Spicing Up Trouble: a romantic comedy (24 page)

"Thank God."

"What?"

"That's fine. Take your time. I feel much better."

I heard the front door click. I got up and put on sweatpants, a baseball T-shirt, and flip-flops. If Eleanor could see me now, she would run shrieking into the lake. I waited five minutes and grabbed my purse.

I hiked downstairs and across the street to the twenty-four hour mini-mart. I asked the clerk where to find a pregnancy test kit. He pointed to the back of the store. Of course, they wouldn't be stocked by the register. The prime spot reserved for candy and sports drinks. Forget the customer, dragging her last ounce of nerve, about to get the decision of a lifetime. Make her crawl past denture creams, shipping supplies, and engulfing perfume. The small section had a couple of choices. I picked two different brands: one for now and the other in the morning. I hurried to pay and was out in fifteen minutes.

I ran across the street and back in the building. Swimming the Atlantic wouldn't be as exhausting or as dangerous.

"Are you all right, Miss Hale?" Travis asked.

"Never better."

Pretend I had been in bed the whole time. If the Travis downstairs squealed, infer he had seen a ghost. I felt like the walking dead so it would be close.

I put my hand to my mouth and ran blindly to the kitchen sink. I leaned over, but just dry heaved as the front door opened.

"Are you okay?" Ben asked as he joined me. "I thought I saw you get into the elevator as I pushed through the door."

"Nope, I've been here the whole time."

He spread out a sub sandwich and chips and got a bottle of beer out of the fridge. I stayed by the sink.

"I'm waiting. From the top," he said.

"I have to do something first."

I picked up my bag and headed for the nearest bathroom. I locked the door, read the instructions, sat down, and tried to miss my fingers. Ben knocked as I stared at the stick.

Plus or minus? Heads or tails? Bottle or breast?

"Just a minute," I said.

Our fate dripped urine on the floor.

"Please open the door," he said.

Time ran out, pencils down, and hand in the test.

I opened the door, crying, smiling, and hiccupping.

"I'm pregnant."

The room went suddenly still.

"What did you say?" he whispered.

"I'm going to have a baby. I went out to buy a pregnancy test. It's positive."

He knelt in front of me and took my hand. Should I knight him with the all-knowing wand? A smile burst across his face.

"That's magnificent," he said, wiping his cheek.

"Are you sure? Because I fully intend to keep whoever."

"Of course, we will keep whoever, Alexia."

"I thought you might be angry."

"I would be angry if the baby wasn't mine."

My jaw dropped at the suggestion.

"When?" he asked.

"I don't know. I'm seven weeks late."

"I should have realized. We've both been so wrapped in the museum. Lovemaking has been very regular. I doubt we've missed a night."

Or morning or afternoon.

"Why didn't you say something sooner?" he asked.

"I didn't even think of it until I got sick."

"Call the doctor in the morning and schedule an appointment."

"I don't have health insurance."

"I can afford a baby and a wife."

Shock and delight battled with my emotions. Tears flowed down my cheeks. I wiped them off on my sleeve.

"Well, I can't have one without the other. We'll go to City Hall tomorrow." He stopped and closed his eyes a second. When he looked into mine again, his were sparkling. "Pretty lousy marriage proposal. How about this? Since we met my life has been charmed. I feel better, I paint better, and I treat other people better. I'm even civil to my father. I have found joy, solace, kinship, understanding, and love in one person. Alexia, I'm whole because of you. I can't imagine my life without you. Everything I have is yours and more. The ultimate gift is what you have given me. Just when I think I have it all, you offer me more," he said as he put his hand on my stomach. "Life, Alexia. A continuation of us. A child who will be wanted, loved, and spoiled rotten."

"To the core, especially by his or her aunts." I put my hand on his. "Do I need to sign any papers?"

"Probably a marriage license," he said as he stood and kissed my neck.

"I mean legal documents for your protection."

"You're going to marry me then ditch me? Break my heart? You wouldn't do it even if you wanted to. You treat other people's feelings better than you treat yourself. The only legal document we need is the license. I'm safe with you. So what's your answer?"

