Stare Me Down (Stare Down) (32 page)

“Both my parents are gone.”

“I’m sorry. Do you have any siblings?”

“One.”

She was trying to concentrate and not let doubts invade. Swirling her mug around and watching the liquid circle, she murmured, “Oh?”

“A brother.”

She looked up. “Older or younger?”

“He’s older. We don’t talk much, but now that we’re on the subject. He’s having a company reception on Monday evening. It’s more a party. There will be lots of prominent people there and I…”

“You…?”

“I usually don’t attend‌—‌I get the company newsletter. But this year, I need to go. You want to come?”

The fact that he eyed his mug when he’d asked had her red flags flying and hearing the over-casual inflection in his voice? Hit her like a slap to the face. All she wanted was for him to look her in the eyes. He always looked her in the eyes. “Wh-where is it being held?”

“At our family home. You’d love the place. It’s built into foothills of Tucker Ridge.”

“That was where we parked the other night, wasn’t it?”

He looked up and there was no mistaking his discomfort. Something was happening here and she had no idea what it was. She paid close attention as he said, “Yeah, my brother and I used to camp in that clearing. My mom and dad would always hike up at dinner time to make sure we were okay.”

She searched his face. “That sounds nice.”

“So you want to come?”

There it was. She saw the flicker in his eyes. He didn’t want to—

I told you I didn’t want to ask her.

When she recalled that part of his earlier conversation with Shar, she imagined her heart cracked just a little. Had he been talking about her?

Every instinct screamed for her to say no, but found herself saying yes.

“Great.”

He put his mug in the sink and picked up his keys. “You can bring your coffee with you.”

This was so abrupt Jaxx frowned. “Where?”

“I’ve got to get a move on so I’m going to take you home.”

“Oh. I’ll, um, get my purse.” She turned to leave and he grabbed her hand.

“Hey?”

“What?”

“I’m sorry this came up. I had a great time last night.” He didn’t pull her in for a hug like he usually would have. He didn’t even squeeze her hand as he said, “I’m glad you were finally able to open up this morning. That kind of release is exactly what I was hoping for before I…‌well—” he let go of her hand and stepped away, “—we’ll talk about that when I get back.”

“You’re going away somewhere?”

“Yeah, I may not be back before Monday, but I’ll call you, okay?”

“Does this have to do with—?”

“It’s business. You want me top up your coffee while you get your stuff?”

She got the message loud and clear. He was practically pushing her out the door and there would be no discussion about his
busines
s on her exit.

Chapter Twenty-One

Aries waited for Jaxx to head up the front steps before he let out an aggravated breath and frowned. He never should have gotten that marker out. Never. Now all he could think about was getting that ink to be permanent on her silky skin. The sight did something to him. No, it created something within him. A need. A burning desire to own her for more than just a Scene.

She was the one. The only woman he wanted to keep. Knowing this he needed to set things in motion for a future with her. He’d been moving along nicely in that direction too, until Shar stepped in.

Fuck, he wanted to strangle her when he found out what she’d done. Sure he knew she was only trying to help, but thanks to her interference he had to step-up all his plans with the complex and the club since he was committed to attending Gabe’s party. He’d been leaning toward not going, but now he had to…‌with Jaxx even.

He snatched his phone off the dash and dialed his Architect. “Hi, John. It looks like I’m going to need the official plans sooner than later. No, I’ll come to you. Can we get together tomorrow? Great.”

He hung up and then called the airline. Once he had a ticket booked to Baltimore he headed home. It was going to be a rush, but he could do it. Now that he had to do it, he would. So when he found himself turning down a familiar road. Easing onto a gravel path and heading toward the clearing and his old campground, he scowled.

He didn’t have time to waste and yet, here he was, once again revisiting a place from his childhood he hadn’t been back to in years before being with Jaxx. So why was it, the harder he looked forward to the future he wanted to create with her, he found himself drawn back to this part of his past?

