Spank: The Improbable Adventures of George Aloysius Brown (38 page)

Ruth laughed.

"
Actually, she convinced me. I wanted to tell you she was coming. She wanted it to be a surprise.
"

The room was filling up, the noise level rising.

Catherine grabbed George's arm.

"
Ruth, Jen, this is George, celebrated author of
Fly
On
The
Wall,
co-host of this literary extravaganza.
"

"
How do you do?
"
He smiled.
"
Although I think 'celebrated' might be a slight exaggeration, unless you happen to be a TrashTalk Mobile subscriber.
"

"
No talking trash in Hampshire I'm afraid,
"
said Ruth.
"
But I've heard a lot about your book from Jen. I'd love to read it. I'm told it puts an entirely new perspective on history.
"

Catherine and Jen exchanged a glance.

Jen put her mouth to Catherine's ear.
"
I told her Cleopatra gets spanked within an inch of her life by her drop-dead gorgeous masseur. That got her attention.
"

Catherine smiled.

"
From what I remember, Ruth does alright in that department – I'm still jealous. Where is Doug, anyway?
"

"
Poor Daddy. Stuck in
Dubai
. He sends his congratulations.
"

"
Excuse me, ladies, I'm going to the bar,
"
George said.
"
Can I bring anyone a drink?
"

"
So how's business, Scarlett, it's been a while?
"
Divina Miseria bent to give her friend and colleague a hug. She loved going to parties where she didn't have to work the room.

"
Hello, Divina, nice to see you. Actually, business is good, thank you. Did you hear I've got a franchise partner in
Los Angeles
, she's here somewhere if you'd like to meet her. How about that, eh? RattanAmour goes to
Hollywood
.
"

"
I heard. Congratulations. I think it's marvelous. But you're still manufacturing here, right?
"

"
Absolutely. Is there something I can make for you?
"

"
Actually there is. I need a special carving.
"

"
Of what?
"

"
Of me. A handle carved in my likeness.
"

"
You mean like a bust?
"

"
Exactly, a miniature Divina Dolor. Only give me a stern, imperious expression.
"

Scarlett smiled.
"
The look that raised a thousand welts.
"

"
Shhh… I don't need the advertising.
"

"
I must say it's an interesting concept,
"
said Scarlett, taking a sip from a flute of champagne.
"
Might start a trend. Is this your idea?
"

"
Actually, it came from a client. He's paying for it. He absolutely adores me. He wants to buy it for me. He wants to be able to hold it, caress it, worship it. Then when I'm ready for him, he will present it to me.
"

"
Sure, I can do that for you,
"
said Scarlett.
"
I'll make a life-size model in clay. Once it's to your liking I'll carve it in silver, about the size of a golf ball.
"

Divina clapped her hands together.

"
Perfect. I'll be a shrunken head.
"

"
I'll drink to that.
"

They laughed and clinked glasses.

"
And how's Sol?
"
Scarlett asked.

"
She's fine, although she's no longer the Sorcerer's Apprentice. She doesn't quite have her mother's aptitude.
"

"
So what is she doing?
"

"
She's in ballet school. Sadler's Wells, no less.
"

"
Scarlett grabbed her friend's arm.
"
Divina, that's brilliant. I'm so happy for her.
"

Nan
arrived with Catherine's dad Charles, and there were more hugs all round.

"
I'm so proud of you darling, we all are,
"
said
Nan
.

Her dad went to get the drinks, leaving her mum to conduct the formal part of the proceedings.

"
Sweeetie, this job with Pandora, what exactly will you be doing?
"

"
I thought you'd never ask,
"
Catherine said.
"
What I will be doing is evaluating submissions for possible publication. Pandora is branching out into a new specialty division.
"

"
What sort of manuscripts, darling? Nothing inappropriate, I hope. What are you evaluating now, for example?
"

Catherine almost choked on her Sauvignon Blanc.

"
You'd love it, Cynthia,
"
said
Nan
, hurriedly.
"
Catherine and I have already had this conversation It's a whodunit, actually more of a who's doing it, really, set in 18th century
France
. It's quite charming it its own way, written by a retired Methodist minister. You'd love it.
"

Cynthia made a disapproving noise.

"
I doubt it. I hope you turn it down.
"

"
Mum, how can you say that when you haven't even read it.
"

"
Darling, you know Methodists and I do not get along. That rabble rouser John Wesley should never have split with the Church of England.
"

Catherine smiled, thinking, 'Dear old mum.' She took her arm.

