Spilled Milk: Based on a true story (11 page)

“David, do you
want a cup of tea? Or coffee?” Gina’s voice told me she wasn’t used to cursing
like my dad had just done. She looked for a way to stall from me getting in the
car with him while he was angry.

“No.” He rubbed
his five o’clock shadow and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Brooke!”
he yelled down the hall, “Hurry it up.”

I shimmied off
the pajama bottoms and wrote a note on Paul’s dresser saying sorry and asking
him to bring my book bag into school the next day since it was still in his
moms van.

Gina and Lou were
expressionless as I shuffled past them. I looked at Paul in fleeting glimpses
as I reached the bottom of the foyer and watched Dad walk out the front door.

 I looked back
once, started to apologize, and then stopped. Their eyes told me I didn’t have
to. So I squeezed Paul’s hand and readied myself for the long night ahead as I
walked out the front door.

“Everything you
hear about cheerleaders is true.” I slammed my tray down next to Cristin and
looked around the cafeteria to make sure no one else heard me. “They’re so
mean. I mean, it’s not like I tried out thinking I was going to take over some
girls spot to be a flyer. It’s not my fault I weigh twenty pounds less than the
other girl.” I munched the skin of an apple then slid my tray out in front of
me. “I can’t even eat I’m so annoyed!”

 “Woah, don’t
take it out on the apple.” Cristin snatched it from my hand and replaced it
with a piece of her chocolate chip cookie. “This’ll help you gain a little
weight then you won’t have to worry about those girls lifting you up into the
air anymore.”

I wrinkled my
nose at her.

“Okay, I know,
they’re horrible,” she assured me, “How many games are left before the season’s
over?”

“Two.”

“Ah ha, see?
You’ll be fine. Just punch them in the face next time they drop you, I don’t
like that.”

“
You
don’t? I’m the one they keep dropping.” At our last practice Coach insisted I
try a stunt called a Liberty. Instead of having both feet securely placed in my
bases hands, I had to raise one leg and support everything on just the one
foot. The flyer position I took over left the ex-flyer as one of my bases.

Obviously still
upset over Coach’s choice, she fumbled me as I nailed a Liberty my first try
and if it weren’t for Coach standing right there I would have added a dramatic
face plant as my finishing stunt.

“I’ll punch
them in the face.” Paul took a seat next to me and Judd slipped in next to him.

“I’ll pamper
their wounds when you’re finished,” Judd said. He winked at me. “You know, take
care of them.”

Judd and I
hadn’t talked much since Paul and I officially became a couple. Cristin said he
was bitter he missed his chance. I never even knew he wanted one.

 “Brooke
they’re just jealous you look bangin’ in your little cheering outfit,” Sonia said,
pointing to the emblem spread across my chest. “Why you gotta wear that thing
all the time anyway?”

“For team
spirit,” I said, tilting my head to the side and forcing a wide toothy grin.

“Who said
Brooke’s bangin’? I’ll punch them too.” Paul ripped into this chicken patty and
darted glances at me.

Sonia rolled
her eyes. “No one, Romeo. Take it easy.”

The bell rang
and the cafeteria turned into a swarm of chatter as everyone moved towards the
double doors. Walking next to Paul I grazed his hand with mine. “Coming to my
locker?”

“Nah.” He
searched through the sea of people. “Gotta meet Chalky by his. See ya.”

I tried not to
let his mood bother me but my heart sank a little as he pushed through the
double doors and went in the opposite direction of my next class. We had been
dating several months already and he constantly brought up the fact that every
one of his buddies was having sex but us. When I told him I wanted to wait, his
solution was to tell his buddies we were having sex anyway. “Just to get them
off my back,” he said. “I don’t get why we have to wait though, but whatever.”

“I’ll walk you,
loner.” Judd appeared and grabbed my book bag. “What do you have in there,
bricks?” He pretended the bag was too heavy and fell to the floor. “It’s… too
heavy. I can’t go on. Just…go Brooke. Remember me.”

“I’ll remember
you.” A cafeteria aide nudged Judd with her foot. “Up, Judd. Or you can stay
behind with me to visit the principal.”

