Starry-Eyed (37 page)

Yours,

Grady Samson

To: Tori Fields

From: Monica Livingston

Date: 10/3/13

Tori,

Are you aware that Samantha wrote me an email about how she knows that Sophie is based on me? She actually asked me personal questions so she could understand “her character.” I shouldn't have to tell you this, but my life and my choices aren't just material for your movie. Please send me the screenplay. I need to make sure I'm comfortable with how I'm depicted.

I'm not going to get into the reasons I'm not writing you back and calling you and everything. I explained already that even though at first it seemed like the end of the world that my dad took a job in Utah, I then came to see Utah as a new beginning. And, to answer your question, no. I don't hate it when the screen goes black because I actually don't think,
what
. I think that life is not easily resolved. I appreciate that uncertainty reflected in art.

Monica

To: Grady Samson

From: Bob and Martha Livingston

Date: 10/3/13

Dear Mr. Samson,

Thank you so much for letting us know about the possible controversy surrounding Tori's film. We were, to be honest, less than thrilled with the number of expletives in her screenplay, but at the same time we agree that it's an accurate reflection of the experience of many of our children. Of course, we hope that other members of the Vista High School community will feel similarly, but we are ready to show support for Tori and your much beloved and valued film program in any way that we can.

Thank you, also, for your kind words about our daughter. We are tremendously proud of her.

All our best,

Martha and Bob (Fields)

To: Sean Lu

From: Samantha Partridge

Date: 10/17/13

Seany!

You will never believe what happened this morning! While you were in second period! It's still hard for me to believe that people at school were just in their classes sitting there staring into space or something while in the Admin hall things were going crazy!

Okay, so this is how it started. We walked into film class and Mr. Samson was pacing in front and he didn't say hello to us like he usually does so we all could feel that something was up. It was like there was this hush over us. But we were kind of whispering, too, because we were all wondering what was wrong. And then the bell rang and he just
kept pacing
. We were all like, Oh my God, what's wrong with Mr. Samson??? Then he said, “Tori, will you come talk to me for a moment?” And Tori got up and followed him into his office, and we all tried to hear what he was saying but we couldn't hear it. It was pretty silent for a little while, and then Mr. Samson and Tori BURST out of his office and into the classroom. Actually, it was more like Mr. Samson burst out and Tori walked out with him.

Basically, what happened was that some parent of a kid (who isn't even in the film class and who none of us have heard of, by the way) wrote to “express concern” about our film. I guess she's part of the parents' club and she said that since the parents' club funds the film class she would like to make sure the administration approves the movie. Whatever. So controlling.

So Mr. Samson was like a sports coach all of a sudden. “Are we going to let the parents' club dictate our art?” he kept yelling, and we yelled back, “No!” “What are we gonna do about it?!” he yelled, and we didn't really know what to do so we just kind of muttered some
suggestions and shrugged and stuff until he said, “Are we going to go down to the office and tell them what we think about their ‘expression of concern'?” And we were like, “Yeah!” And then, before I even knew what was happening, rolls of Duct tape were flying through the air and into our hands, and we were writing signs that said things like “Whatever happened to freedom of speech?” and “Art saves lives!” Mine said, “Get your parents off my movie!” Isn't that amazing? I don't even know how I came up with it.

We all covered our mouths with the Duct tape and then we marched to the Admin hall. Mr. Samson didn't tape his mouth right away, though, because he gave this speech as we marched. It was incredible. It happened so fast and he kept talking about all of this history stuff that I didn't really get but I could tell it was super awesome and relevant. When we got to the hall, he yelled, “Now make a star!” And we did it! We didn't even organize.
We just lay down in the shape of a star
. I thought about getting in the middle of it since I am
the
star, but then I figured I would stay with my cast.

Mr. Samson put the tape over his mouth, which was really powerful. And then we just waited for them to notice us. Finally the secretary came out and said, “What the?” and then rushed back in. Then Principal Monroe came out and shook her head. “What is this, Grady?” she asked, but Mr. Samson's mouth was taped so all he could do is point at us and our shirts. She walked in a circle around us reading our messages. She rubbed her face. It was clear that she really had a lot on her mind. Then she said, “Go ahead and make your movie. But you're not showing it at Open House, all right, Grady? Is that clear?”

Then she went back in the office. Honestly? I was a little bit confused. But then Mr. Samson peeled the tape off of his mouth. He gestured for us to do it, too. It really hurt! We were all watching him, rubbing our mouths, and wondering what we should do next. “Ladies and gentleman,” he said—
to us!
“You have just been part of a successful preemptive strike. We have made Vista High School history
today and preserved the integrity of
Tuesday at Midnight
.” He actually had tears in his eyes. And you know what? I had some tears in mine too. I knew I was part of something really special. I really was.

See you at lunch!!!

Sam

To: Tori Fields

From: Monica Livingston

Date: 10/23/13

Tori,

I still haven't gotten a copy of your screenplay, and I'm feeling really uncomfortable about this, especially because Sam keeps writing to me—
even though I'm completely ignoring her
—with more questions and all of this rambling about how controversial your film is and whether I've heard about it on the news.
On the news
? Tori, all the things that happened to us were between us. I regret a lot of things but I'm trying to move on and I don't need my bad decisions haunting me. Just email it to me or something, okay?

