Sparing the Heart (Pastime Pursuits #3) (22 page)

“Can we talk somewhere else?” His hand touches my elbow and I shiver.
 

I glance around and everyone is involved in the drawings. No one seems to care about me and Kellan and this obvious awkward conversation we’re having. We can’t discuss this here. He’s right. I need to be clear with him and put an end to all of it. I don’t want to see him again. Not as a friend. Not as a client. I can’t. “Fine. Outside.”

I push past him and meet him on the other side of the glass doors. I didn’t grab my coat, and it’s still January, so I’m freezing cold. I don’t care, though. I’ll be in and out.

“What?” I rub my arms to warm them up, but the cold air slices into them. My legs do a tiny dance and curse me for wearing a skirt.

“Whoa. Why are you so upset?” His words linger in his breath that fills the air like a dense fog.

“Why do you think?” He can forecast the weather, but he can’t figure me out. “You
kissed
me. You’re
engaged
. It’s not right.” I’m not down with that. I won’t be a part of it.

A smirk crosses his face. Is he for real? I’ve had about enough of this. I can’t feel my legs, the hair inside my nose is frozen, and I’m ready to take a swing at Madison’s number two weatherman. That’s right. Number
two
. I could bring that up now, but I won’t hurt his pride.

“What if I told you I’m not engaged?”

“What?” My heart skips a beat but finds its rhythm again. He better not think about calling things off with Macy because of me. This is exactly what I didn’t want to happen. “You shouldn’t break up with her because of that kiss.” Great. Now I’m the exact person I never wanted to be. I tried so hard to avoid this, and now I’m in the middle.
I
wasn’t the one who crossed the line with the kiss. Why should I be responsible? “The kiss was a mistake.”

“Was it?”

“You said yourself it was before you ran out on me. And, yes, it was, because that’s all it can ever be. One kiss.”

“No.” He shakes his head. “It can’t be. I care about you too much.”
 

I can’t listen to this anymore. He doesn’t care about me. Not like I want him to anyway. Once upon a time I wanted to be with him. Once upon a time I wanted me to be a princess and he my prince. One upon a time I dreamed of our happy ending together. All these months I’ve viewed Macy as the obstacle, the Wicked Witch, the evil stepsister, malicious Queen. Now I realize
I’m
the villain.
 

I can’t say anything to him. I touch my hand to my chattering lips, my throat thickening as tears flood my eyes. A man rushes from the parking lot and I signal for him to hold the door for me. My hands drop from my face as I grab the door.
 

“I broke it off with Macy before I came to see you the other day.”
 

This is enough to make me stop walking. I don’t shut the door, and I don’t turn around to face him, but he has my attention.

“Gretchen told me you two ran into her at the bar with Brian Turdow. She also told me Macy fired you and that you didn’t quit. I didn’t want to believe her, but I think I’ve always known. I fell out of love with Macy a long time ago, and she did, too.”

I finally turn around, the door closing slowly at the same pace I’m stepping back toward him. “Then why did you two stay together?” Why spend years, and pledge to marry, with someone you don’t love? My parents showed me life is much too short to waste it, and isn’t that all they were doing?

“Comfort. Familiarity. Expectations. Everyone in high school assumed we’d end up together. We broke up for a while in college, but we started hanging out together and thought we’d try again. Getting married seemed like the right thing to do. But, sometime between putting the ring on her finger and actually facing setting a date, I started questioning what we were doing. She did too, even though she kept pushing me to set a date. I dealt with the reality by dragging my feet on buying a house, and she apparently dealt with it by seeing other guys behind my back.” He says this so matter-of-factly.

I’m touched by his honesty. But if he’s saying he wants to leave her and be with me, is that the right move? Should he rush into anything? Do I
want
him to? “What does this mean for us?” I ask with caution, not entirely sold on his breakup.

“That we can be together! Isn’t that what you want?”

“Yes.” His eyes light up and he starts to race toward me. “No.” My mind is a hot mess trying to process what is happening. “I don’t know, Kellan. You
just
broke up with Macy. You two were
engaged
. That’s pretty serious. I don’t know if it’s a good idea you jump right into another relationship.”

