Soulstice (The Souled Series) (2 page)

Except when he was with
Dani, Seth’s girlfriend. He seemed different around her - smiling more, laughing more. His personal space disappeared when she stood next to him. That was the Justin I’d like to know. That was the Justin I dreamed of.

Drawing in a deep breath, I
stepped outside and headed in his direction, thinking that getting a soda was as good an excuse as any to get close to him.

His attention broke from Travis, one of the guys on the football team, and h
e glanced up. Our eyes locked for a second, and in that second I saw… nothing. Not a spark of interest. Nada. Someone might as well have sliced my heart open - along with my ego. If it weren’t for his quick, almost shy glance at my cleavage, I didn’t exist to him. Par for the course.

Hello?
Alyx… this is your reality calling. When are you going to stop trying to be a part of his life?
Snatching a soda out of a cooler, I turned and headed back inside. Maybe just a few more bleeding heart episodes and I’ll give it up. Maybe I’ll…

I heard
Taylor’s squeal before I saw her, but I wasn’t ready for my arm to be almost yanked out of its socket.

“
Alyx!” she pulled me into a hug. “Thanks for coming!” she said too loudly. Then her voice dropped to a whisper. “Can you believe he’s here?”

“
Who?” As if I didn’t know. I turned and looked at Justin.

Her fingers pinched into my arm.
“Don’t look at him, Alyx. He’ll think I’m talking about him.” She dragged me deeper inside the house.

Yeah, like she wasn
’t already making a scene. “Have you said anything to him yet?” I asked.

“
I said ‘hi,’ but he hasn’t been here long enough for me to say much more.” She dropped her hand to her side, pulling her smile down with it. “And I probably won’t get another chance. He’s always surrounded by his wrestling buddies
and
he’ll be going to Hawaii for summer vacay.”

She looked absolutely heartbroken.
All through high school, Justin hadn’t given her a second glance either, even though she was always up-front and in his face. She had some Justin radar system going on and she knew exactly where he was, like, all the time.

She spun around and proved me, once again, right on the money.

“See ya later, Justin!” she said. “Have a great time!” Like a flower to sunlight, Taylor’s entire body came to life when he walked inside and passed us on the way to the front door.

“
Yeah, thanks.” He gave a very generic wave and stepped out the door, not even looking back.

Her shoulders slumped.
I knew her pain only too well.

“
Crap,” Taylor muttered, punctuating it with a heavy sigh. “Come on. Let’s get everybody dancing. That’ll take my mind off him.” She turned and walked toward the patio. She flipped her mood switch and signaled to Nate to crank up the music. Grabbing a guy named Caleb by the hand, she dragged him out on the patio and everyone followed, including me. Not because I wanted to dance, but, like Taylor, I needed a distraction - from everything.

Mom had been telling me for years that
I was unique, that what I have is a gift, and that I should embrace, not hide, from it. But what if I didn’t want to be unique? Maybe I didn’t want to stand out. Unique wouldn’t get me dates. Unique wouldn’t keep Taylor and the others close in my orbit. And most definitely I wouldn’t get the guy that I wanted, because he ran in a crowd like this one and the person I am inside would probably scare him away.

Devin Aster yanked me right out of my thoughts and straight against his chest.

“Hey, Alyx, dance with me.”

I looked up at one of the
other best-looking guys at the high school. I could hardly explain why Devin wanted to be with me. He was the prized, green-eyed, six-foot-tall star quarterback. I had him in a couple classes last year, but it wasn’t like I talked to him all that much. Then again, I could hardly explain why I
didn’t
want to be with him.

“
Dance with me,” he said again, lightly grinding his hips against me.

My first thought was to duck
out of there and go home, but defeat won out. What did I have to lose? Justin wasn’t around to notice or even care. The beat of the music was fast, urging my feet to kick it up, and still Devin pressed his body closer in a deliberate rhythm.

“
Maybe we can hook up after the party,” Devin said in a wickedly seductive whisper against my ear.

