Southern Ruby (45 page)

My mother's blood alcohol reading had put her well under the limit. Glenn said no-one knew why she'd lost control of the car. The cause could have been as simple as a momentary loss of concentration, or lack of experience driving on the right side of the road. He'd explained that usually it was my father who drove, but he hadn't done so that night because he'd had too much to drink.

I got out of bed and paced the floor, unable to think straight. Outside the window, the moon was a huge luminous globe.

There was a soft knock at the door and Grandma Ruby stepped into the room.

‘Amandine? What is it, darling? Don't tell me that Elliot hurt your feelings?'

I was touched by the concern on her face. I shook my head. Elliot had been very worried about me and had pulled over several times on the drive home to ask if I was all right. He'd even offered to stay with me so I could talk the shock out. But I'd told him that I needed to be alone, to digest what I'd discovered. He'd only let me get out of the car when I'd promised to call him the next day.

‘Then what?' asked Grandma Ruby. ‘Tell me what's upset you so much.'

I didn't want to distress her when she was feeling sad herself. But when she sat on the bed and indicated for me to join her, I found myself pouring out my feelings.

‘Why did Nan tell me that it was my father who was driving?' I cried. ‘Did she make it up? Or was she unable to accept that my mother caused the accident?'

Grandma Ruby shook her head. ‘I thought you knew it was your mother who was driving.' We were silent for a long
time before she spoke again. ‘Perhaps Cynthia convinced herself Dale was driving. She was so angry at all of us. When I learned she was taking legal action to gain custody of you and take you away to Australia, I fought her tooth and nail. After the death of your parents, you and Louise were all I had left. Those days were overwhelming and unbearable and I doubted I would survive. I didn't stop to consider that Cynthia was all alone too. Instead of appealing to her compassion and coming up with some kind of compromise, I used my lawyers to make a counter-case against her. But she won custody on some international technicalities. I was supposed to be given rights of visitation, but with the hatred she felt towards me, that never happened.'

Grandma Ruby took my hand. ‘We were fools, Cynthia and I — such terrible fools! We argued about our rights and forgot that you had rights too. The hurt that you've endured is unforgivable. Believe me, I would have done things differently now. And I believe Cynthia would have too. She loved you very much, Amandine. Never doubt that. But people do terrible things out of fear — even to the people they love.'

I was moved that Grandma Ruby could be compassionate towards Nan after all my grandmother had done to hurt her. Finally, I was able to feel the calm resignation that I'd been desperately seeking since I'd returned from Preservation Hall. My parents were both gone, and no amount of twisting my mind out of shape about who was or wasn't driving could change it. No matter who Nan had blamed, the facts would still be the same. I'd grown up without my parents. Why my mother had swerved off the road, no-one could answer.

But there was something I still wanted to know, and perhaps Grandma Ruby could tell me.

‘My father's friend, Glenn Neville, said he'd seemed upset on the night of the accident and that's why he drank so much. Do you have any idea what had shaken him up?'

Grandma Ruby's shoulders slumped as if all the air had gone out of her.

‘Yes, I do,' she said quietly. ‘It's what I've been wanting to tell you. But first let me explain to you how close our family was, so you will understand.'

T
he pain of losing Leroy was like hundreds of hands clawing at my heart. The colour drained out of my life. My head spun so much I thought I couldn't go on. And yet I had to. There was Maman and Mae to look after, as there always had been.

As soon as I'd discovered that Leroy had been killed, I'd gone to Sam Coppola and told him what had happened. The loss had been so sudden and so shocking that even as I described it to him, I was sure that I must have dreamed it. I had to clench my fists and convince myself that what had happened was real. Leroy was gone. Gone from me forever. That meant Jewel had to die too.

‘Jewel needs to disappear,' I told Sam. ‘She needs to vanish without a trace.'

He bowed his head. ‘I'm sorry, Jewel. I'd hoped things would turn out for you and Leroy. I'll cover your tracks. No-one will be able to trace you. And if you ever find out who did this, I'll settle the score.'

The Ruby who sat down to breakfast with Maman the following day was nothing but a shell.

‘My darling,' Maman said, ‘I can't bear to see you so pale. Please tell me, has something happened between you and Clifford Lalande? Even if he is busy in New York, surely he could call?'

Poor Maman had put my grief down to lovesickness. She had no idea of the turmoil in my heart.

‘I lost my job at the telephone exchange,' I told Mae. ‘I told Maman that Adalie de Pauger was ill with the measles so I wouldn't be visiting her for a while.'

Mae nodded. ‘Did you backchat your boss?'

Despite my grief, I almost wanted to laugh at her assumption. ‘Well, sort of,' I replied.

