Spare the Lambs (11 page)

              Ok at this point, I am sure that Lee doesn’
t
have a creepy bone in his body.  Instead he is cool, sweet, and so hot.  I still don’
t
want him to know where I live though.  If he knew where my apartment was, he could come over some time.  I don’
t
want to know how the
Asshole
would react to that.  But, I don’
t
want to explain why he can’
t
stop by either.  I told him I needed to get something from a random gas station we walked past.  He looked at his watch and asked if I was ok to head the rest of the way home by myself.  So sweet! I told him I could and he gave me one of those wonderful smiles and went on his way.  I can’
t
wait to see him again.

From the diary of Judith
Smith

March 13, 2001

              School sucked again.  After the bell, Lee was waiting for me.  It’s so sweet! The
Asshole
and mom went on some sort of date, so I had nowhere to be for hours.  We stood there talking for a few minutes before I reminded him of his offer to introduce me to his friends.  He offered again, but I played it off as if I had better things to do.  I let him convince me into it for a few minutes.  We headed towards the place where his friends normally hung out.

              It took us almost an hour to make our way to the abandoned apartment building they claimed as their own.  I got worried when I saw the building and considered I might have been wrong about Lee’s lack of creepiness.  I thought he just wanted to get me alone in one of those rundown apartments and rape me or something horrible.  But, he was so nice and cute.  To give myself time to think about what I was going to do, I asked if it would be cool if I stopped to get something from a store we’d just walked past.  He agreed but asked if he could run ahead and tell his friends I was coming up.  I smiled and nodded.

              Lee gave me his amazing smile and told me that they were up on the third floor all the way down the hall.  I bought a
Coke
and a small pocket knife.  It had a spring that helped the blade fly out.  I have never had a knife before and I had to stop myself from flicking the blade in and out over and over as I entered the apartment building.  I couldn’
t
stop myself from holding the little knife, blade in the handle, with a death grip in my pocket as I went to the third floor.  The apartments were rundown, but nothing some money couldn’
t
fix.  Hell, one of the apartments looked a little better than the one me and my family live in.

I met Lee and five of his friends in an apartment four times bigger than mine.  The wallpaper was almost in the same
discolored
and peeling state as the wallpaper in my room.  There were two girls in the group.  Lily had dark red hair and a body that I envied.  Her skin was so clean and smooth, unlike mine.  I would hate her for her looks and that she had known Lee for so much longer than me, but meeting her made me
understand
why the girls at school didn’
t
like me.  I didn’
t
like her because she makes me feel ugly, so I make those bitches feel like crap.  At least I didn’
t
treat Lily like shit because she was hotter than me.

The other girl was tall, her name was Sammy, which is a really manly name for a girl.  She had to be half a foot taller than me and was unhealthy skinny.  So skinny I was a little worried when I first saw her.  She wore the same type of clothing as Jasmine.  Low cut and clinging shirt and ass hugging jeans.  She didn’
t
wear nearly as much makeup as Jasmine, but maybe she should’ve.  It would have helped her pale, oily skin.  Clothing and makeup choices aside, she was really nice.

James looked like Lee’s older brother.  Their hair was cut the same and was almost the same
color
.  James was an inch or two taller than Lee, but I think Lee was more built and much hotter.  He had on a Marilyn Manson shirt and torn jeans.

Gerald was a man with nice, but not too nice clothing.  He smiled a lot.  But, he had cold eyes like he was dead and only his eyes showed it.  His eyes gave me the creeps, but he was so nice that I ignored the need to hide from his gaze.  He had a
clean shaven
face that gave him a childish look.  But even with the young face, I could see that he was an adult.  The way he held himself and spoke showed his age.  I wonder why he would want to hang around with twelve and thirteen year olds.  We have to be a drag compared to adults what they could do.  Sammy and Gerald were clearly together, but I’d always thought a younger girlfriend would have to hang out with her boyfriend’s older friends and not the other way around.  At least not after he got what he wanted from her.

Then there was Eric.  He was only a year older than me and Lily would not leave his side.  I couldn’
t
see the attraction.  He was so normal looking.  The only thing I really noticed were the large dark bags under his eyes.  There was no way I could date a guy younger than me.  Younger boys are nothing more than drooling fools.  But Lily seemed to be head over heels for him.  I didn’
t
like him.  Every time he thought I wasn’
t
looking, he’d be staring at me.  I am used to lusty looks but his glances were pitying.  I hate being pitied!

I got home an hour before the
Asshole
and mom got back.  Ali wasn’
t
home, so no one could call me on my lies.  I was home doing homework, all day.  Lee told me he wouldn’
t
be able to hang out tomorrow.  He told me he could get away with only so many days of playing hooky.  I already miss him.

From the diary of Judith
Smith

March 14, 2001

              Sigh.  I really missed Lee today.  I kept telling myself it wasn’
t
so bad whenever I saw small groups of girls talking in giggly whispers as they looked at me, because I would get to see Lee after school.  Then I remembered he wouldn’
t
be waiting today.

              The two
rumors
, I’m a lesbian and I’m a slut, are on every lip.  I don’
t
really care.  I think the boys know the slut rumor is a lie.  If they truly believed I was sleeping with everyone, they would still be hovering around me.  No, they just retell the
rumor
and act like they wouldn’
t
do me at the drop of a hat, if given the chance.  As the slut
rumor
got around, just loud enough that I could hear, that creepy teacher stared at me more and more.  He started smiling at me, too.  Not like he was amused, but like he was trying to flirt with me or imagining fucking me.  Vomit! Why the hell would I want a thirty-year old man.  I mean he is ancient! Creeper.