“
Yeah. Maybe.” I pulled back and smiled up at him. That should have been a dream come true. Devin was the only other guy I would consider hooking up with. Though he’d never be my first choice, second might just have to do.

CHAPTER
TWO

“
You’re home early.” Jon, my step-dad, came out of the kitchen to greet me, drying his hands on a towel.

“
Is everything okay?” Mom appeared behind him, her brows lifting slightly in question.

I
definitely got my blues eyes from her. Dad’s had been steely blue, and when turned on me, would cause my blood to freeze. Mom’s were warm and soft, like a summer sky. Her physique would be considered small, especially standing next to Jon, who was almost a foot taller, but her personality was anything but that. Even when she didn’t talk, her energy buzzed like crazed hummingbirds and filled a room with so much intensity, her vibes practically busted out the windows.

Jon
and Mom had nice contrast and balance between the two of them: Mom’s light brown hair, pale skin tone, and uncontainable energy against Jon’s darker features, and maddeningly calm demeanor. They met at a retreat a few months after we moved to Sandpoint.
He and my mom had gone there separately and came home as a couple. Jon was different than anyone she’d ever met before. The complete opposite of my unsupportive, suspicious, nail-to-the-cross dad, Jon not only encouraged my mom, he was her best student.

“
Honey?” Mom brought me back.

“
What?” I blinked my mind back into focus. “Oh, yeah. Everything is fine. I was bored.”

“
Hmm,” she said, and headed for the dining table. She leaned over one of the three candles still alive and flickering from dinner. Her expression became soft and apologetic, and then she whispered
sorry
before snuffing it out with her fingers. Each candle received the same, loving treatment of being extinguished gently instead of the harsh, sudden cutting off of its energy by blowing it out. I never tired of watching her do that.

“
I hope this doesn’t mean you’re going to be bored all summer,” she said, turning to me.

“
Me, too,” I said. The smell of spent candle curled through the room like a sad memory. For the briefest of moments I felt the loss, but quickly shook it off. I wasn’t going to go there.

I tossed my keys on the counter and grabbed a glass for some water.

“So what
are
your plans for the summer?” my step-dad asked.

Shoving my glass under the ice dispenser
of the fridge, I let a few cubes drop in. I paced my words, hoping to sound nonchalant. “I thought about asking Jesse to come up for a visit. Maybe I can convince him to stay awhile. Or…” I filled my glass with water, then turned to face him. “Maybe I could go down to L.A.?”

S
ince Jesse moved to Los Angeles, I’d been asking to visit him, but the answer was always the same. I was too young to be left unsupervised in Los Angeles. Jesse ran with a different crowd now. Being a mechanic in one of the top Porsche dealerships afforded him a lifestyle of the rich and famous. He had a lot of big name contacts and dated a lot of wealthy women – lonely wives would be my guess – and being as young as he was, he did a lot of clubbing and whatever good looking, well-off, twenty-one-year-olds did. Not the appropriate environment for a sixteen-year-old, as Mom would remind me. I knew it was a shot in the dark, but, hey, it was a shot worth taking.

“Maybe next summer,” Mom said,
planting a kiss to my cheek.

A shot that missed its target completely.

“
Here’s something to consider.” Jon slid a brochure across the counter top and let it rest a good six inches from my hand. “Just think about it, okay?” As usual, not too intrusive, not too pushy, but still with continued encouragement.

“
It’s a retreat your mother and I are going on this weekend. Maybe you’d like to join us?” He spared me the effort of reading it. “Just three days, so it’s not like you’d be locked in for very long.”

Three days I could handle. Long enough for me to get a little space from the
boredom of Sandpoint. On first glance, it actually looked interesting: “
Running with the Beast.
Three days of reconnecting with the gifts and energy of the Earth.” Just the name of it was enough to peak my interest.

Besides, g
etting away, if only for a little while, would help shift my focus away from Justin. I still had hope – hell, I’d always have hope – but until I figured out how to get inside his head, I had no choice but to wait.

