Starblood (The Starblood Trilogy) (25 page)

‘Is there anyone else wi’ youse?’ he asks, entering the room carefully, checking around him for a second trespasser.

She shakes her head again.

‘I guess we better check though eh,’ he says. ‘Youse better come wi’ me lass.’

Leading him around the house, she is painfully aware of her nakedness. They check the kitchen and then he motions to the bathroom door. She opens it and hurries inside. Seeing the knife still resting on the edge of the bath, she grabs it and hides it behind her thigh. He follows her and checks the room. Satisfied they are alone he retreats to the living room.

She stands in the bathroom, shaking. Seeing her discarded clothes, she stoops to pick them up.

‘I wan’ youse where I can see youse,’ he calls to her.

She carries her clothes through the doorway.

‘So wha’s a pretty wee thing doin’ in me hoose?’ he asks her. ‘A gift from the fairies perhaps?’ He laughs at his own joke.

‘I’m sorry,’ she says. ‘I thought the cottage was deserted and I was so tired.’

‘Dinnae lie. Youse kicked me door off its hinges. In wha’ way did you’s think it was deserted exactly? An’ youse English too.’ He spits.

Although the spittle falls short of where she stands she feels its vitriolic power. She wonders where Lilith is.
Has he killed her already or is she hiding outside?
She wishes she hadn’t told him she was alone, not daring to ask about her lover now for fear of maddening him further.

‘What are you going to do?’ she asks him. ‘I’m so sorry. I just want to go. Please, let me leave.’

He looks undecided. She feels his gaze on her body and decides to dress, as she moves to do so though he stops her.

‘Dinnae move,’ he says.

He moves closer to her. His breath smells of whisky and unbrushed teeth. She sees a dribble of sweat on his brow. He drops the muzzle of the rifle to the floor to get even closer. Shaking, she stands there. He is so close the wool of his clothing scratches her skin. His eyes fix hers in their stare, and she cannot look away from his face. Her fingers tremble around the knife handle. As his nostrils flare to inhale another breath she takes her chance and raises her hand. Distracted, perhaps by the scent of her, he doesn’t see her fist move back. Only when the knife hits below his shoulder does he realise the danger. Staring at her through wide, disbelieving eyes, he stumbles backwards. She moves with him, twisting the blade in his flesh. Her heart races, she breathes in his fear and feels rage swell inside her. With the heel of her hand she slams the sticky blade further into him, pushing him to the floor. The knife buried deep between his ribs and shoulder blade, he drops the gun and falls, grasping the wound in pain. She kicks the rifle away from him and towards her. As he pulls the knife out of his shoulder, she grabs his gun and faces him.

‘Don’t move.’ Her demand echoes his words from moments before. ‘I don’t want to hurt you. I just want to leave.’

‘Bitch,’ he snarls. ‘Youse just stabbed me. Wha’ do youse mean you dinnae wanna hurt me? I’m bleedin’, I’m feckin’ bleedin’ to death.’

She blanches. There is a lot of blood coming from the wound. Part of her wants to help him stem the flow and call an ambulance, but the dominant part of her wants to run away and blot the image of him dying from her mind.

She watches him shake, uncertain of what she will do. Dropping the gun, she turns to leave. Lilith is behind her, smiling. A chill slides from the base of Star’s skull down her spinal cord as Lilith grins at the injured man. She senses the man’s fear increase too. His movements, at the edge of her vision, are even more frantic.

‘What did you do?’ Lilith asks.

‘He, he came home,’ Star stammers. ‘He had a gun, that gun. I thought he was planning to kill me or rape me. Maybe both.’

Lilith strides over to the man. His body is doubled up in pain. The hand he holds over his wound is covered in blood. He recoils from her and his tear-filled eyes blink rapidly.

‘Let’s go,’ Star says.

Lilith shakes her head. ‘Were you going to rape her, you sick fuck?’

He stares at her. His mouth opens and closes but the only sound to escape his lips is a soft gurgle. She kicks him in the stomach.

‘Answer me,’ she says.

She bends over his body and loosens his belt.

‘What are you doing, Lilith?’ Star asks her, moving closer.

‘Busted shoulder won’t do it. There’s only one way to stop a man thinking about rape.’ She lifts his limp cock in one hand and grabs the knife.

Horrified, Star looks from the man’s castrated groin to his face. He has passed out at least.

