Star Cruise - Outbreak (14 page)

He did as ordered, grabbing the bottle and their two glasses, moving to join her on the low couch. Emily kicked off her shoes and curled up at one end, so he sat in the middle, not crowding her but not all the way at the other end either. He refreshed her glass and handed it to her before refilling his own. The Mistalor was powerful stuff, but neither of them had drunk enough so far to get more than a mild buzz. He raised his glass in a toast. “To battle comrades and true friends.”

She clinked her glass against his, and they drank the toast in companionable silence. Then she set her glass on the small table and leaned closer. “Tell me about the day we met on Fantalar.”

He was so surprised by the change of subject that at first he thought he must have heard her wrong. Distressed, he put his glass next to hers on the table and fumbled for the right words. The last thing he wanted to do was ruin the easy, relaxed mood they had going “No, really, I don’t need to talk about it. I know you don’t like people thanking you for saving their life. I was just one guy out of what? Hundreds you operated on?”

“Too many, for sure. Sectors Command kept throwing men and women into that battle zone, and the enemy kept chewing them up.” She blinked and focused on his face, her blue eyes sparkling. “I want to hear your story of the time you met the Angel of Fantalar.” She rubbed his arm gently, her touch warm and oddly soothing. “I warn you, I probably won’t remember any of it even when you do tell me. I-I recall bits and pieces, flashes of those weeks, but considering what came after, sometimes I think I’m lucky I made it home knowing my own name. But I will appreciate hearing about your perception of events.”

He still wasn’t sure she genuinely wanted him to unpack his combat experience as it related to her, but she kept her hand on his arm and nodded encouragement, so he decided to start the story. If he could tell it was distressing her too much, or triggering a flashback for either of them, he’d stop. Having made up his mind, he took one more sip of wine and said, “I was on a Team operating way behind enemy lines. We’d strike and run before the bastards knew what hit them. Played cat-and-mouse games for months, softening up the Mawreg and Betangray forces, keeping them off balance. We were one of a bunch of small groups doing the same thing.”

She nodded. “I was embedded at several forward operating bases in the Sector over the time of my deployment out there. I know.”

“We were effective. The enemy hated us, put a huge bounty on our heads.” He gave her a proud grin. “I wish I could tell you some of the things we pulled off, but it’s all classified. Can’t discuss the details.”

“No problem. I can guess. So what happened that brought you to me and my beach?”

“I don’t know if we got cocky or the enemy got smart, but there was an ambush.” He leaned against the couch and closed his eyes. He could smell the stink of the Mawreg in his nostrils, hear the explosions faintly. “I got caught in a blast, not too bad, could still shoot. My buddies got me out of there, along with Frankin and Boddie, who were injured worse than me, at least initially. We were on the run, hunted hard, calling Command for extraction. And there was another ambush. Squad was decimated. Six good operators, gone. Nothing left to bury. Jayna and her partner, Sills, got me out. We’d lagged behind, because of my leg, so we missed the primary blast.”

“Jayna was on your team?”

He nodded. “Yeah, she’s a tough customer, good to have at your six.”

“Good to know, reassuring. I’ll make a note to call her if I ever need backup and you’re not available.”

“You sure you want me to keep talking?” He searched her face, but she seemed calm.

“You haven’t got to the part where we met.”

“Emily—”

“This is the one time I’m making the offer to go back to Fantalar, Jake, so if you want to go there with me, you need to tell me the rest of the story. Unless it’s too much remembering for you tonight?” She cupped his cheek with one soft hand. “I don’t want to force you to talk about it.”

