Spoils of War (42 page)

‘So, you won’t marry her but you will climb into her bed and lie naked with her?’

‘Put like that, it sounds disgusting.’

‘It is disgusting, Tony.’

‘But no matter what you say or what you think of me or even what I think of myself, the fact remains. The child is mine, my responsibility and I have to accept that it is down to me to pay for its keep.’

‘And Judy Crofter?’

‘I never want to see her again.’

‘But she works for you.’

‘Not for long.’

‘You will have to see the child.’

‘No I won’t.’

‘But it is yours. Children ask questions, they want to know who their parents are, and in this case why they aren’t married to one another.’

‘I told you, I’ll accept responsibility and that’s the end of it.’

‘That cannot be the end of it when you are a father, Tony. It is not enough to pay ten shillings a week and say,
“I am sorry, child, I made a mistake, but it is all right I will give you some money before I walk away.”’
As she looked at him a cold claw of fear closed around her throat. ‘You have something more to tell me.’

‘This is not the first time this has happened. Just before the war, when I received my call-up papers I asked Diana – the girl who is married to my brother Ronnie now – to marry me. She didn’t even know Ronnie then; he was living in Italy. Diana agreed and – I – she – because I was going away, she went to bed with me on condition we married on my first leave. We slept together – just one night – and she got pregnant with my baby. She never told me. When I next came home she was married to someone else but her baby was mine.’

‘She married your brother?’

‘Not then, years later after his wife died and her husband was killed in an accident.’

‘I don’t understand, Tony. If she agreed to marry you, why didn’t she tell you about the baby?’

‘Because we quarrelled. You see, that night I found out that she wasn’t a virgin and I thought it important that a woman should be untouched on her wedding night.’

‘But you had made love, so she would not have been “untouched”.’

‘But I would have been the first.’

‘Do you still think it is important for a woman to be a virgin on her wedding night?’

‘I have two children, one of which my brother is bringing up and won’t even let me see. Now another by a woman I can’t stand the sight of. I’ve spent the whole of my adult life behaving like a fool. To be honest I don’t even like myself.’

‘In that case, I think it’s time you changed and you can begin by keeping your trousers buttoned up.’

‘Gabrielle!’

‘What is the matter? Virginal brides don’t tell their future husbands to keep their – things in their pants?’

‘What’s the point of telling me anything?’ he muttered mournfully. ‘Now you know all there is to know about me, you won’t want to marry a man who has fathered two bastards, picks up prostitutes and has caused nothing but trouble to you and his family.’

‘I told you I loved you in Germany, Tony, and those are not words I say lightly. Oh, perhaps in the beginning it was the moonlight, your dark, curly hair and handsome eyes. But not later, after we had spent time together, and you told me your plans for the future. How you wanted a family life with a home and a wife who would be your partner in every way, not just a woman to do the cooking, cleaning and laundry. But then, I didn’t know you saw me as your virginal bride.’

Leaning back against the wall she looked down on the sea of bobbing heads below. The workmen’s caps she had already learned to call ‘Dai caps’ from Angelo, the bank clerks’ trilbies, the women’s felt hats with feather and ribbon trims, the crowns and brims punched with holes she could make out even at this distance, evidence of successive years of seasonal trimmings.

‘If you want a virginal bride, Tony, you will have to look elsewhere,’ she said quietly. ‘Didn’t you ever wonder why my mother and I couldn’t look one another in the eye? Why we quarrelled all the time? We are Germans. Do you know what the Russian troops did to German women when they caught them?’

‘I don’t want to know.’