“Our relationship was over months ago, maybe even years. Neither of us wanted to admit it. There’s fear in succumbing to your failure. Although now I realize it wasn’t failure at all.
 
Sometimes in order to reach our end goal, we take a few missteps. Those stumbles lead us to where we’re supposed to be.”

He leaps toward me and takes my frigid hands in his. I can’t believe how warm they are and immediately mine are, too. I still can’t feel my legs, though now it’s because I think I’m floating.

“I’m supposed to be with you, Kate. We’re supposed to be together.” He pulls our interlaced hands together and presses his lips to my knuckles. “Please.”

Why am I holding back?
Why?
This
is what I want.
This
is what I’ve been waiting for since I first saw him. What if it’s wrong, though? What if I’m one of his missteps and a distraction along the way to his true love?
 

“Kate.” The way he whispers my name, gentle yet firm and with purpose. He repeats my name, this time pleading.
 

Life’s short, right? I can shackle up my heart for all of eternity and never truly experience passion and love like as it’s meant to be, or I can break free of the chains and give myself completely.
 

“Okay,” I tell him. “But first, you have to let me do one thing.”

He pulls me close, driving his mouth into mine, our hands still one, snuggled between our chests. I can feel both our hearts beating. I open my mouth, inviting the warmth of his tongue. A snowflake lands on my nose as we separate. “Anything.”

I don’t want to let go, but before we move forward as a couple — a couple! — I must seek out my revenge. Before he can even ask what I’m doing, I rip apart from him, grab a handful of snow, and whip it at him. “Got you!”

“Aw, you didn’t just do that!” He wipes his jacket off and shakes his head with a smile across his handsome face. I bolt for the door when he rushes to the snowbank. He doesn’t grab a snowball, though. He doesn’t retaliate. Instead, he changes direction and opens the door for me. A perfect gentleman. Once inside, he pulls his coat off and tosses it on me, rubbing the shoulders to warm me up. I don’t care, though, that my arms and legs are filled with goosebumps. I barely notice my body shaking because it’s shaking for a reason entirely different than the cold.
 

Kellan nestles his face in my neck and releases a deep, happy breath. This is the perfect frame.

The smell of eggs and tea wake me. I close my eyes tighter as I pull the blanket up to my chin, moaning in delight. I slept amazing, and want to remain in bed as long as I can, but my nose is calling me to the kitchen. My heart is dancing as I open my eyes, the morning light bouncing off the window and onto my face. I’m in Kellan’s bedroom, lying in
his
bed, and he's made breakfast. This couldn’t be more perfect.

I throw the covers off, exposing most of my skin as I’m only in one of his shirts and my underwear. What a relief yesterday wasn’t laundry day! I swing my legs off the side of the bed and find myself humming “Cross My Heart” by George Strait, one of the songs my mom used to sing repeatedly in the morning. Of all the places for her memory to come to me, this is an odd choice, but the song is appropriate.
 

I’m thankful for his carpeted floors as my feet hit the ground. I’m a little chilly but don’t see a robe and my skirt and blouse from yesterday won’t do much to warm me up, so I shake it off and greet him in the kitchen.
 

"Good morning, sunshine." He winks, teasing me about the time I thought he called me that.

He shakes the frying pan and slides some eggs on a plate for me. Every inch of him is seamless. He’s wearing boxer briefs — a shade of red that accents
everything
underneath — and a tank that doesn’t hide his muscles. The cuts in his biceps leave me tingling inside and I want to take him back to his bedroom. Again. ”How did you sleep?"

"Once we finally went to sleep? Pretty good.” His hand slides behind my back as he kisses me. “I like sleeping next to you."

I don’t remember what time we went to bed. After an incredible and (much) overdue lovemaking session, we talked well into the morning. He told me stories about growing up with Ned, Ted, and even Macy, and how his dad landed his dream job. I learned all about his journey through meteorology school and his odd jobs that paid for tuition. I opened up about my mom and dad, and he held me as I cried. We fell asleep in each other's arms. A perfect night.
 

"I should go into work this morning and brainstorm on how to sell Janice’s house. It’s been on the market much too long."