CHAPTER
THREE

The drive through the Napa Valley in California was breath
taking. Rows and rows of grapevines stretched over the fields, like lifelines over the Earth’s surface. We’d flown into Sacramento and drove the hundred miles to
Castello di Tranquillità
. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t excited about the retreat. There was nothing remotely like this in Illinois or near Sandpoint. The road leading to the castle was flanked by long rows of grapevines on one side and heavily forested land on the other.

“There, Jon,” I pointed over his shoulder just to the left of the entrance sign.
“I think that’s where we’re supposed to park. The brochure said they tried to ‘hide the sight of the present from the feel of the past,’” I said, quoting what I’d read earlier.

“
Spectacular, isn’t it?” Jon looked out across the vineyards.

“
Spectacular doesn’t even begin to describe it,” I said. “I can’t wait to get started.” I pulled out the brochure for the hundredth time to see the schedule.

Friday
, the guests would learn to read tarot cards and palms. Saturday’s schedule included
“Running with the Beast.”
According to the brochure, we’d be learning to see with our hearts, not our eyes, to find our way from one point to another. Seemed simple enough, though I had a feeling it would be anything but. There was no way the organizers of this retreat were going to invite a bunch of people to this amazing castle and make the activities simple. Sunday was set up for us to take everything we’d learned about the elements of water, fire, earth, and air, revisit each one, and put our thoughts to paper.

We grabbed our suitcases out of the car and headed up the stone pathway to the stairs leading to the castle entrance.
A small drawbridge had been lowered, spanning across the moat to give us access to the courtyard inside the walls. I felt a bit overdressed standing next to the sheep and goats that wandered around inside the walls. A burlap dress or something would have been more appropriate.

“
I’ll show you to your rooms.” A member of the hosting party greeted us and gestured toward the doorway. Inside, the tapestries and medieval weapons on the walls created the ambiance of living in the sixteenth century. Even though the tapestries from different time periods softened the stone walls with their obvious richness, they didn’t lessen the serious and hardened historic mood.

At the
top of narrow stone steps, our host pushed on a wide door that opened into a small room. The wood stove in the corner and the two large beds pulled the walls closer together and kept tight company with each other.

“
You’ll have plenty of time to unpack your suitcases and rest,” she smiled and pointed to the large dresser against one wall.

I eyed the wood stove tucked in the corner.
That was one of the very few times I was grateful to have access to fire, because the chill that saturated the air clung to my body like a ghostly warning.

“
The restrooms are down the hall on the right. Just past those are the private showers,” our host announced. “Dinner will be served at 7:00 in the main hall,” she added and then closed the door behind her.

“
Wow. This is so cool.” I put my suitcase on the floor next to one of the beds. Outside the window, other guests wandered on the lawn and the strip of dirt that edged the vines.

“
I’m glad you decided to join us, Alyx.” Mom crossed the room and wrapped her arms around me.

“
I’m not making any promises, Mom,” I said. I let her hug me a few seconds before pulling away. I agreed to come here because I was curious. Well, okay, more than curious. Not only was hanging out in a castle all weekend too cool to pass up, but there was a tiny crack in my amour that had appeared a few years ago, and through that sliver of a window, the old me was trying to get out. And truth be told, I wanted to help her.

~ ~ ~

With tarot card and palm reading skills under my belt, I got up early Saturday morning, looking forward to the all-day schedule. I had no idea until after breakfast that it was going to be an all
night
session. Apparently I misread the brochure, thinking it said
a.m.
instead of
p.m.
, which had me thinking… What could we do that would last all night?

“
This will be an interesting test for you, Alyx. For all of us,” Mom said, during the short ride to the field where
Running with the Beast
would take place.

“
Us” meant the dozen others we rode with on the retreat bus, looking like clones, wearing the same style of cotton pants, tunics, and robes.

Mom squeezed my hand.

“
I wonder how long it’ll take us to find the second fire,” I said.

