Starlight in Her Eyes (11 page)

Serena could see more questions written in Colin's eyes. “My apologies for bringing up something hurtful,” he said.

“In some ways, it's a relief to tell you, Colin. I realized a long time ago that I can't compete with that type of woman for a man's affections.”

“Don't ever feel that you need to compete, love.”

Placing his hand on the side of her face, Colin caressed her skin.

Serena leaned into his touch.

“Other women can't hold a candle to your inner strength and depth of character,” he said. “You're much stronger than you give yourself credit for. I can't begin to imagine how difficult it was for you to lose Graham, and in such a terrible way. One last question and then I'm done. Have you been able to forgive him?”

“Yes. Although I can admit that if I didn't have Lily, I'm not sure what I would have done. Her sweetness has helped to fill the holes in my heart. It's primarily because of the daughter I shared with Graham that I've been able to finally find my peace and forgive him.”

“I can see why. Lily is an incredibly bright and loving child.” Colin took her hand. “You've done a remarkable job with her.”

“Thank you. Sometimes I think Lily understands the things of the Lord and His love for us more than I do. She accepted Jesus into her heart after Graham died. To be honest, I've felt terribly guilty because I wasn't there at the time, and I should have been. She was attending church with her friend, Evie, and her family. In many ways I'm sure Lily can't understand yet, that was the most important decision she'll ever make.” Serena shook her head. “She came to faith, and that's all that really matters.”

“You've been there for her ever since.” Colin squeezed her hand. “Children have such a simple, trusting faith. When we've been knocked around a bit by life we're skeptical and more hesitant to believe and trust.”

Serena nodded. “You're right. And now I need to accept the responsibility for encouraging Lily's faith to grow. I've fallen far short, Colin. Instead of setting the example, my daughter has become the better testament of how to live her strong faith.”

Colin kissed her temple. “You put way too much pressure on yourself to be perfect. I was watching you with Lily earlier. You're modeling your faith more than you know, and it's a beautiful thing. She's loving and compassionate and those are qualities she will carry with her for the rest of her life. And she loves her mum. Keep doing what you're doing.”

“Thank you.” Serena sniffled and raised tear-filled eyes to Colin's. “Your turn. I'd like to hear how you came to know the Lord.”

“Nikki and her husband, Alex, shared with me. It'll be a year ago this coming February.” He shifted to face her more directly. “I got to the point where my life was going in an endless circle, in constant motion but arriving nowhere. I took people and things for granted. I had a terrific job at the television station and a busy social life, but I was only living for the moment and seeking to satisfy my own selfish desires. Nikki and Alex helped me see that I wasn't feeding the heart and, more importantly, my soul. In many ways, observing how Nikki's relationship with Alex unfolded impacted me a great deal. They trusted in the Lord to work out the details and had the kind of peace I wanted but didn't know how to find.”

Serena squeezed his hand. “I'm so thankful Nikki and Alex shared with you. I became a believer when I was ten, but we didn't attend church faithfully. Once a month, on average. When I married Graham, he was at the same point in his faith that I was. I'm afraid I haven't gone to church in much too long. I'm not happy with myself for that decision although I've sent Lily with one of her friends. I hope you'll forgive me for being so harsh when you first asked me to share lunch with you. I judged you, and that was wrong.”

“I can't blame you for feeling that way,” Colin said. “I've gone from being a man who only believed in himself to a man who's accepted the grace and mercy of a loving God. In some ways, I've found the love that I never received from my parents. I've never claimed to be a perfect man, and for a long time, I wasn't even a decent man.” Colin met her gaze. “I wasn't respectful of women the way God intends, and I deeply regret many of the things I've done in my past.”

Serena twisted her fingers together in her lap. “You mentioned fighting a drinking problem but that you never succumbed. Were you ever…?”

“So inebriated to the point where I stumbled home on a few occasions and—to be blunt—at times woke up with someone and couldn't remember how I got there? Yes.” He rubbed his hand over his brow. “You might as well know everything there is to know about me, Serena. My mum left the family when I was ten, and my dad didn't know how to cope with his only child. I was more a nuisance to him than anything else, and he farmed me out to various relatives until I was sixteen and started fending for myself. I stayed with mates, and did what I needed in order to eat, to have a roof over my head, and to simply survive.”

“Where are your parents now?” Serena laid a gentle hand on his arm.

Colin hung his head, staring at the carpet for so long that Serena thought he might not answer. “They're both gone. Mum died at forty-five from alcohol poisoning—when I was twenty-five—and my father passed away three years ago from a sudden stroke. I attended their services in England, but in both cases, I felt oddly detached. I accepted condolences from the few who attended and then promptly drowned my misery in a lot of alcohol. I wasn't picky. Anything that would deaden my senses was good. My grandparents were all gone by that time. I had no one else.”

Slumping against the sofa cushions, Colin blew out a breath. “I felt that neither of my parents tried hard enough to be a good parent to me, and I blamed them for everything wrong in my life. In large part, that's why I never wanted to believe that God could be a God of mercy, of grace, and of love. How could He be any of those things when He stuck me with not one, but two lousy parents? I realize now those were only excuses, but at the time, it was a convenient reason at my disposal to push God and my parents from my life. In my search for affection, I equated physical closeness with love in a search to find my soul and soothe my wounded heart.”

Serena waited, knowing he wasn't done, wanting him to finish. Her heart ached for him, and she longed to ease his unrest and pain. Nothing he'd told her shocked her. She'd heard so many stories and experienced so much in her own life that she had no reason to judge. Colin's heart was repentant, and sitting beside her now was a changed man. That was all that mattered.

