Spy Cat

1. Head to Head

2. Second-in-Command

3. Rule Number One

4. Top-Secret Discovery

5. Cat's Eyes

6. Picnic Puss

7. Exploring

8. Tattoos and Guns

9. Trapped!

10. The Storm

11. Santa Paws

12. Newsflash

13. Phone a Friend

14. Skulduggery

15. Looting

16. A Flash of Hope

17. True Identities

18. Cash and Carriage

19. Ward 19

For Lara. This man's best friend.

Lara was the world's first ever Spy Dog.
But even Spy Dogs need holidays
, she thought, as the animal neighbourhood-watch team assembled for their Thursday meeting. Her pups, Star and Spud, had gone ahead to the secret holiday location and Lara was keen to join them as soon as possible. Shep was always first to arrive, panting and excited. He was coming along nicely and Lara knew he was desperate to be given more responsibility.
He's a Border collie
, thought Lara,
so is a bit of a control freak.
The rest of the dogs arrived for the meeting and Shep organized them into perfectly straight lines, hoping to catch Lara's eye with his leadership skills.

Of the cats, Connie stood out a mile. What she lacked in leadership, she made up for with
bravery, enthusiasm and a never-say-die attitude. Lara cast her mind back to an unfortunate rollerblading incident where Connie had fallen flat on her face.
But at least she was brave enough to give the Professor's rollerblades a go
, thought the retired Spy Dog.

The cats assembled to Lara's right and the dogs to her left. Although they were officially a neighbourhood-watch ‘team', the feline/canine divide was always bubbling just beneath the surface. Dyson and Morley, the guinea pigs
from number 30, scampered into the garden and sat a safe distance from the cats. Tufty and Humphrey, the hamsters, kept a wary eye on the cats and, for the first time, Lara noticed that hardly any other animal felt comfortable sitting with the feline members of the team either.

 

 

Bilbo, the tabby from number 2, suddenly proved why as the urge to resist stabbing his paw at Long John, one of the parrots, proved too great. Long John's colourful tail feather was violently pinned to the ground and there was a squawk and a flurry of feathers as the unfortunate bird desperately tried to take off. Luckily, Bilbo then caught Lara's disapproving eye and lazily raised his paw, letting go and allowing Long John to take a safe seat in a tree. Lara looked at the bird, smoothing his ruffled feathers with his beak and grumbling to himself.
Cats just can't help themselves
, thought Lara.
Sharp claws, razor teeth, selfish attitudes
… a shiver went down her spine.
I've fought with some of the world's most evil villains but I wouldn't like to pick a fight with a cat!

George, the tortoise, was heading to the meeting. Lara could hear him rustling in the
hedge but she hadn't got all day
. I've a holiday to get on with
, she thought, a warm doggy feeling showing in her tail wag.

Lara barked for order. ‘Everyone here?' she asked. ‘Put your paw up if you're not here,' she joked.

Archie, the chocolate Labrador, peered around, confused. He looked back at Lara and raised his paw. ‘How could you put your paw up if you're not –' he began, but was cut off by an exasperated-looking Lara. ‘As you know, this is the last neighbourhood-watch meeting before I disappear on my summer hols. Well,' she corrected, ‘it's not an
official
holiday as such, more of an extended period with Professor Cortex and the pups to get up to speed with the latest gadgets and weapons.' Archie's eyes widened in awe and Lara decided to exaggerate a little. ‘You never know who might be lurking in the bushes,' she added, looking around furtively.

All ears pricked when the bushes rustled. The group jumped as George stumbled his way out of the leaves and on to the lawn. He still had some way to go, so Lara continued. ‘What I need is a deputy. And a
deputy
deputy. We've swept crime off the streets in this town and we
must keep it clean. If anyone so much as drops a crisp packet while I'm gone, I want them sorted. And any suspicious characters, I want them watched like a hawk. Or a parrot.' Lara gave the still slightly ruffled Long John an acknowledging nod. ‘Got it?'

‘Yes, boss,' chorused the assembled crowd.

‘So we're using this meeting to select a second-in-command.' Lara scanned the assembled team. ‘Someone fast.' Lara looked at George crawling towards the meeting at top tortoise speed.
So he's ruled out
, she thought.
You could burgle all the houses in town before George caught up!

‘Someone brave,' barked Lara, eyeing the cats. Apart from Connie, the felines were a very sorry bunch.

‘And clever,' woofed Lara, shaking her head as she spied Archie, still working out how he could put his paw up if he wasn't there.

‘And finally, I need a deputy who's full of energy. Being a spy pet is
very
physically demanding!' Danny dog nearly wagged himself off his feet.
Plenty of bounce
, Lara thought,
but, like Archie, not much intelligence.

But Lara refused to lose hope just yet – she eyed the assembled animals. ‘So,' she barked,
‘I asked you to nominate one volunteer from the dogs, one from the cats and one from the “any other animal” category. Ready?'

A chorus of woofs, miaows, squawks and squeaks confirmed that they were.

Lara looked left. She tried to be as dramatic as the talent shows she'd seen on TV. ‘Doggy candidate, please step forward.'

There was an awkward silence and, to Lara's amazement, Archie stepped forward. ‘They've nominated me, boss,' he woofed.

‘They have?' woofed Lara, sounding shocked. ‘I mean, yes, they clearly have,' she corrected herself, feeling a bit bad as Archie's tail momentarily stopped its eager wagging. She had to at least give him a chance.

‘Not that high on the clever chart,' admitted the serious-looking Labrador. ‘But reliable, fast and willing to obey.' Lara sighed. She decided to put Archie to the test right away. She picked up a ball in her front paws and shaped to throw it. Archie stood alert, his eye fixed on the ball, his tongue lolloping sideways. ‘Do you think you can follow orders, Archie?'

‘Yes, boss,' he wagged, his eyes fixed on the ball.

‘Do not … I repeat DO NOT chase the ball, Archie.'

‘Yes, boss,' he wagged, hypnotized as Lara moved the ball left and right in front of his face. ‘No chasing, boss.'

Lara tossed the ball into the grass and Archie sped off. He sniffed out the ball and brought it back, dropping it at Lara's feet. ‘Again, boss!' he panted in excitement.

 

 

Lara slapped her paw across her face, slightly ashamed to be a dog.

Lara turned to her right. ‘Moggies,' she said, hoping that Connie would step forward. ‘A nomination, please.' Lara knew the cats had discussed this at great length.
Connie is the best all-rounder. But Socks is a clever cat. Very intelligent and desperate to be chosen.

Phew
, thought Lara as the tortoiseshell, Connie, stepped forward. ‘That would be me, Lara,' she miaowed proudly. Lara grinned a relieved doggy grin. Connie was rather battle-worn, with a torn ear from a fight. But her white patches were always immaculate, signs that she took great pride in herself and that her personal standards were high.

‘And is there a nomination from the “any other animals” section of the team?' Lara knew this would be interesting. Although the hamsters and guinea pigs could understand each other, there was a language barrier between the parrots and the gerbils. And Seth, the ferret, had a very strong northern accent that none of them could understand. Lara was still trying to work out what ‘ecky thump' actually meant. The animals looked at each other and then down at their paws. Lara breathed a sigh of relief.
No one – phew!
Putting Seth in charge of anything filled her with dread.
The slightest bit of stress and he'd just head for the nearest trouser leg
, she thought.
Yep, this was obviously going to be Connie's gig. No one else could really fill the Spy Dog shoes. Or paws.