Steering the Stars (29 page)

It was at times like this when I wished people still had old school phones because, more than anything, I wanted to slam mine down. Instead, I tossed it onto my mattress and watched it slip between two pillows. Not quite the same effect.

       Maybe she’ll try to call me back,
I thought, staring through my tears at the spot on the bed where the phone had disappeared. When a few minutes passed and it didn’t ring, I dropped into my desk chair, put my head down, and cried some more. Aspen watched all of this with building confusion.

       My stomach was cramped. My head was foggy. I hadn’t exaggerated on the phone. This was the most embarrassed I’d felt in my entire life. It was worse than messing up on stage.

       I mean, how pathetic could one person get? I’d let myself think Henry was hanging around me so much because he had started to see me differently. As someone who was more than his little sister’s friend. But, all along, he’d been following Hannah’s orders. Looking out for me out of some obligation to her.

       And maybe I had believed the lie because it’s what I
wanted
to believe. I had duped myself into thinking that way because I was sad and lonely and I needed the Henry fantasy to keep me afloat.

       I groaned loudly. It was Psych 101 but I’d let it become my reality.

       How could I be so dense?

      
A low knock came from my door. “Caroline?”

       “Yeah?” my voice was muffled by snot.

       Dad opened the door. He looked from me to Aspen. “I thought I heard something,” he said stiltedly. “Are you okay?”

       I picked my head up and swiped at my nose with the back of my hand. “So now you care?”

       He gaped at me. “You can’t take that tone with me, young lady. What is wrong with you?”

       “What’s wrong with me?” I jumped up and almost lost my balance. I had to grab the back of my chair. “What’s
not
wrong?”

       Dad lifted both hands and said, “Now… Caroline.”

       “Don’t
Caroline
me! You can’t all of a sudden walk into my room and ask me questions about my life. If it weren’t for this afternoon, I wouldn’t be sure that you could string five words in a row together.”

       “I know things have been rough since… well, since your mother.”

       “Mom died three years ago and since then you can’t even stand to be in the same room as me,” I said accusingly. “You never talk about her. You never even say her name. It’s like… like she never existed for you.”

       His face closed hard. “I loved your mother.”

       I knew I should stop, but I couldn’t. I was on a roll. The words were pouring from my mouth faster than I could think them up. “At first I thought if I tried hard enough… if I loved you enough, things would get better. I made our dinners and I did our laundry and I even worked on this old falling down piece of crap!” I slapped my bedroom wall. “Do you know why?”

       Looking away, he shook his head.

       “Because
she
would have wanted me to!” I told him. “But you don’t understand that, do you? Because you’re hardly at the house and when you are, you aren’t really
here.
”

       “Care—”

       “So,
no,
you don’t get to pretend like you care about me now. It’s too late for all that.” I stormed past him into the hall. At the top of the stairs, I spun back around and shouted, “I’m going out and you can fix your own damn dinner!”

       Before he could respond, I took the steps, pushed through the front door and found myself bent over and panting on the sidewalk.

       The sun had dropped out of the sky and it was easily fifty degrees out here. I didn’t have a jacket or shoes or my phone, but the desire to put as much distance between my dad and me was too strong. With no idea where I was headed, I started walking.

       I walked past the park on the corner of Quincy Avenue and Madison Street where Hannah and I used to play as children, past the elementary school and the old barber shop. Blocks disappeared under my feet and I barely even noticed. My thoughts were going in every direction. I couldn’t believe that I’d lost it like that with both Hannah and my dad. It wasn’t like me at all, but I suspected the anger I’d let loose on my father been building up for so long it was only a matter of time.

       It had been three years. Three years! Three years of silence and walking on eggshells and keeping everything I wanted to say locked tight inside of me. Three years of pretending that everything was fine and I was over losing my mother. But losing someone you love—the most important person in the world to you—isn’t something you just get over.

       When I reached Linwood Street, I stopped. My feet were starting to feel raw and I was so cold that I was sure if I looked in a mirror, my lips would be blue. I turned and spotted a set of approaching headlights. The car slowed as it got closer and at first, I thought the driver was being polite. Then I realized that without Aspen beside me, I was all alone. At night. Without my shoes or a way to call the police.

       I’d watched enough
Criminal Minds
to know that this was how people wound up in the hands of a serial killer.

       Adrenaline coursed through my veins as I prepared to bolt in the opposite direction.

       “Caroline?”

