Starlight (The Dragonian Series Book 5) (36 page)

we belong?

Something totally unexpected happened as I read this one. Tears actually filled my eyes. He’d tried to resist me, made it seem so easy too, but it wasn’t. He’d doubted it on a daily basis. Fought against it constantly. His words were so addictive and although his dark side scared the living crap out of me, I couldn’t stop reading his stupid journal.

I closed the book after I read two more poems and thought about them for a long, long time.

I’d thought keeping him from his darkness was hard, it wasn’t, he’d succumbed to it on numerous times. It was giving in to the light that was difficult.

THE NEXT DAY I promised myself I would appear normal again and went to Longbottoms with Becky and Sammy.

We stayed there the entire day, and talked about my upcoming birthday. Still, Blake’s journal and what he’d done haunted the back of my mind.

How could I have fallen for him? Even if that one poem was stuck in my head.

I knew my dragon was a poet, Professor Pheizer had told me that, and she was even on to him at that stage. Had she read his journal like she had with mine too, or had he given her another journal? A pretend one that didn’t have all the secrets this one did?

“So, Queen Margerite says that they are going to throw you a party before your big day and bring out the cake at twelve,” Becky explained

“At night?”

“It is your birthday, Elena. It’s her conditions if you don’t want a huge extravaganza on your day.”

“Fine,” I conceded.

“It will be held at the same place we held the Dragons’ function. I like that place. It will be perfect.”

“It’s going to be boring.”

“Why boring? I’m there.”

“You’ve not been yourself lately.”

“Well, I have my reasons.”

“Have you gotten through to him yet?”

“Nope.” She sulked again.

“I’m sure they are somewhere where there is no signal.”

I remembered what Emanual told me. If Blake was miserable, George would be too.

“Okay, what else?”

“She said no fancy dresses.”

“Finally!” I yelled manically.

Becky and Sammy laughed then Sammy got up. “Need to meet Dean at the coffee shop. See you girls later.”

“Bye,” I said while Becky sulked some more.

I smiled. I wanted to tell her so badly about his journal, but didn’t. I knew she would just want to read it too and then all his secrets would come out.

I still couldn’t believe that he’d had a thing for Irene. It explained a lot, like why he’d always talked so highly of her.

“So what do you want to do on your birthday?”

“I don’t know. Maybe just spend it at Longbottoms.”

“Fine.”

“What? I like Longbottoms.”

“I know you do, you own half the place.”

I laughed. It wasn’t half, but it was pretty close.

WE LEFT AROUND four and I couldn’t wait to read the journal again. I had to sit through a spa day with the girls, and when nine o’clock finally came, I said goodnight and went to my room.

I closed my door and locked it again.

I opened Blake’s journal and carried on where I’d stopped yesterday.

I could more or less make sense of where he was in his life now.

Most of them were about me, about him resisting me as his rider. He’d mentioned it so many times and he’d put voice to the feelings he’d had after a while. He’d even written a poem about saving me that time. He’d thought his one chance was gone, how it made him feel, and then when he’d realized I would live, he’d kicked himself in the butt again.

Why had he saved me?

Then there was this one. It was when he came back from that beating, it was about Paul.

Betrayal and Consequences
was what he’d called it.

A dark pleasure so grand

comes when they fall into my plan.

I wickedly lie, smile, and deceive

not a word of truth from me leaves.

I see a stranger roam the halls

gain their trust and more they fall.

Evil laughter echoes within

my Dark Side is pleased with the chaos and din.

My one true friend that remains,

as clouds of disaster starts to rain,

Leaves on a dangerous quest…

and until he wins, will not rest.

He wants to find a way to ‘save the world’,

tame the dark, and have the light unfurl.

I know the truth, I know ‘the way’.

I keep quiet. I don’t want to be saved.

I revel in the knowledge that I’m succeeding,

then the stranger makes his move and I’m reeling.

At first I feel glee, no one will catch on to my plan,

but she’s in danger…no, I won’t save the woman.

From within a spark bursts forth, I must go.

She might die, I really don’t know.

Silence.  The world is still. 

My friend is dead…the greatest man I knew.

I’m at the funeral, my girlfriend’s bruised.

If I were good I wouldn’t hurt those I claim to love,

If I’d been honest life right now wouldn’t be so tough.