To have and to hold all the baggage we both brought to the marriage. Any doubts or misgivings or panic attacks should be addressed or forever hold the peace. I loved him and carried his child. Life held no guarantees, but this was as close as I had ever been to paradise. I'd be a fool to be logical.

"Yes with all my heart."

He kissed me.

"First, I need to make two phone calls," I said.

"If your sisters are coming over, do I stay or go?"

"Your choice, but make sure the bar is stocked."

He opted to leave me to my sisters.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

"Shut the fuck up," Irene said, pacing the living room.

"How coarse. Here our darling sister brings us the joy we've been dying to hear, and you go ape shit," Eleanor said as she sat next to me on the couch. "Now, for the wedding, an understated ivory gown with a rich brocaded bodice and full train."

"I know you sell this fairy tale wedding shit, but you don't believe it," Irene said.

"I admit my marriage, however brief, wasn't perfect, but it didn't sour me on the pomp," Eleanor said. "Flowers are a must. There's a small florist…"

"Weren't you listening? The son of a bitch knocked her up. I want DNA samples, legal documents detailing all child support and inheritances, and full financial disclosure. I'll skip dental records. The pre-nup has to be as tight as a sacrificial virgin," Irene said, stopping at the bar.

"They weren't pure," Eleanor said as she examined a vase.

"How do you know?" I asked.

"If someone planned to throw you in fiery pit in the morning, wouldn't you get blitzed and laid the night before?" Eleanor asked.

I must admit she had a point.

"I'm not validating hymens. Since Alexia didn't use protection then, she's going to need it now. Do you recommend any attorneys?" Irene asked.

"Hampton is a shark, Klaus is a barracuda…" Eleanor said.

"She's not going deep sea fishing," Irene said.

"And I'm not going to an attorney either," I said.

"What?" they both asked.

"I'm getting married tomorrow by a judge. I'd like you both to be there around one o'clock. If you're busy, I'll understand," I said.

"No dress, flowers, invitations, or cake?" Eleanor asked, trying to hide the pout.

Unsuccessfully, as always.

"I'll be there in black," Irene said.

"You'll match Ben," I said.

"Fine, beige," Irene said.

"Oh you will not. This is Alexia's very plain and ordinary wedding day, and you will behave," Eleanor added.

"Says who?" Irene challenged.

"Says your older, tougher, meaner sister. If that's not enough, I'll post your pre-puberty pictures on the Internet. Acne, stick legs, flat chest."

"I remember, and keep your voice down. Those pictures were to be burned after Mom died," Irene said.

"I wouldn't dream of it. Besides, I'm saving them for your future spawn. I'll be in red, darling. Someone has to bring the sparkle."

"Or her inner whore," Irene said.

"Your eighth grade graduation picture caught your essence divinely," Eleanor said.

"Enough. I'm going quietly, for now," Irene said.

"I'll be in whatever fits at the moment and will try not to vomit on the groom. I can't promise anymore," I said.

"I'll drink to that," Irene said, downing a shot of tequila.

After they left, I went back to bed. Ben came home and sat beside me, kissing my cheek.

"I thought I would be calling the bank hustling up your ransom. I was sure they would kidnap you."

"Keep a good thought," I said.

"They're coming?"

"We'll find out tomorrow."

"Will they be pleasant?"

"I could ask them to be nice, but it would be like asking a Dali painting to make sense. It can't be done."

"Mark is still recovering from the ride home with Eleanor. She ranted and then kissed him. He's been calling Jenny 'Eleanor' ever since."

"We Hale women have a hypnotic effect."

"I've noticed. I threw all the condoms out. Now we have to decide how often to make love, what position is most comfortable, names, paper or plastic. We'll need a honeymoon. Maybe a small reception when you feel better. What's on your list?"

"Sleep and ginger ale."

In the morning, the room spun, and I felt hot and clammy. I had heard him leave earlier. Good, I'd rather be sick by myself. I sat on the edge of the bed trying not to gag. I heard his voice as the front door opened. He spoke to someone. A male voice answered Ben's question.

Ben poked his head in the bedroom door.