After he’d parked and took some time to scan the valley below, he knew why. Now that he had Jaxx, he was ready to put everything that came before, not only the club, but the fallout with Gabe behind him so he could move forward with her. He wanted his dream to be their reality.

This was probably why getting these things done without involving her was so important to him. He needed to close one chapter of his life before he opened another.

You already penned the first page of chapter two on her back.

He sighed.

First things first. He needed to get all his shit in order before he brought her into Gabe’s place. With that in mind he worked out his plans.

*****

The second Jaxx walked through the reception doors she stiffened seeing Maggie. By the look of her she was loaded for bear. This wasn’t a good time for confrontation. Although Aries had been polite on the way home and done all the right things she was close to having a meltdown. She’d never felt more distant from him than she did at the moment and she didn’t want Maggie to see her fear.

“You stayed with him last night. All night. How could you? You know Gunther is arriving on Monday.”

She had no idea what one thing had to do with another, so she ignored all that and said, “Good morning to you too.”

“Don’t you ‘good morning’ me.”

Jaxx went right to her door and unlocked it. “Maggie.” She didn’t turn when she whispered, “Please don’t do this now.”

“Why? Are you too tired? Did he keep you up all night doing God knows what.”

Jaxx closed her eyes and counted to three. If she were going to be stuck talking to her they wouldn’t be discussing Aries. Maybe it was time they discussed something other than Jaxx’s life. She opened her eyes, took a deep breath and spun around. “All right. You want to talk? How about we talk about you for a change.”

“I’m not the one who was out all night with a man—”

“Leave Aries out of this. He has nothing to do with your guilt.”

“
My
guilt?”

Jaxx crossed her arms over her chest and said, “I think it’s time we talk about it.”

Maggie nodded, “All right. I’m listening.”

“You’re feeling guilty because you chose not to adopt me and I got stuck with asshole parents that fucked me up.”

Maggie scowled. “You’re not…‌not…‌fucked up.” She tripped over repeating that phrase and then cleared her throat. “Just a minute. You think I had a choice in the adoption process and if I did, I wouldn’t have adopted you? Oh, Jaxx, I didn’t have a choice. I was turned down.”

“But…” This didn’t make any sense. “I thought this was why you found me. Why you stepped in and—”

“There wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t think about you. Of course I searched for you when I could. As to stepping in? Someone had to. You were going down the wrong path. Testing dangerous boundaries, just like you are now with that man.”

“Leave Aries out of this. Please.”

“Why? Did you guys have a fight or something?”

Jaxx couldn’t help it. She looked away and the minute she did Maggie latched on to topic.

“You did. Did he break things off with you?”

“No.” When that came out of her she wished it hadn’t. She fully intended to go into her house and sort out all her feelings. Reexamine what happened this morning. But now that Maggie was prodding she worried if she didn’t get behind that door, she’d break in two, right in front of her.

Maggie put a hand on her arm. “Are you okay?”

No she wasn’t okay. She was so far from okay at that moment that something inside her snapped. All of her hard-learned control went out the window and she cried, “No I’m not. I’m not. I can’t be the person you want me to be and I can’t be the person I’m supposed to be. Don’t you see?”

Maggie shook her head. “See what?”

“I thought it was you who liked the self-doubter, but it’s not. It’s me. I’m giving that person inside of me all the power.”

The hallway echoed in silence following that outburst, and then Maggie said, “You’re crying.”

Brushing the frustrated tears away, all she could do was shrug.

“I’ve never seen you cry.”

Jaxx took a steadying breath, hiccupped and then sighed. “That’s because I didn’t think I had anymore tears left in me, but I was wrong. So if you’ll excuse me I’m going to into my house to wallow in them.”

“My God, you’re just like—”

Jaxx didn’t want to hear her say “them”. Not again. Not ever again.

She had turned away so she spun back around. “I’m just like me! I’m sorry if that disappoints you, but it’s the truth so you’ll just have to live with it.”