"
Don't worry. I already binned it, a bit too Episcopalian for Pandora's taste.
"

"
May I offer you some caviar?
"
A waiter came to Catherine's rescue before the inquisition could continue, followed by Jen, rushing up, arms outstretched. Catherine breathed a sigh of relief. The cavalry had arrived in the nick of time.

"
Lovely to see you,
Nan
,
"
said Jen.
"
You too, Cynthia, Charles.
"
She kissed them in turn on both cheeks.

"
Looks like
Nan
has some competition in the artistic department,
"
she said.
"
Who knew Cat would become a paperback writer? She must have inherited her literary talent from her mother?
"

Cynthia beamed.

"
Well, yes, quite likely. I did a little writing, you know, before Catherine came along. After that, there didn't seem to be time. How are things in
Australia
, Jen? You must come to visit and tell us all about it.
"

Mrs. Prenderghast was the first of the book club to arrive. She wore the dress she'd worn three years previously when she was invited to tea at
Buckingham
Palace
. As an afterthought she wore the hat she had bought for Derby Day at Epsom, a two-tiered extravaganza of peacock feathers and satin bows, tilted at a slightly rakish angle. On entering the bar she saw a big man in a yellow checkered suit rattling the ice cubes in a gin and tonic and assumed he was someone in authority.

"
Molly Prenderghast,
"
she said.
"
I'm on the guest list. I expect you want to see my invitation.
"

Somewhat taken aback, the big man stuck out his hand.

"
Nah, keep it in yer 'andbag, luvy. Pleased to meet yer. Gimble's my name.
"

Mrs. Prenderghast twiddled with her hearing aid.

"
What was that? Rumpole, did you say? Of course, Rumpole of the Bailey, barrister chappie, I've seen you on the telly. You look bigger in real life.
"

Gimble looked around for a graceful way out. Not seeing one, he dug in his wallet and handed over his business card.

She perched her reading glasses on her nose and scrutinized it carefully.

"
EldercareVideo Production. Gosh. How exciting. 'Lights! Camera! Action!' That sort of thing. Anything I might know? I organize movie night for the Pimlico Women's Institute, you know.
"

Gimble saw an opportunity to add her name to the mailing list.

"
Our films are very popular with seniors,
"
he told her.
"
Take our current production,
The
Bird
and
The
Bush
, it's….
"

"
How wonderful,
"
Mrs. Prenderghast gushed, holding his arm.
"
George tells me his book is about caving and you make films about birding. How simply marvelous. All good clean back to nature stuff. How very refreshing. Most things these days seem to be sex and smut.
"

She saw George in the distance and hurried off in pursuit.

"
Nice talking to you, Rumpole,
"
she said.
"
Keep up the good work.
"

Breathing a sigh of relief, Gimble emptied his gin and tonic and set off in the opposite direction on a mission of replenishment.

Shortly after the speeches and a champagne toast to the authors, Steed arrived on a borrowed bicycle, which he valet-parked at the door. To say he made an entrance would be something of an understatement. He wore a dark brown Australian bushman's coat, leather boots and a wide-brimmed stockman's hat. Two days of designer stubble completed the Outback look.

Lady Warmington, who knows movie star appeal when she sees it, was about to pounce, but Catherine beat her to it.

What time do you call this?
"
she asked him, throwing her arms around his neck.

"
Sorry, I'm late, babe,
"
he said.
"
I had to go to a retirement bash. Head honcho at the hospital. It was a deportation offence not to be there.
"

"
Yeah? Where was the party?
"
she teased him.
"
Alice Springs
?
"

Steed grinned.

"
You don't like the Ned Kelly look?
"
He put his lips to her ear.
"
Where I come from we like our beer cold, our steaks rare, and our women over easy.
"

Catherine laughed.
"
I know where you come from:
Earls Court
.
"

She grabbed a beer from a passing tray, handing it to him.

"
One out of three's not bad .You can help yourself to some grub, there's tons left.
"

Steed put his arm round her waist.
"
Will I see you later?
"

Catherine shook her head.
"
I'm wiped. It may not be doctor's orders, but it's straight home for me tonight.
"

Steed looked disappointed.

"
That's too bad,
"
he said.
"
But I guess it can wait.
"

"
What can wait?
"

"
There's something I want to ask you.
"

The launch party was deemed to be an outstanding social success. Catherine signed books for an hour and George felt a bit left out until a young Japanese woman in a kimono approached him and requested his signature on a TrashTalk Mobile phone bill. She giggled and blushed, putting her hand to her mouth when George said he hoped she would enjoy his book.