‘A whistling woman and a crowing hen never come to no good end,' she said. ‘You are what you are, Miss Ruby. You're meant to marry a gentleman, not wear yourself out working.'

To my surprise, Clifford Lalande appeared a few days after Leroy's death to visit us, bearing charm bracelets from Tiffany & Co. for Maman and me, and a bottle of eau de cologne for Mae. I hadn't seen or heard from him since Mardi Gras night.

‘I'm sorry that business has kept me away from your charming company for so long, Mrs de Villeray,' he told Maman. ‘But it was unavoidable. I hope I can make it up to you both somehow.'

Maman's hand brushed her throat and her cheeks blushed from her nose to her ears. I could tell she was both delighted and flustered at Clifford's sudden return.

‘That's quite all right,' she said, linking arms with him and ushering him quickly into the parlour as if she was afraid he might disappear again. ‘There is nothing to apologise for. We could not be more pleased to see you.'

I followed them in and sat down too. Clifford's gaze shifted to me. I sensed from the faint lines between his eyes that he was worried about me. He must have found out somehow what had happened to Leroy.

‘Did you have a successful time in New York?' Maman asked him.

I wondered if Clifford had really been there. He was such an honest person that I wouldn't have put it past him to have travelled there and back just so he wouldn't have to lie to Maman. He told her something about a legal case that sounded as if it could be true, but I found the story difficult to follow. My thinking had become slow and muddled.

I didn't realise that Maman and he were talking about me until Clifford said with emphasis, ‘I was wondering, with your permission, Mrs de Villeray, if I may take Ruby for a drive this afternoon?'

Maman blushed again. ‘Oh, that would be delightful. Some fresh air would do her the world of good. She hasn't been getting out as much since her friend fell ill.'

Normally Maman would have insisted that she or Mae accompany us, but I could tell from the sparkle in her eyes that she was hoping Clifford had bought more than charm bracelets at Tiffany's.

‘I thought I might take you for a drive to Lake Pontchartrain, Ruby,' he said once we were out on the street. He opened the door to his Buick for me, then turned and waved to Maman, who was watching us from the gallery, beaming.

‘How did you know she would be standing there?' I asked when he slipped into the driver's seat.

He smiled. ‘I knew.'

I was grateful to Clifford for coming. I had no-one to talk to about what had happened and he was sensitive enough to have realised that.

We didn't make further conversation as we drove out of the city, nor as the car bumped and shook along the untarred road to the lake. It was only when Clifford had parked outside a fishing shack on piers that he looked at me.

‘It's a simple place,' he said. ‘But the food is good and it has a nice view of the water.'

The hut, converted into a home-style café, was bare bones with a tiny kitchen and Formica tables. I could see the muddy water of the lake through the holes in the splintery floorboards. But it was quiet and the breeze off the water was pleasant.

Clifford ordered lemonades for us and told the waitress we would eat later. Then he looked into my eyes and said, ‘Ruby, I'm so sorry.'

I nodded. ‘How did you find out?'

‘From some of my contacts in the NAACP. They keep tabs on all racially motivated murders. When I learned that Leroy Thezan was secretly seeing a white dancer called Jewel, I understood immediately who he was.'

‘Do they know who did it?'

‘No, unfortunately,' he said, slowly stirring the ice in his drink. ‘There are a number of white supremacists in the city; they might have killed Leroy to get at his brother.'

‘Does the NAACP know that Jewel is me?'

Clifford shook his head. ‘Jewel has disappeared without a trace.' He looked at me levelly. ‘She might even be dead herself.'

I blinked back my tears and nodded towards the lake. ‘I feel like I'm dead. If it wasn't for Maman and Mae, I would have drowned myself in there.'

He reached across the table and squeezed my hand. ‘Don't talk like that, Ruby. Leroy would not have wanted that for you.' There were only four choices on the menu. We ate fried oyster po' boys with sides of corn and potato. I'd had the appetite of a sick bird and it surprised me that I ate so well that afternoon. Perhaps it was the comfort I felt in Clifford's company.

After we'd finished eating and Clifford had paid the bill, he nodded towards the shore. ‘Let's go for a walk. There's something I want to talk to you about.'

We took our shoes off and walked along the gritty grey sand, before taking a seat on some rocks. The air smelled of brine.

‘Listen, Ruby,' he said, turning to face me, ‘my proposal to you still stands. I love you, and I'll take care of you and your mother and Mae. You're grieving now, but I know in time I can make you very happy.'

A proposal from anyone but Clifford so soon after Leroy's death would have been insulting. But I knew it was motivated by genuine love and concern. My refusal was as genuine.

