Stay (12 page)

“Right, Max. Did you two have a good weekend?” he
asked, again, more contempt laced in his voice.

“Yeah, it was fine. Thanks,” I answered honestly,
even though I felt like crap. I picked up a few more bottles and
placed them in the recycling, trying to figure out what Luke was
doing. He hadn’t moved yet-he just stood there in his boxers,
staring at me. That’s when I noticed the tattoo. I forced myself to
look away, to pretend I didn’t notice his tribute to me. And I
could tell that he knew that I saw it.

“Did he leave?”

“Yeah.”

He sighed, but smiled. “Good. Let’s go do something
today, then?”

I couldn’t say no to him, and he knew it. He always
had a weird pull on me that dragged me in until I couldn’t do
anything but follow. I knew that Max being here this weekend upset
him. And I was so tired of hurting him. “Sure. What do you want to
do?”

“Anything. Movies, walk through town, eat...your
choice.” His spirit picked up slightly once I agreed. All of his
suggestions were things we used to do as a couple. We would walk
through town, grab some pizza, hop into a theatre to catch the
latest flick, but now him asking me to do those things felt wrong.
Not in the sense that it wasn’t a sweet idea to walk down memory
lane, it just made me feel nervous to do those thing with him, and
not consider how Max would feel if he knew.

Max and I shared one good night while he was here. I
firmly stood my ground in the bathroom mirror and made a vow to not
let Luke affect Max’s weekend. I hated leaving Jeremy with so many
questions, but I could tell that Max being here was not
appreciated, and I couldn’t just send him packing. He deserved
better.

“How about we grab some food. I have a ton of
laundry to do.”

“Sure.” He shrugged. “No problem. Can we go early? I
have to work tonight.”

“Yeah, I’ll come find you in a few hours.”

He opened his mouth to say something, but instead,
he just nodded before slipping back into his room. I sat down,
dropping my head into my hands. It was so hard to see him sometimes
and not wonder what could have been. Luke was everything that I’d
always wanted, and now it was gone. I’d lost him. I did this. I
needed to find my way back to him as a friend. He was forever my
rock, letting me lean on him my entire life, and I couldn’t forget
that.

After finishing my laundry in the apartment’s mini
Laundromat, I worked my way back into a loud apartment. The sound
of one of Jeremy’s favorite bands, Sublime, pulsated the space. I
smiled, remembering how he’d always play the music too loud when we
were younger, and how our mom would scream over it to get him to
turn it down. He’d smile back at me, then crank it up a notch to
piss her off even more.

It’d been a few hours later when Luke came out of
his room dressed for work. I glanced at my watch, thinking I was
running more behind than I thought, but it was still early.

“You ready?” he asked with a small bit of
excitement.

“What time do you have to work?”

“Not until five. It gives us three hours.” When he
answered, I must’ve seemed confused, because he sidled up next to
me. “What?”

“Well, why are you dressed for work already?” Not
that he didn’t look good in his black trousers and white button-up
shirt. He’d left a few buttons undone, so you could see his chest
hair peeking out.

“I thought about coming back to change, but then I
didn’t want to waste any time we have together.” He shrugged like
it was no big deal, but to me, it was an obvious admission of his
feelings. As he pulled my arm around his waist leading me out the
front door, I hesitated.

“Luke.”

He cocked his head to face me. “Yeah?”

“This isn’t a date. You know that, right?”

His eyebrows furrowed, a small frown pulling his
lips down, but then he laughed. “I know, Mags. You’re with Max. I
got it, but can’t two friends go out for some food?”

“Yeah, but...” I looked at how we were standing. How
he had his arm draped over my shoulders.

He shook his head in disbelief, but untangled us.
“Even when we were friends, you never had a problem with the way I
touched you.”

“I still don’t,” I lied. His arms around me brought
back so many memories. Memories that had haunted me for the last
two years. It wasn’t until Max came along and we grew closer that
some of those memories didn’t feel quite so painful. I didn’t want
to say I found love again, because I wasn’t sure what Max was to me
yet. I knew his feelings were stronger than mine, but at the same
time, I didn’t want to give up on him, either.

