Soul(s) (10 page)

“
How do you know?” I asked
him, afraid I’d given away too much of my inner monologue in my
relaxed state of mind. I was afraid I’d think things to him on
accident and then he’d know too much. I could never be quite sure
how much he knew.

“
It’s the way your face
squishes up.” He said chuckling. He imitated my
expression.

“
I
know
I don’t look like that,” I told
him. I tried to focus on his face, but my eyes drifted back to the
hints of hard rounded corners below the sheet.

“
Come here,” he said
motioning to me to come lay with him.

I hesitated. Why was physical intimacy so
hard for me? I liked him. Why couldn’t I just let go of all the
fear. I don’t even know why it’s an issue. In the heat of the
moment, everything had dissipated, but now we were back to reality
and I felt so unsure. Would we want each other every time we touch?
Or would we learn to control the intensity?

“
Trust me,” Keegan said,
closing his eyes as he talked. “Baby steps, first we snuggle then
we romp.”

“
We’ve already romped,” I
reminded him.

“
That,” he said, pausing
his sentence as he stretched, “was strictly medical. I healed your
body, but one day I’ll feed your soul and your heart. Can we go
back to sleep now? Tomorrow we head out on our first
mission.”

Wordlessly I scooted over to him and nested
myself down in the crook of his arm. I was glad when he took my
hand and pulled it across his chest, because I didn’t know what to
do with it on my own. I took a moment to analyze how I was feeling.
Usually there was an instant arousal whenever I touched him. I did
still want him but it wasn’t as intense. It felt more normal,
relaxed, naturally. I exhaled and nuzzled even closer to him.

Covers,
he thought.

I reached behind me and grabbed the
comforter, catching the edge of the sheet as I pulled it over both
of us.

Perfect
was the last thing Keegan thought to me before he
fell asleep.

I woke up again early in the morning before
Keegan. I found a fresh body suit and slipped it on. I wanted to
talk to Iris before the rounded up our team to depart out on our
mission of interviewing the outer territory cities.

Her office was on the main floor. I
remembered the location from the day we’d first arrived and I head
in that direction. Her living quarters must have been near because
I ran into her just a few paces from our room.

“
Good morning Sariah,”
Iris said greeting me first.

“
Hello. I was actually
just coming to see you.”

“
Are you nervous about
going out onto the field?”

“
I passed?”

“
Yes,” Iris
said.

“
But I passed out—I
suppose that was just a technicality.”

“
Passing out while
sparing?” Iris asked.

“
No, the whole
‘evaluations’—I haven’t seen more than fifty or so venku pairs
training.”

“
You’re right—old habits
die hard. That was how we always use to do it. After the treaty,
few Aura took an interest in fighting. There are so many other
things to do and we’ve had no need for an army again. Now that the
deaths of started there’s even
less
interest in become warriors now.”

“
But, the whole Aura
culture is at risk,” I exclaimed. “This is a good life, an easy
life. Very different than earth—no one even ages really so
physically they could handle it if they wanted to.”

“
We do the best with the
hand we’re dealt. At least there are some still willing to defend
the city and our people. I’m assuming you’re one of them, unless
you came to tell me you and Keegan have decided not to
fight.”

“
No, that’s not what I
came to talk to you about. I wanted to talk to you about…my
relationship with him.”

“
I see. Did you want to go
into my office for some privacy?”

“
Yes.”

As we were going down the floors I felt
Keegan wake up. I realized this was the farthest away from him I’d
really ever been. This was undeniable proof that our bond was more
than just sexual. We were literally linked. I felt him jolt awake
and panic when I wasn’t next to him.

Keegan, I’m fine. I just wanted to talk with
Iris. I’ll be back soon.

We’ve never communicated from this far away
before.

Another perk to being
venku and not just lovers,
I
thought.

I must have impressed you if I’ve been
promoted to lover.

I chuckled out loud despite myself.

“
Talking to your venku?”
Iris asked. We had reached her office and she held the door for me
to enter.

“
How could you
tell?”

“
Call it a good guess,
since I haven’t said anything funny.”

“
I’m sorry if I’ve
offended you.”

“
Certainly not, I can
communicate telepathically with my own venku. It’s rare, but not
impossible.” Iris motioned to the chair across from her, “Please,
sit.”

I know what I wanted to say but I wasn’t
sure how to start so I just launched in directly. “I’m
uncomfortable with the intense feelings I have for Keegan.”

“
The stronger your bond
with him the more intense your connection, but tell me, why does it
bother you?”

“
I’m afraid of
it.”

“
Do you know
why?”

“
If love him, if I let him
have me, losing him will break me.”

“
Oh my dear, you and
Keegan will always be connected in ever form of existence. Energy
doesn’t die and all we are is energy.”

“
Maybe, but that still
doesn’t take away the fear I have of not being able to control my
destiny.”

“
Don’t worry about that.
If you do you won’t enjoy the time you have together now. Do you
know how ‘old’ I am?”

Her asking me how old I thought was threw me
off completely. She was beautiful and a woman, but certainly young.
Then it dawned on me no one in Second-Plane aged. We were all
models of adults in their primes.

“
No—how old?”

“
A lady never tells, but I
surpassed the natural First-Plane lifespan a long time ago. You are
newly awakened and Second-Plane and there are a lot of impressions
from your previous life, it’ll take some time but you will adjust.
The strongest Auras have the most awareness of First-Plane life.
Give it time and let Keegan help you.”

