Spark (9 page)

“Excellent. Then we agree.” He smiles, slowing leaning in. I
close my eyes as his lips gently touch mine. His hand wraps around my head, pulling me in closer. It’s sweet and simple. But God, he tastes amazing. “Goodnight, Velaney.” He pecks my lips once more before he walks down the hall again leaving me breathless.

I unlock the door and see all the lights are still turned off.
Carissa must be out tonight.
I shut the door behind me and lean against it. I slide my body down and end up sitting with my knees up. A feeling so unnatural, so uncommon fills me. I finally feel real…
I’m not just a shell.

I stand up and flash a stupid grin on my face as I begin to walk to my room. I flick the living room lights on and yelp, “Oh my god! What are you doing here, Eric
?”

Eric continues to
lie on the couch casually, folding his arms over his chest. I can’t read his expression. He is just sitting there looking cold, distant.

“Have a good time tonight?” he asks casually.

“I didn’t realize you had moved in!” I squeal, dodging his question. “Why are you here?”

“I wanted to make sure you arrived home safely. I was worried,” he says sincerely, his glossy eyes look me over.

“I’m fine. You don’t need to keep watching me, you know. I can take care of myself…
most of the time.”
I set my purse down and start taking my shoes off as I feel his hands grasp my shoulders and pull me up.

“
I can’t help the way I want to protect you, Velaney,” he says in a deep, husky tone. His emerald eyes are looking deep into mine, making me quiver in a usual territory for me.

“Why?” I whisper, unable to say anything else.

“I don’t know. But the way you kissed me, the way you made me feel…it’s not something I want to ignore. It’s not something I can ignore.” My heart feels like it completely sank to the floor.
Why is he saying these things?

“I’m sorry for kissing you. I don’t want to mess with your emotions, Eric. I wouldn’t be good for you,” I mutter honestly, unable to look at him fully. The last thing I want to do is hurt him, but it’s for the best considering I would never be able to be what he needs.

“I’m not sorry! Don’t be sorry, Velaney! Jesus Christ!” He brushes his hands through his hair, looking beyond frustrated. “Do you have any idea what you do to me?” I shake my head, unable to speak. He leans in close to me, brushing the pad of his thumb across my cheek. “You drive me insane. The way you talk, the way you smell, the way you don’t even know how breathtakingly beautiful you are. It. Drives. Me. Insane.” He clenches his lips tight, barely brushing over my skin. His hot breath blows on my neck, making me clench between my legs.

I want to lean in, crush my lips on his, and surrender my feelings to him.
But I can’t. The fact was that he was Eric. How would I be able to remain friends while living in the same building as him if we didn’t work out. I’d screw it up. I know I would. He would expect things…things I couldn’t give him. I can’t be someone’s girlfriend. I can’t be
his
girlfriend.

“I can’t,” I whisper. “I’m so sorry.”

“Why? Tell me why, Velaney! Is it because of Alex?” He steps back slightly, urging me to look up at his hurt expression. I can’t tell him the truth. It would hurt him and it would wreck me. He’s strong, determined, and fearless. I’m weak, powerless, and a coward. I would only hurt him. I decide the only way to get out of this is to lie. He has to think he means nothing to me, but in actuality, I think about him all the time. I want him to touch me. I want to touch him. But I know I couldn’t handle it. I could never be that person for him.

“Yes,” I lie. “I like Alex. I’m sorry.” I know I don’t sound convincing, but I have to say it. I swallow back the tears that are beginning to form, and bite my lower lip to keep the sob that is urging to come out.

“I have no doubt you do, but I also know what you felt when I kissed you. You can’t hide that, Velaney.”
Damn, he’s good.

“I like you, Eric. But we’re friends. Can’t we just stay that way?”

He huffs back a cough, leaning farther away from me. “Will you still run with me?” he asks, hoping for any sign of closure.

“Of course. I’ll be ready by 6am on Monday.” I continue chewing my lip, urging the tears to wait until he leaves.

“I’ll see you then,” he growls. He leans in and places a soft kiss on my forehead. He lingers for a moment before releasing and walking out the door. I sink to my knees and cover my face with my hands as the tears finally fall down my cheeks.

“Aiden, please don’t,” I begged, pushing myself away from him. “I don’t like it when you do this.”

“Shut the fuck up, slut!” he
rambled, giving me a glimpse of his beer scented breath. I was ten years old, and Aiden was now eighteen. I was counting down the days until he left for college. “Fuck, Velaney…”

My body shook as he said the F bomb. That word was the worst. It meant he was really mad.

I begged him each time to stop. If he weren’t drunk, he was high. Or both. I don’t know how mom and dad didn’t notice, or maybe they just didn’t care. He was their perfect angel during the day. But at night, he was the devil.

“You owe me a goodbye present, Laney. I’m leaving for c
ollege soon, remember?” I nod, acknowledging that I knew he was leaving. Of course, I knew. It was the only relief I felt in the past two years.

Aiden left a few
weeks later, driving hours away from home. I prayed he would find a girlfriend and leave me alone from now on. Unfortunately, there was no such luck. Thanksgiving and Christmas break arrived much too soon.

