Authors: Rudy Rucker
Spaceland (14 page)
“I'm okay,” I said, though in fact I was starting to feel desperate. The mouth of the tunnel was only a few hundred yards away. Maybe I should jump in there and hope for the best? I looked at
Kalla with my third eye. The tense man was muttering something to her. For a moment, Kalla looked almost like a person, but then she moved her head in some way that made it turn inside out. Her eyes, mouth and nose sank into her skin, tunneled through her head and emerged on its opposite side. Four-dimensionally speaking, she'd rotated her head to look at her mother Momo.
Kalla with my third eye. The tense man was muttering something to her. For a moment, Kalla looked almost like a person, but then she moved her head in some way that made it turn inside out. Her eyes, mouth and nose sank into her skin, tunneled through her head and emerged on its opposite side. Four-dimensionally speaking, she'd rotated her head to look at her mother Momo.
“That's right, Kalla,” Momo was saying. “This isn't easy for the Spacelander.” She turned her attention to me. “So now Joe, you've been presented to Voule, and this fellows next to Kalla is her husband Deet, and this fine lady is my mother Eleia.” Spindly Deet saluted, and the gray-haired woman curved herself in a solemn bow that brought her head down into her chest. I passed up on shaking their hands, in case they too wanted to throw me like a Frisbee.
The five of them talked in their native language for a few minutes. Though four dimensional sounds weren't quite as odd as four-dimensional sights, they were pretty strange. The noises had a way of seeming to tune in and out like a weak signal on a radio, but when they were tuned in they shook every bit of my body. Like loud, deep organ notes. Old Eleia took a shot at talking English to me.
“Momo informs me that a Dronner's been meddling,” she said to me.
“It was Wackle,” put in Momo. “A cunning antagonist indeed. Wackle stole all the Spaceland money that we'd gotten, and then proceeded to instruct some other Spacelanders to attack our Joe Cube.”
“That's right,” I said. “And I was thinking. Maybe this is all a big mistake. I'd be happy to forget the whole freaking thing.”
“You're only fortunate the Dronners are such skulkers and cowards,” said Voule. “Otherwise Wackle might act more directly.” He chuckled and gave me a poke in the stomach. “I can't get over how
Hat you are. How can you Spacelanders stand it? It's hardly like living at all.”
Hat you are. How can you Spacelanders stand it? It's hardly like living at all.”
“Spaceland is God's mistake,” added Deet. Kalla and he made a striking pair; like the dot and comma of a semicolon, with Deet constantly whispering to Kalla. He had a fixed, twisted smile. “Were there no Spaceland, the Dronners. wouldn't find it so easy to sneak up and steal our grolly,” he said. “Isn't that right, Grandmother Eleia?” I had the feeling Deet was a recent addition to Momo's family. A gung ho yes-man. I acted a little that way myself when I was around Jena's mother. She owned a ranch, and I'd grown up in a rented crackerbox.
Thinking of the house I'd grown up in reminded me again of that dream I'd had about Flatland last night. At some level the dream had helped keep me from getting stabbed. I tried to remember what else had been in it. Maybe there was something I could use now.
“Don't let's try and tell him the whole story at once,” Eleia was saying. “Remember, his poor brain is but three-dimensional. Come with us now, Joe Cube, we'll repair to Momo and Voule's dwelling. Your special antenna crystals are ready. The sooner you disseminate them, the sooner we can put an end to the Dronners once and for all.”
“Cannons open fire!” cried Deet. “Deet at your service!” He did a little war dance. Gogo the dog pranced around him, joyfully bark ing.
“Yes, yes, we have a golden opportunity,” said Momo cheerfully. “How do you like Klupdom, Joe?”
“The real question is how do
you
like Spaceland,” I said. “You guys keep talking about my universe like it was a scab or something.”
you
like Spaceland,” I said. “You guys keep talking about my universe like it was a scab or something.”
“Ah, but wait till you see the antennas I made,” said Voule. “They'll make your fortune.”
“You aren't out to hurt Spaceland are you?” I asked.
“Of course not,” said Momoâtoo quickly? “The Empress would execute anyone who dared to harm Spaceland.”
“What was that about the antennas helping you to eliminate the Dronners?”
