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It's a shame you and your daughters are so ugly.

Your kids are just as good-looking as mine, she complimented him, and he laughed.

We just happen to be extremely attractive people. Everyone in Los Angeles is. They make the ugly people move to some other state, or town, or ship them over the border at midnight. They just round them up and off they go and no one ever sees them again ' poof ' no more ugly people. He liked to play with her, and tease. It was easy to see why he had so much success with women.

Don't you get tired of it? she asked him honestly as they sat down. She felt as though she could ask him anything. They were friends now. All the women, I mean. I would think it would be exhausting to be with strangers all the time. I can't even imagine having to deal with it, starting all over again constandy, asking all those tedious questions. '

Stop! He put up a hand with a groan. You're destroying my lifestyle. If you make me question it, I may not be able to do it. It's just one way of never getting involved. That's all. It's what I've needed ever since Dori.

I'd rather watch TV, or read a book, Amanda said honestly, and he laughed.

Well, actually ' that could be the essence of the difference between men and women. Up until now, if the choice was book, TV, or women, I would have to pick women. But if you make me think about it with any seriousness, I may have to buy myself a new TV set tomorrow morning.

You're hopeless.

I am. It used to be part of my charm, but I can see that it's rapidly becoming a liability. Maybe we shouldn't discuss this.

They talked about other things then, their families when they were young, their dreams, their ambitions, their careers, and once again their children. And the night flew by again. It was after midnight when he finally left her. And not quite nine o'clock when he called her the next morning to thank her for dinner. She was still sleeping.

Did I wake you? He seemed surprised. She looked like one of those early-rising people, and normally she was, but she had stayed up late the night before, trying to read, and thinking about him.

No, not at all. I was up, she lied, looking at the clock and surprised at what time it was. She had a dentist appointment to have her teeth cleaned, and she was about to miss it.

You're lying, he said with a grin at his end. You were sound asleep and I woke you. The life of the indolent rich. I've been at my desk since eight-thirty. He had had a number of calls to make to Europe, where it was nine hours later. But she had been preying on his mind, and he had decided to call her on the spur of the moment. And now, hearing her, he was unexpectedly nervous. How about dinner tonight? he asked without preamble, and her eyes opened wide, wondering if she had heard him correctly.

Tonight? She had nothing planned, although the following day she had been invited to a Christmas party. I ' aren't you going to get tired of me?

I don't think that's possible, and we have a lot to catch up on, don't we?

Like what? She lay on her back and stretched, remembering exactly what he looked like.

Both our lives. Between us that covers a hundred and ten years, it could take a while, and I figured we really ought to get started, though we made some good inroads last night.

Is this how you do it? she smiled. All that charm? A hundred and ten years ' what a way to think about it. Well, all right, as long as you put it that way, we'd better do it. What did you have in mind?

How about dinner at L'Orangerie? I'll pick you up at seven-thirty.

Sounds wonderful. I'll be ready. But as soon as she hung up, she panicked. She sat up in bed and stared across the bedroom she had shared for twenty-six years with her husband. What in God's name was she doing? Was she playing Girl of the Hour with Jack Watson? How stupid was she? She got out of bed and decided to call him to cancel. But as soon as she called, Glad-die told her he had gone into a meeting, but she could leave him a message. But it seemed so rude to just leave him a message saying she couldn't have dinner with him, so she said that it was nothing important.

He called her back at noon anyway, and when she answered the phone, he sounded worried. Any thing wrong? Are you okay? He actually sounded as though it mattered to him, which was even more unnerving.

I'm fine ' I just thought ' oh, I don't know, Jack, I was just feeling stupid. I don't want to be the Flavor of the Month. I'm a married woman, or at least I was ' or I still am ' in my own mind, and I don't know what the hell I'm doing with you, or what game I'm playing. I can't even bring myself to take off my wedding band, and now I'm having dinner with you every night, and I have no idea where this is going. She looked and felt exhausted when she finished talking, and at his end, he sounded calm, although he didn't feel it.

