Southern Beauty (18 page)

“Wait, I can’t plan a wedding in two weeks,” Johanna tried to say but he had already left.  “What am I doing?”  Johanna questioned herself.  “I must speak with Aunt Mary.”

#   #   #

“Sir, I know I have asked you this before, but I am asking you again for leave for a few months,” reminded David.

“I understand that, Lieutenant.  I can’t accept your request.  I need you, you’re my best soldier.  If I let you leave now I am afraid you will never return, like your pal Myers,” said General Meade. 

“I told you, he never left New Orleans.  I guess he decided to stay with his outlaw brother and become a pirate himself,’ admitted David.  “It was a surprise to me sir.  I had no idea he was related.”

“At ease soldier, I know that,’ Meade said.

“You have me on missions that anyone can do, I haven’t even gotten to write a letter to my family in six weeks,” David said now frustrated with his predicament.

“I know. We do thank you for your dedication and retrieving the map for us.  Now that
Virginia seceded and Lee followed like we predicted, it will be a detrimental asset.  General Grant is looking for a few men to lead another mission.  It’s dangerous but I know that you can handle it, so I recommended you.  Will you consider taking it?” Meade asked.

“What is it?” asked David.

“We need you to head to Baltimore and retrieve luggage that was taken by a mob from the Baltimore Riot.  There was something in one bag that must be retrieved.  Further instructions will be waiting for you at the train station where it was last seen.”

“What in this bag?” David asked.

“A letter from Lincoln, let’s just leave it at that,” Meade said. “I need you to take this too.”

David realized Meade had handed him the map that started it all. “I can’t do that,” he whispered.

“Yes you can. It’s an easy task. Why don’t you take Evans with you or if you prefer you can go it alone.  Change your clothes, you’re going undercover for this one,” Meade ordered.  “Oh by the way, Private Graystone decided to follow in Lee’s footsteps and leave the Union, he was a traitor just as you suspected.  He ended up marrying the General’s daughter.”

David sat in sheer disbeli
ef.  He whispered to himself, “You mean his niece.” He felt like he had just been punched. “Sir,” he said aloud, “I will accept the mission. But after that I am staying in Harrisburg to protect my family.”

“I understand,” answered Meade. 

David rode hard into the night.  Grief stricken at his loss he cried out into the abyss, “If you only had a little faith in me.”

Chapter
25

J

ohanna figured there was no way that David and she would ever be free to be together.  March came and went with no word from Malcolm or David. 
Conflicts began to rise throughout the country.  Ft. Sumter had fallen and in Baltimore a riot killed Union soldiers.  It made Johanna sick to think it could have been David or Jacob.  Virginia indeed had seceded and her uncle decided he couldn’t fight against his own state and family.  It was a hard decision for him to make. 

“He has been out in the garden
s for hours, just pacing,” said Mary.

“What do you think he will do?”
Johanna asked.   

“I don’t envy him, it seems no matter what he decides, he will be fighting against friends,” Mary said sadly.

“Does it have to come to war?” asked Johanna fearful. 

“I am afraid that is what it is leading to,” said Mary.

The women continued to watch Robert in the gardens.  Both of them filled with anxiety about his final decision for different reasons.

“Now, what about this Malcolm
I have been hearing about?” Mary asked trying to distract them from the heaviness of the situation. “Do you want to marry him?”

Just then Robert entered the room.  Both women looked up with concern.

“I have come to the final conclusion,” he
announced, “that I must resign from the U.S. Army.”  He stood erect confident in his decision. “I will accept the position as commander of the Northern Virginia Army.” 

Johanna and Mary began to cry.

“I cannot fight against my home state,” he added.

To Johanna
it was like a knife had just ripped apart any connection that David and she had together. She felt the heart strings break one by one leaving her with only one decision to make; how to get over David McPherson. 

“Johanna,” said Robert, “I am very grateful for your help in keeping my plans safe.  I knew that I could trust you.  I am sorry for putting you in harm’s way getting it to me.  Mary said that it caused a lot of heartache as well?”

“I am glad I could help,” said Johanna.  “I am just sorry the union soldier took the map.  I found myself being deceived on several occasions.  I didn’t know who to trust.”

“It is hard to know,” explained Robert.  “Sometimes you just have
to go with your gut.”

