Committee - I do wonder how many committees one person can belong to - and which teachers their kids like at school. I thought I might nod off when one of them started listing the spellings their son had this week! They did get a bit more interesting after the large glasses of wine I was pouring though! I’ve just remembered them telling me about one of the mums from the playground who openly talks about how she’s shagging the guy from the Freddock butcher’s shop. And her husband has absolutely no idea. Now that was worth listening to.

I knew Dan’s parents would turn up with Emma and Tom. I mean it’s not like they’re not welcome but we could have had lunch on Sunday with them or something. Parties can’t be their sort of thing. I wasn’t sure what kind of party they were expecting when she brought that corned beef pie. It totally spoiled the food table and certainly didn’t go with my Indian theme; it looked really stupid stuck between the samosas and the tikka bites. And as for Emma and Tom, they’re not exactly sociable. I can’t believe they sat in the corner, just talking to each other. Mind you, better that than talk to my friends. I don’t know what she’d say about me; I swear she doesn’t like me. I’m still furious about the way she burst into tears and then went home in the middle of the evening. Talk about an attention seeker!

Poor old Eliza got the brunt of my moaning about Dan’s family. She’ll always listen though; she’s good like that. I’ll never forget how she helped me when my dad died. I remember how she’d bring me dinner round to make sure I’d eaten. “I cooked too much so I wondered if you wanted some,” she’d say, while opening my curtains and dragging three day old washing out of the machine for me. Lord knows how I’d have survived without her, living in that little flat, in that state, by myself, in my pre-Dan days. I did try to repay the favour when that horrible Baz ran off and left her with the kids. I’m so glad Eliza’s picked herself up too now. We’re like two different people. I do remember hugging her rather a lot and telling her how much I love her tonight!

Maggie and her husband got here next, I think, in the middle of my Eliza hugging. It was really sweet that they’d skipped desert at the pub so as not to miss my party. Some of the things she wears are so outrageous. They’d look awful on anyone else, but with Maggie, well, it just works. Take tonight, she had a bright pink satin trouser suit on, the likes of which I have never seen in any shop or magazine. And I’m sure she wears a wig. Never mind, they did bring those two bottles of champagne which came in very handy later on.

I wish I’d looked at my watch to see what time it was when the gym girls eventually arrived and rolled out of their taxi. Anyway, at least they came and I can always count on them to liven things up a bit. Luckily they were quite dressed up too and aren’t shy of a drink. So much so that they had to order another taxi to take Mel home early. She seemed alright to me but someone was saying she’d fallen asleep in the loo. Cass did say that they’d intended to stay at least a couple more hours but after all, it would cost less if they all just left together and shared another taxi home. I’m glad I managed to get the karaoke machine switched on before they left. We were fabulous at “Raining Men”, the five of us. No surprise pressie from them, though. Maybe they’ll save it for Monday when we meet up for coffee after our spin class.

They definitely left before 11 o’clock because that’s when the lads Dan drinks with in the pub came over. They’d clearly been in there since finishing work and said they’d been up for getting a taxi into town to go clubbing, until they’d seen our light on and heard the music. So that was a real compliment that they chose to come over to ours. One of them, I think he’s called Mark, was desperate to do a bit of karaoke so I did a duet with him before the others dragged him off into the lounge.

I must’ve felt a bit more confident, or more drunk, than usual, when I did those solos. I only sang the ones I know I’m good at, the ones Dan says I do ‘Okay’. The one I did with Barbara and Frances was good fun too. They were a bit microphone-shy at first but they soon warmed up and I think they were glad they stayed that little bit longer after all.

When they said they really must get home, I knew that was my moment. Switching the karaoke machine off but leaving the mic’ on was a great idea. The lads all came back through to the kitchen really quickly when I said I had an important announcement to make. I’m trying to remember exactly how I put it but I thanked everyone for coming and for helping me celebrate my birthday, that’s right.

Taking a deep breath and absorbing the moment, I looked around my fabulous kitchen, in my fabulous home, and thought about how lucky I am. I looked at my black granite work tops, and my centre island with my induction hob, which has been simply begging for a party like this since we had it installed last year. I looked at the people who were sitting at my red, high-gloss bar stools and I caught Frances staring at my low floor unit lights. I had friends around me and the atmosphere was perfect.

“Well,” I remember stalling, “There’s another reason I wanted to gather everyone we hold dear.” Their attention was mine now and I loved every second of it! “I know it’s not February 29th, but it is a leap year. And it’s Valentine’s Day and my birthday. So I felt they were good enough reasons to allow me take the plunge and ask Dan, ‘Will you marry me?’”