I don't know where this is going either. And if it'll make you feel any better, I'll buy a wedding band too, and then at least we'll be even. People will think we're both cheating on our spouses. I just know I enjoy your company more than I've enjoyed anyone in years, maybe ever. And I can't tell you more than that. All of a sudden, the life I've led for twenty years looks like a bad joke in the back of Playboy. I'm embarrassed by it, I want to get rid of it, and God help me for saying this, but I want to be the kind of person you'd be proud to be seen with, because I'm so damn proud to be with you, I can't stand it.

But I'm not ready for a relationship, she said mournfully. I don't want to start dating. It's only been a year since I lost Matt, and I don't know what I'm doing with you ' but I love talking to you too ' and I don't want to stop, but maybe we should. Do you think we should cancel dinner tonight? Do you think this is wrong? She sounded so worried that he just wanted to put his arms around her and hug her.

It's going to be all right, he said gently, we're not going to do anything you don't like. We'll just talk about our kids, and relax. It doesn't have to be more than that for now ' or maybe ever. It cost him dearly to say that, but he didn't want to frighten her, or worse yet, to lose her, before he even won her over. Suddenly it all mattered to him greatly. And then he had another thought. Maybe we should go somewhere a little less public for dinner' . L'Orangerie was one of the best restaurants in L.A., and they were bound to be seen there. Wliat about some little bistro, or even a pizza?

That sounds terrific, Jack. And I'm sorry I'm such a lunatic. I just wasn't expecting us to be friends, or not like this anyway ' whatever this is. She laughed nervously and he tried to reassure her.

I'll pick you up. You can wear jeans, if you want.

Great. She took him at his word, and when he arrived, she was wearing faded jeans wallpapered to her spectacular body and a big cozy pink angora sweater. He was dying to tell her how great she looked, but he didn't want to scare her.

They drove to La Cienega, and they stopped at a little restaurant she had never even seen before. They were talking animatedly as they walked in, and suddenly she clutched his arm, and turned away with a look of terror.

What is it? If she had been married, he would have guessed that she had just seen her husband in the corner, with another woman. All he could see was a young couple dining there, but Amanda was already out the door, and her heart was pounding. Who was that?

My daughter Louise and her husband, Jerry.

Oh my God. That's all right. Aren't we allowed to be eating dinner? We both have our clothes on. He tried to make light of it, but she looked as though she wanted to run away, and he didn't want that to happen. They walked back to his car, and talked for a moment once they were safely inside it.

She'd never understand it.

She's a grown woman, for heaven's sake. What do your kids expect? For you to stay home for the rest of your life? I'm Jan's father-in-law, I'm harmless. He tried to look innocent, but this time Amanda laughed at him.

You are anything but harmless, and you know it And my kids think you're a masher.

That's nice. I hope Jan doesn't think that ' well, come to think of it, maybe she does. I guess for quite a while now, I've been one. But there's always the possibility that I might reform. Would that count?

No. And certainly not tonight. Maybe I should go home.

Tell you what, we'll go to Johnny Rocket. She smiled at the suggestion. It was where the kids hung out, drinking milkshakes and eating hamburgers, just like they did in the fifties.

And when they got there, they sat at the counter and ate chili dogs and fries, and drank milkshakes, and Amanda even managed to laugh at herself, before they ordered coffee.

Did I look like a complete fool running out of there? She looked like a kid who had made a huge faux pas, and couldn't believe she'd done it, but Jack loved everything about her.

No. You looked like a married woman out on a date, who had just seen her husband.

That's what I felt like, she confessed with a sigh, and then glanced up at him. Jack, I'm not up to this. Honestly, I'm not. I think you should go back to the chorus line again, you're a lot better off with them, believe me.

I think you should let me decide that. And then out of nowhere, he asked her what she was doing the following week for Christmas.

The kids are coming to my house on Christmas Eve, they do every year. And then this year we're going to Louise's on Christmas Day. Why? What do you do?

