Step F*#K: Part Four (Stepbrother #4) (2 page)

I wake up the morning of the wedding feeling hungover, even though I didn’t drink anything the night before. I have the beginnings of a headache, this cloud that seems to be hovering somewhere behind my eyes, and my body aches and everything just feels blurred and unappealing. I lie there in bed, listening to the birds outside the window, the chatter and bustle of people downstairs. I lie there knowing that Jai is in the next room over, and that he very could be in there thinking about me, probably still pissed off, probably still not understanding why I feel the way I do.
 

But then again, even
I
don’t totally understand and it’s the most frustrating thing in the world. Because I want to explain it to him, I want him to know where I’m coming from, except even I’m not sure.
 

I roll over onto my side. I should be getting up. I should be getting up and seeing what sort of help my mother needs, what she wants me to do, even if it’s just to calm her nerves, but I can’t move just yet. I keep thinking about Jai, about the way he stormed out of here last night, how
enraged
he looked. I knew he wasn’t going to be happy to hear what I had to say, but I hadn’t expected that turbulent of a reaction. There is a part of me that just wants to stay in this bed until the whole wedding is over and everyone goes back to their regular lives. I want to see Jai but I don’t; I don’t want things to be terrible between us, I don’t want to feel like he hates me.
 

Finally, I force myself up. The door to the bathroom is shut, but instead of knocking to see if anyone’s in there, I just go to the one next to my sister’s room down the hallway. She’s standing there in front of the sink, the door halfway open, brushing her teeth.
 

“Hey, Em,” she says through a mouthful of toothpaste. She leans over the sink and spits. “You ready to have a wedding?”

I stifle a yawn and push the door shut behind me. “You know, I think I am. Is Mom freaking out?”
“Not too bad yet. Give her another hour or so. Hey.” She puts her toothbrush into the ceramic holder and leans toward me. “What do you think of that girl? Kate?”

“Who?”
I turn the cold water on and splash it over my face.
 

“Kate. Jai’s date. She got here last night. Mom was saying that she’s like a stunt double in movies.”
Something clenches in my chest when she says this, but I try to play it off like it’s the shock of the cold water. “I didn’t realize he had a date.”

Jess laughs. “Of
course
a guy like that is going to have a date—he’s probably going to have several dates. But this girl—she’s gorgeous. She does look kind of familiar, actually. They’d have really gorgeous babies.”

“We should really be focusing on Mom,” I say, trying to keep the tightness out of my voice, trying to keep my expression neutral. But there’s this awful current running through me, something like a cross between anxiety and jealousy. It’s a truly horrendous feeling. My thoughts seem like they’re careening at a mile a minute through my brain: He’s got a date? Is he sleeping with her? Who is she? How long has he known her? Does he like her more than
me
? When did this even happen?
 

But I can’t ask him any of these things, nor can I really press my sister for any details other than what she’s told me, without her getting suspicious. And there’s no point in telling her, now that things are over between Jai and me anyway.
 

So really, I tell myself, there’s no point in getting upset over this date, either, if things are over between you and Jai.
 

It seems, though, that this Kate person is everywhere. She’s there when I go downstairs to get coffee. Jai is not—it’s just her and Zack in the kitchen, laughing about something, talking like they’ve known each other their whole lives. Maybe they have. Zack introduces me, introduces her as a “family friend” and she really is gorgeous. Jess wasn’t lying. Kate smiles at me, and shakes my hand.
 

“Can you believe that he’s getting married?”
 

“Yeah, it’s very exciting,” I manage to say.
 

She grins. “And your mother is the sweetest woman ever. They make such a great couple. They’re very lucky to have each other. And Jai!” She looks over my shoulder and I know that he’s standing behind me. My throat constricts again as I force myself to turn. “Jai is so lucky to be getting such lovely stepsisters.”

Oh, he looks thrilled.
 

“Hey,” I say, trying to keep my voice neutral.
 

The expression on his face is hard to read, but he doesn’t look happy. “Yeah, they’re lovely,” he mumbles. “This whole thing is just lovely.” We all stand there for a moment, the awkwardness growing thicker by the second.
 

I make my exit as quickly as possible. The caterers have just arrived and are starting to set things up. I go upstairs to my mother’s room. She’s sitting in front of the vanity in a silk bathrobe, Jess brushing her hair.
 

“Hi, Mom,” I say. “Do you need me to do anything?”

She smiles. “No, sweetie, but thanks for asking. I think we’re doing pretty well, actually—no major catastrophes yet. I don’t even feel that nervous yet, if you can believe it.”
 

“Well, that probably means you’re doing the right thing. Zack really must be the guy you’re supposed to marry.”

“He is,” she says, sighing, the smile on her face turning dreamy. “If I didn’t believe that with all my heart, I wouldn’t be doing this, especially not at my age. But sometimes when these things happen, you just know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, regardless of how old you are. It is still hard to believe sometimes, but both of us couldn’t be happier, and we’re so happy that we’re all going to be together today as a family.”

“We like seeing you happy,” Jessica says, running the brush through our mother’s hair.
 

I look at the reflection in the mirror, my mother sitting there, Jess behind her, me to the side. We look similar but different, with Jess looking more like Mom than I do, I think. And especially now, both of them with matching contented expressions on their faces; Jess’s brow furrowed a bit in concentration as she runs the brush through our mother’s hair.
 

My own face looks tense. Tense, and like I need some sleep. I take a deep breath and try to relax my shoulders. I smile. The girl in the reflection smiles back, and, if I didn’t know the thoughts that were running through my mind, I would think that she appeared to be perfectly happy, too.
 