“Don’t I get my Christmas present?” he asks,
rubbing a finger up and down his leg. I shivered at the very thought. I shook my head, hoping he’d get the hint. “You fucking owe me!” What exactly did I owe him? And why? Hell, I was only ten years old.

“Stop
, Aiden, I will tell.” The words sounded pathetic. I could barely get them out, and he knew it. He laughs in my face as he grabs my hand making me do exactly as he wanted.

“Lane, wake up!” Carissa yells and shakes my body as I jolt out of sleep. “Good God! Are you all right?” she asks. I look around and notice I’m in bed. Carissa is sitting next to me, looking worried.

“Yeah, sorry. What happened?” I ask, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

“You were in here screaming bloody murder, Lane. Were you having a bad dream?” I scan the memory of Aiden in my head and simply nod in her direction. She takes me in for a hug and presses her lips to my forehead.

“Want me to sleep in here with you?”

“Sure. Thanks, Riss.”

“Of course. Now
, scoot over.” I move to one side, opening the sheets up for her. Carissa used to sleep with me almost every night during my adolescent years. She was the only person besides my parents that knew. She understood the night terrors I used to have. She would hold me and rub my hair until I fell back to sleep.

The sound of my alarm jerks me awake. I promised to meet Eric at 6am today.
Ugh, the sun isn’t even out yet.

I haven’t spoken to Eric since Saturday night, so I was hoping things wouldn’t be awkward between us now. I wanted us to be friends.
I needed him to be my friend.

“Good morning, sweetheart.” His southern tone captures me as I stretch on the pavement. He stands there in front of me, shirtless.
Damn, he’s doing that on purpose.

“Good morning,” I say, clearing the rust from my voice. Boston is chilly in the morning, yet here he was
—
shirtless and stunning.

His smile reassures me he’s in a good mood today. Perhaps this was a sign there would be no awkward tension between us.
I had spoken to Alex on the phone yesterday and my feelings were reassured about how I felt about him. He was amazing to say the least. I opened the bar Sunday morning at eleven, and by noon he arrived with lunch.

“Well, aren’t you sweet,” I say, smiling as he raises a bag up for me to see.

“Just wanted to make sure my girl was well fed around all these drunks.” It was game day, which meant lots of drunks.

“Thank you.” I grab the bag from his hand and open up to see a bagel sandwich and a small bag of chips. He continues to sit with me and watch the game as I hand out beer bottles and pour shots.
His eyes wander between the game and me for the next few hours. The way he watches me sends tingles from my stomach to my thighs. His hefty smile is so darn charming, I almost want to jump over the bar and climb into his arms.

“Ready?” he asks, offering me his hand to pull me up. I simpl
y nod, not at all prepared to stare at his amazing toned muscles. I decide I need to run in front of him, or at least next to him. But I definitely can’t run behind him. The way his shorts hug his butt is just too much for me.

We
start with an easy pace, letting the wind blow into us. I start to huff as he increases his pace, making me increase mine as well. I can see that he’s pushing me, which is exactly what I need. I need to run off my frustrations, my past, and my built up anger. Running erases it all, even if just for a little while, but it certainly helps.

“Doing okay?” He looks over and all I can do is nod. My breathing is quick
, and I’m dripping with sweat. “We can break,” he suggests. I nod again, relieved.

“So how’s work going?” I ask vaguely as we slow to walk.

“Great. Been working out a lot to pass the time when we don’t get calls.”
I can tell.
“How’s the bar?”

“Oh, ya know, the usual.
Drunk men and sports.” He huffs a laugh as we round the next street toward our building.

We continue walking in silence and my mind is boggled with thoughts of him. It takes all my energy to not wrap my arms around him and take his mouth in mine. That would confuse the tartar sauce out of him.
And me.

I trip on a crack in the sidewalk and I’m so deep in my thoughts I don’t even react in putting my hands out in front of me. Eric quickly catches me, but my body continues to fall making me land right on top of him. His body lays flat on the sidewalk
with my legs straddling over him as his body acts as a human shield.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry!” I bury my head in his chest, embarrassed
as I keep falling around him,
literally.

“You can crash into me any day of the week, sweetheart.”
Clearly, he’s enjoying this. He stares at me intently, not willing to make me move off him. Part of me contemplates leaning in, but the reality part of me tells me to get a grip.

I push my hands against his chest as I stable myself to my feet. I hold my hand out to pull him up, but instead he grabs my hand forcefully pulling me down to him once again.

“Eric,” I breathe. “What are you doing?” I’m curled up next to his side, his arms wrapped around me. It feels so safe, so right.

“
I’m just securing you. It’s not my fault you keep falling head over heels around me.” He chuckles, tilting his head more toward mine as I see the amusement in his eyes.

“Very funny. There was a crack in the sidewalk. Tell your ego
down boy
,” I tease, pushing against him once again. “You can get yourself up this time. I don’t trust you,” I pout, teasing him.

“You don’t trust
me?
” he asks, pretending to be offended by clenching his hand to his chest. I roll my eyes at his awful attempt to look hurt.