"Good, you're up. I brought my friend, Dr. Thaddeus Meyer. He's going to give you a preliminary exam. I explained about the insurance, and he figures I'm good for it. May I show him in?"

"He makes house calls?"

"When the right people ask. Okay?"

I nodded. A tall, blond, blue-eyed man entered the room. He had a pleasant smile and a courteous manner. He offered me his hand.

"Alexia, I'm Tad. Ben and I have known each other forever. He told me you're expecting and have been sick. That's normal. I would advise you to make a doctor's appointment soon. If you would like to be my patient," he said, handing me a card, "here's the number. Now, how long since your last period?"

He opened his bag and pulled out a stethoscope.

"Seven weeks. I took a pregnancy test yesterday. I planned to do another one this morning."

"You can if you want, but they're about ninety-eight percent accurate. Were you using birth control?"

"Most of the time. My prescription ran out and I don't have insurance."

He listened to my heart, took my pulse, and checked down my throat.

"Condoms are not very effective, and the pill should be taken every day. You've been sick for how long?"

"On and off all week."

"That will slow down. I'm going to give you a prescription for prenatal vitamins and a sample to start. Take them as soon as you can. Drink plenty of water and try to eat dry toast or crackers. Congratulations, I hear you're getting married this afternoon."

"If I can move from this spot," I said as I tried to smile.

"Get plenty of rest, and don't overexert yourself till you feel better. Tell Ben to give his staff more work or hire help for you."

Everybody knew but me.

"I hope you're better soon. Call for an appointment. Remember to say Alexia Cobb. I'll clue my nurse in to make room for you. And Alexia, Ben is a great guy. A pain in the ass, but he's been a true friend. Good luck."

He shook my hand and left.

After a half hour, I teetered out to the living room. Ben spoke on the phone, taking notes.

"Right birth certificates and anything else we need. We'll pick them up before we go to City Hall. Don't forget the Florida arrangements too. Doris, don't breathe a word to my father or Gavin. We'll be back before the news conference. Try to catch a few days of rest. Okay, be good or have fun. Bye."

He clicked his phone off and picked up his notepad.

"You look busy," I said as I sat on the couch.

"I've been making a list of names. Reuben Gator is my top pick for a boy or a girl, but I'm flexible."

I wasn't in baby mode now. Back to feeling stupid and used.

"Was I given work that someone had already done?" I asked.

"No, they appreciated the help." He joined me and tried to cuddle. Not in the mood, I wanted answers.

"Why didn't you tell me? You made it sound like you were desperate."

"I was. They're swamped. One of the women needed to take family leave."

"Why didn't you send me to the office?"

"I thought you'd be more comfortable here, and I didn't want anyone to pump you about us."

"Didn't you think I could handle it? Did you think I would blab about our relationship to just anyone? What happens between us is the most personal business I can think of."

"I told you before I'm good copy. The press likes first-hand accounts. They pay for information."

"Did you think I would sell you out?" I asked, trying not to be hurt.

"Never, but someone who knows someone might repeat your innocent comments and try to blow them out of proportion."

My emotions were in hyper drive. Was pregnancy like turbo PMS for nine months? Everything would rub me wrong including my underwear. I needed to stop picking fights and rein this in, or I would be even crazier.

"Please be honest with me from now on. I can be trusted," I said, lumbering to the bathroom.

I heard the front door open and close as I stepped into the shower. Such a wimp, complaining about help. Women around the world toiled in the fields, months pregnant. Women supported their families working multiple jobs. I was the luckiest person alive and a whiner.

I felt better and stronger. And maybe a little hungry.

The small taste of fame had left a bitter taste in my mouth. Or was it the vitamin I just popped? Who decided to give foot long pills to women who gagged at the thought of swallowing?
No more self-pity. I will learn to deal, be grateful, and travel with a bucket
.

Dressed in a white cotton sundress, I waited for my reluctant bridesmaids. Eleanor would faint at the sight of me, but it was comfortable and airy. As I sat in the living room, I realized the toast and water had stayed down. If I sat perfectly still, maybe my stomach would, too. Ben had left a message telling me Mark would pick me up. Superstitious about seeing the bride before the wedding? He who had seen all of me now feared bad luck.