Starting Point (33 page)

“Kira…”

I wiped away my tears. “Don’t leave them. They need you.”

“I need you, too,” he said.

“You will always have me.”

“Even if some drug-running asshole pulls a gun on you?” His eyes were wide and scared. “I don’t think I can deal with that. I can’t handle the thought of something happening to you, because of me. Not ever again.”

I smiled, despite my tears. “You know what? I think I’m getting used to it. It’s just what happens when I’m around you.”

Matt huffed out a laugh and shook his head. With his hands still to my face, he wiped my cheeks with his thumbs. “Kira…”

“You can’t leave the FC. You love it, Matt. And they need you. Those kids need you. Boss and the boys, they need you.”

“What about you?”

I smiled slowly. “I will always need you. That won’t ever change. Matt, you’re it for me, forever.” I leaned in and kissed him softly. “For richer or poorer, to love and cherish, or something like that.”

His eyes went wide, and he stared at me intently, searching for something. “We’re not married yet.”

“We will be.”

He smiled warmly. “How did I ever get so lucky?”

“You punched me in the mouth, remember?” I said with a grin, despite the tears. “We were training and you jabbed me and split my lip.”

“You were flirting and it distracted me.”

I laughed quietly, though my eyes were still watery. “I seem to recall you flirting with me.”

“I seem to recall not being able to form a proper sentence around you. You only had to smile and my brain went blank.”

“Have I lost that effect on you? I used to make you blush…”

I kissed him and kept his forehead against mine. “You still take my breath away.”

He kissed me then, softly, and pulled my bottom lip between his. He moved his hands to hold my face, and he deepened the kiss. But then I heard something. Ending the kiss, I pulled away and turned to the familiar sound. Matt obviously hadn’t heard anything, but he quickly turned to follow my line of sight, and we saw a car had stopped in front of the cabin.

“Mom and Dad,” I murmured. “Did you call them?”

“No, I didn’t,” he answered softly.

We went to the front door and opened it for them to come inside. When they got close enough to see, I put my finger to my lips. “Sshh.”

As always, Mom came in first. She hugged me. “Where is Claude?” she asked quietly.

“Asleep,” Matt answered.

Then Yumi walked over to Matt and hugged him, fiercely. I don’t think she’d ever hugged him that hard. Even when he tried to pull away, she kept him in her strong grip. Eventually she pulled away and put her hand to his face. “You okay, Matty?”

He kissed her cheek and nodded. “I’m fine.”

I looked over at Dad, who had just walked in. He signed, “She’s worried. About you. You, Matt and Claude of course. Mostly Matt, though.”

I signed, “Can we go out to the deck?” and quietly walked through, careful not to wake Claude.

When we were all there, I said, “Matt’s okay. Actually, Matt’s been the strong one this time.”

Mom looked at me, and reaching up, she put her hand to my cheek. Someone else might not have seen that I’d been crying earlier, but I had no doubt she could tell. “Kira?”

“It’s just been a hard day,” I said, taking in a calming breath. “Claude kind of broke down earlier. She’s asleep now, but she lost it today. She’s been so quiet and withdrawn. She’s hardly said a word these last three days.”

“And she got upset today?”

I nodded and sighed. “Mom, it was awful. She was trying to clean the shoes Ruby gave her,” I said quietly. “I didn’t really know what to do.”

Matt walked over and slid his arm around me, kind of squashing Mom in the middle of us. “You were great. You did everything right.”

I looked at my parents. “I didn’t know how to help her. I still don’t know what to do.”

“You do everything,” Mom said, with sad eyes. “You both do so much already. You’re good boys. You take care of those kids. No one make you. No one even ask. You just do it.”

“We didn’t take very good care of Ruby,” I said. My eyes burned, and I bit my lip to stop any tears.

“No,” Matt said seriously. He lifted my chin so he could look me in the eye. “Kira, we did everything we could. There’s no blame here. There’s no guilt. Ruby knew the dangers, he knew, but he did it anyway. It’s a shitty life for a kid, but how he got to where he was isn’t on us. We offered him all we could. Kira, babe, don’t feel like we didn’t try hard enough. There’s nothing else we could have done.”

I nodded, but hardly looked convinced. “We’ll have to arrange something more permanent for Claude.” I shrugged. “She can’t just go back to the streets.”