              Another annoying thing I noticed was that as the lesbian
rumor
got around, one girl started to smile at me.  This girl is fat, has mud-brown hair, and normally never looks up from her notebook.  She is always scribbling in that damn book.  She started by watching me.  When I noticed it and looked back, her eyes would fall to her book again.  Then, she began to give me shy smiles.  The same kind of smiles I’ve seen some of the other girls giving the boys.  Even if I liked girls, I could do so much better than her.  I mean, Lee’s attention and all that shit at the start of the year tells me that I’m pretty hot and I could do better than a fat loser.  I don’
t
want anyone’s lusty thoughts aimed at me, well maybe Lee’s.  But, an old perv and a fat girl that doesn’
t
speak?  Is that all I can get? No. It must be social death.

All that shit aside. Holy shit! The
Asshole
got a job.  Now he won’
t
be home during the day.  If I skip school to hang out with Lee and his friends, no one will be home to answer the phone just in case the school cares enough to call no-shows.  But really, they are too lazy to care when a kid turns up for class with bruises, so I doubt they would call, even if I never showed up to school.  I can’
t
wait to tell Lee.

Judith didn’
t
meet Lee again for three days.

From the diary of Judith
Smith

March 17, 2001

              Lee finally returned today! I was so happy to see him and pissed at the same time that he didn’
t
at least tell me he would be gone so long.  He gave me some excuse about school and family stuff, but I know the truth, he simply forgot about me.  After all, such a hot guy would have
tons
of prettier girls to choose from.  Whether he forgot me or not, I am so happy that he remembered and came back.  I told him that I would possibly be able to play hooky and hang out with him and his friends.  Lee gave me a stunning smile and he seemed relieved for some reason.  Maybe he was more worried that I wouldn’
t
want to hang out with him than me being angry that he’d forgotten about me.  That thought still makes me smile.

              Lee wanted me to come and hang out with his friends again today.  I told him that I couldn’
t
, just to punish him for being gone so long.  I told him I had to be home in a little while.  His face fell, but as I stayed outside the school with him a grin grew on his lovely lips.  He knew I didn’
t
want to leave.  However, I really did need to go home.  Lee told me that if I ever didn’t want to go to school, there would always be someone at the apartment during the day.

From the diary of Judith
Smith

March 18, 2001

              I left for school at the normal time.  At the second four-way stop, I turned right instead of going straight.  I could’ve just went to the apartment building, but I was worried that the
Asshole
would watch me to see if I was skipping.  If he went crazy over his youngest needing a bra, who knows what he would do if he knew I was going to hang out with older boys all day.

              A few blocks up, I was shocked to see Lee, my Lee, coming out of a rundown apartment complex.  I ran up to him and said hi.  He looked worried and possibly scared.  Just for a moment, his eyes were wide and he shot a look up and down the street.  He didn’
t
see whatever he was worried about and gave me one of those wonderful smiles.  We walked to the hangout spot, talking happily the whole time.  But, his eyes were still tight with worry.  I wonder what he was so worried about.

              Did he think I would show up at his door and do psycho-girlfriend stuff?  Maybe pound on his door until he answered if he forgot about me again or scream like a madwoman if he started hanging out with other girls?  Or maybe he had a dad like mine?  Or possibly his mother was like my dad?  I didn’
t
know what he was afraid of and I couldn’
t
bring myself to ask.

              Eric and Gerald were in the same room as last week.  They were huddled around a little metal bucket and they were burning newspapers in to keep warm.  A little heater sat unused in the corner.  Eric looked up with a smile on his face, but it faded as soon as he saw me.  Asshole.  He turned his gaze to the fire and I can’
t
remember if he even looked at me again.  I don’
t
know what the hell his problem is, but I hate him so much.

              Gerald smiled when he saw me.  Well, it really wasn’
t
a smile or at least not an overjoyed one.  It looked more like a wolf seeing a rabbit that hadn’t noticed it yet.  Well, if a wolf could smile.  Or can wolves?  I have never seen a wolf in real life, only in videos.  Gerald is a great guy, but god, that smile makes me shiver even as I write about it.

              We hung out until I guessed school was over.  I need to buy a watch.  Lee, Gerald, and I talked about anything and everything.  Eric only answered questions that were directed at him.  Otherwise he stared into the fire, and kept looking over at an old extension cord in the corner of the room.  He has some problem with me being there, so fuck him.  I acted like he wasn’t there.

              I walked home with Lee keeping me company, at least until we got to his place.  He asked me not to tell anyone where he lived.  That hurt a little, so I asked, trying to make it sound like a joke, if he didn’t want me telling anyone about him.  He smiled and told me it didn’t matter who I told about him, but please don’t tell anyone where he lived.  As he walked up the five steps to the complex’s front doors, he blew me a kiss.  That made my face burn and I had tons of thoughts about how his lips would feel on mine all the way home.

              I can’t wait to see him tomorrow.  Maybe I will let him steal my first kiss then.

I printed out a map of the area Judith mentioned.  With her directions, I can guess that Lee lives on 57th Street.  From the four-way to the abandoned apartments on 10th Ave is two and a half miles.  It’s also a straight shot, so I doubt she would have left 57th Street.  Luckily, I was able to find a pen with the same color ink as Judith used.  I broke it in half and let the ink drop onto the directions, then hurriedly wiped it off as if she’d had an “exploding pen accident” and ruined the page.