Judd bounced up
off the floor. “Ah look at that, I suddenly have super human strength. Thanks
Bertha!” He winked at the cafeteria aide and lead me to my next class.

I walked with
Paul to his house after school in silence. When we got there, he went straight to
his room and shut the door behind him. I stood in the hallway, waiting for him
to remember that I was out there.

Annoyed, I
knocked on the door. “Paul? What’s wrong?”

Silence.

“Can I come
in?”

His bed creaked
and I heard the TV come on. I opened the door and his back was to me. His hood
was up over his head and he wrapped the blankets around his body. If he were
any more closed off I would have needed a can opener.

“What’s up?” I
sat down next to him as he looked past me and flipped through channels. His
face was serious, and he pulled his hood down lower in response.

“You’ve been
acting weird all day. What’s wrong?”

He looked at me
and spoke in a sarcastic tone. “You’re in my way. Cartoons are on.”

“I don’t
understand.”

“Nothing to
understand.”

“Do you want me
to leave?”

“If you want to
leave, then leave.”

“Is this about
the sex?”

“What sex? I’m
certainly not having any.”

“Paul that’s
not fair.”

“No, it’s not.”

I turned away
from him. I didn’t understand why it was so important to him that he could tell
people we were having sex. The topics of choice in the guy’s locker room was
either sex or drugs, so I assumed his stories were getting harder to make up
since he didn’t have any real experiences to share with everyone.

 “Well I gotta
get to work,” I said.

“See ya.”

Secretly I
hoped he would move, or tell me to come back. His gaze stayed on the TV and he
continued to flick through channels as I closed the door behind me.

“What’s wrong
Brooke?” My boss circled my desk and gave me a face. “You’ve been here two
hours and haven’t made one appointment? You usually have five by now. You feeling
okay?”

I jumped at the
opportunity to possibly go home early. “Oh, no. Not really. I’m feeling kinda
sick.” I rubbed my stomach for visual confirmation.

“All right.
Give it another half hour, if you don’t make anything, call it a day.”

Making sure I was
in safe distance of the office I sprinted towards Paul’s house. He refused to
answer any texts I sent him during work and I wanted to talk. Gina answered the
door, looking confused. “Hey honey. You know Paul’s not here right?”

My heart sank.
“Oh yea. I know,” I lied. “I got out of work early and thought if I stopped by
and called him he would want to hang out.”

Gina nodded and
opened the door. “All right, but he only left to go to Mack’s house about an
hour ago. Give him a call.”

I held my
breath as I dialed Paul’s number. After the fourth ring he picked up. I was met
with an irritated tone. “What?”

“Hey, it’s me.”

Silence.

“I got out of
work early, so I stopped by to see if you wanted to hang out.”

“You’re at my
house
?”

“Well, yea I
figured-”

“Why would you
go there? Didn’t you get the hint when I didn’t answer your texts?”

His honesty
hurt. “You were purposely ignoring me?”

“Look, I don’t
have time for this. Bye.”

I held the
phone against my face for another minute until I heard a fast beeping noise. I
didn’t want to believe that he had just hung up on me. I re-dialed his number
and it went to voicemail after a few rings. When I tried again, it went
straight to voicemail. He had turned off his phone.

I sat on his
bed trying to decide what to do when Gina came to the door. “He’s not coming
back?”

I didn’t want
to hear the disappointment in my own voice so I just nodded. Gina saw right
through it.

“Okay well
we’re going to eat, come eat.”

Lou was already
helping himself to seconds of salad when I sat down. As I tried to figure out
what to do with Paul, Gina’s voice interrupted my thoughts. “So, how’s things
at home?”

The question
caught me off guard.

“Oh. Good?”

“Oh.” Gina
nodded. “Everything, you know, going okay?”

I moved my fork
around. “Yep. Everything’s good.” My face never cooperated with my lies and I
hated the heat that started to flow over my cheeks.

“Good. That’s
good.” Gina gulped her wine. “You and your dad get along?”

My mouth opened
but Lou interrupted. “All right well, looks like we’re done here. Joseph you
want to help clean up?” He pushed himself away from the table and Gina nodded
following suit.