Sleep, usually. ' I mean, as in snoring, nothing more exotic than that. Christmas in the retail business is a nightmare. We're open till midnight on Christmas Eve, to accommodate our customers who can't face their shopping until nine o'clock that night, mostly husbands. It's as if they lose their calendars every year and find them at six o'clock on Christmas Eve' . Oh my God, it's Christmas! I usually take the last shift and then I go home and sleep for two days. It works for me, but I was just wondering if you wanted to go skiing with me the day after. You know, separate rooms, just good friends and all that.

I don't think I should. What if someone sees me? It hasn't been a year yet.

When will that be? He honestly couldn't remember.

On the fourth of January, she said solemnly, and I'm actually not much of a skier.

It was just an idea, I thought it might do you good, to get some fresh air, and get away. We could drive up to Lake Tahoe, or stop in San Francisco.

Maybe someday, she said vaguely, and he nodded. He was pushing it, and he knew it. She really wasn't ready.

Don't worry about it. Why don't you drop by the store one of these days. I'll be there all week, and we can eat caviar in my office. She smiled at the suggestion. In spite of his reputation, and the fact that she wasn't ready for this, she really liked him. And he seemed to understand everything that she was feeling. There was a warm, caring side to him, that had taken her by surprise and caught her off guard completely. And he seemed so much younger than Matt, so full of life, so happy to be with her, and much as she didn't want to feel that way about him, she found that she loved being with him.

They talked about it that night, in the car, on the way home, and he confessed that she was not at all what he had expected her to be, once he got to know her. She was funny and warm and kind and compassionate, and so vulnerable. Everything she said or did made him want to protect her.

Can you stand just being friends for a while, she asked him honestly, or maybe even forever? I don't know that I'll ever want to get involved again. I'm just not sure I could ever do that.

No one's asking you to make that decision, he said sanely, and she calmed down and stopped feeling quite as guitly. He came in for a while, and they drank mint tea in her kitchen, and then eventually he lit a fire in the living room, and they talked for a long time about the things that were important to them.

It was two o'clock when he left, and she didn't know where the night had gone. The hours seemed to fly by when they were together. The next morning he was busy at the store, and she spent the day doing all the last-minute details of getting ready for Christmas. She had already bought the tree, and she was decorating it that night when he called her.

What are you doing? he asked, sounding tired. He had been at the store for twelve hours, and he was exhausted.

Decorating the tree, she said, but she sounded sad, and she had put carols on the stereo, which suddenly seemed even sadder. It was her first Christmas without Matt, her first as a widow.

Do you want me to come by? I'm leaving the store in half an hour, and you're on my way home. I'd love to see you.

I don't think we should, she said honestly. She still needed time to mourn, and this was one of those private moments. Instead, they talked for a while, and when they hung up, she felt a little better, and he felt worse, and suddenly desperately lonely. He wondered if she was ever going to let go of Matt, or be ready to let someone in behind her walls. He knew that he had glimpsed into her heart, but she was still afraid to let him approach her, and maybe she always would be.

Jack drove slowly past her house on the way home, and he could see the lights blinking on the tree inside, but he couldn't see her. She was sitting in her bedroom, crying, because she was desperately afraid she was falling in love with Jack and she didn't want to. It wasn't fair to Matt, and more than anything, she didn't want to betray him. After twenty-six years she owed him more than that, more than just falling for the first man who came along, no matter how charming he was. And what would happen if she did turn out to be one of the girls in his chorus line? She would have cheapened herself for nothing. And she knew with absolute certainty that, for Matt's sake, and her own, she couldn't let that happen.

Jack called her when he got home, but she didn't answer the phone. She knew instinctively that it was him, and she didn't want to talk to him. She wanted to end this even before it happened.

She turned out the lights that night, and went to bed, and left the music on, and the strains of Silent Night drifted through the house as she cried, for two men, one she had loved for so long, and the other she would never know. It was hard to tell at that exact moment which pain was greater, and which of them she most longed for.