Soundtracks of a Life (10 page)

I’m at the airport now. I’m asking my dad if I can come with them. I don’t want to stay with the nanny, I say to him. “It’s just a couple of days, kiddo, you’ll see you won’t even notice we’re gone,” he says to me, smiling.  I turn around to look for my mom but I don’t see her. I look for my dad but he is gone too. I’m scared. I feel the need to run, to stop them but when I try my legs won’t move. I struggle, using all the strength in my body, but that only gets me moving in slow motion. I want to scream but my voice doesn’t come out. I see their plane but even though I use all my strength, I can’t make it. I hear the loud screeching sound of tires on asphalt, then a huge explosion. My ears ring from the impact and I feel the blast of heat that comes from the fireball which now completely consumes the plane.   By the side of the runaway I see pieces of luggage and scattered debris. I swear I see my dad’s briefcase charred from the fire. It’s excruciatingly hot. I feel my skin burning. My whole body feels like it’s on fire.  It hurts. I start screaming. This time the screams come out loudly from my mouth
.

“Lorelai!” I hear Chris yelling and shaking me. I open my eyes and stop screaming. My body is drenched in sweat. I see Chris looking at me worried. Behind him all the other guys are staring at me with frightened looks on their faces.

“It was just a nightmare,” Chris says t
o me calmly. I feel sick to my stomach… I get up and run to the bathroom to throw up. I wash my face and come out again still feeling shaken from the nightmare.  James offers me a glass of water. When I reach for it they can see how much my hands are still shaking. Chris tries to embrace me but I push him away. I curl up in my seat now, my head in my hands and I cry. They respect my wishes to be left alone and take their seats again. The rest of the trip is silent with only the hum of the plane engines between us.

We get to Paris and
the car drives us straight to our hotel. There is a crowd starting to gather there too but much smaller than the one we found in London. Unlike London, we would get a free day in Paris, so I decide to get settled and relax in my room first and then go for a walk. As soon as I get to the hotel lobby to go out though, Big Bob starts walking next to me.

I turn to him irritated and say, “Oh, no you don’t.
”

“But it’s my job mam.”
He reasons.

“Ugh, don’t call me mam. Call me Lorelai.
Nothing personal, I don’t want you, or anyone for that matter, with me right now. I’m just going for a walk and I want to be alone.”

He gives me a pleading look.
“That scary manager of yours is going fire my ass…”

“I won’t tell her if you don’t. Nothing is going to happen to me ok? Just please
, please, give me a break,” I say sincerely to him practically begging. I see him swallow hard, he was with us on the plane this morning and he is having a hard time denying me now.

“Shit…. fine… but if she finds out I’ll say you managed to lose me.”

“Deal! Thanks Big Bob.” I say happily to him and walk away before he changes his mind. He definitely looks like he hates the idea.

I start wandering aimlessly the streets of Paris. It feels very historic, old and amazingly beautiful. For some reason the sense of time is more present in this city than anywhere else I had been so far,
the old and new juxtaposing and contrasting one another.  As I’m taking in the sights I keep thinking about how much my sister wanted to come to Paris and how much I would’ve have liked to be able to share this moment with my family.  Now that I’m finally here, all alone, the city of lights seem awfully dim to me. I pass by a number of churches along my walk. My parents were catholic but ever since their deaths religion didn’t have much of a place in my life anymore. For no apparent reason at all, I walk through an antique carved wooden door, the threshold and metal handles worn by years and years of hand use. I enter the very small church, dark and completely empty. I walk around looking at the artwork along its walls, lost in my thoughts. Without me noticing, a priest comes up behind me and whispers, “Bonjour Madame.”

“Bonjour,”
I say back a bit startled.

“American?”

“Yes.”

“You look lost. Do you need any help?”
he asks me in very good English.

“I guess you could say I’m lost but it has nothing to do with geography.” He looks surprised with my answer.

“Part of my job description is being a good listener, that’s if you want to talk.”

“There are so many churches in Paris.” I continue. “You walk in them and they are filled with tourists taking pictures. Does anyone still come in here for the real purpose of the church?”

“Yes, many people still believe in what this stands for. You’re not one of them?”

“I don’t know what I believe anymore, Father.”

“Do you believe in God?”

“If I do, I can’t say I’m in peace with Him. Let’s just say we have a disagreement.
” He is quiet prodding me to continue and I do. “He has taken away my entire family and cruelly left me behind, all alone.”

“And you’re angry that they are gone or that you were left behind?”

“Both. Now I often find myself living in limbo. I’m not either here or there.”

“Life is fleeting. We like to think otherwise but we are all here on borrowed time. The thing about limbo is you get to choose where you go next. It’s up to you to start living again.”

“Or not,” I say staring into nothing.

“Yes… but that would be a waste my child. There is much to live for still, if you just open your heart to see it.”

We stay silent for a while. Then I finally say, “thanks’ for the talk.”

“I’ll pray for your peace of mind.”

“Thanks Father,” I answer.  I walk out feeling even more conflicted than when I went in.

When
I get back to my room at the hotel, I see Chris sitting by my door. “Where were you? I’ve been looking for you,” he immediately says to me.

I don’t say anything, I open the door and we go in.

“I needed to go for a walk. I needed to be alone, sorry.”

“Why are you shutting me out?
” He asks a bit exasperated. “It’s been hard enough as it is. I miss you.”

“
I know, I’m sorry,” I say to him and I was sorry. He deserved better than what I was giving him lately.

