Soul(s) (18 page)

Sariah.

That name again, blinking in my head like a
late night neon light sign. Did she know who I was? What I was?
Didn’t matter. I’d never know the answer because I had no way of
finding her. So, unless she just walked in my life, I’d have to
figure this out on my own.

I felt like a classic jerk. I knew Eliza,
despite what she said, would get attached if we had sex. I had to
find another way to satisfy this hunger. I felt fine now. Her
orgasm had created enough energy—I hoped—to satiate me for a few
days. That gave me some time to figure everything out.

Perhaps by then I’d
remember who I was and why the name Sariah was settling into my
mind like freshly laid cement. What if I was married to
Sariah
? Did I want to be
a married man fucking another woman? My conscious told me two
things: No you’re not that guy, but you don’t remember anything
more than a name so loyalty isn’t required.

DAY:
FIVE
:

The next morning when I was leaving to meet
Luke (someone had quit so Luke said I could stay and he was making
good on his offer to get me clothes), I caught Eliza heading to the
diner at the same time I was. I instantly apologized saying that I
shouldn’t have been so sexual with someone I’d just met. She looked
confused but didn’t seem to take my rejection as rejection.

Over the next few days we fell into a
routine and I was given a schedule for the rest of the week. I
faked sleeping all day and then worked night shifts. I tried to
only see Eliza when the others were around. After that small dose
of intimacy, I’d been on the fence if I should continue any type of
relationship with her. I didn’t want to womanize her and that
seemed inevitable when we were alone.

Other things were bothering me too. Like my
lack of appetite. I’d only picked at food and when I did try to eat
it didn’t feel like anything in my mouth. I almost always spat it
back up. It just felt too greasy and heavy. It’s not what my body
really wanted. I got a couple curious looks from Peter and resolved
to take my food with me back to my room and eat in private.

My Need for water and showers, I realized
was bizarre. I showered at least twice a day and drank what felt
like a gallon of water, but I never had to pee. When I did pee it
was more like out of habit and then I’d feel so thirsty afterwards
I’d go drink another cup or two or five of water.

Sexual
hunger.
I wanted to fuck something.
I wanted to create that energy that was just so satisfying to my
body. Everything just felt so out of kilter and whenever I tried to
think of why—SARIAH—popped into my head and I was right back to
square one of not knowing what the fuck was going on.

I was even dreaming about her—sort of. I
couldn’t see her ever, but I could feel her body and I could feel
my own reaction to her. In my dreams we had this almost unbearable
passion for each other that we both got lost in. It satisfied every
part of my being like air. I needed it. I reveled in it. I found
myself in her. Then I’d wake up and whatever I knew in the dreams
were like the last remnants of smoke from a fire. I knew the
answers had been there but they were already gone.

DAY EIGHT:

It’s been over a week now. I know that’s not
long but it’s all I can remember—literally. I’ve started to think
I’m crazy and that Eliza is a saint. I know my behavior is
strange.

Eliza wants more and I
know her patience’s is just a nonchalant way of wearing me down.
Enticing me to not hold back—and it was working. Showers and water
wasn’t going to keep me in check for much longer. I needed
to
eat.

Luke had asked me to help do some
maintenance on recently vacant apartments, so we haven’t seen each
other at all today. I was glad for the change. Some recently vacant
apartments just needed fresh layers of paint. The sooner we got
them done, Luke told me, the faster they could be listed as
rentable again. It was easy work but hard and when we were done I
drug my ass back to my studio. I showered and then fell asleep.

It was late in the night when my body jolted
awake. I sensed her at my door before she even knocked. I’d wormed
my way out of her invites to spend time alone together. But tonight
was different for me, the effect of our one bout of foreplay was
wearing off and I could feel that need creeping back in. Her energy
was tantalizingly fresh. She’d been thinking about me all day and
her desire was seeping out of her pores like a fine fragrance.
Maybe I was a mutant x-men. They had powers like this—didn’t they?
I couldn’t remember exactly what the x-men were so my comparison
was probably way off.

I got up, my boxers I’d bought a few days
before were hanging loosely on my hips, and strode to the door. I
opened it just as her hand was about to knock.

“
Hey,” she said surprised.
“I hadn’t even knocked yet, how did you know I was
here?”

“
You stomp like an
elephant,” I teased.

“
I do not!”

“
What brings you to my
door?” I asked politely.

“
Come back to my room, I
want to talk to you.”

“
Talk?” I asked in
disbelief.

“
Yes,” she said and I
could feel her blush in the dark hallway even though I couldn’t see
her face. “We need to talk.”

“
Alright,” I closed the
door behind me not bothering to put on pants. No one would see us
anyway.

She took my hand and I let her lead me down
the hall. We went in and she took me right back into the bedroom.
She was wearing a little night-dress. My eyes roamed up her legs
and my hands wanted to follow. My body roared to life and suddenly
I was starving.

“
Talking, huh?” I teased
pulling her warm body to mine.

“
Talking,” she echoed as
she led me in to her bedroom.

Her touch tonight was different, she was the
aggressor. I don’t know if I was finally just worn down and hungry
that I couldn’t resist her anymore or what—but I wouldn’t stop her
tonight. Or, perhaps I was giving up on this phantom woman.

She pushed me back on the
bed—she wanted to be the aggressor tonight. It was sexy and I
pushed thoughts of
Sariah
out of my mind. I needed to be here and to take
what was right in front of me. I grabbed her ass rocking it against
mine. She came down on my mouth greedily—nothing else but the deed
was going to satisfy her tonight or me.

“
What—did—you—want—to—talk—about?” I asked between her
kisses.

“
After,” she moaned in my
mouth.