“Come on,
Sally
. I’ll race ya.” I take off for the building before I finish, not letting him catch up to me. I sprint the next block and don’t turn around to see where he is.

I slam my hands into the building, trying to even my
breathing as Eric slams right into my back. “You’re a cheater,” he whispers against my ear, closing the gap between us. His palms are flat against the wall next to mine, making me feel that spark he’s always talking about. I can’t help but enjoy the way his body feels against mine. His sweaty chest rubs against me, making me inhale the sweet scent of his body wash and shampoo. “Next time, I might not be so willing to let you win,” he whispers again, rubbing his lips against the outside of my ear. A shiver ripples through me as his hands lower, rubbing up and down my arms.

I’m about to say t
o hell with it
, turn around and wrap my arms around his neck before he steps away and walks toward the entrance.
Damn him.
How was he capable of making me react to him like this?

I begin to walk behind him and toward the elevator. I see him walk in the other direction and before I can ask where he’s going, I notice he takes the stairs up to his floor. I wonder if it was something I did, but I’m not about to question anything right now. I need to get my head on straight.
Get it together, Velaney.

I take a shower and get ready for my
workday at the University. I think about Eric as I blow dry my hair, wondering if I’m going to be able to keep running with him if this keeps up.
Today was only the first day— look what already happened.

My head is a cluster mess the entire day at work. Images of Eric pop in and out of my mind at the reminder of how his body feels against mine. The way his eyes
pierce through mine as he says something serious. I shake them out of my head, not wanting to think of him, but it’s too late. My hands are sweaty and I can feel the tingle between my thighs once again at just the mere thought of him.

Ugh
. His body and eyes scream sex.
Ooze sex.
Sex, sex, and lots of it. I could never be that for him. Hell, I can’t even kiss him without freaking out. I’m surprised he even talks to me after the way I treated him after our kiss.
God, that kiss. Amazing.
Why had I freaked out at that word?
I’ve heard it hundreds of times. Jake knew to stop saying it after a half dozen panic attacks. I never told him why, but after awhile he figured it out, and it was because of that word.

I turn
my mind to Alex instead. He was safe. He wouldn’t expect anything from me. He was sweet, kind, caring, and sensitive.
Isn’t that what girls look for in a man? Hell if I know…
but he was the safe bet. He wouldn’t expect anything from me; therefore, he wouldn’t get hurt by me.
And hopefully I wouldn’t get hurt either.

I like Eric, it’
s no secret, but it was the way my body responded to him. He had experience, which was obvious. But it would turn him off the second he knew about my past and
lack of experience.
God, I’m a mess.

“Velaney, are you with me?” Coach interrupts my mental argument.

“Yeah, sorry. What’s up?” I look up at him as he stands in front of my desk.

“I need you at the game this Friday. It’s a big one
, and I have a bad feeling my boys aren’t going down lightly. In fact, I know they won’t, so I need you there for when that happens.”

“Absolutely, Coach.” I nod back at him.
The hockey team had many rivals, but Friday they were against their biggest rival of the whole season. I had no doubt those boys would be smashing heads against the glass and whacking their sticks in each other’s faces.

The sound of my cell chiming brings me back. I see
it’s Alex and smile as I swipe the screen to unlock.

I haven’t stopped thinking about you. When can I see you again? –Alex

That depends. Are you asking me out again?

Yes. Go out with me this weekend? –Alex

Saturday night?

Sounds perfect. See you then, Velaney. –Alex

I lock my phone again and smile at the thought of seeing Alex again. I have to work so much this week that it will definitely be something to look forward to.

“Have a good night
, sweetie,” Coach says popping his head into my office. I leave work early tonight since Carissa and I have tickets to go see Wicked at the opera house. I wave goodbye and start collecting my paperwork together to head out.

I walk into the apartment
building and spot Carissa collecting our mail. She has a sad look on her face as she turns to face me.

“What’s wrong?”

“My grandma’s in the hospital. I can’t go with you tonight.” She finishes collecting the mail from the tiny hole and slams it shut.

“Oh no. That sucks. Is she going to be all right?” I ask
.

“Yeah, she is just having blood pressure issues, but my mom wants me to go with her. She’s pretty upset.”

“I understand, Riss. I’m just bummed I’m going to miss the play. We have good tickets, too,” I say as we walk toward the elevator.

She snaps her head to me with a confused look. “You can still go, Lane! I’d feel horrible if you miss because of me.”

“I’m not going alone,” I mutter as the elevator door opens. Eric is standing there, making my body react to him immediately. I feel the unwanted blush rise in my cheeks as he smiles at me.

“Perfect!” Carissa squeals. “Eric can go with you!”

“Um, no,” I mumble, hoping he doesn’t hear me.

“Eric can go where?” Eric asks in the third person, confused why he’s being talked about.

“I have to bail on Lane tonight. We’re supposed to go see
Wicked
tonight, but I can’t go. I don’t want her to miss out just because of me,” Carissa explains, giving Eric her best sympathetic look. I cross my arms and shake my head as she basically begs Eric to go with me.