“Well, if you must know, I'll tell you,” said Momo, and then paused for a moment. To make up a lie? Voule said something to her in their native language and she resumed talking. “The antennas will project towards the Dronners' half of the Allâto your vinnward side, the side that lies hidden beneath Spaceland. Our notion is that the presence of your telephone signals darting about next to Spaceland will frighten away the timid Dronners. And, yes, they're sensitive enough to notice the electromagnetic radiation. It's just as one might repel marauding crows from a cherry tree by tying bright pie plates to the branches. That's the whole of our plan. And your role? That was my brainstorm of this morning. Although it would be easy enough for us to implant the antenna crystals in your film of space, we need for Spacelanders like yourself and your future customers to pump energy through them. You'll get rich by selling the new broadband 3G cell-phone technology! We'll do something for you and you'll do something for us. It's what you'd term a âwin-win,' Joe.”
The others listened intently to this explanation, and then burst into speech in their own tongue. I had no idea what they were saying. At least they weren't outright laughing. As they were talking, some of the birds came back. With everything morphing and appearing and disappearing and turning inside out I felt like throwing up.
“Come this way,” said Eleia regally, and started off towards the city of Grollyton, followed by Momo and Voule, Kalla and me, Deet and Gogo the dog. Momo's little saucer tagged along on its own. As we walked through the fields, Momo handed out her fresh
grolly to her family members; they all ate it eagerly. Even though they controlled the grolly import business, the stuff was still a treat to them. I got a piece too; Deet and Voule guffawed at the messy way I ate it. I did my best this time not to lose any of the pieces.
grolly to her family members; they all ate it eagerly. Even though they controlled the grolly import business, the stuff was still a treat to them. I got a piece too; Deet and Voule guffawed at the messy way I ate it. I did my best this time not to lose any of the pieces.
Our path dipped down near the river; it was like many rivers at once. The sight of the four-dimensional water made me uneasy. I had the feeling that if I fell in there I might have trouble finding my way back to the surface. And then of course a gust of wind knocked me over onto my vinn side again and my grolly went all over the place. I screamed for help, afraid I was going to slide into the river. Old Eleia suggested that I ride in Momo's saucer if I was going to make such a fuss every second.
Kalla lifted me up into the shiny, hovering vehicle and handed me a piece of the grolly I'd dropped. For the rest of the way to the city, I drifted along behind Momo and the others, still nibbling on my grolly. I felt as helpless as a little boy in a stroller with his lollipop. Come to think of it, the saucer resembled a coin-operated ride like a kid might sit on outside a supermarket, a tiny round thing with a double seat. But the seat was four-dimensional, and in the absence of Momo, I had more space than I could possibly use. My four-dimensional cloth sack rested on the seat next to me.
I thought of Jena again. If I'd had her there to talk to, I wouldn't have felt so lost and bewildered. And she would have noticed a lot of stuff that I didn't see. We could walk down a block together, and at the corner Jena would be able to tell me some little story about everyone we'd passed, while IâI wouldn't have even noticed any of them unless they happened to be beautiful women, and even then all I'd really have seen would be whether they'd noticed me back. Jena was always telling me I had a problem with seeing anything that wasn't about Joe Cube.
I sighed and turned my attention to the saucer's controls. It was a simple ball on a stick, like a gearshift knob. Apparently you pushed
it left/right, up/down, forward/backward and vinn/vout to move. I could have tried pushing on itâperhaps to fly back down the tunnel to Spaceland on my own. But it seemed overwhelmingly likely that I'd smash into a wall. Better just to see what happened next. Momo would take me back soon. The more grolly I ate the better I felt. Even if I didn't have Jena, it was pretty amazing to be vout here in the All of hyperspace.
it left/right, up/down, forward/backward and vinn/vout to move. I could have tried pushing on itâperhaps to fly back down the tunnel to Spaceland on my own. But it seemed overwhelmingly likely that I'd smash into a wall. Better just to see what happened next. Momo would take me back soon. The more grolly I ate the better I felt. Even if I didn't have Jena, it was pretty amazing to be vout here in the All of hyperspace.
I relaxed into my seat and gazed comfortably at the green fields of Klupdom. They were dotted with unearthly flowers. One flower had overlapping crystals for its petals, another was knots of worms, another was a nested series of spiral cones like calla lilies, another had a single blossom that was a big angular doily with small doilies at each of the big doily's cornersâand a lot more corners involved than you might expect. And then I saw some hyperspace roses. The blossoms were like every stage of a rose at once: the tight bud, the perfect bloom, the seed pod surrounded by blowsy, dropping petals. It was wonderful. Of course the thought of roses sent me back to Jena again. Would I ever get over her? Could I get her back? Let it go, Joe, I told myself. Live in the moment.