       Of all people, it was
Henry
.

       For a split second, I wasn’t sure if I was mad or relieved to see him looking at me through the open driver’s side window of his car. Dad and Hannah were still at the top of my list, but he wasn’t far behind.

       “Caroline,” he said my name again. “What are you doing?”

       Okay, so I was mad, but not mad enough not to come to the realization that he was better than a serial killer. Looking away, I gruffly said, “Walking.”

       Henry’s car coasted beside me. “Right now?”

       “Obviously.”

       “Where are your shoes?” he asked.

       “Probably in my room.”

       “And your jacket?”

       “Same place,” I said through my chattering teeth.

       “Did something happen?”

       “Is that any of your business?”

       I couldn’t see him, but I could feel his confusion even from this far away. “Okay…”

       He followed me for another minute without saying anything. Then, “You don't have to talk to me, but please get in the car.”

       “No.”

       “Why? You’re out here at night in a tank top and no shoes. I don’t know what’s going on, but clearly something is up. And you’re walking toward my house anyway.”

       “I am not.”

       “Then where are you going?”

       I paused and tried to think. I guess Henry was sort of right. His house was only a block and a half away. In my anger, I must have set off for a familiar place without even planning on it.

       I turned to face him. It was dark but he’d flicked on the dome light in his car so I could see him. “You can drop the act.”

       “What act?” he asked, shaking his head.

       “Hannah told me all about how you guys have been talking about me. She admitted that she told you about Miles. And now I know that you were only being nice to me to make him jealous.”

        When I finished, he put the car in park and opened the door. “That is not true.”

       “Hannah didn’t tell you I liked Miles?”

       His forehead crumpled. “No, she did tell me that but—”

       “Forget it.”

       “Care…” Henry tried to come closer but I put a hand out in front of myself.

       “Please don’t.”

       “Care, don't be like that.”

       “And, don't call me
Care
.” Only my friends were allowed to call me that and it turned out Henry was not my friend. Not really.

       “You can’t wander around like this. I know it’s Libby Park, but it’s still not safe.”

       “Well, I’m not going home. I got in a fight with my dad.”

       “Then come over. You don’t even have to talk if you don’t want to.”

       “No,” I said stubbornly.

       “I’m not going to drive off and leave you here,” he said, looking around.

       “So what are you going to do?”

       He made a noncommittal gesture. “Stay out on the sidewalk all night? We’ll freeze together I guess.”

       “I'll be fine.”

       “What about me?”

       “You can handle it.”

       Henry took a breath. “I didn't want to have to do this…”

       “Do what?”

       “But you give me no choice.”

       “What are you—”

       Strong arms zipped across my middle. My feet left the sidewalk and before I knew what was going on, I was hanging upside down. Henry’s shoulder dug into my abdomen.

       “You just picked me up like a bag of garbage!”

       He laughed. “I told you I didn’t want to.”

       I tried slapping his back and kicking out with my feet, but it was pointless. I had no real leverage like this. “Please put me down.”

       He dumped me unceremoniously into the passenger seat. “You were being a stubborn ass but remember, I’m used to it. I grew up dealing with Hannah.”

       Without any other options left, I stuck my tongue out.

       “Nice,” he said, a trace of a smile on his lips. Then he handed me the seatbelt and watched me buckle it. “If you get out, I’ll just chase you down and we’ll have to do this all over again.”

       “I’m fast.”

       “I’m willing to bet I’m faster,” he said as he shut the car door. “I’ve got a drawer full of old track medals to prove it.”

       I didn’t speak as he got back into his seat and put the car in drive. According to the digital clock on the dashboard, it took less than two minutes to reach the house, but in that short amount of time, I could already feel my skin defrosting. It helped that Henry had the heat on full blast and the vents pointed in my direction.

       He used the garage door opener clipped to his visor and pulled in. Then he turned the ignition off and we sat in the dark garage not speaking.

       Now that I was warm again, I could just slip out the side door when he wasn’t looking. Or maybe I would just sit here and refuse to move.

       Like he could read my thoughts, Henry asked, “Are you going to make me carry you again?”

       “I didn’t make you do anything,” I retorted. “I was perfectly fine where I was.”

       “You were turning into an ice cube.”

       “And?”

       “You’re crazy.”

       “That’s exactly what Hannah said.”

       He shook his head. “I don’t want to get in the middle of a girl fight if that’s what’s happening, but if you force the issue, I will drag you inside.”