Speak (The Voice trilogy Book 2) (14 page)

              “Rhys, I am here aren’t I? I have locked myself in
your
apartment. I am not going anywhere, unless you continue to keep me in the dark. You cannot hide who you were. It makes you who you are. I hate what I saw. I hate that you did any of it. But what you did back then has nothing to do with me, right?”

              “I didn’t mean to keep you in the dark. I thought I was protecting you.” The lock slides open and she stands above me. I move to my feet, backing away from the door. Her shoulders slump forward and she expels a deep, long held breath. Allowing a small smile to raise the corner of her tear stained mouth, she shakes her head and I am lost. Stepping into the hallway, she takes me by surprise when she takes my hand and pulls me back into the apartment. Squeezing my fingers as she kicks the door shut, I am hopeful.

              “I don’t need your protection, Rhys, I just need you.” Her wide green eyes are red rimmed, glossy with fading tears, and I am trapped.  Even as her face is stained with tears, she is beautiful, and she needs me. “You need me?” I relish in the thought. She scoffs at the question, wrinkling her eyebrow.

              “Yes. You have become something of a necessity. Are you happy?”

              “You have no idea.” I am elated, beyond my wildest dreams. She needs me. The thought soothes my soul, a welcome cloak of contentment wrapped around my shoulders. She will be my light as I fight off the dark.

              We stand in the entryway, bathed in the fading rays of the sun. I feel like I am holding on for dear life, grasping at something that could fall away at any moment. Yet he stands here, steadfast in my arms.

              “What did she say to you, Sophie?” He holds me at arms-length at watches my face twist with remembrance.

              “Nadja? She seems to think that you have not outgrown her.” His eyes narrow in on me. “She laughed in my face. Told me that you were broken, that she broke you.” His icy reaction chills my blood. “She said that I wasn’t good enough for you. That everyone had a breaking point. She warned me not to underestimate her.” Nostrils flaring like a bull, he rubs his hands up my arms, pulls me closer and waits. Towering above me, he waits for me to close the gap and curl into him, and I want to. But my feet will not allow it, his hands on my arms, the feel of his skin against mine, looking him in the eyes burns, bringing flashes of the grainy video. I want to claw my eyes out. Tears well up and I start to sob. “God, it hurts.” I grasp at the sucking wound in my chest. “I wish I had never seen it.” His face twists in pain while he watches me suffer. “Every time I close my eyes, there you are.” A shiver rolls through me and my whole body shakes uncontrollably.

              “We will have to replace what is behind those lids. I think I can do that.” The edge is still sharp, but his voice is warm and silky, yet rubs me the wrong way. This is not a joke. My mind is permanently seared with a vision that I cannot escape.

              “How would you feel if you saw a video of me like that?” I snap at him.

              “Am I in the video?” he smirks. His mistimed teasing may cost us both if he doesn’t take this seriously.

              “Do I seem in a joking mood?”

              “No, sorry.” He steps back and looks at me, searching my face.              

              “Rhys, you almost lost your mind over some guy I used to know for like a minute, five years ago. There is no video, no evidence and certainly no extensive digital library of my past escapades. How would you feel if you saw me and Andrew?” His eyes grow dark, his form more rigid and I know he is thinking about it, thinking about me, on my knees with some strange man kneeling behind me. He looks into my eyes and I see the ice form across his once warm, green pools.

              “Murderous,” he growls through gritted teeth

              “Exactly!” Finally, he understands!

              “Well, we can’t kill Nadja.” His tightly wound voice struggles to sound light and jovial. I step closer to him and gingerly curl against his chest.

              “Oh, I don’t want to kill her. I want to hurt her.” Listening to his rapid heart and ragged breath, I am overcome, wading in hatred. Never has another person solicited such violent feelings of hate. Running my hands down Rhys’ back, I think about what she has tried to do, over and over again and I hate her. She keeps trying to take this away from me. I will not let her.

              “Are we ok?” he asks.

              “We will be.”  And I mean it. I am not okay now, but I will be.

              “Still up for dinner tonight? Olivia called and was not in a flexible state of mind, she is missing you. But, if you’re not up to it…”

              “That sounds fine. I just need a little time, an hour or so.” His brows knit together and he questions me with his eyes, looking down at his watch.

              “OK, Beautiful. I can give you an hour. I have a quick errand to run and then I will pick you up. How does that sound, Beautiful?” It stings a bit when he says it, and I know what I have to do.

              “Yes, that sounds perfect.” And as much as I want him to stay, I want him to go. I need some time to process, and plan. I need to scrub my body and face of the filth that Nadja continues to hurl at me. Tipping my head to meet his eyes, he kisses me lightly at the corner of my mouth and turns on his heel. As he swings the door open, he winks at me with his crooked grin solidly in place.

              “I’ll be back in a little while, Sophie. Be ready.”

Chapter 14

              I am waiting at the curb when Rhys and Charlie return, ready to see Olivia, needing the company of others, a buffer of sorts. We ride in relative silence, Rhys feels pensive but grins at me and holds my hand tightly.

