Spider Stampede (7 page)

“Can't say I ever thought you two would be welcome in my lab. But today has changed my mind and no mistake,” said Petty Potts. She had stopped roaring and her mammoth face was now back to its usual size, Danny realized. He sat up, his legs—just the two of them now—dangling off the edge of the table.

“You—ba—ca—wa—you—ca—wa—ba—you!” he spluttered.

“Yes, I know what you mean,” she said, beaming. Her brown eyes were lively behind their rather smeary glasses. Now Josh sat up, making similar noises.

“I know exactly what you want to say. Why on earth would I change you both into spiders, yes? Well—I didn't—not deliberately. I was having a crack at changing your little pee-soaked dog into a spider, I admit. But then you two blundered in and got the S.W.I.T.C.H. spray on your legs instead. You know, I
did
try to stop you from running off into danger. You're lucky to be alive. If I hadn't found you in time, stamped on that toad, frightened those rats off, and then whipped you away from that blackbird, you'd be floating in some creature's digestive juices by now.”

“Well, thanks!” muttered Josh.

“How
did
you find us?” asked Danny. “We were tiny!”

“Aah!” Petty Potts held up a small device that looked a bit like a mini flashlight. A blue light flashed on the end of it. It gave off a crackly noise.“This is a S.W.I.T.C.H.ee detector. It only works within about ten feet of a S.W.I.T.C.H.ed creature, but it's a help when they wander off. It gets brighter and louder, the closer I get.”

“You do realize we could be dead by now—thanks to you?” said Danny, glaring at her. “Or if your gadget thingy hadn't worked, we'd be spiders for life!”

“No, you wouldn't. The S.W.I.T.C.H. spray doesn't last.” Petty Potts sighed and shook her head. “I haven't quite perfected it. But I also have an antidote for emergencies, which I just used on you. Thought you might like a little snack first, though. So I dropped in a couple of flies, already prepared by another spider behind my fridge. I guess it was Danny who scoffed one, wasn't it?” Danny nodded, looking a little green. “So—tell me! What does it taste like?” She perched on a stool and stared at him. Danny stared back at her, horrified.

“And how was it? To be a spider? It must have been so exciting!” She was nodding and smiling at both of them now. There was a notebook and a pen in her hand. “SPIDER-SWITCH is my latest spray. I wasn't sure it would work, as it's an arachnid serum, not an insect one. And of course, I've never tried any of my S.W.I.T.C.H. sprays on mammals until today. So—what does it feel like?”

Danny snapped. He jumped off the table. “What do you think it feels like, you crazy witch?” he squawked. “Terrifying, that's what! We've been nearly flattened, drowned, eaten, and pecked to death!”

Petty Potts sighed again and nodded some more. “I can see it's been a bit upsetting for you. Why don't you come to tea tomorrow and tell me all about it then?”

“You must be joking!” said Danny. “We will NEVER, EVER set foot on this side of the fence again. EVER. And don't you ever come over our to side! If you want to find out what it feels like to be changed into a spider, S.W.I.T.C.H. yourself!”

They jumped off the table. They ran back home barefoot, scraping through the gap in the fence at high speed and never looking back.

Back in her lab, Petty Potts smiled to herself. She picked up a little red velvet box from a high shelf. She lifted the lid, revealing six shiny glass cubes. Each had a tiny hologram of an insect or bug inside it and a series of strange symbols running along beneath it. Danny would have recognized them. Last week he had been to an ancient Egypt exhibition with school. He would have said they were “hieroglyphics”—the mini pictures that made up the ancient Egyptian alphabet. To Petty, though, these were “code.” The most amazing code to the most astonishing formula in the world, if you know how to crack it. And Petty knew.

Petty ran her fingers lovingly across the cubes before closing the box. She returned it to the shelf. Then she picked up the green velvet box beside it. She opened this one with a sigh. Inside was a single glass cube with a tiny lizard hologram inside it and more of the hieroglyphics. There were five other square dents. Empty.

Petty's smile vanished. She thwacked her forehead with her palm. “Oh, you stupid, stupid old woman! Had to get your memory burnt out, didn't you?! What if you NEVER find them again, eh? Then you'll never get the
next
code. And you'll never get any further than bugs!”

“Danny! I can't believe you're not eating your cake!” said Mom. She stared at Danny's uneaten dessert in astonishment.

Danny gave her a wobbly smile. “Um—it's just that I'm still full since…since…lunch.” When he remembered what he'd last eaten, his smile went even more wobbly.

“He ate the insides of a bluebottle earlier,” said Josh, through a mouthful of his chocolate cake. Danny flinched. “It wasn't quite dead, either.”

“Ooh—you two are so revolting and creepy,” shuddered Jenny. Her hair was still wrapped up in a towel. She'd only got out of the bath five minutes ago. She could set a world record for staying in a bath, reading magazines. “Stop talking about disgusting things, or I'll kill you both!”

“Not again,” moaned Danny. “You've already tried twice today.”

He got up and went into the yard with his cake. He went to the shed, knelt down, and then put the plate down next to it. Josh followed him. “What are you doing?” he asked.

“Seeing if Scratch and Sniff are in,” said Danny. “They told us they live under our shed, remember?”

“Oh yeah,” said Josh. He sat down next to Danny. “We never did thank them for saving our lives.”

Behind him there were squeaks and then the familiar snouts of Scratch and Sniff emerged. They twitched at the lovely scent in the air.

“This is to say thanks,” said Danny. He tipped the cake off the plate. “You probably can't really work out what I'm saying. But thanks anyway. For looking after me and Josh.” Sniff clasped her little paws together. She rolled her eyes with delight. “No frosting on it,” said Danny.

“See you around,” said Josh. Their friends bit into the cake and dragged the whole thing back under the shed with little grunts of effort and delight.

“Maybe we won't,” said Danny. “I think we should probably just forget the whole thing! Nothing like that will ever happen again. We've boarded up the fence so Piddle can't get through. And we will never go next door—ever again.”

“So right,” said Josh. “I love wildlife. But I don't want to
be
it.”

Danny and Josh ran inside. Jenny was holding her hair dryer. The cord was stretched around to the outlet just outside the downstairs bathroom where she liked to do her hair and makeup. She stalked out and ripped the plug out of the socket, huffing and glaring at Mom through a curtain of wet hair.

“How many times do I have to tell you, Jenny?” snapped Mom. “STOP drying your hair over the sink.”

“NO!” shouted Danny. “Let her! Let her dry her hair over the sink! It saves lives!”

Jenny and Mom stared at him—and at Josh who was nodding vigorously in agreement.

“I tell you, Mom,” said Jenny. She pointed at them with the hair dryer. “They're another species, these two. Another species!”