‘Lilith,’ she says, moving towards the door.

Lilith stands up and looks at Star, defiantly. ‘Do you think he would have survived your attack?’ she asks.

‘It was self defence,’ Star says weakly.

‘And what about Raven?’

Star shakes her head and backs away.

‘You and I are the same, Star,’ Lilith says. ‘There’s evil inside both of us.’

Star turns and runs out of the cottage. She stumbles into the woods and empties her guts. She has eaten so little, over the past week, that the retches are painful. Welcoming the pain, she lets it carry her mind away from the horrors inside the house. As she straightens up again she sees Lilith standing beside the car, watching her.

‘Are you going to leave me?’ Lilith does not shout but her voice carries across the distance and whispers the question into Star’s ears.

The pounding of Star’s heart and the groaning of her stomach are silenced by the question and she stares at the woman, this stranger with whom she has shared her body so many times, to whom she has whispered her darkest secrets and desires. Tears cloud her vision but she knows the image of her lover well enough to see every detail, the thick black hair, the pierced lip, the emerald eyes, the soft yet impossibly high breasts. She feels the memory of their embrace, the warmth inside her when they make love, the feeling of completion within Lilith’s arms.

Slowly, she walks towards the car, the house and Lilith. Although she is still half blind with tears she imagines her lover’s smile of triumph. As she steps into the open car she sees her bag already on the back seat. Reaching behind her, she grasps her seatbelt. Sitting with her hands in her lap, she weaves her fingers together, as if in prayer. Then she squeezes hard, until the nails of each hand dig into the skin of the other.

The drive northwards is suffered in silence. The scenery gets wilder. They pass raging rivers and thick forests before winding their way upwards towards the mountains. At dusk Lilith stops the car. A landscape of peaks, valleys and waterways spreads out before them. It is breathtaking. Star climbs out of the car and stares downwards. The depth of the valley below draws her vision.

‘Look up,’ Lilith whispers in her ear.

She does and sees green swirls of light dancing in the sky, wisps of colour of such supernatural hue that they make Star gasp. The black summits are dwarfed by towers of emerald, which fill the horizon.

‘What is it?’ Star asks.

‘The Northern Lights,’ Lilith answers. ‘When you get further north sometimes you can see other colours too.’

‘It’s beautiful,’ Star sighs.

‘Let’s get back in the car and find somewhere to stay. There’s going to be a frost tonight.’

‘I don’t want to break into another house,’ says Star.

‘Would you rather freeze?’

‘You could warm me,’ she answers.

Lilith smiles at the invitation. ‘That’s my girl,’ she says.

They get back in the car and follow the winding road to lower ground.

They find somewhere to park and huddle together on the back seat. Their fingers long to undress each other but only moments after the engine is switched off a biting cold permeates the space. Star shivers in Lilith’s arms.

‘You’re right,’ Star says. ‘We won’t survive the night.’

They settle back into the front seats and drive, looking for another place to stay. It is seven o’clock Monday evening when they find a second house, which looks empty. They have reached the Cairngorms. This time they search the cottage thoroughly for signs of occupation. They find tourist guides and heating instructions—a holiday house.

Lilith turns on the electric heating while Star searches for something to eat. There is nothing. Star feels weak.

‘I’ll catch a rabbit,’ Lilith tells her. ‘Boil some water on the stove.’

Star sits alone in the house. Every noise outside the walls frightens her, from the howling dog nearby, to the cars, which occasionally drive past their door. The cottage itself is lovely. The bedding is clean and the kitchen well stocked with utensils, if not food. She makes herself a coffee and tries to ignore the sounds prising open her sanity. The noises inside her head frighten her more than those of the world outside. Phantoms push through the veil of her consciousness, and the gurgles of the man she helped kill today replay in her mind. When she lifts her hands to her face she can still smell his blood on her fingers.

Trying to dismiss everything as a dream from which she’ll soon wake, she imagines she never met Lilith, that she and Steve had worked together to dismiss his demon and had fallen in love instead. Steve’s demon—she hasn’t thought about that for such a long time, so involved has she been with her affair. She wonders how he’s getting on.
Has he found it yet? Sent it back?
She feels a pang of guilt for not helping him as she’d promised, but that guilt opens a gateway to remorse she has to fight to hold at bay.
What was the demon’s name, ah yes – Lilith. Lilith. Lilith!
Fuck, no, it can’t be. It is. Oh shit! Is the woman I love, who is currently gathering food for my empty stomach, is she a demon? Steve’s demon?

