Spin Control (17 page)

So not only did I have the somewhat embarrassing
memory of last night, but now I had this note from
Gwen to contend with. I rolled my eyes as I grabbed it,
crumpled it up, and threw it in the recycling bin. I
pushed off from my desk and walked to her office.

"Shut the door."

My heart leapt as I processed the reality of the situation. I had heard the tone and witnessed the start of this
routine before, and it usually ended in an employee
leaving in tears and packing up her desk.

"What the hell is this?" Gwen shoved toward me a
magazine page, the page that happened to feature the
one public photo taken of Devin and me.

This was it. The moment I feared from day one of
this project. I should have been honest. I should have been up-front. Instead I participated in this charade of
pretending I'd never heard of Devin Underhill before
and would likely lose my job because of it.

Instead of taking accountability or apologizing for
my actions, all I could muster was, "Where did you
get that?"

"It doesn't matter."

My eyes clouded. "Did someone hand it to you?"

"If you must know, it was mailed to me. Anonymously." Her eyes bore into me.

Why did I feel like I was part of some covert CIA
operation, or a conspiracy and someone was out to get
me? "Was there a note attached?"

"No need. The picture explains itself."

"You realize it's from over two years ago, right?"

"You realize you lied to me, right?"

I shifted my eyes toward the ceiling, hoping the tears
would retreat. I took a deep breath and returned to
steady eye contact with Gwen. "I am really sorry. I
guess I got caught up in the idea of a promotion to partner. I'm not making excuses . . " my words trailed off.

"You know how I feel about liars, Brown"

I bit my lower lip and nodded slightly.

"You're not gonna cry on me now, are you?"

Two tears worked their way down my cheeks. "I'm
sorry I disappointed you"

"I'm sorry you did, too, but I know that you're more
disappointed in yourself than anyone" It was the softest I had ever seen or heard Gwen. But it was a brief
lapse. "Now if you mess this up, there'll be hell to pay"

"Of course, of course. You have my word."

"You're dismissed."

I smoothed my black trousers and rose from the
chair, showing myself the door.

I immediately locked myself in my office. I was fortunate to even have an office, though Gwen was thisclose from taking it away from me. I had dug a grave
for myself, and I understood how quickly-and
unexpectedly-the career rug could be yanked from
underneath you.

There was a brisk knock at my door. It was probably
Gwen, here to inform me that she forgot to fire me before I left her office.

"Go away!" I wanted to yell like an angry teenager.
But I took a deep breath, blotted my eyes with a tissue,
and opened the door. There stood Michael, looking
down at a folder in his hands. "Kate, I'm wondering if
you could take a look at these press releases for me"

"Sure," I said softly, grabbing the folder and trying to
quickly turn so he didn't have to see my puffy eyes. But
I wasn't fast enough.

"What's wrong?"

"Just got some bad news, that's all" Don't cry. Don't
cry. Don't cry. Thankfully, my weepy ways kept their
distance-at least for now.

"Anything I can help with?" Michael's forehead
creased; he looked genuinely concerned. "You wanna
go out for coffee? Besides, I feel like I should explain
my motives for last night. I stopped by your office
about ten times today, but you were never there"

"You know me, always busy," I managed weakly,
avoiding any significant eye contact.

"I just need to return a quick phone call, and we can
run over to Billy's a few blocks from here" He slowly
backed out of the office, never taking his eyes off of me.

Regardless of the companion, I was glad to be out of
the office. It was one of those magical spring days, the
kind that have been romanticized in movies and novels
for generations. Wispy clouds scattered themselves
overhead in the bright blue sky. The early evening sun
was just warm enough to hint at what lay ahead for the
rest of the summer.

Michael and I walked to the coffee shop in silence.
I was not in the mood for idle talk, and either he
sensed that or he, too, had nothing to say. In fact, I
preferred the sound of the New York work force all
leaving at the same time, as if a school bell had
sounded, to soak up the warm sun and start their
weekends. It kept my mind, albeit briefly, off my conversation with Gwen today, and my talk with Michael
last night.

Michael held open the door for me at Billy's Hut, a
coffee shop off the beaten path that probably wouldn't
be so cozy once one of the city magazines deemed it
"Most Charming Place for a Cup of Coffee" and every
other person made it the new place to be seen. I was just
glad to know about it before everyone else did, for
once. This place comforted me. Billy was a real guy
whose family photos hung on the wall. And they
weren't the vintage 1890s photos that had become so
chic to display. They were taken in the 1970s and '80s,
with kids in plaid pants mugging for the camera, or posing on their banana-seat bikes with the ribbon tassels coming out of the handlebars.

Kids who were now my age. Wearing clothes I
would have worn. With parents wearing clothes my
parents would have worn.

It made me want to cry again.

Michael must have seen my reaction. "Hey, are you
going to be all right?"

"Just one of those weeks."

His brow wrinkled. "Let's talk about it."

"Not till I get some caffeine," I said with a half-smile.

"No arguments here. What sounds good to you?"

"Double espresso"

He returned in five minutes with our drinks. We awkwardly sat in silence, me tracing the rim of my coffee
mug, him blowing into his latte.

"So, uh," Michael started, "we should talk about last
night. I really want you to know that-"

"I'm afraid I might lose my job," I blurted, feeling
oddly more comfortable talking about that than last night.

"What?" Michael was incredulous. "Why would you
say that? You are Gwen's right-hand woman."

"Yeah, apparently I crossed my mentor today."

Michael raised a confused eyebrow.

"She found out about Devin. That we had a past."

"How?"