If I had been honest, if I’d been good,

my friend would be alive…I know he would.

‘She’ would’ve conquered me…the one true heir.

I’m not good, but is this fate fair?

With her new form, fire and wings,

is she really the future queen?

No matter what, I betrayed my greatest friend.

I’m confused, I need his advice, but because I exist, he’s dead

Tears rolled over my cheeks and I chucked his book away from me. He’d really known all of this, even though he’d told me he hadn’t. It still hurt knowing that Lucian died because he was so dishonest. He was right to fear what would happen when I found out about all the shit he had done.

He’d tried harder after that, I knew he had, even though he didn’t want to help me, not before I changed into Cara, but he was selfish and only thought about himself.

I didn’t care anymore if it was a Rubicon thing, he was a fucking idiot.

Lucian and Brian were dead, while he knew the truth. He wanted to kill me too. How can anyone love someone if they wanted him or her dead at a stage?

I didn’t read any more of his poems after that one. I told myself I wouldn’t.

I would free him after we freed Etan, and then I hoped he would just disappear and I would never see him again.

He was really scaring me so much.

My birthday party was in a few days and I had another interview with some host who tried her best to talk about what had happened to me, but I just shook my head.

Jenna didn’t like it that much as she really liked this host and she said that I might have just killed this campaign by not co-operating. She has the numbers in views and blah, blah, blah.

Then she and Becky quarreled.

I was so over it.

Besides, I’d told Kevin he could get the exclusive and really didn’t care about this one. She was so fake. Just wanted the numbers and whatnot.

That night I had the urge to read more of Blake’s poems. Why I couldn’t just leave his journal alone was beyond me.

I opened his book again and paged past until I found the last poem I’d read.

Hope is gone

she’s not the heir.

So why is it

that I care?

She’s a Rubicon

ah, I see.

She’s meant to kill

and defeat me.

I train her

and peace calms my soul

She’s kind and incredible

I come to know.

She wins my heart,

but I won’t tell.

The darkness whispers

we can’t be together, though I fell.

I tell her the mission

she’s to kill me and save the land.

She’s mad and angry

she says…she loves me.  Am I in quicksand?

We’re not for each other,

I must let her see.

I say hateful words

that I don’t mean.

I’ve damaged her spirit, the one I’ve come to adore,

darkness swallows me whole, I know no more

And then he’d written this….

His words were speaking to my soul. No wonder his music was so good. He was truly a poet, described things in ways I would never understand, but this, this made sense. All of them did. I knew he’d lied but reading the words of what had truly happened while he’d trained me that time, made me furious again. He’d fallen for me then, but because of me turning into Cara, throwing everyone and himself off, he didn’t trust it. And because of the darkness he’d slipped into, he didn’t feel anything when he woke after that.

So what if I was a Rubicon? I kept him from turning dark. Even though it wouldn’t have lasted but it should’ve given him hope and he still ran away from it like usual.

I huffed as I realized that he was one of the most complicated creatures I’d ever met. He was like layers of good and evil all mixed into one, just like an onion that was starting to rot.

How can someone trust that, really trust all of it?

It scared me still that he was like this, but I’d found my new addiction—his poems.

Whether they were dark or not, it was addictive.

Never Breath was a poem too, and so was Forever Last. Both great hits in Paegeia. They’d reached number one on the charts. It was a pity that the rest of the world wouldn’t hear The Shifters.
Stupid band name.

I read a couple more, it changed drastically as the last one was one he’d written after he’d stepped over the edge and they had to sedate him. They were all dark again.

They weren’t kind either. It was before he came back, why he was so mean.

Darkness roams, controlling me

There's a love that cannot be

Truth has come, opening all

It won’t last, I’ve lost my soul

Freedom be mine, rider no more

Human girl, pathetic door

Veil of darkness covers me

I don’t want to can’t you see?

Evil, darkness, I’ve embraced

Forever mine, loneliness laced

He’d truly hated me. He’d never wanted this. I closed the book and put it back into the drawer. Wondering again why he had kissed me then.

I grunted. I was staring to rhyme myself from reading poems upon poems, and I wasn’t even a poet. Yet, he’d told me why he’d kissed me. It was so Blake. He hadn’t fallen for me; he just couldn’t hear my thoughts anymore. Had he even been speaking the truth up on that mountain that day?