Stage Fright (25 page)

He went on as if I hadn't spoken. ‘You're overtired, getting a bit muddled up. Giving birth can do funny things to a woman. I mean, look at Melissa.' He shook his head. ‘I mean, who would have thought it? Running away from a perfectly good home and husband. That is: if she did run away? What do you think, Cassandra?' He was still smiling but he was clenching and unclenching his right hand, stretching the fingers out in a rhythmic flicking movement then squeezing them into the palm of his hand. The knuckles were white.

‘I don't know what's happened to her! I wish I did.'

‘No idea?' he asked. ‘None at all?'

I shook my head.

‘Mmm. Do I believe you? I'm not sure. You know, Cassandra, until last night I thought you were a decent woman. I should have known better: there aren't any decent women, are there? It's a contradiction in terms. No sooner is Stephen out of the way than another man is sniffing around. You're like a bitch on heat.'

He was looking into my face, but he didn't really seem to be seeing me. He was still clenching and unclenching his hand.

‘Does anyone know you're here, Cassandra?' he asked.

For half a beat there was silence.

‘I rang Stephen before I came out,' I said.

‘Oh, no, I don't think you did. I think you came hot-footing it straight over here. Just as I intended. I want you to tell me what you think has happened to Melissa. Is she alive?' He paused for effect. ‘Or is she dead?'

I shook my head, too frightened to speak.

‘Perhaps this will concentrate your mind.'

He stepped forward and grabbed Grace under her arms. I hung on to her, but he pulled her towards him. Grace let out a protesting bleat. Kevin tried to wrench her away from me. I hung on to her. We were pulling her in different directions and she started to scream. I had to let go.

Kevin stood back and held her away from him. She looked at me, uncertain whether or not this was a game. I reached out for her. Kevin hefted her above his head.

‘Is Melissa alive, do you think?' Grace giggled. He lowered her. ‘Or is she dead?' He lifted her again, this time making a whooshing noise. ‘Alive?' She giggled even more. He brought her back down. ‘Or dead?'

I put my hand on his arm. ‘Kevin, please.'

‘Not until you tell me about Melissa. You do know, don't you?'

‘No, no, I don't! I swear I don't. Please, my baby.'

I heard the pleading in my voice and I hated him. If I'd had a gun to put to his temples or a knife to slip between his ribs, he would have been a dead man. I'd even have twisted the knife as it went in.

‘Can't you at least hazard a guess?' He lifted Grace up again. This time he let go of her for a split second. He caught her as she came down but she was jolted. She wasn't used to being treated so roughly. She hiccuped and screwed her face up. She began to cry. Kevin smiled and lifted her on to his shoulder, patting her back. His eyes were on my face.

‘There, there, Daddy's got you now.' Her eyes goggled, she leaned forward, there was a gurgling noise, and she vomited down his back.

‘Oh, Christ, you foul little brat.' He thrust her away, his face contorted with disgust. I snatched her from him. He pulled his T-shirt up over his head. In the second that his eyes were covered I saw my chance. I stuck my leg between both of his and brought my knee up as hard as I could. He gave a high-pitched scream and collapsed on to his side on the floor. He brought his knees up and his hands went down to his balls. The T-shirt was still attached to his head like a burnous. I ran down the stairs. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw something gleaming on the chest by the door: Kevin's car-keys. I grabbed them and ran outside. I wrenched open the back seat of my car and flung Kevin's keys in. I was astonished to see Agnes was still in the car seat. I'd completely forgotten about her. What the hell was I going to do? I fought down an urge to unbuckle Agnes and fling her on the grass verge. There wasn't time and anyway I couldn't leave her with this madman. I clambered into the front seat with Grace and pressed down the button for the central locking. I pulled the seat belt over both of us, and started the car. I crunched the gears into reverse and swung the car back into the turning-space.

Kevin appeared at the door of the house. I caught a glimpse of his bare chest, densely covered in dark hair. One hand was nursing his crotch and in the other he was holding a shoe. Adrenaline surged through my body. I swung the wheel back round. The wheels skidded in the gravel, throwing up stones that pinged on the side of the car. Kevin was coming towards me. But the gravel was slowing him down. He was staggering, hopping, trying to put on the shoe. Then he was alongside me, grabbing at the door. I put my foot down. The car shot forward, pressing me to the back of my seat. I veered out of the gateway, clipping my front right bumper. The car swerved and bumped down the track. I put an arm round Grace and steered with one hand. Grace was trying to pull herself up my chest. Her hands were over my mouth and I had to lift my chin to see over her head.