Hairs bristle all over Star’s body, and she feels cold. She listens to her own ragged breathing and remembers what she can of these past weeks.
Lilith is a demon.
The knowledge which lay dormant inside her stretches itself, unfurling in her mind like a waking cat, revelling beneath the long-awaited acknowledgement.

The killings are on my conscience, not Lilith’s. I killed Raven and I probably killed the man.
Something twists inside Star’s stomach, is it her conscience squirming or the evil from her dreams? She looks for a knife and sits holding its weight in her hand. She takes off her jacket and lifts up her jumper. The skin beneath is pale and soft. There is no sign of the taint. With the tip of the knife, she pricks her belly. A thread of blood unravels down her stomach. Biting her lip, she tries to press harder but feels afraid. Even now she doesn’t want to die.

She looks at the telephone. It is a pay phone. She wonders whether it will accept a 999 call without coins. She drops the knife and crosses the room. With every step she hears a dog’s howls getting closer. With every movement she feels something shift inside her. Its silent whispers urge her not to make the call. As she lifts her leaden arm to pick up the receiver a giant black dog with a rabbit in its jaws hurtles through the room and knocks her to the floor. She hits her head and all is darkness.

Chapter 38

He refuses to believe. At dinner-time his mum is crying at the table. Beneath her folded arms she hides a newspaper. Satori puts his arm around her shoulder and asks her what’s wrong. She shakes her head and her sobs grow louder. He tugs at the corner of the newspaper trying to prise it away from her. Lifting her arms, she allows him to take it and turns from her son.

On the front page are two photos. One is of Raven, the other of Star. He tries to read the article. He manages to absorb the first line of the story before dropping the paper as if it burns him.

Goth bitch-fight blood bath. Girl (24) brutally murdered in toilets of local Goth club.

‘No,’ he cries out in denial.
It isn’t true. It cannot be true.
He refuses to believe the words.

His mum stands up and tries to put her arms around him, but he pushes her away and runs out of the house. Leaving his mum to her distress makes him feel cruel and ungrateful. He cannot turn back and tell her he’s sorry – be her dutiful son. There isn’t time.

He goes to see Donna. She doesn’t answer the door in spite of his loud rings, knocks and shouts. Filled with fury, he kicks the door, shattering a glass panel. For a moment, the sound of breaking glass makes him feel better. Then shame and sorrow overwhelm him again. He runs around the streets. When he reaches Freya’s road at last, more by chance than memory, he sees her brother Ivan outside the house, leaning against the garage door smoking. His eyes are full of tears.

‘You’ve heard,’ Ivan says as he spots Satori at the end of the driveway. He drops his cigarette, crushing it with his bare foot, and lights another. ‘Want one?’

Satori shakes his head. ‘How long have you known?’

‘Since yesterday. Freya was at the club with Raven, Donna too.’

‘How is she?’ Satori asks.

‘How do you think? I wouldn’t go in there if I were you. Somehow they seem to think it’s your fault.’

‘Maybe it is,’ he says looking at Ivan’s feet.

‘Why did she do it, man?’ Ivan drags on his cigarette.

Satori shrugs his shoulders.

‘Raven was so beautiful. She and I…’ Ivan sinks onto his haunches, shaking his head. ‘So beautiful. Such a waste.’

‘One of a kind,’ Satori replies as he tries to hold the nausea at bay.

‘It’s twisted, man. Why did she do it? They were friends…The reporters, they fuckin’ love it. Our garden was heavin’. Did they come an’ see you?’

Satori shakes his head and stares at the house, imagining the crowd of excited journalists.

Goth bitch-fight blood bath.

‘Can you get Freya out here? So I can speak to her,’ Satori asks.

‘I dunno, man,’ Ivan replies. ‘They’re all pretty pissed at you.’

‘Please try. It’s important.’

Satori watches Ivan lurch into the house. The man moves as if each step requires too great an effort to bear. Satori knows that feeling. It is unbearable. He wonders what he will say to Freya if she does come outside. He told Ivan it was important but of what
it
might be he has no idea. He wants to see Freya, as if seeing her will connect him with Star and Raven. He hears a scream of anger from within the house, then sees Freya’s father swaying in the doorway. The man lunges towards Satori with his fist raised. Without a backward glance Satori flees.