I was more than a lit
tle nervous. At first when they told us we would begin at one bonfire and the task was to find our way to another bonfire, I figured it couldn’t be that difficult. But when they mentioned how big an area the playing field was, I hoped we had flashlights with some serious candlelight power. And
why,
of all symbols, did they have to use bonfires at the start and finish? My excitement died the second they mentioned that part of the set up.

“
Couldn’t they have made the boundaries a little smaller? Why a five-mile radius? What if we go in the wrong direction?”

“
It’s actually a smaller area than most of these types of gatherings, but you’ll find that the space will mean nothing when you can see with your other senses,” Mom explained.

“
That’s just it,” I said. “How will my other senses help me see in the dark?” I wasn’t feeling so confident anymore.

Warmth spread through my hand when Mom placed hers over mine.
“Just as a blind person’s senses are heightened, yours will do the same tonight. It’s all about trusting your instincts and becoming one with the elements – asking for their help and listening –
really
listening.”

The
brakes of the bus squeaked a little in protest when it stopped. The only indication that we had reached our destination was the glow of the small bonfire a short distance away. And as far as I could see, there wasn’t another one within miles of us.

No one spoke much above a whisper as we shuffled single file off th
e bus into the waiting darkness, and pooled into a little group a few steps away. A minute or so later, a retreat member, flashlight in hand, stepped off a similar bus that had been following ours. Getting right back on the bus and going back to the castle suddenly seemed like a really good idea.

“
Alyx,” Jon said. “Don’t even think about it.”

I could hear the tease in his voice.
“What? I wasn’t—”

My mom
’s arm slipped around my waist. “You’ll be fine, sweetie.”

“
Can we all go together? You know, have our own little pack?” I hated to be such a wimp.

She pulled me closer.
“How can we hope to trust our own intuition if there are others around to overshadow it? The entire point of this is to let all expectations go and allow the elements to present themselves in a way only you can interpret.”

Jon took hold of my hand and
rubbed it between his own. Though the air around me was warm, my insides were shaking a little. In less than twenty minutes, I’d be on my own, in the dark, listening for who knows what, while trying to find another bonfire within the boundaries, which, I had a feeling, weren’t marked very well. I probably would have made a break for it if Mom and Jon had not flanked me and led me toward the fire. I tried my last card: the guilt trip.

“
How could you just leave me out here alone like this?”

“You won’t really be alone,” she said.

“
What if something happens to me out there?”

She squeezed my hand.
“I believe in you, Alyx.” I’ve told you before - you’re unique and very gifted. Your energy will draw the help you need. I’m not worried about you at all.”

So much for the guilt.
Her confidence in me is what was tripping me up. What if I messed this up? What if the house fire in Illinois was because I didn’t have the skills I was supposed to have?

“
Can I have everyone’s attention?” The retreat leader stood in front of us and waited until everyone focused on her.

“
The beginning point is at this bonfire. Notice that it is enclosed with black rocks. The finishing bonfire is somewhere within the boundaries of a five-mile radius. That fire is enclosed with white rocks. This is the opportunity to open your mind and heart and receive the love and gifts the Earth elements generously offer. Trust yourselves. Put your ego aside for the night and believe that you will be guided to the location of the second fire.” She paused and looked at each of us. “You will be sightless, but be assured the elements will speak to you if you listen. The wind will nudge you, water will talk to your heart, fire will light your way, and the earth will be your foundation. Once you open yourself to these elements, they will forever stay with you, should you allow them to.”

She looked around
the group. “Are there any questions?”

The crackling flames popped impatiently
as if trying to quiet the murmurs of the participants.

“
Then we shall begin,” she said.

The gathering broke apart and
everyone drifted into different directions.

Mom hugged me tight and whispered,
“I’m so proud of you, baby. Do your best. I’ll see you at the other fire.”

“
Okay, but please come looking for me if I don’t show up.”

“
I’d never leave you.” She grasped my hand one more time and then turned to Jon. They hugged and walked away, leaving me alone. In the dark. Without a freakin’ clue.