‘I listened to you, although I didn’t want to hear what you had to say. Now it is your turn to listen to me,’ she countered angrily. ‘They raped us. When we met other women afterwards the question was not,
“Have you been raped?”
but
“How many times?”
My father tried to stop them, so they killed him. Shot him and left his body at the side of the road. There was nothing my mother or I could do about it. The Russians wouldn’t even give us one minute’s peace to bury him. When we reached the American sector, all the Germans – men and women – knew. They saw the shame on our faces and they knew. My mother refused to speak about it. All she could think of was getting a job with the British or the Americans. She kept saying we needed to be among civilised people but what she meant was she needed to be among people who didn’t know what had happened to us. She wanted me to find an officer who would marry me and take me – and her – away from Germany so she would never have to think about what had happened to us again. But even if she had come here it would have made no difference because what happened is now a part of us. We may hate it, we may want to forget about it, but we’ll never escape it.’ She looked across at Tony, who refused to meet her steady gaze. ‘You told me your secrets, Tony, I have now told you mine. You can decide which is worse. If you ever saw a German looking at me as if I was dirt, you now know it was not because I was with a British soldier but because that German knew I was a woman who had been used by Russian troops. You lied about the hotels and restaurants, you’ve fathered a bastard with a woman whose bed you slept in for one night and another with someone you wouldn’t marry because she wasn’t a virgin. How do you feel about marrying a woman who was used by so many men, she lost count after two hundred? When you know the answer to that, tell me if you want me to stay here or go back to Germany.’

David Ford stood on the stone veranda that overlooked the sunken garden and gazed down at the central, heart-shaped, raised flowerbed. Niches set back from the walkway that surrounded the bed were filled with wooden benches, all empty except one at the far end. Walking quickly, he made his way down to the lower level.

‘I got your message.’ He smiled as he approached Bethan.

‘Thank you for coming.’

‘Didn’t you think I would?’

‘I wasn’t sure. I know how busy you are. Dino told me you spend most days rushing from one end of the county to the other.’

‘If you’ve been talking to Dino, you also know that we’re not much further forward than we were when we started looking for our mislaid property. So, it really won’t make a difference if I take the rest of the most beautiful day that we’ve had this year off and spend it with my favourite woman. Have you seen the bulbs over there? The daffodils …’

‘David, do you remember what you said at Megan’s wedding about Andrew being jealous of you and our friendship?’

‘Yes, but that was at the wedding. Since then I’ve had dinner with you and we’ve met so often in town I assumed he no longer minded me seeing you.’

‘He does.’

‘I take it things are no better between you two?’ He sat beside her, seeking her hand beneath the cover of his greatcoat.

‘If anything, they’re worse because he spends most of his time trying to analyse exactly what our problems are.’

‘I can tell you what your problems are. He was away a long time, and while he was locked up in a prison camp you got used to running the show, and not only at home. Five and a half years down the line you’re different people.’

‘You think we don’t know that.’

‘There’s no shame in doing what I did when my marriage went wrong. I know the moralists and Church people tell couples to work at their relationship until they get it right, but what if a couple have changed too much from the people they were on their wedding day to ever get it right again. Do they have to spend the rest of their lives trying to mend something that’s broken beyond repair?’

‘We have the children to think about.’

‘If your only reason for staying with Andrew is the children, Rachel, Eddie, Polly and Nell won’t thank you for it. All they’ll get out of the arrangement is an upbringing with warring parents.’

‘We try not to quarrel in front of them.’

‘And while you two suppress your anger, they have to cope with restrained politeness and silences.’

‘It’s not as black as you’re painting it.’

‘I had dinner with you two, remember.’

‘Andrew was being particularly difficult that night because he was suspicious of you.’

‘Normally he’s a happy, bubbling fountain of joy?’

She laughed. ‘Not many people are. But what choice do I have, David, except to carry on as I am?’

‘You can come to America with me.’

She held her breath as she looked into his eyes. ‘Just like that? Pack my bags and go to America?’

‘Bethan, we’ve been fooling ourselves with this friendship thing. We’ve told so many people we’re “only friends” I think we even began to believe it ourselves. But we’re not, are we?’

‘We agreed during the war that it wasn’t our time or place.’

‘It wasn’t then, but it could be now. Leave Andrew. Pack your bags, bring the children and come to America with me. It’s a beautiful country; you can have no idea how beautiful, especially when you compare it to bombed-out, reduced-to-rubble Europe. I’ll retire from the army; we’ll buy a house anywhere you like. You want sunshine – we’ll go to Florida or California. You want snow – we’ll go to the Rockies. I’ll use my savings to buy a small business, a farm perhaps. We can get some horses, I’ll teach the girls and Eddie to ride. You can go back to nursing if you want to. If you don’t, you can help me in whatever I do. What do you say?’

