Spherical Harmonic (29 page)

, like a computer icon except that it formed in my mind. Then it vanished. In its place—

 

 

Nothing.

 

 

Silvery mist filled the universe. My alarm surged, but I pushed it down. This wasn't nonexistence. It was only my interpretation of Kyle space without the structure of the web.

 

 

I could so easily disperse into that nothingness, become no more than an echo in a nether universe…

 

 

Dehya?
Eldrin's thought came like the tendril of a vine reaching through the
gate.

 

 

I'm here.

 

 

What is there?

 

 

Just mist.
I floated, trying to find definition with its swirling veils.
Taquinil? Are you here?

 

 

No response.

 

 

Dryni, can you call him too? It may give him a tether through the gate into real spacetime.

 

 

I will try.
His thoughts flowed past me, swirling. I felt rather than heard him call to our son.

 

 

Still no response.

 

 

I let go and drifted farther. Mist suffused my mind…

 

 

Flowing…

 

 

Rolling…

 

 

Mother?

 

 

Taquinil! Is that you?

 

 

He formed out of the mist, my miracle child. Then he was standing there in his familiar gray pullover and dark trousers. He lifted his hand and the fog re-formed, creating the wooded valley where Eldrin and I lived on the Orbiter. Misty trees swayed in a breeze and blurred mountains rose behind them.

 

 

My greetings, Mother.

 

 

My greetings, Taquinil. Your father is here too.
My joy surged, but I held it in check, lest it swamp Taquinil, making us lose him again.
Dryni? Can you 0reach us?

 

 

I'm here.
Eldrin's thought caught with emotion.
Taquinil, come home.

 

 

My greetings, Hoshpa.
Taquinil answered gently, as if to spare Eldrin and me pain.
I am home. I'm free for the first time.

 

 

How can you be free?
Eldrin asked.
You're a thought.

 

 

True,
Taquinil answered amiably.

 

 

Eldrin tried another tack.
You're alone here.

 

 

All my life I've been crushed by emotions,
Taquinil thought.
I've learned to cope, to avoid people, see my doctors, withdraw when I'm overwhelmed. But I don't want to cope. I want freedom.
He spread his arms.
I have it here! I can let my thoughts encompass an entire universe and never be crushed. I feel like a man dying of thirst who has suddenly found an oasis
.

 

 

His joy filled the universe. The mist drew me. Freedom. No more onslaught of emotions. No more forever guarding my mind. No more politics. No more constraints.
Freedom…

 

 

Dehya?
Eldrin's words reverberated.
Where are you?

 

 

Somehow I managed to pull my mind back.
Here.

 

 

Taquinil's thoughts came softly.
Can you understand?

 

 

I can.
Sorrow diffused my thoughts.
It is incredible.

 

 

Yes.

 

 

Will you never return home?
Eldrin's sadness filled space.

 

 

Perhaps someday. I'm not really gone. I will always be here. I can help you, too.

 

 

How do you mean?
Eldrin asked.

 

 

I can weave threads here.
He waved his hands and the mist braided into cords.
I can't make a psiberweb, but I may be able to help build one.

 

 

Can you reach any nodes on Earth?
I asked.

 

 

Why Earth?

 

 

Eldrin answered.
We want to infiltrate their systems. So we can rescue your grandparents.

 

 

I can help you do that.

 

 

My hope surged.
How?

 

 

I'm mist.
An irreverent gleam came into his gaze.
I can fog up their systems. I have no firm links to any place in your universe, so I can't do anything specific. But I can cause more generalized distortions. If I make enough trouble for the Allied networks, you might be able to sneak past some of their security.

 

 

It's worth a try.

 

 

Let me know… when you're reeeeadyyyyyyyy…

 

 

Taquinil?

 

 

After a painful silence, Eldrin thought,
I think he's gone.
He paused.
I'm getting a signal on my console. The telops want us to pull out.

 

 

I didn't want to go. We had a rare privacy now; none of the others could follow us here. Had the psiberweb still existed, the telops could have used it to reach us, but they couldn't exist in psiberspace without support. Although Eldrin couldn't either, he could link to me through the
gate.

 

 

It also meant he could pull me out. The mist changed bit by bit. Blurred lines became visible and thickened into consoles. Ever so slowly, the Node Room took substance.

 

 

I became aware of aches all over my body. Doctors surrounded my chair, conferring in low tones. A similar group was gathered around Eldrin's console. He looked half man, half machine, with control panels still sheathing his body. As I watched, they lifted his visor and his eyes slowly opened. He peered around with a bleary gaze.

 

 

You look like I feel,
I thought to him.

 

 

I feel like hell,
he grumbled.

 

 

"Pharaoh Dyhianna, can you understand me?" A medic was at my side, an older woman with gray hair.

 

 

I focused on her.
"Why so many people here…"
My voice rustled eerily, like dried leaves.

 

 

"We had to pull you and Prince Eldrin out of— wherever you went."

 

 

I concentrated on her. "Why? We had only just started."

 

 

Another medic spoke, a slender man. "It's been thirty hours, ma'am. You became, well— translucent."

 

 

I shivered, wondering if that would keep happening for the rest of my life, until one day I faded away altogether. "He found what he needed," I murmured. Taquinil could finally be at peace. But even knowing that, I grieved, afraid he would attenuate in that strange place until he became indistinguishable from the mist that gave him freedom.

 

 

In the other console, Eldrin sat while the medics worked on him.
We need to trust that he knows what he is doing.

 

 

I know. But it is so hard.
I tried to smile. A muscle in my cheek twitched and I ended up grimacing.

 

 

Laughter came from his mind.
That was lovely.

 

 

Pah.
I glared at him.

 

 

The slender man was speaking to me. "He? Do you mean you found someone?"

 

 

"Taquinil…" I lifted my arm, bemused by how heavy it felt. Shifting my gaze to the doctor, I spoke in a stronger voice. "I need to talk to Admiral Casestar."

 

 

But as I watched him contact Jon on his wrist comm, disquiet spread over me. I knew we would soon face choices that challenged the power structure of our civilization.

 

 

 

19

 

 

Diffraction

 

 

We strode down a corridor with cobalt blue walls, darker blue hatchways, and white light-bars embedded in the ceiling. Eldrin and I walked together, with Jon to Eldrin's right, Ragnar to my left, and Vazar on Ragnar's other side. A slew of aides went before and behind us, as well as my infernal bodyguards.

 

 

"We can't assume Prince Taquinil will always be able to help," Ragnar continued. "If we wait, we might lose this opportunity."

 

 

I made myself speak. "The longer we take, the more uncertain his help becomes." It hurt to acknowledge a day might come when we could no longer reach him, but denying that possibility wouldn't make it disappear.

 

 

Jon shook his head. "How could a human mind become a waveform? I can't even imagine it."

 

 

"Have you ever seen the diffraction pattern from a circular aperture?" I asked.

 

 

He motioned at the aide on his other side. "Lieutenant."

 

 

She unrolled her palmtop and worked on it until a holo formed, floating above the screen, glowing soft green.

 

 

Jon peered at the image, then gave me an incredulous look. "Your son has become
that
?"

 

 

"Yes." A strange answer, but I had to give it. "His actual form is probably more complicated, but that gives you the basic shape. The peak is the main part of his personality. The ripples are satellite thoughts, the sort that tug the edges of your mind. The farther away from the peak, the less direct the thought." Before now, I had always found that waveform a thing of beauty, its shape evoking a graceful, perfectly symmetrical mountain. Now it only conjured sorrow.

 

 

Jon considered the holo doubtfully. "It's hard to imagine."