“Pardon?” asked Johanna not understanding his words.

“Go with what your heart tells you.  It never seems to mislead,” he said.

“My heart has made me love one who is now our sworn enemy,” confessed Johanna.

“Johanna,” Robert put his arm around her, “you are free to love who you choose. I just want you to know that I have many dear friends in the North.  I had to make a decision because of who I am.  That is one decision you do not have to make.  We will always be your family, always.”

Tears welled up in Johanna’s eyes.  “Thank you for saying that, Uncle,” she smiled.  “It doesn’
t matter now.  I fear I will never see him again.”

“
I am a bit confused.  What ever happened to Malcolm?” he asked. “Are you not going to marry him?”

“I
don’t know, I haven’t heard from him,” she answered. “He told me he was going to meet you in New Orleans.  Did you not see him there?”

“I never made it,” said Robert.

“I am finding he is not very trustworthy,” said Johanna.

“Nonsense,” insisted Robert. “He is a fine man.  I hand picked him myself to escort you out of
South Carolina.”

“Well, maybe he was delayed,”
said Johanna.  She wondered if she should tell her uncle about him shooting her and then decided against it.

“I must leave.  I will send word if I am in contact with Malcolm.  In the meantime, would you continue to hold on to my cigar box?
” he asked. 

“Absolutely, you can count on me,” she smiled.

“Good.  I know it is safe in your hands.  I will send for it when it is needed.  Hopefully, this time it won’t cause you as much grief,” he said.

#   #   #

It had been almost two months since David jumped out of her carriage and out of
Johanna’s life.  He had the map and didn’t need her anymore she thought. She did have the plans kept safely in the cigar box skillfully wrapped around each aroma filled cigar.  Her uncle had left it in her care once again until it was needed.  She reread her Blackwood’s Magazine, “it’s a beautiful romance, but it is all so fleeting,” she frowned and then closed the book. 

“There is a letter for you Miss Lee,” said one of the servants who handed her a sealed envelope.

“Now who could this be from?” asked Johanna.

Malcolm hadn’t sent word, a reprieve for her she welcomed.  She just wasn’t sure if she really wanted to marry him.  He had proven himself to be unpredictable and rather unreliable.

Johanna opened the envelope which bore her name.  She felt the anticipation as if she were a child opening a special gift from a loved one.  “Oh, it’s from Abigail!” she smiled at first.  As Johanna hurried through the short letter her demeanor changed.  At first pleased to hear from her dear friend and then quite distraught by the news it brought;

Johanna,

I have scandalous news! 
You won’t believe it when I tell you.  I hope you are sitting down.  Your dearest Malcolm Graystone married Clarice Beauregard yesterday.  The wedding seemed to come up quickly but they say they were privately engaged for several months.  I pray you are not too upset.  You still have your number three.

Forever your friend,

Mrs. Abigail Jenkins

Johanna held the letter in her hand reading it repeatedly not quite sure what to make of it.  She didn’t know if she wanted to laugh or cry.  She felt quite humiliated with a tinge of relief in her heart. 

She went over to her night stand and realized the cigar box was missing.  Malcolm had taken it before he had left and she, the fool that she was, didn’t notice it until now. 

Johanna ran to her aunt, who was in the drawing room sitting near the fireplace, a small shawl covered her shoulders.

“Aunt Mary,” said Johanna in a serious tone. “I have news about Malcolm.”

“Oh, is he coming back to marry you, my dear?” she asked.

“He is not, it seems he is already married,” said Johanna.

“What do you mean?” Mary asked.

“He married Clarice Beauregard,” said Johanna choking on her words.

Mary was stunned by the news and worried about her niece’s mental state.

“Oh, that is shocking news
!  That scoundrel, how could he do that to you?” Mary asked. 

“You don’t know Clarice,” said Johanna frowning.

“He surprised us all.  Robert really took to him,” Mary shook her head. “He is going to be so disappointed.”

“Yes, I am sure he is,” said Johanna
. 

Mary put her hand on Johanna’s shoulder to console her,
“are you okay, my dear?”

“I actually am,” Johanna
smiled realizing she now felt liberated.  “I should have known, but I was too wrapped up in my own affairs to see it.”

“You know, Johanna, sometimes God closes doors so we don’t walk through the wrong one,” explained Mary.