‘It sounds wonderful but I can’t go with you.’

‘Why? You love me, I know you do …’

‘Oh, I could so very, very easily do that.’

‘Then do it.’

‘And you’d never wonder if it was you I loved, or the prospect of America and the escape you offered me from a marriage that needed more work than I was prepared to put into it.’

‘I’d be so glad you came, I wouldn’t wonder anything.’

‘Thank you.’ She returned the pressure of his fingers, then released his hand. ‘For being a good friend when I needed one, for saying wonderful things and offering to share your life with me but I asked you to meet me here so I could say goodbye.’

‘You’re leaving Pontypridd?’

‘Only for a week. But I promised Andrew I’d work with him to try to save our marriage and it wouldn’t be fair on him – or you – if I kept “bumping into” you like this.’

‘But our meetings are perfectly innocent.’

‘Innocent – after the conversation we’ve just had?’

‘What I said about America –’

‘I’ll never forget it, David. You’ve just paid me the greatest compliment a man can pay a woman and I’ve behaved like a foolish, romantic girl. I was lonely, I wanted Prince Charming to come along, and I fitted you into the role.’

‘It’s a part I’ve loved playing.’

‘And I’ve put off playing the grown-up for too long.’

‘Is there nothing I can say that will change your mind?’

She shook her head.

‘No regrets?’

She smiled. ‘One great big enormous one and a bucketful of smaller ones. You?’

‘The same.’

‘But at least I can go to Andrew with a clear conscience.’

‘If it doesn’t work out between you two, you’ll write to me?’

‘No, David, because that would be too tempting and too easy, and I owe it to Andrew and the children to put every single thing I’ve got into what’s left of my marriage.’ She left the seat and held out her hand. ‘Goodbye, Colonel Ford. It was wonderful knowing you.’

‘Goodbye, Mrs John, it was wonderful knowing you too. And as your husband has got the girl, I hope he won’t mind me stealing one last kiss.’

She expected him to kiss her on the mouth. He didn’t. He brushed her cheek lightly with his lips. His moustache grazed her skin, she smelled the sharp, clean, astringent scent of his tooth powder, mixed together with the fragrances of his hair oil and cologne, then she put her head down and walked away – quickly – so he wouldn’t see the tears in her eyes.

‘Hello, Maggie. Angelo treating you right?’

‘Hello, beautiful.’ Maggie blew Ronnie a kiss as he walked into the restaurant. ‘Angelo’s OK but the others you can forget.’

‘Where is Angelo?’ he asked, looking around.

‘In the kitchen.’

‘Do me a favour, get him for me. I’m outside in the white van.’

‘For you, Ronnie, anything.’

Closing the door Ronnie walked back to the van William had taken from the garage. A couple of minutes later Angelo walked out of the restaurant in shirtsleeves, a white apron tied over his black trousers.

‘Ronnie, there was no need for you to come down here. I’ve sorted everything. Mr Spickett assured me Tony’s case is closed for good and we won’t hear any more about it. I telephoned the garage to tell you but they said you weren’t there.’

‘I’m not here about Tony.’

‘More trouble. Not Diana …?’

‘Try our other brother.’

‘Alfredo!’

‘It might be an idea if you come up to the café with us, if you can spare a couple of minutes. He is in the café?’

‘Where else would he be? He’ll be there until six o’clock, when I’ve arranged to relieve him.’

‘Are you coming?’

‘Right now? But I’m running the restaurant.’

‘I think you should be there when we talk to him.’

‘If you give me a couple of minutes I’ll check if Tony can take over. He’s upstairs with Gabrielle. I’m not sure how it’s going to work out there. He’s telling her that Judy’s having his baby.’

‘I’m so glad I’ve only one sister and no brothers,’ William smirked.

‘It happened the night Tony came home?’ Ronnie asked.

‘It explains everything, doesn’t it? Him disappearing from Graig Street, then being found later in the gutter outside Judy’s house …’

‘The walking kitbag,’ William chipped in.

‘Forget Tony, ask Maggie to take over.’

‘You sure, Ronnie?’