That lasted for about a minute and then I started worrying again. Assuming time was the same here as in our own world, I figured it to be almost two o'clock. There was something I'd said I'd do by one o'clockâoh yeah, give that deposit to Kay Harmid. Not that I had the money yet. lt suddenly occurred to me thatâonce I got backâI could peel myself vout into the fourth dimension and take money out of bank vaults as easily as Momo had. Just for a loan till the Mophone started making money, you understand. But there was still the problem of Wackle. Would he rob me again? Maybe this time Momo could stop him.
The buildings of Grollyton were up ahead. We were just close enough now for me to make out some details. It looked to be a tidy, walled town of stone houses and spires, with the grassy fields
running right up to the town wall. The wall was set with towers, spaced to the vinn and vout as well as to the left and right. A few hundred of them in all, ornate spiky stone things like you'd see in Europe, but with brilliant, complex crystals at their tops. Jena and I had gone to Austria one summer; it had been awesome, every single little thing different from what you were used to. Actually Jena had liked it more than me, but seeing her wake up happy and excited every day had made it worth it. I'd been hoping to do some more traveling with her after Kencom went IPO, maybe something easy like England this time. But who knew if we'd ever even go out for coffee together again.
running right up to the town wall. The wall was set with towers, spaced to the vinn and vout as well as to the left and right. A few hundred of them in all, ornate spiky stone things like you'd see in Europe, but with brilliant, complex crystals at their tops. Jena and I had gone to Austria one summer; it had been awesome, every single little thing different from what you were used to. Actually Jena had liked it more than me, but seeing her wake up happy and excited every day had made it worth it. I'd been hoping to do some more traveling with her after Kencom went IPO, maybe something easy like England this time. But who knew if we'd ever even go out for coffee together again.
Enough about Jena, dammit! Like I said, Grollyton looked kind of medieval. I could make out a big dark spot in the wall, probably the town gate. It was still a ways off. We paused and Momo dug around in the saucer to produce a rope.
“I must bind you now,” she told me. “Please stick out your hands.”
“What?”
“lt will be easier if I tell the guards that you're my captive. Otherwise they might ask too many questions.”
“You're not going to hurt me, are you?”
“Of course not, Joe. If I wanted to hurt you, I could have done so a thousand times already. I'll release you as soon as we get to our family's house. The binding is just for show.”
So I stuck out my hands and Momo tied themâor started to until I cried out in fear. The pressure of the rope crumpled my wrists in some four-dimensional way. It didn't hurt exactly, but it looked disgusting. Momo undid the rope. wrapped a bit of cloth around my wrists and tied me again, not pulling the rope as tight as before. And then our little procession went onward.
We were starting to pass other Kluppers and they exclaimed and waved when they saw me, their flopping four-dimensional mouths
forming every kind of what's-that and gee-whiz and haw-haw expression you could think of. The way things warped with every motion was still making me feel sick.
forming every kind of what's-that and gee-whiz and haw-haw expression you could think of. The way things warped with every motion was still making me feel sick.
The gate was higher than I'd imagined; I leaned back to stare up at it. There was a stone sculpture of a grolly plant over the highest point of the arch; the stone captured the four-dimensional variations of the plant, with its fruit that was both a ball and a doughnut. A group of the Empress's crimson-uniformed soldiers surrounded us, and Momo started talking. The soldiers treated Momo and especially Eleia with great respect, but even so, the discussion took quite some time. They were curious about me, and came over several times to touch me. I got the feeling it wasn't quite kosher for me to be up here at all. Deet said something to the soldiers that made Momo snap at him, so then he went back to muttering with Kalla. Finally Voule handed over some coins and chunks of grolly to a soldier who must have been the captain, and we were through. But when I glanced back, the soldiers were still gesturing in my direction.
We proceeded down a street paved with cobblestones, ran into what at first looked like a dead end, but then shifted to the vinn and continued on our way. Momo and her family were walking a lot faster than they'd been going before. It was like they were in a rush now, as if something was going to happen soon. Meanwhile I looked around, taking in the sight of a four-dimensional city.
Even though the town hadn't looked all that big from the outside, it felt huge on the inside. Streets kept branching off every which way. The houses had this weird way of seeming to turn inside out as I rode past them. Not that I could see inside the rooms; the inside-out thing had more to do with how I was reading the fourth dimension. Each of the houses was a whole lot of houses at once, and all their layered-together walls added up to huge solid blocks that had a sickening way of rotating through each other.
Finally we came to a big stone mansion with carved decorations on it; the carvings were like three-dimensional image loops of Kluppers waving pieces of grolly. Letting my third eye's viewpoint browse through one of the carvings was like watching a movie.
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