Sure enough, everyone cheered as much as I’d always imagined and then there was that pause, when I think they all realised that Dan hadn’t had a chance to respond! Of course he said “Yes”, or at least he must have done - that bit’s quite hazy - as the whooping continued! Maggie swiftly remembered the champagne she’d brought and got it back out of the fridge.

And here I lie, smiling and remembering. I don’t think life gets any better than this. I’ve got my house, got my man and soon, I’ll get the fairytale wedding I’ve dreamt about from being a little girl. Ooh, that’ll be fun to plan. I must call Eliza in the morning to come round for a glass of wine to discuss my ideas.

NELL

Like my week’s not been hideous enough, Fate has to throw in another blow. Trying to piece together bits of today feels like putting together a jigsaw from two entirely different boxes. I remember putting Rosie’s red jumper on her and getting ready to go to the park. And I know that currently, I’m here in a hospital bed, on a noisy ward of ill people, feeling rather ropey myself. But in between is just a blur of images. What does that clock say? About four o’clock? I haven’t had this kind of memory loss since my student days! At least back then, there was a cracking night out to make it all worthwhile.

When I was getting Rosie dressed, I must admit, I did feel a bit grim but to be honest, I’ve felt rough for weeks. The morning sickness and sheer exhaustion had already set in before I lost the baby. It was when it all stopped one day and I’d not been up for a wee in the night that I knew something was wrong. And sure enough, the bleeding started that night. And then I’ve felt rubbish ever since. Lack of proper sleep, I’ve been putting it down to. But actually, now that I think about it, it did feel a bit different this morning, more like I was getting a cold, sort of fuzzy headed with waves of hot and cold.

We must have got to the park because more snapshots are coming back to me; I was seething when Rachel and I bumped into that awful Donna woman from Rosie’s and Callum’s Ante-Natal group. I didn’t like her or her attitude when we all used to meet up for coffee and certainly didn’t feel like making small talk with her today. I swear she is the most emotionally unintelligent woman I have ever met. Having just given birth to her second child, she was coo-ing and comparing notes with Rachel. Of course, I don’t begrudge her that; we’ve all done it. But the way she turned to me and asked, “Are you not having any more Nell?” defied belief really. I mean, what was she expecting me to say? “No, I only ever want to experience the joys of motherhood - which you know I have loved - once in my entire life” or, “Yes, Ric and I are scheduled to attempt conception tomorrow night when my basal temperatures indicate that I’ll be ovulating”. Or even, the harsher reality of “Actually, my body repelled an eleven week old embryo last week and I’m still feeling rather traumatised.” So I smiled and said, “This one keeps me busy for now”. I’m too nice sometimes.

The kids must have been feeding the ducks because I remember having a bag of birdseed in my hand and Rosie spilling it on the grass then laughing as she ran away from the ducks who came to eat it. But from then on it gets sketchy. Rachel asked if I was okay as I looked really hot and sweaty all of a sudden, so I went to sit down on a bench. But that’s when my memory stops. Apparently, according to the nurses, I feinted and Rachel called an ambulance to bring me here.

When I came to in the ambulance, I remember the lovely paramedic kept telling me that my friend had taken my daughter to her house and that I wasn’t to worry as Rachel would contact my husband to let him know what was going on. I bet Rosie’s having a great time with Callum actually; they’ll have thought the ambulance debacle was a huge adventure! I know Rachel will give her tea and even put her to bed for me if needs be.

I hate hospitals with a passion. That chemical smell and the constant noise is nauseating and makes me feel ill rather than better. I must try and remember what the doctor just told me. If I can get this right in my own head now, I’ll be able to tell Ric properly: he said that they knew from me feinting and my high temperature that I must have an infection and when they went to look at my notes, the clear conclusion was that it must be coming from my uterus. It would appear that sometimes, after a miscarriage, some of the pregnancy tissue is retained and then becomes infected. What was the procedure called that they’re going to take me down for later? A ‘D and C’ or something, which will clear out my womb. When she comes over, I’m going to ask the nurse more about that because I couldn’t really take any more in when the doctor was talking; that’s as far as I got. I’m so tired.

I’m sure Ric will listen and remember everything for me when he gets here. I’ll get the nurse to try ringing him again. I know they said Rachel would be trying too but I’d have thought he’d be hear by now. Unless he’s had to pop to the suppliers this afternoon; sometimes his signal is dodgy over that way. Ah, well, I’m sure he’ll be over as soon as he hears. I’ll have to get him to bring me some better clothes in than this. It’s so embarrassing lying here in these old jeans and my fleece. It didn’t seem so scruffy for the park but a hospital’s different. Mind you, not many of my clothes are new or smart these days; there’s always something better to spend money on. I might need a nightie bringing in too if they do take me down to surgery.