Monica

To: Monica Livingston

From: Tori Fields

Date: 10/29/13

Monica,

Please. My movie wasn't ever on the news. Sam is being dramatic. There was a little bit of controversy, but Mr. Samson handled it (in a way that you would find really funny, by the way. It was extreme but, to his credit, effective).

When I said that you weren't in that room on audition day, I didn't mean that Sophie was you. I meant that I wrote the part with you in mind, like you were my muse, like when I wrote “Sophie laughs,” I pictured you laughing. At first it was almost like a form of self-torture, because it was still so raw, what happened between us. But then it started to make me feel better to write it all out. Not the
facts but the feeling of everything. It felt good to see all of the misery become something.

I'll tell Sam not to contact you anymore. I'll tell her that she misunderstood and that you aren't Sophie at all.
I hope you're doing well,

Tori

To: Tori Fields

From: Monica Livingston

Date: 11/8/2013

Tori,

You have got to be kidding me. Sam actually called me and left me this long voicemail asking why I made those lists about you that I made. I don't even know how you know about them. But the next time you choose to use personal details about my life please have the decency not to tell me that the character isn't based on me.

Monica

Text message sent from Tori Fields to Tyler Marsh, 11/8/2013

I need to talk to you.

To: Monica Livingston

From: Tyler Marsh

Date: 11/8/2013

Heeeeyyyyyy, Monica.

Okay, so I'm writing you this because Tori just yelled at me for five minutes because I told Sam about those lists you made. So here's the confession I promised her I'd give you.

Sam has been like stalking me for information about you. I finally just broke down and gave her something good so she'd leave me alone. And yeah, I told Tori about the lists, too, but I just thought it would be doing everyone a favor. Like I know you don't want to hear from either of us and that's no problem on my end because whatever happened between us is over and that's more than cool with me. But Tori's spent the last few months walking around like she's shell-shocked, so I thought telling her about the lists might snap her out of it.

So I told her.

And then I said, “What kind of person makes a list of the stuff that annoys her about the girl she's supposed to love? And then makes another one about the guy she's cheating on her with?” She was kind of crying, so she didn't answer me. Finally I answered for her. I said, “The kind of person we don't need in our lives.” And she nodded. But I guess you weren't all worked out of her system yet.

As for me, you should be happy to know that I consider finding those lists on your carpet folded up into little squares to be one of the best things that ever happened to me. Also, it really isn't annoying that I point at my food with my fork when I think it tastes good. At least I don't talk with my mouth full. That would be rude.

Tyler

To: Tori Fields

From: Monica Livingston

Date: 11/10/13

Hey Tori,

I'm really sorry that I accused you of telling Sam about the lists, and I'm really sorry that I wrote them in the first place. I'm trying to let the old Monica go and become a better person. It doesn't help that I am constantly worrying about what's in your movie.

Monica

To: Bob and Martha Fields

From: Grady Samson

Date: 11/26/2013

Dear Martha and Bob,

Wow. That's all I can say right now. Wow.

Okay, I can say more. We just had our first morning of shooting. The production designer (a freshman!) and her crew did an incredible job of transforming my office into a bedroom. (I chuckle to myself every time I walk in there and see teen girl decorations. Ha!) We shot the scene where Claire falls in love. It's so subtle. No dialogue. But Tori's direction in concert with Lily's nuanced performance and Matt's cinematography was superb. Transcendent, even. I have never seen such a profound scene unfold in front of me, let alone by high school students. I feel invigorated and ready for tomorrow's shooting. The rest of this semester is going to be spectacular.

Yours,

Grady

To: Monica Livingston

From: Tori Fields

Date: 11/30/2013

Okay, Monica.

Maybe the movie is based on you and me. Maybe I am working through some of my inner conflict or heartbreak or anger. You, with all of your theories about art, should understand that. Here is where I disagree with you about endings, though:

In life, you're right, there is uncertainty. You might be completely in love with a girl who loves you completely back. You might wake up one morning, confident in that love, until you find your phone and learn that the girl who was supposed to love you made out with someone else at a party on a Tuesday night when you were sleeping. Probably dreaming about her. There may never be an explanation. You may never feel at peace with it. You may pace around your room and take down all your posters and decorations because everything you see reminds you of her, and then you might put most of them back up again because without them and the memory of her you don't know who you are anymore. You might feel tied up in her. You might have dreams that she comes back to you, and dreams that you're touching her face, and dreams that she's kinder than she ever was in real life. You might not be sure if the dreams will ever stop because even though you're only sixteen and your mother keeps telling you that life is long and vast and your father keeps saying that there are plenty of pretty girl fishes in the sea, you can't imagine kissing anyone else ever. That's what life is like.

But in movies and books and plays—in storytelling in general, I guess—we can offer an ending that feels like a gift. We can offer a world that makes sense, even if it's painful. I'm going to take myself seriously as an artist for a minute, and go even a step further. I consider
it my duty to provide an ending that satisfies without simplifying. That makes people feel on their way to being healed.

I'm not sending you the screenplay. You can see the movie when it's finished. But I will give you something now: I'll tell you how it ends.

Remember Lily? She was a freshman last year in our aerobics class? She has long brown hair and big pretty brown eyes and freckles all over her face and she is beautiful in the movie. She is always so present. I cast her as Claire. After Claire finds out about Eric and Sophie, she avoids them for months. She trades her locker for one in a different building. She transfers sections of her Mandarin class. She does this because she can't help longing for Sophie every time she sees her, and she hates to feel that way about someone who betrayed her.