Speak Bird Speak Again (48 page)

"I
want to see my sister," she answered.

"Wait
till we ask our mistress," they said.

"By
Allah, dear sister," she said when she came in, "I forgot
to invite you to eat when you were visiting us, and now I've brought
you a plateful of stuffed cabbage."

"No!
No!" replied the other sister, "take the food home with
you. Thank you very much, and may Allah increase your blessings!"
She called her servants and said, "Fill silver plates full of
every kind of food in the kitchen, put them on a large silver
platter, and send it home with her. Take it over yourselves!"

"For
the sake of Allah," the visitor asked, "what did you do to
get all this?"

"Such
and such happened to me," replied her sister.

As
soon as she arrived home, the wife of the rich man told her husband
the story she had just heard. "Right now," she said,
"immediately, you will invite the vizier and bring the
ingredients for stuffed cabbage, and I'll do as my sister did."

"Listen,
wife!" said the husband, "Allah has blessed us with more
than we need. We are content in our life, and we don't need anything
more. Your sister was a poor woman, may God help her! Why don't you
just forget about all this?"

"No!"
insisted the wife. "You must invite the vizier."

So he
went and bought the makings for stuffed cabbage leaves and invited
the vizier. The vizier came to dinner, and she sat in front of them
to serve the food. She pressed and squeezed in order to fart, putting
so much pressure on herself that she forced out a little fart. "Let
the earth open up and swallow me!" she exclaimed, and the earth
opened and swallowed her.

She
went down below, only to find it nighttime, with rain falling and the
streetlamps all out. How miserable it was all around!

"Yee!"
she thought, "may my reputation be ruined! What have I done?"
She walked around the streets, reeling in the darkness and the rain.
People meeting her would ask, "What's the matter with you,
aunty? Where are you going, aunty?"

"I'm
looking for the fart," she would answer.

"What
fart, aunty?" they asked, and she said, "Such and such
happened to me." She told them her story.

As
before, they all went asking about, until they heard him. "Here
I am!" he squeaked. They found him, you might say, taking
shelter from the rain in a dank animal pen, all wrapped up in a piece
of coarse cloth and shivering from the cold. "Who wants me?"
he asked. "What do you want from me?"

"Such
and such you did to this poor woman!" they blamed him. "Why
did you embarrass her in front of the vizier?"

"I
was sitting inside her, warm and happy," he answered, "and
she kept pressing and squeezing till she forced me out against my
will, to fend for myself in this cold darkness."

"Very
well. How then are you going to compensate her?"

"Her
reward," he replied, "will be that every time she opens her
mouth to say something, snakes and scorpions will spring from it and
bite her."

No
sooner had she said, "Let the earth open and take me back up!"
than snakes and scorpions sprang from her mouth and bit her. When she
was by her husband's side, he asked, "Well, what did you do?"

"I
neither did nor found anything," she answered. She was telling
her take while snakes and scorpions fell from her mouth and bit her
until she died.

"You
got what you deserved," said her husband then. "May you
never rise again!"

He
went and married another woman, happy to be rid of his first wife.

44.

Once
there was a shoemaker - a poor man with his wife and children, just
like the son of Yusif il-Xatib, who is new to the craft. All day he
mended shoes - save the listeners! - so he could make two or three
piasters and buy bread for his children. I mean, he was making ends
meet. One day his wife said to him, "You know, husband, I have a
strong craving for knafe . It's a long time since we've had it, and
we want you to bring us a platter full of knafe with honey."

"Wife,"
he asked, "how are we going to do that?"

"I
don't know how," she answered, "but get it you must!"

Every
day the poor man saved a piaster or two until in a week or two he had
saved thirty, forty piasters and gone to the market, where he bought
her a platter of knafe . Carrying it along, he brought it home and
gave it to her. But when she tasted it and found it was made with
sugar rather than honey, she took hold of the platter and tossed the
knafe out.

"I
told you I wanted a platter of knafe with honey, not with sugar
syrup!" she complained.

Now,
Maruf, he was short-tempered, and he became furious. Reaching for the
stick, he set to beating her, turning her this way and that until the
stick was broken. Out she came running, and she went straight to the
cadi to bring her case against her husband. The cadi sent after
Maruf, and he came and found her there.

"Why,
my son," asked the judge, "do you beat your wife and insult
her? And why don't you satisfy her needs?"

"Your
excellency," answered Maruf, "may Allah give you long life!
I'm a poor man. My condition's such and such, and my occupation's
such and such. She asked for a platter of knafe, and for two weeks I
scrimped until I was able to save its price. I went to the market,
bought it for her, and brought it home, but when she tasted it and
found it was made with sugar she said she didn't want it. So she took
it and threw it out."

"It's
all right, son," said the cadi. "Here's half a pound! Go
buy her a platter of knafe, and make peace between you!"

The
judge made peace between them, giving them the half-pound, and they
went to the market and Maruf bought his wife the platter of knafe .
Giving it to her to carry, he said, "Go!" She went home,
and he stayed behind.

"By
Allah!" he swore, "no longer am I even going to stay in the
same country where this woman is to be found?

He
stayed away till sunset, then found a ruined house where he leaned
against a wall and waited for daylight so he could run away. And, by
Allah, while he was inside the house, toward morning he felt a giant
come upon him before he even knew what it was.