“Emma, if there’s anything you need to do for yourself to go get ready, by all means,” Mom says, reaching over and touching my arm. “Your sister’s just going to help me with my hair and then she’s going to get ready, too. I can’t wait to see you girls in your dresses.”

The dresses that Jess and I will be wearing aren’t matching, but they’re similar shades of pink—not an obnoxious bubble gum shade but a deep pink, almost with a bit of a sheen to it. When I go into my room, I take the dress from the closet and look at it, then hang it back up. I’ll take a shower first.
 

I go into the bathroom, hurrying to close the door that leads into Jai’s room. It doesn’t have a lock of course, but I realize that if I open the linen closet just far enough, that will prevent Jai’s door from opening. Good enough.
 

I turn the water on and strip down, try not to think about being in this very shower with Jai when he was fucking me in the ass. Just thinking about it turns me on. I’m not going to use that fucking beautiful vibrator he bought me right now, but as I soap myself up, I let my fingers linger over my breasts, down my waist, my lower belly, between my legs . . .
 

I imagine Jai coming in. He’s gone around through my bedroom, since he tried to get in through his door but couldn’t push the door open wide enough to fit through. Ah, here he is. He’s stepping into the shower behind me, and his hands are warm as they touch the small of my back, moving down to my ass, squeezing, slapping a little. He has me turn to face him, the water running in rivulets around the delineations of his muscles. His cock is hard as he takes a step closer, pulling me into him. He lifts one of my legs, slinging my knee over the crook in his arm, supporting me so I’m not balancing all my weight on my other leg. I wrap my arms around his neck and lean back a bit so he can slide himself in. He touches my breasts, rolling the nipples back and forth between his fingers, first one, then the other. He kisses my neck as he begins to move, slowly at first, but then with increasing speed, pushing himself further and further . . .

The orgasm hits me hard, a rolling wave that sends aches of pleasure shooting through my legs, up my spine to the base of my brain. I open my eyes, part of me wanting, expecting to see Jai standing there, watching me. But the bathroom is empty, the mirror fogged with steam. I finish soaping myself up, rinse the shampoo from my hair, and get out. And even though that orgasm happened just a few short minutes ago, I feel an emptiness inside me that does not seem to want to go away.

The ceremony takes place out in the backyard. White wooden folding chairs have been set up for the guests, and the justice of the peace is standing at the gazebo, where Mom and Zack will say their vows.
 

We’re doing things a little differently; instead of a man giving Mom away (Grandpa, her dad, has been dead for over a decade now) Jess and I will walk down the makeshift aisle with her, instead of in front of her. Mom’s dress is pale ivory, simple and understated. Jess and I walk arm-in-arm with her toward Zack, where he’s standing with the justice of the peace, and his best man, Jai.
 

It is difficult to keep my eyes off of Jai, try as I might. When Mom and Zack are standing there in front of the justice of the peace, saying their vows—how they’re going to love each other for the rest of their lives, how they both feel so blessed that they finally met each other and will do anything and everything to honor that love, always and forever—I feel a pang, a twisting in my stomach. Tears prick the corners of my eyes. I can’t remember seeing my mother look so happy. She looks so young and beautiful in her dress, and just the way Zack is looking at her speaks volumes about how much he cares
 
for other. I can’t help but look over at Jai; I half expect that he’ll be looking at me, but he’s not. He’s standing there, slightly behind his father, watching them, a faint smile on his face. I keep my eyes on him, expecting that any moment he’ll look at me, but he doesn’t. In fact, it seems like he’s deliberately
not
looking at me.
 

When Mom and Zack have kissed and the ceremony is over, I look for Jai, but he’s standing with a crowd of people, seemingly completely absorbed in whatever they’re talking about. I have the distinct feeling were I to try to go over there and get his attention, he’d simply ignore me.
 

So I sit with Jess and Chris and drink champagne and eat steak tips and scallops and saffron risotto. There are no oysters this time, but the caterers are sure to keep everyone’s champagne glasses overflowing at all times. And it seems, every time I look for Jai, he’s talking with someone else, or he’s on the dance floor trying to teach Mom how to do what looks like the sprinkler dance, or he’s with that date of his. Most of the guys here seem interested in talking to her, whoever she is, but I can tell she’s not one of those women who flaunts herself and lets the attention go to her head. Still, it’s hard to see him with her, and I can’t help but wonder if he wouldn’t be ignoring me the way he is if she wasn’t here.

I actually bump into her on my way in to use the bathroom.
 

“Oh, hey,” she says, smiling. Shit, she really is one of the most beautiful women I think I’ve ever seen. And with her, she’s not even wearing any makeup, I’m pretty sure, totally all natural. She’s wearing a pair of tight black pants and a gray sleeveless turtleneck top. Her arms are slender but well muscled, and you can just tell by the way her clothes hug her curves that she’s got a great body. “You’re one of the stepsisters, right?”
 

Her words are slurred a little, and she’s got a half-finished flute of champagne in her hand, which she downs right as I’m about to answer.
 

“This shit’s good,” she says. “Although the more I drink of it, the more and more it begins to taste like water. Have you noticed that?”

“No, I haven’t.”

“What was your name?”

“Emma.”

“Emma. That’s right. Well, Emma.” She comes over to me, our bodies less than an inch from touching. She’s a few inches taller than I am. This close and I can see just how thick her dark lashes are, the way they curl up, the flecks of green in her blue eyes. And now that she’s this close, I can tell for sure that she’s not in fact wearing any makeup and her skin is perfectly smooth, blemish free. She smiles, and a dimple appears on her left cheek.
 

“You have freckles,” she says. She leans her face right into mine. “Freckles are adorable. I always wanted freckles.”