“
Fine,” I said. I flipped
her onto her back and pulled her pants off.

She moaned, her hips rocking her body
against mine.

Keegan!

“
I like the way you say my
name,” I told Eliza as I bowed my head and went to work on her
right breast.

She arched her back pushing against me.
“What?” she gasped.

I froze realizing I’d heard it in my head.
Eliza hadn’t said anything.

“
Is there something wrong
with me?” Eliza asked half sitting up.

“
No,” I said. I pushed her
back down and I felt her hands reach for my penis. Sensation
rippled through my body. It felt good—so intoxicatingly
good—

KEEGAN WHERE ARE YOU!?

I shot off the bed like a bullet.

“
Keegan?” Eliza
questioned.

I didn’t answer Eliza, my sole focus was on
the voice in my head. I knew that voice.

Tell me where you are?

I thought about the diner the street
address, the apartment complex, the room I was in before I’d even
known what I’d done. I was really starting to get freaked out.

“
Keegan,” Eliza said
softly from the bed, “this is what I wanted to talk to you about.
Every time we start to—

“
I need to shower,” I
interrupted hastily. “I’m sorry. We’ll talk when I’m out. I need
to—clear my head.”

“
Alright,” Eliza said
dismissively.

I looked over my shoulder to see that she
had rolled over onto her stomach, her face hidden in the pillow. I
felt awful, but what could I tell her? I couldn’t make her
understand what I didn’t understand myself.

The voice had stopped and I was surprisingly
more upset about the silence then the possibility that I might be
crazy. I sat down in the shower and watched the beads of water
ricochet off the walls. I’d lost track of time when I heard
pounding on the door. I turned the water off abruptly, listening
intensely, but instead of a voice I heard the door slam against the
wall with a forceful bang. I leapt out of the shower, my adrenaline
pounding. I didn’t even think to grab a towel before I barreled
down the short hallway to the living room.

I saw the woman first. She was facing away
from me her hair wild and curly. Her reaching for something.

Then I saw Eliza suspended in the
air—choking.

“
WHERE IS HE!” the woman
screamed, but she was holding Eliza so tight she couldn’t do more
than gasp as her lung tried to suck in air.

I bolted across the room grabbing the
woman’s arm. She whirled around still in my grasp—stunned.

“
DROP HER,” I
ordered.

23: SARIAH

I whipped around, startled by being grabbed
so fiercely and our eyes met. Immediately recognition swept over
his face and his touch cooled. I rubbed my arm tenderly where he’d
held it; it stung under my touch.

Sariah?
I heard him think.

His eyes flitted to Eliza
who was hunched over the couch wheezing. Keegan walked briskly to
her squatting beside her. He was naked and I had the sinking
feeling that they’d been just
together.
Was he living with this
woman now?

He looked over his shoulder back at me
angrily.

“
You could have killed
her,” he spat. I cringed at his tone. He’d never spoken to me like
that before.

“
She’s aware of that,”
Ajani stammered back defensively. “But she
didn’t
kill her now did
she?”

“
Why was your first
instinct to attack her?” Keegan questioned me angrily.

Every word out of his mouth felt like a
dagger. Had I been too aggressive? Speechlessly I thought back
through the past few hours. I’d had tunnel vision since he’d fallen
into the portal. I’d been so focused. Finding him had been my only
goal. I’d blocked out the minds of the Banguri I killed just to get
to the portal itself. Was I hardening? Was I losing my humanity?
Was I becoming no better than the monsters I’d killed?

Keegan’s voice snapped me out of my own
thoughts.

“
Are you okay?” Keegan
asked Eliza.

She nodded having caught her breath and
threw herself into his arms. Keegan stroked her hair soothingly. My
stomach twisted.

“
You know we’re stronger
than they are,” he said to me as he continued to comfort her. “You
have to be more care—

“
Ease off!” Ajani snapped
interrupting him. “She risked everything finding a way to come here
and instead of thanking her, you’re cooing over some First-Plane
human.”

He released Eliza and
turned to Ajani. “We
use
to be human, have you forgotten that?” Keegan
growled back at him.

Eliza’s eyes widened as she listened to them
argue.

My mind was still racing. My emotions were
about to spill over. We’d made it through a portal and found out
they all led to First-Plane; we’d found Keegan alive; and now I was
getting lectured about how I almost killed his new girlfriend? I
hadn’t planned for this. I wasn’t ready for this. My emotions hit
critical mass. I was spinning out of control. I couldn’t be here
anymore. I couldn’t get out of the apartment fast enough.

I made it a good forty feet down the hallway
before I slumped down and buried my head into my knees.

24: KEEGAN

“You don’t deserve her,” Ajani spat at
me.

I glared at him, wanting to beat that smug
expression off his face.

“
Maybe I don’t, but she’ll
still hasn’t
chosen
you has she? She’ll never be yours.” I shot back.

Ajani’s face dimmed with the acknowledgment
of my words, and to my surprise he said nothing back. He racked his
hands through his hair and sat down on the couch.

Frustration steamed out of
me as I exhaled loudly. How had this mess started? I didn’t want to
hurt Eliza but I suppose that had been inevitable from the first
time I’d kissed her. Emotions I couldn’t explain for Sariah had
always tugged at me, but it’d only made sense now that we were
together again. As soon as I saw her face everything rushed back
and I remembered
us.

She’d almost killed
Eliza
, I thought angrily,
the one friend I’ve had since I came
here
. No, I was being too cruel. Sariah
had no idea what she was getting into. She was working on pure
instinct. Her only goal was finding me making sure I was a live. It
dawned on me; her memory of me hadn’t vanished. These past days
must have been agonizing for her.