"You know that picture you saw of him and me, the
one in my apartment? It was mailed to her anonymously." I searched Michael's face for a reaction, and
he appeared upset.

"Creep," he mumbled under his breath.

"Who?"

"Come on, this has Devin written all over it."

"Why would he do something like that? It's just a
waste of his time."

"All right, if you think it wasn't him, then who could
have done it?"

"Miranda?" I knew how stupid it sounded before it
even left my mouth, yet I said it anyway. And I hit a
nerve, evidenced by the pained expression on
Michael's face. "I'm sorry, I don't know why I said
that," I recanted. "I'm just upset. Heck, looking at the
pictures on the wall in here almost made me sob."

Michael shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

"Don't worry, I won't cry," I assuaged him. "I was
just a little jolted after talking with Gwen, that's all. I
don't even know where to go from here"

"How did you leave things with her?"

"She basically told me not to screw this up or else."

"Hmm" Michael sipped his coffee thoughtfully. "I
only suggest this if you're comfortable with it, but what
if I talked to Gwen about it? You know, vouch for you,
let her know that you've been nothing but professional
on this project?"

"I don't know ... do you think it would seem premeditated?"

"Not at all. I've learned with Gwen that you just have
to deal with facts. I could simply tell her that nothing's
happened between you and Devin, so why should she
worry about it now?"

"Yeah, that still doesn't help with the fact that I withheld this information from her in the first place." I
slouched in my chair.

"As hard-nosed as she comes across, I think Gwen
knows deep down that you wouldn't cross her and understands that we all make mistakes." He looked at me
through lowered eyebrows. "Speaking of which, I'd like
to talk about last night."

I nodded slowly, not quite sure if I was ready for this.
"Go on"

"What I said did not come out how I wanted it to, and
when I tried to talk to you about it, it just got worse"

"Well, let's just put it out there. Why can't you work
at Burton Relations anymore?" I held my breath, anticipating his answer.

"It's because of you"

My mind flooded with anger, hurt, fear, sadness,
confusion, and a dozen other emotions I couldn't identify, or put into words.

Michael's face reddened, which I had never seen
happen before. "No, no, no. That sounded bad. I didn't
mean it, what I meant was-"

"I think I know what you meant." At this point I had
stood up and was looking down at him. I hastily grabbed
my purse but was eerily calm when I spoke. "I'm sorry
if I've given you any reason for us to not work together.
I've seen how smart you've been with this whole Devin
thing, and I'm sad to be losing such a good coworker. I
just wish that sometimes you'd think before you speak"

He grabbed my arm as I breezed past him. I ignored
the rush I felt through my body. "You're right, I don't think before I speak, Kate, and unfortunately, it always
seems to happen around you."

I pulled my arm away. "Well, I must be doing something to trigger this."

"You are. No, it's not what I meant! See, it's like I
can't control it!" This was the most animated I had ever
seen him.

"I don't believe this," I shook my head. "I feel more
horrible than I did when Gwen nearly fired me this afternoon."

"That wasn't my intention. Please. You've gotta let
me explain."

"Doesn't matter what the intention was" With that, I
marched purposefully toward the door, ensuring that
Billy's would never be voted "Most Charming Place to
Grab a Cup of Coffee" in my book.

About three blocks away from the coffee shop, my
pace had slowed to normal. I didn't mind the idea of
walking another ten blocks or so before getting a cab; it
was the perfect antidote to the afternoon.

Had I been irrational in the coffee shop with Michael?
I wish I could have blamed my behavior on PMS or a full
moon, but neither of those was happening. Why did I let
this man get under my skin? Should I have let Michael
explain himself? But what was there to explain, really?

I replayed the scene at the coffee shop over and over
in the cab I eventually caught, and I was so involved in
it that I almost missed the limousine sedan parked outside my building.

The back door slowly opened, and there stood Devin.
He wore a baby-blue polo shirt and khakis, like he was
ready to hit the golf course, or pose for a cologne ad.
He was the last person I wanted to see right now.

"Late night at the office?" he asked as I approached
him.

"Nah, just got caught up with something."

"I was wondering if you'd be so kind as to join me
for a drive." He smelled of whiskey.

I looked toward my apartment, then back at the limo.
"You know, I really shouldn't," I said as I recalled my
very recent conversation with Gwen. "It just wouldn't
be good for business. Know what I mean?"

He shrugged. "It's not like I'm going to have my way
with you ... unless you want that, of course." He raised
an eyebrow.

"Devin, please" I was in no mood for innuendo.

"What's going on?"

"It's really not worth mentioning."

"You look like you need to relax. Come on, let's go
for a ride."

I stepped back. "Why are you even here?"

"I just wanted someone to talk to" He grinned slyly.
"Okay, that's a lie. I wanted to talk to you."

I folded my arms. "I'm sure whatever you have to
say to me can be said right here on this sidewalk."

Devin laughed and shook his head. "You're something else, Kate"

Here we go. "All right, what is it, Devin?" I reluctantly asked.

"I know I haven't been the easiest person to work
with. I just thought that you deserved to hear how much
I appreciate you"

"Did you have a life-changing experience?" I asked
skeptically. His response was a coy shrug.

"So you stopped at my house and waited for me so
you could tell me this?"

"Why not?"

I withdrew a deep breath, shaking my head. Devin
grabbed my hand, but I immediately tugged it away.
"Look, Dev, it's been a draining few months-no
thanks to you, by the way-and I don't know what kind
of mind game you're trying to play here. But if you just
start behaving a little more I can be off this project, and
we'll be out of each other's lives forever."