“I lived life in the fast lane for a number of years,” he said. “Most people don't know that I only have two years of university. I worked hard as a television intern in Chicago and then in Des Moines. I used my looks and my supposed charm to get what I wanted, when I wanted it, and by whatever means necessary. I hate to think of those I hurt in my wake.” Colin's voice caught, and he rose to his feet. “I should go. I've said more than enough.”

Standing beside him, Serena took his hand and pointed to the sofa. “Please sit down, Colin. If you think anything you've said tonight will disgust me or turn me away from you, then you're wrong. We all have things in our past we wish we hadn't done. I appreciate your telling me; but remember, you didn't know Jesus during that time. You have one of the most generous, giving hearts I've ever known. That shines through in everything you do. Although it can happen, most people don't change overnight. Like everything else, it's a process. I think we learn even more from our mistakes. If we did everything right the first time, what would be the point? We all have to learn to crawl before we can walk.”

“Serena, it's important for you to know that since I've become a Christian, I've not dated, much less…been with a woman. Trust me, He didn't remove the desire, but I no longer wish to act on that desire until such time as I might marry.”

His honest admission endeared Colin to her even more. The man's humility was obvious, and he wouldn't be telling her such personal things if he didn't trust her implicitly.

“Do you happen to have a Bible handy?” he asked. “I'd like to read something to you that I came across the other night. As I said, I'm new at this, but I've been trying to read a bit every night and then meditating over certain verses each day.”

“Let me run and get it, but I need to check on Lily first. I'll be back in a couple of minutes.”

Colin sat back on the sofa. The lines on his forehead were more pronounced, and he suddenly looked very tired. Emotionally spent. “Take your time. I'll be right here.”

At least her Bible was on the top of the dresser in her bedroom where she'd left it longer ago than she wanted to admit. Smoothing one hand over the Bible's leather cover, Serena frowned at the dust remaining on her hand. Wiping her palm against the side of her jeans, she darted into Lily's room. “Good night, sweetie,” she said, closing the door.

“Mommy?”

Serena cracked the door. “Yes?”

“I hope Mr. Colin comes to see us again. I really like him.” Throwing her arms around Truffle, Lily turned on her side.

“I do, too. Good night, Lily.” If she hadn't effectively scared Colin away with her tearful confessions, then she shared Lily's hope that he might come around again. He hadn't looked at her as if she were a nutcase, so that was encouraging.

“Thanks,” Colin said when she placed the Bible in his hands. “What I want to read is a well-known passage of scripture, actually. You might know these particular verses by heart, but it touches on the very thing you mentioned, and it's fresh and new for me.”

Serena scooted closer and looked over his shoulder as he flipped to the thirteenth chapter of First Corinthians.

“Beginning in verse eleven,” he said, placing his finger on the text. “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.”

When Colin reached for her hand, Serena gave it to him. “Before I knew the Lord, I was a child. When I looked in the mirror, I only saw myself and cared about the outside of me, not the inside. I'm thankful that God loved me so much.” He blew out a breath. “It's been such a comfort to be able to share my burdens with the Lord, to confess my sins, and to know that I'm loved unconditionally.”

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love,” Serena quoted. “You've had a fire burning inside you all along, but now it's been kindled and lit from within. That's a beautiful thing to see, Colin.”

Colin leaned forward and kissed her cheek, his lips warming her skin.

Her breath caught. She hadn't expected his kiss, but she felt it in every part of her.

“I'm glad you think so. I need your prayers,” he whispered. “I'm trying to become the man God wants me to be.”

“I need your prayers, too, Colin. To become the kind of woman who seeks His guidance every day. I want to show Lily by example, but I've lived without the Lord by my side for too long and depended on others and myself.”

Colin's gaze met hers. “Would you like to pray about it together?”

“I'd love nothing more. On our knees, if you're not too old.”

Colin chuckled. “Speak for yourself.”

She cried out in surprise as he fell to the side of the sofa and tugged her beside him.

Then they each lifted a simple prayer, asking the Lord to guide them in their individual journeys of faith.

He prayed that they could each be a witness of Christ's love to others at the television station.

Serena prayed to be more faithful in her daily spiritual walk and as she raised Lily. She'd never prayed, one on one, with a man before. Certainly not with Graham, and she never would have expected to be doing so with Colin.

A short time later, he bundled into his coat and told her good-bye. “I'll never forget this evening, Serena. Thank you for sharing the moment.” Leaning close, he touched his lips to hers with the briefest touch.

A kiss of promise. A new beginning.

10

Later that same evening

“Nikki, I've found the woman I'm going to marry.” After kicking off his shoes, Colin pulled back the comforter and then stretched out on the bed. What a night, but a good one in many respects in spite of all the heavy emotion. His brain was still on overload.

Nikki Kingsfield laughed softly. “Let me guess. Serena Monroe?”

“How did you—?”

“No brainer, Colin. She's all you've talked about the last few times we've spoken. In glowing terms, I might add. Glad to hear you've finally come to your senses. All that sparring with her finally got to you, didn't it?”

“I suppose so. Let's face it. I've dated a number of fascinating, beautiful women in my time, but not a one of them has made me ever contemplate putting a ring on her finger.”

“When did you come to this life-changing realization?”

“Tonight was the turning point, although it's been building gradually as our friendship has grown. I've seen past the lovely façade of the woman to see her heart, and she's pure gold.”

“Honey, I couldn't be more thrilled for you.” As evidenced by the catch he heard in her throat, Nikki meant it. “I hope you don't call Serena this late at night on a regular basis.”

Colin hiked up his sleeve and checked his watch. Midnight probably wasn't the best time to call. His friends hadn't been married but six months, after all. “Only a few times. She hasn't called me a pervert or demanded that I never call her again.”