              Olivia and Matthew are waiting when we arrive and I am so excited to see her, a familiar face, someone I understand. I am overwhelmed and know immediately that the night will not be easy. She reads me like a book and immediately asks what is wrong as soon as she embraces me.

              “Nothing.” I shake her off taking my seat next to Rhys. She watches shrewdly as we order drinks and Rhys pulls a brown leather box from his coat pocket. Her eyes grow wide with excitement as he places it in front of me.

              “I got you a little something today, Sophie.”

              “Rhys, you shouldn’t have. Why did you do this?” I ask, genuinely curious and more than a little taken aback. He takes the cover off the box to reveal a beautiful, sparkling rose gold watch, the face surrounded by dazzling diamonds that twinkle like little stars. Olivia’s eyes dart to her own wrist, as she scrutinizes both watches, needing hers to be better.

              “Wow,” she huffs, pulling the watch closer to her face.

              “Rhys.” I am speechless. The watch sparkles in the flickering candlelight of the table, facets fire and bounce from Olivia’s wide eyes to Rhys’ waiting face.

              “Do you like it?” he asks, taking the box from my hand. He takes the watch from the pillow and holds it out to me. I offer him my wrist with not a word hanging from my mouth.

              “You guys must be serious,” Olivia muses, still unable to take her eyes off the watch that Rhys has now placed around my wrist. It is colder and heavier than it looks, but it feels nice. His eyebrows hang high on his face as he waits with baited breath for my reaction. I have never received such an extravagant present. I have never owned anything so beautiful. And I have never wanted to take a piece of jewelry off so badly in all of my life. Suddenly, it feels like an anchor around my wrist, a cold metal anchor, tugging me to the ground. I slip the watch off my wrist and quickly tuck it back around its pillow and into the box. Rhys’ face falls for a moment.

              “I love it, really.”
It’s way too much.

              “It’s time,” he offers quietly, sliding his hands across the table, covering my fingers with his. “You said you needed time. So I am giving you
time
.” He grins and it twists in my gut. God, he is so beautiful. How did this happen? I struggle to remember how I got here, with him. This person who is so far out of my league, everyone around him can see it. He is blind to it. How long until he changes his mind, or gets bored, until the need to be pushed comes back. How do I move past these damn pictures in my head of him and Melissa and Nadja? If I could just erase it, I know I could move on, I want to just move on. The past is in the past, I would prefer to leave both of our pasts behind us.

              “Time? Why do you need time?” Olivia asks, sipping her white wine, sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong. I look into Rhys’ eyes for some guidance. What am I supposed to say? He is the one who brought it up. But before I can respond, Rhys turns to Matthew.

              “Nadja is on the war path and has painted a target on Sophie’s back.” Matthew’s eyes light up with humor before he looks at me with pity. “She is in the mood to spill secrets, so I had to tell Sophie the truth.”

              Matthew squirms slightly, but it is Olivia’s reaction that catches my attention. A breath catches in her throat and she coughs violently, before grasping my arm.

              “About time,” she mutters, trying to catch her breath. Matthew looks down at her, but her eyes flash back in warning. “What truth?”

              “Babe,” Matthew warns.

              “No, Matthew. Sophie is
my
friend, and if we hadn’t been half way around the world and I had known this was going on and he
still
hasn’t told her
the truth
I would have told her myself. You need to tell her everything, Rhys, like now.” My heart races at her candor and force. She waits impatiently, looking from Matthew to Rhys. “In my experience, it is best to just rip the bandage off, wouldn’t you say, guys? Just spill it and let it be over.” Her eyes bore a hole through Rhys, but he says nothing, his white-knuckle grip on his glass the only indication that he is in fact not made of stone.

              Olivia grabs my hand, “You know what? We are going to the bar!” She pulls me behind her. “I will rip the damn bandage myself.” We wind through the crowd and slide into the last two empty bar stools. I look back at the table to see Rhys watching me, swirling his scotch the way he does when he is anxious.

              “What do you know?” Olivia demands as she motions to the bartender. Two shots of whiskey slide down our throats before I can loosen my tongue enough to talk. A huge part of me does not want to tell her anything, does not want to talk about it. But, clearly she knows something. She must, the way she and Matthew are acting. I tell her about running into Andrew and that distracts her momentarily. “Oh, my God! Yes, Andrew. I remember you telling me about him, that Australian rugby player?” She shivers and blows a mock breath. “He was hot! How did that go?” she asks, tossing back another shot of Jack.

              “Not well. Rhys was mad with jealousy and we went through this whole power struggle thing.” I toss back my shot and continue on, my tongue thoroughly loose and my mind now reeling with so many details. “I got pissed at the way he acted, like I was his property or something.” Olivia’s eyebrows go up, but not in surprise. “He wanted to be the only guy, he said. Isn’t that bullshit? Here he is with this supermodel ex, not to mention the fact that he apparently slept with half the women at your wedding! And now, he is throwing a fit about me seeing some guy I hooked up with years ago, before I even knew him?” Another round of shots land in front of us, I slam mine back and continue. “And Nadja! Don’t get me started on that bitch!”