“She stay with us,” Mom said, still standing beside us. We turned to look at her. “She need a home. And school. She can have your old room, Kira. She live with us and we look after her.”

I looked from Mom to Dad. He just shrugged and nodded. “Yumi’s made up her mind,” he signed. He shrugged one shoulder as if to say there’s no point in arguing. Then he smiled. “Your mom always wanted more kids.”

I looked at my Mom and couldn’t stop the tears this time. “You’d do that for us?”

“We do it for Claude,” she replied. Then she put up her finger and pointed it at me. “But Oscar only when you need. Not full time. Not a kid and dog. I’m crazy, but I’m not that crazy.”

Matt laughed and hugged her, kissing her cheek. “Sit down out here, I’ll make some coffee.”

We sat at the patio table, and I looked at them both. “Are you sure?” I signed. “It’s a big decision, Mom. It’s not a few weeks, it’s years. She’s just nine. She needs a lot of things. She needs therapy, Mom. She needs to talk to someone who can help her.”

“You forget who raised you?” Mom said. “I know what kids need.” Then her eyes softened. “But she will need you too. And Matt.” She looked back to where Matt had walked inside. “Has he been okay? I been so worried. When you said you come up here, and the men with a gun and poor, poor Ruby…” Mom shook her head. “I worry that Matt not take it well.”

“Mom, he’s been great,” I told her. “He’s really taken care of me this time.”

Mom smiled warmly. “He a good boy.”

“He’s the best.”

Matt came out the glass sliding door carrying a tray of mugs and pot of coffee. When everyone had a cup, he sat down next to me, and we talked about the little girl who was asleep inside.

“She not going to some welfare place,” Mom said, shaking her head. “If she wants to live with you, then that’s fine. We’ll help. But I just think she needs someone who done it before. We raised you,” Mom said, looking at me. “And you turn out just fine. You both work funny hours and we retired, not work at all. We have the time she needs.”

I nodded. As much as I wanted to argue, my mother was right. She usually was.

It was mid-afternoon when she woke up, and we were still sitting outside on the deck. When Claude woke up and came out, she went straight to Matt and climbed up on his lap.

“You feel okay, squirt?” he asked.

She nodded, but didn’t say anything.

“Claude,” Matt said gently. “We want to talk to you, is that okay?”

She looked at him for a long moment, probably deciding if she trusted him or not, and nodded.

“You know you’re not alone, yes?” he asked, not waiting for her to answer. “Because you’re not. You have people who care about you, and who are worried for you.”

Claude’s bottom lip trembled and her eyes welled, but she didn’t cry.

“We want you to know you have somewhere to stay, a real home. You’re not going back to the streets. You don’t have to live like that anymore.”

Claude blinked back her tears and shook her head. “I don’t got anyone.” Her voice was soft and croaked.

Mom fought her own tears. “Yes you have. You have us. All of us.”

Claude looked at me, then at Matt. She obviously still didn’t know what was going on.

“If you want,” Matt said, “and only if you want to, you can come live with Yumi and Sal. They want you to stay with them.”

Claude turned to face my parents, and she kind of sank back into Matt. It was obviously a bit of a shock, and something she didn’t seem too keen on.

“You can have my old room, Claude,” I said, trying to sweeten the offer. “Your very own room! With your own bed, and we can go shopping for new quilt covers and make it all pretty.”

Mom shrugged, sadly. “I know we are a bit different.”

“No you’re not,” I said, almost offended that she would say that.

Mom smiled at Dad then patted my leg. “Kira, we are.”

“You
are
different,” Matt said with a warm smile. “And pretty damn amazing.”

I looked at Claude. “Mom will make you eat your vegetables, she’ll make you do your homework. You’ll have chores, nothing too bad, like keeping your room clean and putting your laundry in the hamper. And Dad?” I went on to say, “Well, he’ll wait until your first date and follow you to the movies, sit up the back and embarrass you so bad.”

Dad laughed. “That was just for you,” he signed.

I looked at Claude. “That was just for me, apparently.”

She was quiet for a long moment, and we gave her time to think. Eventually she asked, “What about Oscar?”

“He’ll stay at our house, with me and Kira,” Matt told her. “But he’ll come over a few days a week and you can see him when you come to our place.”

Claude blinked a few times, then she looked at Yumi. “And I gotta go to school?”