The front door
opened and Paul bounded up the stairs. He didn’t notice I was sitting there at
first but when he did threw his hands up. “You! What are you still doing here?”

“Paul!” Gina glared
at him.

“What? I didn’t
invite her. She just shows up and thinks she can have dinner with my family and
not tell me? This isn’t her family.”

He looked at
me. “This isn’t your family. Go be with your own. No one wants you here.” He
stormed off towards his room and slammed the door, vibrating the house.

Lou slid his
chair back and flicked his napkin onto his plate. “I’ll talk to him.”

Gina picked up
plates from the table. “I’m sorry honey. I don’t know what his problem is. Lou
will talk to him.”

Some yelling
floated down the hallway and then it got quiet. After a few minutes, Lou
appeared and ran his fingers through his hair. “All right hun, uh, why don’t
you go ahead and bring Brooke home.”

He shook his
head at me. “Sorry, he just doesn’t want to talk right now.”

Gina backed the
minivan out of the driveway and headed towards my house. The tension between
Paul and I was crushing me. I had no idea what I did to make him so angry.

“Don’t worry
about him,” Gina said. I always felt like she could read my mind. “I’ll talk to
him when I get home. He has no business talking to you like that.”

I nodded and
said nothing. We passed the main part of town and I focused on anything that
was outside the window.

“So how are
things at home, really?”

It was the
second time she’d ask me that question and still I didn’t know how to answer
her. I wanted to trust her. Over the past few months we grew pretty close. Paul
said it was because she always wanted a daughter. I thought it was because she
picked up on something that she couldn’t quite put her finger on and wanted to
know more about me. Either way, I enjoyed the long talks we got to have
whenever she would drive me home which was starting to become an every night
thing.

“Sometimes, I
feel like I don’t belong in my family.”

Gina nodded but
said nothing. She was an excellent listener.

“I don’t know.”
I shrugged. “You know my mom is pregnant, and I have a lot of things going on.
Sometimes it’s just a lot.”

“You’re a
strong person.” Gina turned into my development. “You take on a lot of
responsibility for your age from what you and Paulie tell me. Strong people
sometimes have to make hard decisions because they can’t rely on anyone else.
But God only gives you what you can handle, nothing more, nothing less.”

“Yea.” I sighed
as we came to a stop in my driveway.

“I’ll always
listen. You know that?”

I nodded and
she brushed my cheek. “See you tomorrow sweetheart.”

Adam got his
license and started driving us to school in the mornings. I felt distant from
him ever since we moved to Pennsylvania. He had a group of friends that dressed
in skull clothing and painted their nails black. They listened to screaming
rock music. We started to have less and less in common, so since he got his
license I figured a way for us to spend time together would be for him to drive
me around.

I thought about
what Gina said as Adam drove me over to Paul’s house that weekend. I thought
that maybe if I wasn’t strong enough to face what was going on at our house,
maybe I would feel better knowing I had an ally. Who better to support me than
my own brother?

“I don’t
understand why dad has to scream so much. Most of the time I just block him out.”
Adam fiddled with the radio and paid little attention to the conversation I was
trying to start. “Is it me or is he really loud?”

“Yea, he’s
loud.”

“I hate when he
screams. Don’t you?”

“I guess so.”

“You guess?”I
sighed and tried to go in another direction. “I hate when he hits you guys.”

“Yea I bet. He
never hits you.” His tone was flat.

“Yea…he treats
us different.”

“Just you,
Brooke.”

I was sure
there was animosity in his tone that time.

“What’s that
mean?”

“It means
you’re the favorite. You always get what you want, when you want it.”

“I do not.”

Adam whistled.
“Someone’s in denial. Tell me, when’s the last time you said ‘Daddy, I really
want the kind of sneakers Cristin has’ or ‘Daddy, I want to go on the field
trip that costs fifty dollars’ and he told you no?” Adam shook his head. “We
all know you’re the favorite. I’m surprised you don’t.”

He was right.
Anytime I wanted anything I always got it. I never really realized how often he
told Adam, Thomas and Kat no, but now that he pointed it out, it was a lot.