The memories had a death grip on him now, although he could shut up if she needed him to. But she was encouraging him to continue, and he’d never told anyone the full details of his encounter with her. So he swallowed hard and continued as Emily leaned on the pillows with her elbow and watched his face. “All right. The enemy was pressing us hard. Somehow they had intel or made a good guess about our strength and location. I think their commander wanted to capture a few live operators. Which wasn’t happening. We’d have lured them in and blown ourselves up if it came to such dire measures. Taken as many of them with us as we could, you know? Anyway, we eluded them until nightfall, made it to the alternate extraction point, dug in. Jayna patched me up. Another team was coming in hot, needed to hitch a ride on our gunboat to get out of the zone. Their pickup ship had been intercepted and destroyed. Unfortunately, the enemy was hot on the trail, came in behind them, so we were in another battle. I got blown up defending the extraction point. Jayna and Sills told me weeks later that after the action I was bleeding out, too shredded for the clotting factor and the field dressings to do more than delay the inevitable. We got to the beach, where you were—”

“I think I remember the day,” she said, surprising him. “The enemy was on the move all along the front. There were terrible casualties. My field hospital was overwhelmed, and Command was going to pull us out too, back to the
Cassiopeia
—”

“But you refused to go.” He studied her face for a moment. She was so beautiful, with her fine, almost fragile, features, yet her core was unbreakable steel.

She shrugged as if she’d been deciding something as inconsequential as whether to have eggs or ham for breakfast that tragic day rather than putting her life on the line. “I wouldn’t leave the men and women who needed me. How could I? You were giving your all, literally. How could I do anything less?”

He looked at his hands, now clenched into fists. “Jayna told me later I was black-tagged at the triage station immediately, no hope for me. She screamed and argued, but the corpsmen said I was done. She said you came over and ran the scanner yourself.”

“I hated to give up hope on anyone,” Emily murmured, eyes unfocused, lost in her own memories.

“I remember your face. And your voice. You were all I heard, the only thing I saw. You told me to stay, told me to live. And you would
not
let me die. It was as if I was standing there on the beach, watching you work over me.” He shook his head. “I don’t know how that could be, but I can tell you exactly what medical procedures you did, and I’m not even a medic. You operated on me right there. And you talked to me the whole time, ordered me to live, ordered me to fight.” He reached out and pushed her hair away from her face. “The only reason I didn’t let go and walk down the beach to the white light was that I couldn’t leave you, couldn’t make all your hard work be for nothing. Couldn’t bear to disappoint you. And then there was this tremendous pain, like nothing I’d ever felt. Not even in the explosion or when I was shot. For a moment, I was in my body, hurting bad, and then I passed out. When I woke up, I was in the
Cassie
’s sickbay. I asked for you—the angel doctor—and I was told the
Cassie
had bugged out, leaving you and a bunch of operators and medical people stuck on the planet.”

“You must have been on the last shuttle we got away,” she said. “The next one was blown up. My guys—the Team charged with guarding me and my staff—dragged me out of there right before the Mawreg swept over the beach. We were on the run in the mountains for months. Only a few of us survived.”

“The docs slapped me into the rejuve regenerator on the
Cassie
, made me good as new again and sent me into the field for more fun and games.” He shook his head. “The public thinks the rejuve is such a miracle, such a blessing. Maybe it is, but all I know is an operator like me costs the Sectors too much to train, carries too much embedded top-secret hardware and implants for them to let us die. That was my third trip through a rejuve, you know? I can’t do another.” He tapped the back of his skull. “I still have the fastlink implant and a few other things I probably shouldn’t discuss. I’ll never be one hundred percent normal again ever.”

“Are you sorry I saved your life?” Her voice was soft and hesitant.

Startled, he shifted on the couch cushions and focused on her. “No, of course not. Hey, I made a choice on that beach. The white light was right there, so close I could hear the music and voices calling me. But I couldn’t leave you.”

“And here we are.”

He pulled her closer. She came willingly, raising her lips to his, parting them slightly as the kiss began. He took the invitation; letting his tongue explore her soft, warm mouth, tangle with hers, even as he adjusted his hold to pull her full length against him. She lay across his lap as the kiss became more involved, hotter. He brushed the side of her soft breast with one hand, stroking, caressing, teasing the nipple as it pebbled under his thumb. He broke off the kiss with a final sensuous thrust, then lowered his head to take the hard bud into his mouth, laving the sensitive bundle through the silky cloth. She moaned a little, arching into his grasp and pressing the delectable curves of her ass against the hard steel of his erection. He raised his head to recapture her lips while he kept his hands on her breasts, kneading, massaging, relishing the fact she apparently hadn’t worn any lingerie under the clingy fabric.