The light at the level-crossing was green and the gates were still open. The car clicked over the rails. As I cleared the other side, I glanced in the mirror. The track was visible right back to the gate of the house, but Kevin was nowhere to be seen. All the same I didn't risk stopping until I was back on the metalled road. By then I was shaking so much that I had to pull over to the kerb. I looked into the back seat. Agnes was waving her hands about and smiling. She'd been enjoying the ride. I leaned my head back against the head-rest and sat there stroking Grace's head and trying to take deep breaths. She whimpered and snuggled into me.

There was a flicker of movement in my wing mirror. A figure was advancing towards me. I sat up with a jerk, my heart beating fast. But I saw it wasn't Kevin. This was a middle-aged woman walking a small dog. As she passed, she glanced at me. I followed her train of thought, as she went on for a yard or two and paused. She turned on her heel, came back and looked at me. I lowered the car window.

‘Are you all right?' she said. She was older than me, about fifty, with a weather-beaten look and an upper-middle-class accent. A horsy woman, I guessed.

‘Yes, yes, I'm OK,' I told her.'

I saw her looking at the baby fastened to my chest. She took in my dishevelled appearance and the smell of vomit.

‘I know I shouldn't be carrying her like this,' I said. ‘I'm afraid it's an emergency.' I groped about for a plausible explanation. ‘My friend's been taken ill and I have to look after her baby. That's her in the back. I only live a mile or two down the road.'

‘You don't look very well yourself, if you don't mind me saying so.'

‘I'm fine. Really.'

She looked doubtful. ‘Well, if you're sure.'

‘Yes. Yes, I am.' I smiled at her and started the engine.

As I drove off, I saw her in my mirror, standing on the pavement staring after us, while her Yorkshire terrier strained at its leash.

*   *   *

I drove the rest of the way to the Old Granary very slowly and very carefully. I got out of the car on legs that wobbled and took Grace into the house. I put her in her cot and went back for Agnes. I fished Kevin's car keys out from where they'd slid under the passenger seat and put them in the pocket of my jeans. It was only as I unbuckled Agnes from her car seat, that I asked myself what on earth I was going to do with her? Her enjoyment of the car ride was over and she was beginning to grizzle. I took her inside and locked the door behind me. I put her in the cot with Grace. They were both cross and hungry. Any moment now they'd be screaming their heads off.

I climbed the stairs to the top of the house and picked up the binoculars. I looked out first along the track in the direction of Ely. I almost expected to see Kevin advancing towards me on foot, but there was no one there. I crossed to the other window and looked over to Journey's End. The hire-car was still there. I patted the pocket of my jeans and felt the reassuring outline of Kevin's car-keys. He wouldn't have more than one set and to walk round by road would take him an hour or so. It was much shorter across the fields, but I couldn't see him wading through the drainage ditch up to his thighs in stagnant water. I opened the window. A waft of air carried in the scent of hay and a brief snatch of birdsong. The Cambridge to Ely train was trundling across the landscape. Ordinary people were on board, tourists perhaps, going to Ely to walk round the marina and the antique shops, to stroll through the narrow streets, maybe even go to evensong. I told myself I could relax now. There was plenty of time to ring the police. The important thing was that the children were safe. And so was I.

And with that knowledge came the reaction.

I began to shake again. A wave of nausea swept over me. I staggered into the bathroom and lowered myself on to the floor by the toilet bowl. I retched but nothing came up. I managed to lie down on the bathroom floor before I passed out completely and lay there gazing at the ceiling. Little lights exploded in front of my eyes. In the room below, first one baby then the other began to scream. Gradually the nausea ebbed away. After a few minutes I sat up slowly I got hold of the side of the bath and pulled myself clumsily to my feet.

I heard the sound of a car approaching. I looked out of the window towards Ely. My heart lurched. A car was coming down the track. The next moment I recognized the car. It drew up outside the garden gate and Joe got out.

Chapter Seventeen

T
HE
doorbell rang as I was making my shaky way down the stairs from the study to the ground floor.

I opened the door. Joe had prepared what he was going to say and he launched straight into it.