Here’s the nurse now. I’ll ask her all my questions ...

SHANNON

Okay. Think, Shannon, think. You need like a plan or somethin’. But what? I can’t talk to me friends ’cos they’ve all logged off and gone to bed, even Sian who’s usually on till eleven when her mam tells her to switch off. What was it old Howden told me? If I’m feelin’ mega stressed out and got too much goin’ on in my ’ead, I could write it down. I got bollocked for laughin’ at ’im when he said it but he’s alright really, so it’s worth a try. I got one ’o them secret diaries from when I was like nine or somethin’. That’ll do ..

‘Dear diary

Today started out really good cos I got flowers off Rhys for valentines day or I thought I did I was well chuffed and couldn’t stop thinking about him all day even when Evan Jones kept staring at me in Isolation I even decided we probably would do it tonight me and Rhys that is not me and Evan LOL

When I met him at the shops after he finished at the garage he looked totally fit in his overalls but he was more quiet than normal and funny with me he said he never sent flowers to me and wanted to find out who did so he could smash his face in

I said I didn’t know and he said I must know cos people don’t just send you flowers for no reason he said it must be someone from school and that’s what his mates had always said would happen if he went out with a Year 11

I managed to convince him I didn’t know who they was from and that I didn’t fancy any of the boys in my year cos they’re all like total geeks and freaks

We was finally making up if you know what I mean ;) We was probably going to end up going down the park and doing it but my phone went it was Mum she said she needed me home straight away to bath Jack and put him to bed FFS I mean talk about timing but I’ll do anything for my little man he’s my number 1 so I kissed Rhys and went home

Before I even got in the front door I could hear them shouting and screaming at each other I went in and they stopped for a bit Rob just looked at the floor and mum said Jack was watching telly so could I take him up for his bath that’s when I knew it was too bad to ask what it was about cos they went into the kitchen and shut the door

Anyway I took my little man up stairs and ran his bath I made it really bubbly and put all his favourite bath toys in just how he likes it I got him stripped and we sang twinkle twinkle about 20 times while he had a nice play I got him some clean pjs on cos I don’t think mum has changed them for about two weeks the scruff and then he got a story for me to read I still couldn’t hear much from down stairs so I got Jack’s dummy and tucked him into bed

When I was coming down the stairs Rob shouted at me “And you may as well come and hear this Shannon” so I went into the kitchen

Mum started telling me how Rob has been seeing this slapper from the chippy called Suzie the one with the orange tan apparently it was her who sent Rob the flowers this morning not Rhys sending them to me :( and then later on a card arrived and when mum asked Rob he didn’t deny any of it

So the stupid cow was like begging the twonk to stay and finish with the fake bake and I was like Mum, have some self respect and chuck him out

That’s when it got really bad and he said it he said that none of this would have happened if it wasn’t for me. Me? LMFAO what did I do? Make him go and shag the greasy chippy tart? Make her do something stupid like send cards and flowers to our house? FFS Apparently if it wasn’t for me being trouble and getting into bother at school and get this, taking too long in the bathroom in the morning FFS then my mum would be happier and easier to live with and he wouldn’t have to go and look elsewhere (too much info BTW)

So he was ranting on and Mum was crying then he said that if she really wanted him to stay then I’d have to go go where I asked him but he said he didn’t care and he’d had enough of me and it was me or him

The worst bit of it all was that Mum didn’t say a word she just kept crying even when I looked at her and begged her to pick me so I came up to my room

Well that’s it if she even has to think about it for a second that’s not good enough for me I’m off

I could go to Gran’s but she’s dead old and would want me in bed by like 8 and her spare room smells a bit funny and I don’t think she’d ever give me any money for going out what with being on her pension and all and she lives the other side of town so I’d have to get a bus to see Rhys’

That’s it! It worked! Thanks Howden, you old bugger. I’ve got a plan now. Writin’ it down did the trick. I’m going to go and live at Rhys’s house. He’s got like five brothers an’ sisters or somethin’ so one more won’t be a problem. His twin brother has his girlfriend over to stay all the time, Rhys says. I’ll text him in the morning. Best get some sleep now then ’cos I bet those two won’t hear Jack in the morning and it’ll be muggins ’ere who has to get up for ’is bottle.