They kissed again, long and passionate, but he had the impression she was holding part of herself apart, not fully in the moment, so regretfully he forced himself to pull back, to break off the caress. Gazing at her, he pushed her tousled hair away from her face. His voice hoarse with the effort of holding his desire in check, he whispered, “Say the word and I’ll stop.”

She stroked his cheek with one hand, the look in her eyes soft and tender. “I want you, Jake. You must know I’m with you all the way here. I’m not trying to hide it.”

He was so attuned to her he couldn’t deny the note of reserve he detected in her voice. “But?”

“But this, tonight, it’s about Fantalar, about the past. About the angel who saved your life. I can’t be her, not after this night ends. Never again. I won’t go there twice, not even for you. I’m Emily, just a woman who wants to know you better, to find out if the two of us fit, if there’s anything more to build on between us than what happened on a beach in the middle of a battle.” She shook her head slightly and averted her eyes. “I think I remember you now, but it may be because you’ve drawn the scene so vividly. I won’t lie.”

“And you’re afraid if we make love tonight—if I make love to you tonight, I’ll be with the angel in my head, not with the real you? I know the difference, Emily.” He tried to comprehend her reservations. “What did you think would happen here?” He gestured at the table. “With the intimate dinner, the wine, the conversation?”

“Are you angry?”

“No, of course not. I’m trying to understand what you’re attempting to tell me.” Gently, he turned her chin toward him so he could see her eyes.
 

“I’m telling you I’ll give you the Angel of Fantalar tonight if she’s what you want. That was my plan—I’m not a tease.” She reached one hand between them and rubbed his aching erection through the fabric of his trousers. He couldn’t stop himself from grinding his hips against the pressure she exerted. “And I’ll enjoy myself, don’t worry. But I’m afraid if we try to build a relationship on the ashes of Fantalar, we’re dooming ourselves. Maybe scratching a mutual itch is all you want? Have a hot and heavy affair while I’m on the
Zephyr
? And then goodbye, no chance of a more lasting entanglement? Book closed, story over? I can do hot sex with no strings. I’m a grown woman. I just…after sitting here talking all night, I think there could be a lot more between us. But not if we start in the wrong place. That’s all I’m saying, Jake.”

He shut his eyes, exerting all the self-control and willpower the Teams had beaten into him. Much as he hated to admit it, what she was saying made sense from her viewpoint. If he slept with her tonight, she’d doubt he really saw
her
, cared for her. She’d believe he was caught up in the rapture and satisfaction of bedding the angel he’d fantasized about. Oh yeah, he couldn’t deny she’d been the star of more than a few of his private dreams over the years since Fantalar. He might know the truth in the depths of his heart, a certainty the angel was nothing but a fantasy. The real woman was becoming more important to him than anyone he’d ever known, but Emily herself would never be able to feel sure of him.
 

Never confident he was with her for the right reasons.
 

And the doubts would eat away at any relationship between them, or whatever could have been between them, until there was nothing. It might take a year. It might take ten years, but they wouldn’t make it as a couple, and the end would be brutal for both of them.

What he did tonight would be the most important choice he’d ever make, with no assurances, because nothing was ever guaranteed in a human relationship. He and Emily might discover they didn’t fit as people, although he doubted that. But the two of them might not ever find the opportunity to be in an intimate position again. She was making it crystal clear she was available to be his willing partner in bed tonight, as the angel. A one-time-only, take-it-or-leave-it gift from her to him.

But Emily herself would slip through his fingers.

And he didn’t want that.

Opening his eyes, he gently but firmly shifted her off his lap and onto the couch. Rising, he took a moment to adjust himself, trying to find some relief. “Thank you for a marvelous dinner and the trip down memory lane, Doc. I think it’s best I be on my way.”