We ended up at a little honky-tonk that had the best
wings in town. A place where we used to use our fake IDs just to
eat here. Luke ordered two beers and two dozen wings after we sat.
“So, tell me something would you?”

The girl brought over our beers. I took a sip.
“Sure.”

“Why did you really leave?”

I gagged on my beer, coughing and spewing at his
question. “I already told you.”

“Yeah, you did. But I got to thinking, Maggie. I
know that what happened to you must’ve been horrible, and maybe I’m
wrong, and if I am, I’m apologizing now for being an asshole.”

I swallowed, waiting for him to finish his
question.

“I just don’t see you leaving for that reason only.
I loved you, and I know you loved me, so I can’t wrap my head
around you bolting when you could’ve just moved in with me and Jer
if you needed to get away from him.”

Crap!

“Where was I going to live, Luke? In your frat house
with you and twenty-five other guys?”

He sipped his beer but didn’t take his eyes off of
me. “I would’ve figured something out. You know that.”

“I know you would’ve, but that’s not what I wanted.
I am so sorry for hurting you, Luke. And I did love you. I do. I
just didn’t know what to do at the time. I was young and I was so
scared.”

He placed his beer down, turning away from me
momentarily. “You still love me?” I should have known that was the
only thing he heard.

“Of course. I’ll always love you, Luke. But right
now, the way things are...” I closed mine too for a beat. “I can’t
do this. Can we please change the subject?”

He locked eyes with me for several seconds, and I
could tell he wanted to push me further, but instead he just said,
“Sure.” Then, as an afterthought, he glared at me. “One phone call
would have been nice though.”

I didn’t answer him. He was right. I should’ve at
least let them know I was all right. That I was alive. I did tell
him so many times in my letters. He just never got them. I had
oodles and oodles of letters written to him, all sealed in
envelopes waiting to be mailed. And never sent. I still had every
single one wrapped in a rubber band hiding in my room.

“Have you figured out what you’re doing about
school?” he asked.

“I think. I’ve been looking into finishing up the
last few courses to get my associates. Then I’ll focus on getting
into cooking school. If I get a decent job, and can save some more
money. If I can’t save enough, I guess I’ll take a student loan or
something. I’ve set a deadline. I’m twenty two now so, I’ll give
myself until 25 to break down and take out a loan.”

He nodded. “Good! If anything comes out of this, I
want you to get your dream, Mags. I’ve always wanted that for you.
I’ll help you anyway I can.”

I smiled. “Thanks. What about you? You’re twenty two
and tending bar. What happened?”

He leaned back, grinning. “It’s not forever. I had a
great internship lined up after school at Morgan Stanley. Life
happened and I lost it. But, I have some things up my sleeve. I’ll
get it to it when I’m ready. I figure I have some time to fuck
around before doing the whole none to five shit.” He shook his
head.

“What?”

“You have no idea how good this feels to me to sit
across from you. It’s taking everything in me not to pick you up,
take you home and figure our shit out.”

I stared without a word. I mean really what could I
say to that?

After plowing through wings and two beers, my phone
rang. I peeked at the caller I.D. to see that it was Max. He
must’ve gotten home. I smiled.

“Can you excuse me for a minute?” I said to Luke,
turning in my chair. “Hey, so you landed?” I said in a muffled
voice, trying to hide who I was talking to.

“I did a while ago. I have to say it’s a crazy-easy
flight to manage. But, I also have to say that I miss you already.
New York isn’t the same without you. I wish you were here.”

“Yeah, me too.” I peeked over my shoulder to notice
Luke rolling his eyes, pretending to be interested in his phone.
“Um, Max, can I call you later? I’m out with a friend catching
up.”

“Oh, okay. Yeah, call me before you go to
sleep.”

“Will do. Bye.” I pressed the end button.

Luke didn’t look at me, and I could tell he wasn’t
happy with Max calling and interrupting our time together. “You
ready to go,
friend
? I gotta check in early at work. They
texted me a little while ago.” He’d already stood. I sighed at him
throwing the word friend back in my face. “Yeah, let’s go.”