All Jaxx wanted to do was going inside and hide until she had control of her emotions. Now that Aries had helped unleash them she was completely vulnerable. Scared. Angry that he’d abandoned her this way. It was almost as if…

Her ears started ringing, but through the noise she heard one word, “
exchange”.

“I was going to say you are just like your mother.”

Jaxx stared at her. Unsure she’d heard correctly. “Excuse me?”

“She went after the wild ones too.”

Suddenly Jaxx felt dizzy. She needed to lean back against the doorframe for support. “You’re making that up to make me feel better.”

Maggie took a deep breath as though she were bracing herself. “I’m afraid not, but it’s high time I stopped making things up in other ways.”

This was all she needed. She banged her head against the doorframe and whispered, “What things?”

“Memories.”

That got Jaxx’s attention and for a moment the situation with Aries was forgotten as she focused in and demanded, “What do you mean by that?”

“I thought it was for the best. Believe me.”

“Maggie.”

“Your mother. She…‌she…”

The sound of her own heart beating, nearly deafened her as she whispered, “Tell me.”

“Your mother was a gypsy. She lived in the moment and on the edge. She tried every unthinkable thing; fell in love with all the wrong men until one man, your father, swept her off her feet before he broke her heart. She was never the same after that.”

“But…” Jaxx swayed and grasped Maggie’s arm to steady herself. “You always said she was practical. That I should be more like her and less like—”

“I had to. I promised her that I wouldn’t let you make the same mistakes. But after I found you, I realized I needed help. You weren’t easy. And when I saw how much you disapproved of your adopted parents. Of the choices they made, I thought I could use that to help you stay on the straight and narrow. They were the bad to your mother’s good. I needed to give you some frame of reference to get you back on track.”

Dumbfounded, Jaxx let go of her. All this time. All the talks about how her real mother was a sensible scholar who… “You lied to me. For years I’ve been trying to live up to a ghost that never existed. Oh Maggie, how could you? There were times I thought I was losing my mind trying to be the person I thought I should be. Fighting my instincts because I thought they were all messed up. Doubting myself…”

“I was trying to do the right thing. And it was working until
that
man showed up.”

The monumental hurt moved aside and outrage stepped in. “With
that man
I’ve been more myself than I ever have been before. You should be thanking him. I should be thanking him.”

“I just couldn’t—”

“You couldn’t save my mother, but you thought you could save me, is that it?” Jaxx reached behind her and grasped the doorknob. “Here’s a newsflash. I don’t need saving. What I do need is honesty.” She turned the knob and pushed the door open. “I also need some time to think about all this.”

When she went to go inside Maggie stopped her. “I’m sorry. Wait. Please, you have to know that all I wanted was the best for you. I wanted you to have the bright future your mother never had the chance to have.”

“I’m trying to understand. Believe me. But right now I have to go before I say something that we’ll never recover from.”

The last thing she saw before closing the door was Maggie’s worried face. Yet as she climbed into bed and curled up into a ball she was honest as she acknowledged. The pain in her heart, that was a deep and physical ache, had less to do with Maggie’s revelation than it did with Aries strange and distant behavior.

Why hadn’t she pressed him over it?

Fear.

She hugged herself tight. She couldn’t let that rule her. Not anymore. One way or another she was going to have to face down the self-doubter within her, before it ruined the one relationship in her life she had come to cherish.

*****

By the time Aries showed up late Sunday night and woke her, she thought she’d had handle on her feelings. But she was wrong. He was brisk and to the point when he whispered, “On your tummy.”

That’s all he said before he stretched out beside her and traced his hand over the letters he’d put on her back. Over and over he followed the lines until she’d nearly fallen asleep again. But then the ice cold felt from the marker landed on her skin and she automatically stiffened. She would have complained, but he spoke before she got the chance.

“Don’t move. Stay still. Yeah, just like that.”

When he was done he put the marker on the night stand and pulled her up into the position he loved so well. She didn’t protest. Not when he held onto her hips, not when he penetrated her and not when he slammed into her with a brutal need that burned. All she did was close her eyes and pray this wasn’t his way of saying goodbye.