              The music is getting louder as the crowd grows and we are pressed to the bar by the throngs of people. Jack flows through me like life blood and I cannot stop talking, it is cathartic to lay all this shit out. Olivia is clearly in a listening mood, hanging on my every word, words that become looser and juicier with every shot. “She showed up at his house on his birthday, correction, at three am the morning
after
his birthday. When he told her he was not alone, girl, I thought her head was going to explode. But when she saw me, there was a fire in her eyes like I have never seen.”

              “She is crazy!” Olivia yells over the crowd.

              “This morning she accosted me on the front steps of Rhys’ office building.”

              “Oh, my God! What did she say? What happened?”

              “She basically threatened me. Said I wasn’t good enough, and that Rhys will never outgrow her. She told me not to underestimate her.” We toss back another shot.

              “What did you do?” Olivia yells, leaning in closer. “What did Rhys say?”

I lean back and look into her face. A weird light flashes across her eyes like she knows, and suddenly I feel sick. If she knows, then Matthew knows. Again, I am the only one in the dark.
              “Why didn’t you tell me Kylie was Rhys’stepsister?” I ask, distracted by my own clashing inner monologues. Her eyes grow wide and she shakes her head in confusion. Wait, she said,
in my experience.
A pang of anger twists in my belly, radiating into the rest of my body. I tilt my head at her in question.

              “You said ‘in your experience’ what did that mean? What do
you
know, Olivia?” I ask as the music softens. She reaches across the bar and grabs the last shot. “Was Matthew with Nadja, too?”

             
“What? No!” she declares. “That bitch is a special kind of crazy that only Rhys could appreciate. Fuck it!” she says, pouring the last shot into her mouth. “Rhys and Matthew used to go to these…clubs. Bondage clubs, sex clubs, they pretty much made the circuit.” I shake my head in disbelief, this is
not
what we were talking about. But, I listen in fascination as the whiskey has caused an avalanche of information to come dislodged and I want to catch it all. “Apparently they had quite the reputation, girls would throw themselves at them, let them do whatever they liked. I know the two of them have shared girls.
That
was a hard one to swallow. Then they started hosting
Private Parties,
” she mutters, mostly to herself. “What happened exactly?”

             
“She sent Rhys these emails, videos. I mean, I think they were all videos. We only opened one.” She waits sternly, motioning to the bartender one more time. I lower my voice and lean closer to her. “It was Melissa, he and Nadja were fucking Melissa. She was gagged, and….” My stomach lurches into my throat and I stop talking, close my mouth and wish it all weren’t true. Sitting back on my stool, I fill my lungs with a deep breath of the stagnant bar air. “He didn’t say a word about a club or parties. He just told me about his relationship with Nadja. He said they pushed each other. That they weren’t good for each other.”

              “You got that right!” she says, slapping the bar as two more shots of whiskey are poured. “He and Nadja are like poison to each other. But, his sins are his own.” We toast with what I hope is the last round of shots.

              “I don’t know what to do.” My voice is soft after hacking and coughing. The last shot burning on the way down. Sliding through my body like the swell of information, licking my veins, clouding my reason.
              “My first
Private Party
was Matthew’s last, needless to say. Nadja and Rhys continued until she disappeared, which was and always has been her pattern. God only knows what kind of shit those two got up to. Sophie, these people are another breed, seriously. Some of the things I have seen would blow your mind. When we were playing spin the bottle in my basement with stolen wine coolers, they were hosting gold plated orgies on their parent’s yacht in the south of France.

              “And you’re ok with that?”

              “I have to be. I mean, I am now, I wasn’t at first, I was jealous and angry and…disgusted.  It took some getting used to. But that is in the past. Matthew loves me and I love him. So, Rhys made a little video,” she says a little too loudly, and in the blink of an eye she is more than a little drunk. “That is all in Rhys’ past, I am sure of it. Everybody has a past. What matters is how you feel. Matthew and I have our own demons. We have worked them out and I have moved on.” Her eyes are wide when she leans in and kisses me on the cheek.

              “Sophie. You have to decide if you can accept this or not. Rhys has grown, he isn’t the same person that he was with Nadja. We have never seen him this way. Matthew says has never seen Rhys this happy, ever. Not with Nadja. I know he has been trying to turn things around. But you have to decide if you believe it, and if you can live with it, because if you can’t let it go it will haunt you every day.” She slides forward on her stool and stumbles to her feet.  I wrap my arms around her and steady her. “Whoa!” she yells, throwing her arms around my shoulders. “No more Jack for me, girl!”

              “Yeah, me either.” Another drink would surely push me off the deep end. “Come, let’s go back to the table. The boys are watching us.” Rhys quickly pays the check as we approach the table and they shuffle us out to the curb before we can sit.