Well, that went well.

Chapter 12

Luke

I was furious that Maggie took his call. All
I wanted was a few measly hours alone to get some answers, and she
lit up like a damn lightbulb when she saw it was him calling. She
was still sticking to her original story about why she left, but I
wasn’t buying it. I knew her too well. I’m kind of surprised Jeremy
bought it. At first I did. How could I not? But over the last two
years, I’d gone back to that letter and I swore I was missing some
piece of the puzzle. It just wasn’t like her. It wasn’t Maggie. She
always came to me when she had a problem. Why didn’t she then?

It was almost closing time, and I’d already thrown
back several shots when nobody was looking. Samantha was waiting on
a stool, whispering to two of her friends them, and since they kept
checking me out and giggling, I suspected that it had something to
do with me. Sam was one of those girls you had fun with, and she
didn’t mind it being just about that. She was sexy as hell. She
wore her short blond hair spiked up slightly. She had big brown
eyes, a rockin’ body, and a mermaid tattoo that ran down the entire
side of her waist and wrapped around to the back of her ass.

I was wiping down the bar one final time after
locking up some of the liquor. She leaned forward, her cleavage
front and center. “You up for some company tonight? Or are you
gonna bail again?”

I grinned at her, knowing that this was coming. I
poured two quick shots of tequila, locked it up with the rest of
the booze, and handed one off to her. “I’m up for anything tonight,
sweetheart.”

I knew I couldn’t take her back to my place, so we
opted for her cramped little apartment she shared with three girls.
I didn’t give a shit what they heard or saw. Not tonight. I needed
to get laid now to get Maggie out of my head, even if it was only
for five minutes. I just wanted to forget everything. Especially,
fucking Max.

Samantha lived a few blocks from the bar, on the
other side of a small park, which made it convenient. She couldn’t
keep her hands off of me, even with her friends trailing behind us,
giggling. Ditching them was the only thing I could think of to get
her alone.

I pushed her up against a tree, letting my hands
roam up her shirt, cupping both her tits. Her hand reached into my
pants, trying to gain access as her friends passed us by, still
laughing. Maybe this made me the world’s biggest asshole, but I
couldn’t care less right now. I didn’t care. I needed this. She was
kissing me frantically, her tongue slipping in and out, biting
first my lip, then my ear, until she worked her way down to my
stomach. She unzipped my pants, tugging them down to my ankles.
With her one hand she stroked me for a minute, then dropped to the
ground to wrap her plump lips around me. I grabbed hold of her
hair, forcing her to take all of me at once. She didn’t flinch. She
kept going, moaning as she did. My head rocked back just as I was
about to blow. She swallowed every morsel, licking the remains off,
and wiped her mouth off with her hand. A total pro.

“My turn,” she said.

Samantha was always brave. She never gave a shit if
someone walked in on us, or even joined us. She even asked me once
if I’d mind. At the time, I didn’t. It was a very good night.

So, it didn’t come as a shock to see her sprawled
out on the grass in the park, hiking her dress above her waist.

“What do you want?” I asked her, so there was no
miscommunication between us.

“You. Now.”

I pulled a condom from my wallet, biting off the
foil corner. Samantha reached over and took control, stroking me
for several minutes to get me hard again before rolling the condom
on. I was inside of her in seconds, rocking into her. Her cries
rang out loudly as I plowed into her, pumping harder and harder
each time trying to get Maggie out of my system. When Samantha
finally unraveled, I came a few seconds later, falling onto her. It
wasn’t the most romantic sex, but Samantha was never about the
romance.

That was something I reserved for only Maggie.

I hadn’t made love to a single girl since she’d left
me. I had a lot of sex, but never once did I bring love or romance
into it. Samantha worked for me. She didn’t want a relationship
anymore than I did.

Even though we’d both gotten what we wanted out of
tonight, I couldn’t bring myself to go home and face Maggie. Not
yet. I knew the guilt that would eat me alive, the feeling of
betraying her even though I hadn’t. The look on her face when she
realized I was with someone else. I kissed Sam once before rolling
off. “Can I stay with you tonight?”