When it was time for the debriefing, Keegan
and I left our flat hand in hand. We had just gotten to the main
floor when we I saw Ajani sauntering in our direction. Keegan shot
off like a rocket. Pouncing on Ajani, his hand grabbed him by the
throat, ramming him into the wall.

“If you ever touch her again,” he growled, “I will
send you to the next fucking plain of existence.”

“Keegan—let him go. He got carried away, but he
didn’t mean to hurt me,” I insisted.

Keegan released his hold around Ajani’s neck but he
wasn’t done yet.

“Don’t defend him Sariah. He knew how strong he, and
was if he wasn’t so damn immature he wouldn’t have been so
determined to ‘win’ a training session.”

“Keegan—,” I started to say but Ajani
interjected.

“No, he’s right. It shouldn’t have happened, and it
never will again.” Ajani was looking straight at me as he spoke and
when he was done he turned on his heal, heading in the opposite
direction from the debriefing room.

“Keegan I understand why your upset but you’re going
to have to get over it. I’m fine. Our bodies can take a lot of
abuse. It’s not like First-Plane we have many ways of rapidly
healing.”

Go make peace if you want, but that fucker
better get his shit together.

I nodded. Keegan was upset and I didn’t want
to push the topic further at least he was willing to just let it
go. Maybe all he needed was to say his piece and get it off his
chest.

“
Go on in, I’ll go get
Ajani,” I told him. Keegan sighed and ruffled his curly mop of hair
with his hands. He looked tired, upset, worried.

“
Come here,” I said to
him.

Keegan had been headed into the room, but he
turned and came back to me.

“
I’ve really said all I
want to say about Ajani.”

“
I know. This isn’t about
that.” I took both of his hands in mine and pulled him down the
hall around a corner. There was no one around and I wanted to do
this for him. Healing wasn’t just about our body but our minds as
well.

I pushed him against the wall. It was harder
than I had intended but I’m willing to admit that this wasn’t just
for Keegan. I needed him too, and I wanted him to know it.

I’d never initiated touch between us like
this and his expression was filled with surprise. My own audacity
was empowering and it gave me courage. His eyes were stead on mine.
I ran my hands up his suit feeling his heart pick up pace beneath
my touch. I rose up on my toes, my lips heading towards his mouth
and he bent down to meet me. He stopped just before my lips and let
me close the distance between us. That familiar white hot heat
flared.

Keegan gently parted my lips with his tongue
deepening our embrace and I let him eagerly, moaning into his
mouth. I felt his hands slide up my ass, gripping my hips.

He pulled back, looking down at me with
glossy eyes.

Sariah
. His mind said my name in a way that felt like a warm sweet
sigh. I loved the sound of it.

“
Feel better?” I asked
coyly.

He made a satisfied humming sound and kissed
my cheek.

Well aren’t you just
smug,
Keegan thought to me.

“
You’d better have
something more platonic in mind if you’re going to play peacekeeper
with Ajani,” Keegan said teasingly.

I scoffed. “I’ll doubt he’ll even talk to
me.”

“
He will and it has to be
you, because I’m not willing to ruin the good mood you just put me
in. Go find him and remind him that we have a job to
do.”

I nodded in agreement. I hoped being on a
team with Ajani wouldn’t always be this eventful.

I found Ajani just outside the south exit of
the building, sitting under a tree. He spoke to me first.

“
You do know I’d never
hurt you intentionally?”

“
I know,” I answered him.
I sat down beside him. “But you did hurt me. You lost control, and
that’s unlike you. Is something bothering you?”

“
YOU!” he said turning
towards me. “You’re what’s bothering me.”

“
I don’t
understand.”

“
I’m a widowed warrior and
I never thought I’d
feel
anything for anyone again. Honestly I don’t even
want to feel. I don’t need to. But you,” his voice trailed off as
he caressed the side of my cheek with his hand. His eyes were
searching mine. I knew he was looking for recognition of the
emotion he was feeling for me, but his touch didn’t move me. At
least not the way Keegan’s did.

“
Ajani, you know this
world better than I do, and just by listening to what you know how
powerful that bond is. I’m sorry you’re lonely but—

“
Companionship? Is that
what you think I need?”

“
Isn’t it what we all
need?”

“
You don’t understand
me.”

“
You don’t let me
understand you.”

I put my hand over his on my face and his
hand dropped away from me abruptly. He knew my touch was in
friendship only, and he didn’t want it.

We all make choices, Sariah.

I didn’t know what to say. It felt like
first he was on the brink of telling me that he wanted more than
just friendship from me—if you could call our relationship a
friendship—but then when I’d touched him out of compassion he
shrank away from me. He’d pursue me as a lover, but he’d never
accept me as a friend? Why should his selfish needs even matter to
me? Keegan was right, Ajani was selfish and immature. Yes, we do
all make choices and you have never been one of mine. I got up and
begun walking away. I could feel him watching me go.

“
When you’ve gotten your
head out of your ass, I’ll see you inside.”

14: KEEGAN

Sariah sat down firmly in the chair beside
me. She was upset.

“
He’s coming,” she
muttered.

Of course he is.
I thought to her.
He has
reckless amour for you.

“
I’ve already chosen you,”
she said to me.

I turned to look at her. She was staring at
me with a kind of urgency. She was afraid I didn’t believe she was
telling me the truth. But I knew she was. Even without being venku,
we would have been lovers in any world. I put my arm around her,
pulling her towards me.

“
I know,” I whispered
reassuringly in her hair.

I felt our body relax, we were both
relieved.

Iris cleared her throat at the head of the
room. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Bem and Ajani slink in just
in time. They leaned against the wall side by side.