“I think you are right,” agreed Johanna. “Now what do I do with the door that still lies open?”

“That is a question only you can answer,” said Mary smiling. “Is it a door you want to enter into?”

Johanna sighed, “More than anything.”               

“Than what are you going to do about it?” Mary asked.

“I am not sure yet,” answered Johanna.

“Whatever decision you make, you know you have your uncle’s and my support,” assured Mary.

“I thank you.  That means a lot to me,” Johanna smiled at her aunt. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“You will never have to find out,” Mary smiled back.

Johanna found herself at the gardens to ponder her predicament.  She had felt better once she arrived.  She understood why her uncle went there for prayer and meditation, it was a peaceful place.  She sat in silence.  Her mind raced through the last three months.  She closed her eyes not sure if she should trust what her heart was telling her. 

“What am I to do?” she asked herself.
“What if he doesn’t love me? What if this was all a ruse to get the map from me? What if I don’t find out?” She continued to ask herself questions that needed answers. 

Johanna
smiled as she stood to leave.  “I know what I must do,” she put her hand over her heart, “I just need a little faith.”

Chapter 2
6

“S

ir, there is someone here for you,” a train attendant tapped David on the shoulder and then pointed outside.

David,
surprised by the intrusion, walked out to see who his visitor was.  He didn’t see anyone at first and then he thought his eyes were deceiving him.  On a bench near by was Johanna with a distraught look upon her face.  He thought he was mistaken or it was a dream, but he continued toward her anyway.

Johanna stood once he stepped closer
to her.  She still did not smile. She looked as if she had the weight of the world on her shoulders. He searched her face for a glimpse of the love she had felt for him that stormy night.  He broke the awkward silence.

“You are well I see,” he said.

She could barely speak, but said in a soft voice, almost a whisper, “yes.”  She continued to be on her guard.

“I have been away longer than anticipated and I could not send word,” he said.

“Really, I hadn’t noticed,” said Johanna.

He smiled even with his heartache.  She was being her stubborn self he loved so much.  He wondered how he could have lost her.

“How did you find me?” he asked.

Johanna didn’t answer him right away, she still felt unsure of her decision to find him, and a bit surprised by his attire.

“Are you working for the rail system now?” she asked a bit confused.

David laughed and adjusted his hat, “you know me,
and how I love to be undercover.”

“You like to pretend you are someone you are not,” said Johanna not smiling. 

“I never pretended with you,” he said.  “You married I heard, I guess congratulations is in order.”

She looked confused at first and then kept her voice low and steady.  If she didn’t she would reveal her true feelings too
easily and she wasn’t about to let that happen.

“How does it feel to believe that I am married?” she asked
him to test his feelings.

“It’s……w
hat do you mean believe? Are you not married to Malcolm?” he asked.

“No
, I am not.  He married Clarice,” she said with a smile. “A fitting couple, they deserve each other, don’t you think?”

“Oh, it was the general’s daughter.  I just assumed when they said it
was Malcolm that he married you,” David still processing this new information that Johanna was free to be his. 

“Lieutenant, it’s time to head out.  I
got the bag we were looking for.  It’s urgent we leave right away, all hell broke lose at Harpers Ferry,” a man interrupted who was also in civilian clothing like David.  He ushered him to their horses.

“I am sorry.  I must go,” David
touched her face.

Her heart beat faster. She could barely catch her breath. He was leaving. How could she stop him? He watched her struggle internally. She had a desperate look in her eyes. They both wondered the same thing.
If this would be the last time they meet, the last time they look into each other's eyes. He didn’t know how to tell her he loved her, there just wasn’t enough time.  It would make departing that much harder. 
"I..." He didn't finish. Johanna ran into his arms and they kissed. A passionate goodbye kiss, the most desperate of kisses. He held her tightly. 

She couldn't bear to
let him go, but didn’t know how to keep him. She couldn't say what was in her heart.  It hurt too much to open that door. If she didn't speak the word, it would be easier to handle if this was their last goodbye. Johanna turned and ran and kept running, to where she had no idea.  She couldn't stop the tears from flowing. She refused to look back. She couldn’t figure out what led her to come here in the first place.  He seemed more distraught by her presence.  Her future suddenly felt empty.  She had to process this new setback.  “Where was she to go having a life without David?” she wondered.