"You still haven't sold that one, huh?"

I take a seat at the small table in the kitchen and he places the plate along with a cup of tea in front of me. “No, but I have to at some point. Even the house that seems the most unsellable eventually moves. But it’s been almost six months now and
no
offers. Not even a low-ball one we’d call insulting. I can’t drop the price much more. I just … I don’t know what to do with this place."

He sits across from me and rests his arms on the table. ”Gretchen said the floor plan is nice, but overall a lot of work needs to be done.”
 

"That's the problem. There are some issues, like the driveway and the garage door, which will require more work, but mostly it’s paint. I’m positive I have a few people who may be interested; I just need to contact them. This house is perfect for a flipper. Someone could even use it as an income property."

He’s nodding his head and smiling. “You really put a lot of thought into this. That’s great. I love a woman who is passionate about her work.”

I’m not used to flattery, so I drink my tea in an attempt to cover my flushed face.
 

“Eat up.” He pushes the plate toward me.
 

He doesn’t have one. He’s on one side of the table, empty handed, and I’m on the other, a full breakfast platter in front of me. ”Aren't you going to eat?"

"I've been up for an hour. I ate before you woke."

Oh God, I don't want him to sit here and watch me eat. As if he can read my mind, he tells me he's going to take a shower. Now I can eat my breakfast imagining him in the shower.

I can't believe the night I've had. It's like a whirlwind and a dream I never expected to come true. I think back on our evening together and he makes me feel so safe. The water is running and the only images popping into my mind include me in there with him.
 

I’m starving, so I snag a few bites of my eggs and sip one last bit of tea before I join him in the bathroom. I slide open the door and he’s standing there, the water pounding against his body, a slick waterfall running down his chest, his abs, his torso. His eyes fixate on me as I unbutton my shirt, one button at a time, until it’s open, and he can only see the rounds of my cleavage. I wrap my hands around the fabric and pull the shirt down, letting it fall to the ground. As slowly as I can, I slip off my underwear and step into the shower.
 

My body presses against his and his wet hand traces the side of my stomach and travels to my backside. He squeezes as he pulls me closer and whispers in my ear, ”It took you long enough.”

••••••••••

A memorable thirty-minute shower later, we both step out. We take turns drying each other's bodies off. I press the towel against every inch of his body, and I want him again. I want him a hundred times over to fill this void I’ve had for such a long time. The passion and love I have inside of me is ready to explode. I’m afraid of overwhelming Kellan.
 

He takes the towel from my hand and tosses it aside. I’m up against the counter and he steps forward, hard against me. Our minds must be synced together. It’s nearing nine and I should head to the office. ”Later, okay?" I promise him before wrapping my towel around me. "I'm going to go get dressed."

"Too bad. I wanted to lay naked with you all day." His fingers trace my shoulder blade before he kisses it. A shiver jolts through my body and I wonder if I’ll be able to keep my hands off him. I want this, I
need
this, but I also want and need to sell Janice’s house. My focus needs to shift off a day in bed with Kellan and to work instead.

I’m startled when I exit the bathroom to hear my name from a female voice. "Kate?"

My towel falls off when I jump, and I’m face-to-face with Gretchen. I snatch the towel up and cover myself. "Gretchen! Hi…" What do I say? How do I explain myself? I pull my knees together and curl my toes, well aware I’m exposed at a very uncomfortable level.

“You've had quite an interesting night." Her arms are crossed and she’s smiling at me. "Is my brother in the bathroom, too?” She peeks behind me.

I respond with a slow nod as that’s all I can handle right now. I can’t even look at her. Should I tiptoe past her? No, I don’t want to do that in case my bare butt bumps into her. I can’t simply stand here on display. Aren’t I making
her
uncomfortable? I’ve heard people say once you’ve given birth your modesty is thrown out the window, but does that apply to see
other
people naked?
 

"Kellan! Get your butt out here!" She plants her hands on her hips.

Kellan emerges from the bathroom with his towel wrapped around his waist. What is he trying to do to me? ”What are you doing here, Gretchen? I told you only to use the key in case of emergencies."