"What
are you doing here?" asked the giant.

"By
Allah," answered Maruf, "I'm running away from my wife, and
I want to get as far away as possible."

"Where
do you want to go?"

"I
want to go to Egypt."

Reaching
for him, the giant, who was from the jinn, picked him up and set him
down in Egypt. Earlier he was in Damascus, but before day broke he
was in Egypt. Now, he used to have a neighbor in Damascus called All
who had since moved to Egypt, where Allah had blessed him and he was
now a big merchant. As Maruf was wandering about early in the
morning, people saw him. He was a stranger, they could tell.

"Where
arc you from, uncle?"

"From
Damascus."

"When
did you leave Damascus?"

"I
left this morning," he answered, "and I arrived this
morning."

"Crazy
man, crazy man, crazy man!" they shouted, gathering behind him
and clapping. "Crazy man, crazy man!" they taunted him,
following him around, until they passed in front of the merchant
Ali's. Looking carefully at Maruf, Ali recognized him. He chased away
the boys following him and called him over.

"Come
here!" he said, although Maruf had not yet recognized his old
neighbor. "Where are you from?"

"I'm
from Damascus."

"When
did you come from Damascus?"

"I
left this morning."

"What!"
exclaimed Ali, "You left Damascus this morning, and you're now
here in Egypt! Are you crazy? By Allah, those boys were right to
follow you around. Don't you recognize me?"

"No."

"Do
you remember you used to have a neighbor in Damascus called Ali?"

"Yes."

"I'm
your neighbor Ali."

"You're
Ali!"

"Yes,
I'm Ali. Come with me."

He
went and bought Maruf a suit of clothes, a fez, and (saving your
honors!) a pair of shoes. He also bought him socks and fitted him out
properly. It was as if Maruf had taken a different shape. He was
quite a sight now! And on top of all that, Ali gave him a hundred
pounds.

"Take
this hundred pounds," he said, "and spend from it until
you're able to find some kind of work. And if anyone should ask you,
don't say, 'I left Damascus this morning and arrived here this
morning.' Say you're a merchant, and you came ahead of your
merchandise, which is following you by sea." He wanted to make
Maruf look important. Giving him the hundred pounds, he said, "Take
this, and go in Allah's safe keeping!"

Maruf
went on his way. Upon meeting Safi, he would give him some money.
When he met another person, he would give him some money. "Where
are you from, uncle?" people would ask.

"I'm
from Damascus."

"What
are you doing here in Egypt?"

"By
Allah," he would answer, "I'm a merchant, and I arrived
ahead of my merchandise, which is following me by sea."

"What's
this?" people wondered, seeing him squander his money. "We've
never seen anything on this scale before. What a generous man! If he
weren't really an important merchant, he wouldn't be throwing money
around like this!"

His
reputation spread, and when he had used up the hundred pounds he came
to another merchant and borrowed two thousand, saying, "I'll pay
you back when my merchandise arrives."

Again
he went around, casting his money like seeds, distributing it among
the poor. Whomever he met, he would just reach in and give him a
handful, until the money was gone. He then went to another merchant
and borrowed four thousand, distributing it the same way. What a
reputation he achieved! Whichever way he turned, people said, "The
merchant Maruf! The merchant Maruf! What a merchant this is, Who just
appeared in our country! We've never seen, we've never heard of
anyone so great."

Who
heard about him? The king. And the king had a daughter - you should
see that daughter!

"Councillor!"
he called.

"What
do you want, O Ruler of the Age?" asked the vizier.

"A
merchant has arrived in our country, the like of whom we've never
heard of or seen. He's made the city rich with the money he's
distributed, and his merchandise has yet to arrive. He's come here
ahead of his goods. I want to send after him and invite him to
dinner, and I want to marry my daughter to him. This way we'll gain
him and his merchandise. What do you think?"

"Yes,
O Ruler of the Age!" answered the vizier. "This is your
business. Who am I to raise objections?"

"Go
see him," said the king, "and say to him, 'You're invited,
and you must have dinner with the king.'"

The
vizier went, searched for him, and found him.

"Mr.
Merchant Maruf!" he said.

"Yes!"

"The
king sends you his greetings, and says your dinner tonight will be
with him."

"Of
course," answered Maruf. "Why not? Am I too good for the
king?"

Pulling
himself together, he went to the king, who had prepared him a table -
brother, what a spread! They turned their attention to it and ate
dinner. Everything was just fine. They brought desserts. Anyway, they
ate till they had had enough. After they had finished, washed, and
sat down, the king said, "You know, Merchant Maruf."

"Yes?"
answered Maruf.

"I
want you to be my son-in-law," said the king. "I want to
give you my daughter in marriage. What do you say?"

Maruf
mused over this, then he said, "O Ruler of the Age, would anyone
hate to be the king's son-in-law?"

"Councillor,"
said the king. "Call the official here!"

The
vizier called the cadi. A marriage contract for the king's daughter
was drawn up, and the king prepared a feast for them. He bought her a
handsome trousseau, vacated one of his palaces, and brought Maruf in
to her. After they had been together as man and wife, the king said
to his son-in-law, "This is the treasure chest of the kingdom,
you can take what you want. And this money lying outside the chest is
for you to spend as you like. You can replace it when your
merchandise arrives." And so saying, he handed him the key to
the treasury.