“It’s okay,” he says
dismissing the issue and giving me a big warm smile. “We’re in Paris now! City of love…” He takes me in his arms and kisses me hard. When he stops, I look into his eyes and smile.

“I’ve seen this look before,” I say
laughing. “You must be up to no good. What are you cooking up?”

“Well I’ll be damned if I’m going to be in Paris with you and not be able to be with you.”

“Okay… what’s your plan? You look like a man with a plan.”

“Oh, yes I have a plan,” he says giving me his crocked smile that screams ‘I’m up to no good.’ It’s quite irresistible. “We have to take this opportunity since Susan is not around,” he continues. “Here’s the deal. I’ve already talked to Ted and James and they’ll cover for us. If anyone asks about me, they’ll say I’m hooking up with some groupie.” I roll my eyes at him but he ignores me and continues to lay out his plan. “As for you, you will go back downstairs and tell your new bodyguard that you are back from your walk and that you are going to your room for the rest of the day and you wish not to be disturbed until tomorrow. Then you get on the elevator and go down to the garage, I’ll be waiting for you there.”

“I see you are going with pretty elaborate and completely insane… Okay, let’s do it,” I say excited.

I follow my instructions and go to find Big Bob in the lobby.

“Hey Big Bob,” I say when I see him. “I’m back. Thanks for giving me some space. You can go relax now I’m not going anywhere anymore. I’ll be in my room, if anyone asks for me please tell them I don’t want to be disturbed.” I feel a bit guilty about flat out lying to him like that but not enough to stop me.

“Okay, will do, mam, I mean Lorelai.” He corrects himself quickly. I smile at him and then walk to the elevator. I make sure he sees me as I’m getting in, then I press the button to go down to the garage. As I walk out, I see Chris waiting for me in this shiny, spiffy, candy apple red sports Audi. I climb in the car and he immediately speeds off out into the street the sound of rubber on asphalt echoes against the cement walls.

“Nice ride,” I say. “Where did you get the car?”

“It’s a rental. I put a request with the concierge before we arrived.”

I look at him surprised.

“What?” he asks me, smiling.

“Nothing I’m just impressed at your resourcefulness.”

“You ain’t seen
anything yet!”

We drive around some of Paris’s most famous sites, passing by the Arc the Triomphe and the Eiffel Tower.  Then, through the slow moving traffic we make our way to the Museé Rodin. At this time of the year, winter was already taking its grips on the city and so there weren’t many tourists around but the streets are still filled with trucks and Parisians. We walk around the museum first admiring the beautiful artwork and afterwards take a chilly walk around the gardens
still very pretty with some of its fall foliage and of course its beautiful sculptures.

“This was a lovely choice,” I say to him as we are walking back to his car.

“Well I thought the Louvre would be too crowded to keep a low profile.”

“It was for the best, this was way more romantic.”
I say smiling.

After we leave the museum area he drives to a small bistro for dinner. The restaurant is tiny, with dim romantic lighting and fantastic food. It was obviously a restaurant mostly frequented by French locals. We
are the only couple speaking in English but no one gave us a second glance.

“This place is perfect. How on earth did you find this place?”

“I asked at the hotel for a dinner place that had zero tourists and was not some hip place to ‘be seen’.”

“Very smart. I don’t think we ever had dinner in a restaurant
, just the two of us like this, at least since we started dating.”
“Yeah this whole hiding thing really sucks sometimes.”

“You mean sucks most of the time!”

“It does.”

“Thank you,” I say reaching for his hand over the table.

“For what?” he says, taking my hand in his.

“To tell you the truth, I was feeling pretty crappy today. But you have this way of casting a bright light into my dark days.” He
gives me a wide smile and after taking another bite of his desert he says, “…talking about making a dark day brighter, how good is this crème brulee? This definitely makes my day brighter.”

“Oh man I want to marry this freaking thing!” I say
mockingly and we both laugh. “This is stupidly good.”

After our dinner we
walk back to the car and I think we are driving back to our hotel but Chris drives us to a different hotel. I look at him once again surprised.

“I told you I wasn’t going to be in Paris with you and not to be able to be with you…”

We enter a very fancy hotel and he tells me to wait behind as he checks us in.

“You’re the more recognizable of the two of us,” he says
before he walks to the concierge.

He registers
us under his parent’s name, and comes back with the keys.

“Let’s go Mrs. Henderson,” he says smiling at me, proud of himself.

“This is crazy. It’s like having an affair.”

“You are having an affair,” he says giving me a deep look that makes my heart skip a beat.

We take the elevator all the way to the top floor and walk to our room number. Chris swings open the door, the room looks like something out of a palace. It’s shining gold fixtures and glittering crystal chandeliers sparkle with light, the room is filled with old world decoration and charm. We walk across the expensive hand woven rug in the sitting area to the massive picture window. The view is breath taking. You can see the star lit Parisian night sky with the stunning Eiffel Tour and its happy twinkling lights in the back. On the table a bottle of champagne is waiting inside an ice bucket with two champagne flutes next to it.

“This must have cost you a fortune,” I say
impressed and he rolls his eyes at me.

“In case you didn’t get the memo, we are millionaires now.”

“Oh you know me… I probably didn’t pay attention to that memo.” I laugh dismissively.

He takes me in his arms and gives me such a passionate kiss my knees almost buckle beneath me.
I feel my heart race and the now familiar pang of desire. We go straight to the bedroom where we spend the night together, lost in each other, living in our own time, where nothing else matters but being in each other’s arms. I never thought I would have a more romantic night since that first time we were together back in New York, but this night had just climbed to the top of the charts.