‘You can't marry me,' I told him. ‘I'm a woman with a past. I was a burlesque dancer — and I loved a coloured man. If anyone finds out, you'll be the laughing stock of New Orleans.'

‘A dancer in a club — so what?' He picked up a stone and sent it skipping across the water. ‘You were beautiful and classy. The fact that you could see a coloured man as an equal human being makes me admire you more.' He looked at me again. ‘Ruby, the loss you have suffered must be unbearable. I don't expect you to be the blushing bride. But I do want you to think long term. You can't go back to dancing, and you have to secure your future. Maybe you don't love me in a silly romantic way, but perhaps that's even better. What we've got is true companionship. I'm a man who loves you for exactly who you are, and I believe you feel the same way about me.'

For a moment it was as if the world stood still. Everything Clifford had said was true. I stared out at the lake and wondered what Leroy would tell me to do if he were here. I knew the answer. There was an inherent goodness in Clifford that made me confident that whatever difficulties life brought us, our union would be strong.

Weariness swept over me and my body felt as heavy as the anchors that kept the fishing trawlers securely moored on the
lake. It was the exhaustion of having carried Maman and Mae for so long and not having had anyone to share my burdens with. What a relief it would be to spend my life with someone I could speak to sensibly and practically like an equal. Someone who truly understood me. What was the point of resisting when that person stood there in front of me, offering his comfort to help me bear the unbearable?

‘Ruby?'

I looked up. Clifford had perceived the shift in my attitude and was holding his hand out to me. I stood up and pressed myself into his embrace, feeling his fingers stroke my hair. It was as if the mist that had enveloped me was lifted by his love.

‘So will you marry me, Ruby?' he asked.

I embraced him more fiercely but didn't speak for a few minutes. When I did, I said, ‘Yes, Clifford, I'll marry you. But I'll never deserve you.'

Clifford insisted that we get married straight away, for my sake.

‘You're too alone, and you've carried far too much for too long,' he told me. ‘Let me take up the mantle. I won't make any demands of you. All I want you to do is concentrate on restoring your peace of mind.'

Maman, Kitty and Mrs Lalande — Helen — delighted in the matrimonial preparations and I was happy to leave them to organise everything. I watched in a trance as Maman and Mae spent hours beading my wedding dress, and Kitty directed their gardener, Ned, to decorate the summerhouse with pots of white azaleas, roses and chrysanthemums. Even when the baker delivered the cake, trimmed with silver leaves and hearts, I stared at the bride and groom on top and couldn't believe that I was actually getting married.

On the day of the ceremony, Maman, Kitty and Helen, along with Mae, helped me prepare in the bedroom that Clifford and I were to share in the Lalande home. Their excited chatter was like a hundred bells ringing in my head.

‘The guests are already arriving — we'd better hurry,' said Helen. ‘Even people who haven't spoken to us for years are showing up. All the tongues are wagging and everyone is keen to see the beautiful French Creole Clifford is marrying!'

‘Your dress is divine!' gushed Kitty, taking the organza cover off the white tulle and satin gown. Indeed, the dress was stunning with its princess-style bodice and pearl-beaded flowers. It made me think of the magnificent dresses Orry-Kelly had made for me as Jewel and I had to turn away from it.

I glanced at Maman, who was looking as radiantly happy as if she were the bride and this was her wedding day. Her champagne-pink silk dress flattered her complexion and her eyes danced with joy. She truly believed that Clifford and I had created the perfect Cinderella story, with no idea of all the torment that was behind it. But perhaps it was better that she had been spared any anguish.

‘Look at these beautiful lilies the Galafates sent you,' said Helen, placing the bouquet in a crystal vase and putting it on the dressing table, where I was sitting while Mae styled my hair.

The honey-like sweetness of the blooms conjured up a memory of Leroy's casket surrounded by flowers. I tried to apply my powder to calm myself, but I saw Jewel's despairing reflection staring back at me. Tears ran down my cheeks.

‘Time to get into your dress, Miss Ruby,' said Mae, taking the gown from its hanger. ‘Unless you want to get married in your petticoat.'

She caught sight of my face and gasped. The other women gathered around me.

‘Ruby!' cried Kitty. ‘What's the matter?'

I couldn't answer them. My heart was beating erratically and I found it difficult to breathe. I thought I might black out so I got up from the chair and stumbled to the bed, sobbing as I lay down on it.

‘My heavenly days!' exclaimed Helen. ‘Are you all right, sweetheart?'

Maman sat down next to me and stroked my back. ‘It's bride's nerves, that's all. I had them on my wedding day.'