My mom nodded once. “Yes.”

“It’s okay to be scared, Claude,” Matt said. “I was scared, when my Mom died, I didn’t want to make decisions, and you know it was okay. I didn’t have to decide straight away, and neither do you.”

“We just want you to know you not alone,” Mom said. “And you welcome to live with us.”

Oscar put his nose on my leg. I scratched his head while we deliberately talked about other stuff. Claude didn’t say much for a little while, just seemed quite content to sit on Matt, leaning against him. She seemed lost in her thoughts as we talked, and Dad asked us how long we were staying at the cabin for.

“Not sure,” I answered. “I have to go back to work the day after next.”

“Claude and I can stay here for another few days,” Matt said. He gave her a squeeze. “Only if she wants to.”

“We gotta go back, Matt,” she said, her voice was quiet. “We got work to do before next weekend. The fun day’s on, remember?”

Matt smiled at her. “You sure you want to?”

She nodded and shrugged. “Can’t leave it all for Boss to do. You’ll never hear the end of it.”

We laughed around the table. Then out of nowhere, Claude said, “I really miss Ruby.”

Our smiles died. Matt rubbed her back and said, “I know you do, squirt. And you always will. We’ll help you remember him, so he stays in here”—he pointed to her heart. “We’ll just take one day at a time.”

The little girl nodded sadly, and a silence fell over us. After a short time, while Claude was still curled up on Matt’s lap, she asked him, “If I do go with them, do I still get to see you and Kira sometimes?”

“Of course!” Matt answered. “All the time. You’ll be sick of us. You can stay on weekends if you want, and if Yumi and Sal have to go out or something, you can stay with us. I’m sure Oscar will love that.”

Claude smiled, albeit small and brief, for the first time in three days. She nodded. “I’d like that.”

Mom grinned and leant forward on her chair. “You will? You come stay with us?”

Claude gave a bit of a shrug and a nod. “Guess so.”

Mom almost tackled her and Matt. “We have so much fun. And you have a nice house and good food, and I have another girl in the house. It’s always been me and lots of boys, I been outnumbered for years.”

“Mom,” I said with a laugh. “You’ll scare her.”

After a bit of discussion, it was decided that Claude would go back to LA with Mom and Dad today. It was only mid-afternoon, and by the time Matt and I had cleaned up the cabin and stripped the beds, we’d only be an hour or two behind them. We’d call in to see them on our way home.

When they were leaving, Mom was happy, but cautiously so. She was also concerned about me. I had been upset when she’d got there, and that worried her.

As Matt, Dad and Claude were near the car, I had a moment alone with my mom. “You sure you’re okay?” she asked me again.

“I am. Well, I will be. I just feel,” I searched for the right word, “I don’t know. Weird.”

“Anything I can do?” she asked, looking up at me.

“You know what I need? I just need some time, Mom. I’m okay, I’m fine, I really am. I just need some time with Matt and no one else. And that’s probably selfish, given everything Claude’s been through, but I need to just be with him, in the quiet.”

Mom looked at me, concerned. “That’s okay,” she said. “I understand. You feel off balance.”

I nodded. I wasn’t quite sure how I felt, but off balance was pretty close. “I do.”

Mom kissed my cheek. “Let him look after you this time,” she said.

“I will,” I told her. “He really has been great this time, Mom. With everything that’s happened these last few days, it’s really shown how far he’s come. He’s been great.”

Mom smiled at me. “I know.”

We said our goodbyes with promises to see them soon and watched them drive away. When we walked back inside, Matt rubbed his hand on my arm. “You okay?” he asked. “I really think Claude’s better off with your parents. Not that I would mind if she wanted to live with us fulltime, but it’s not about what I want. It’s about doing what’s right for Claude. And I’m sure we’d do just fine, but I really think she needs people like your mom and dad. She’s been without that kind of structured stability—not that someone needs a mom, I’m sure two dads could do just fine, but Claude needs things I’m not sure I’m in the right place to give it to her. I mean, I’m still in therapy, and she needs more than I can give her…” He was rambling. He always did when he was nervous.

“You, we, would do just fine, Matt,” I told him.

“You’re not pissed off that she’s gone with them?”

I shook my head. “Not at all. I’m pretty sure it will be all of us who take care of her.”

Matt smiled. “I hope so.”