‘I woke up this morning feeling a total jerk – that business with Kevin, and what I said later on. I just had to come back to apologize. I mean, we're not kids any more, are we? We can't turn back the clock. But, gee, I hope we can be friends – I'll hate myself if I've spoiled that…'

His voice trailed off as he took in my dishevelled appearance.

‘Jesus, Cass, what's happened? You look as if you've been in an accident.'

I looked down at myself. My shirt was filthy and there was a large rip in it.

‘Oh God…' I suddenly wanted to cry.

‘Cass? What's the matter? It's not Grace, is it?'

‘No, she's here, she's all right.' I was blinking back tears.

‘Stephen?'

‘No, nothing to do with him. Come in. Please.'

He stepped inside and I closed the door quickly behind him. I turned the key in the lock and pushed home the bolt with fingers that still trembled a little.

‘Wait a minute.' I tested the door to make sure it really was locked. I turned to see Joe watching me with an expression of concern and curiosity.

‘What in God's name…?' he said.

‘He stole her. Kevin stole my baby! He was going to hurt her.' Tears were welling up and spilling over now.

‘Jesus! Have you rung the police?'

‘Not yet … I was – just – about to.' The words were jerked out between sobs.

‘Hey, come on, now.' He took hold of my hands. ‘You're so cold. I think you're in shock.' He steered me into the kitchen and sat me down at the table. He looked around, located the kettle, filled it at the sink and plugged it in. Overhead the wailing continued.

‘What a racket,' he said. ‘I can't hear myself think.'

‘They're hungry.'

‘They?'

‘Agnes is here, too. Melissa's baby.' I started to get to my feet.

‘I'll get them. You stay here.'

He brought Grace down. ‘This
is
Grace, isn't it?' he said.

I nodded and he put her in my arms. I opened my shirt and she latched on to my breast.

Joe reappeared with Agnes.

‘Have you got any baby food?'

‘Baby food?'

‘You know, gunk in jars.' He was fitting Agnes into the high chair.

‘That cupboard there.' I pointed. ‘I usually purée our own food for her, but I do keep a few…'

‘Hey, no need to apologize. This stuff's just fine,' he said, holding up a little glass jar containing a red paste. ‘Penne with roast tomato and courgette. Or what have we here? Porridge oats! Yum-yum.' Agnes had stopped crying and was listening wide-eyed to his running commentary. ‘So what's it to be?' he asked her. ‘Porridge oats? Good choice, Agnes!' She gazed at him in wonder. ‘And tea for you, Cass, right? No, don't you move, I can find everything.'

He made the tea and put a mug in front of me.

As I drank it I began to feel more like myself.

Joe sat down next to Agnes. He opened the jar and began to spoon puréed porridge oats into her mouth.

‘You know,' he said. ‘I've often wondered over the years what it would be like if we ever met up – you know how you do?'

I nodded.

‘I could never have imagined it would be like this,' he said, gesturing to both babies with the spoon. ‘If the bottom falls out of the academic market, we can always open a kindergarten.'

I gave a weak smile.

‘Feeling better now?' he asked me. He wiped Agnes's mouth with a piece of kitchen roll. ‘Want to tell me more about what happened?'

I told him how I had woken up and found that Grace had gone and Agnes had been left in her place.

‘How did Kevin get in?' Joe asked. ‘Did you leave the door open?'

‘No, it was locked.'

‘Does he have a key?'

‘A key? No.'

‘And it's a deadlock, isn't it? He'd need to have a key. Are you really sure you locked it?'

‘Yes, I remember unlocking it when I went in from the garden.'

‘So how did he get in, Cassandra? I presume there's no sign of a break-in?'

‘No, there isn't.' I hadn't had a chance to think about this. I thought about it now. Grace had stopped feeding. I fastened my bra and buttoned up my shirt. When I looked back at Joe he was looking pensive. And quite suddenly I knew exactly what he was thinking. How reliable was I? Sure, he'd once been married to me, but for how long, two years? Three years? And that had been a long time ago. How well did he really know me now? And back in the old days hadn't I always been dreamy and impractical, a bit off the wall, as Joe used to put it? I was forever losing things, locking myself out of our flat. And that ‘Cassandra': he'd only ever called me that when he was pulling seniority on me. I'd rather liked that in the past, had felt protected and reassured. Well, I didn't like it now.