Stephanie Rowe - Darkness Unleashed (22 page)

He stopped. Shit. He didn't want to go there. To that night that had made him violate all that he believed in, all that he stood for.

"Until what?" she urged gently, stroking small circles on his chest, as if to remind him that she was still there, still with him, still his guardian angel.

Swearing, he rolled Catherine off him and sat up. He rubbed his neck, needing to feel bare flesh against his hand. There was no slave collar on him. No wrist cuffs. No ankle cuffs. He was still free. It was all simply a memory. "There was a woman," he continued. A woman? No, not just
a
woman. An innocent of the purest spirit. "Marie," he said. "She was one of the faeries of the nether-realm. She was a water faerie, one of the purest kinds of faeries that exists. They live here, but they're good."

"Water faeries? Here? How can they possibly survive in so much darkness?" Catherine sounded surprised, and he didn't blame her.

"Their purity is like water. It flows over everything, and simply washes past the taint. The water faeries are the balance that keeps the nether-realm from destroying itself with its evil. I met her once when I was hiding from the king and queen, and after that, our friendship was sealed. She was so sweet and innocent, this gift of purity in this hell I was living. It was indescribable what she brought to me, showing me things I never knew existed." He smiled, recalling their past. "She was the first person I'd ever heard laugh. I freaked out when she laughed, and tried to kill the berries she was eating because I thought they were creatures that were choking her."

Catherine laughed softly. "Protecting the innocents even when you were a boy."

His smile faded as darkness settled in his bones. "I failed her," he snapped out bitterly. Restless, he stood up, no longer wanting the darkness.

He strode across the floor to the wall and felt around until he found the opening he remembered. He shoved his hand past hundreds of years of dirt and grime, and found the emerald that Marie had showed him. He pulled it out and held it in his palms. It began to glow instantly, filling their cavern with green light. The shadows were cast back, and a beautiful green glow radiated through the area.

He set it back inside the hole, but it continued to glow, and would not fade until they left.

"How did you fail her?" Catherine was on her side, propped up on her elbow, her body gloriously naked and swathed in the faint emerald light. Her breasts were petite perfection, her hips a tantalizing curve, her legs an endless gift of ecstasy. And her eyes...that same incredible blue, so vibrant that they held their color even in the green light. She was watching him intently, no judgment or fear on her beautiful face.

Swearing, Ryland fell to his knees before her, in awe of what she was. "She was like you," he said softly, tracing his fingers along her jaw. "She brought something into my life that I didn't understand, but I knew it was special. It was relief. Hope. Beauty. A glimpse into the truth that all was not the same as what I was living. She was my salvation. She gave me the strength to endure everything the Dark Lord and Desdria did to me. She saw in me things I didn't see and believed I could defeat the two of them and escape from their grasp. She was my mentor, even though she was just a girl my own age."

Catherine smiled, but there was a sadness in her eyes that he didn't understand. "You loved her," she said.

"Love?" The question shocked him. "Why would I love her?"

She blinked. "But you just said—"

"Cat, look at me." He gestured to the beast painted on his chest, to the scars carved into his belly from damage that even an immortal could not heal. "I'm not about love. It's not even a part of who I am."

She frowned. "Of course it is. Love is a part of everyone—"

"Love is a fucking weakness to be exploited. I wouldn't allow it."

Sadness flickered in her eyes, and she touched his cheek. "I know what you mean," she said softly. "I know exactly what you mean."

He took her hand and held it against his cheek. "They found her," he said, his mind held relentlessly in the grip of that night. "They found out who she was, and they brought her to me. The water faeries are critical to the balance of the nether-realm, and they are never touched by the darkness. But Desdria and the Dark Lord broke the rule. They chained me up and—" Sweat broke out on his brow again, and he tightened his grip on Catherine's hand. "They hurt her, Cat. They hurt her in front of me. They tortured her again and again, telling me it was my fault, my fault, my fault for soiling her with my filth."

Suddenly, he was back there again, in that night, the chains digging into his wrists and ankles as he fought to get free to save her. Blood everywhere. "Her screams, those god-awful screams begging for mercy, for me to save her, to make it end. I couldn't break the chains." He could still remember his wrists snapping under the assault, his ankles shattering as he tried to get out of his restraints, fighting so hard his own body gave way. "They carved out her heart, Cat, while she was alive. It broke me. I snapped." Jesus, how he'd snapped. "I called the beast, and I erupted."

Her eyes widened. "You broke the chains?"

"Yeah, yeah, but it was too late. I was too fucking late to save her." He would never forget the roar of anguish as he'd torn himself free of his shackles and fallen to the floor beside her, gathering her fragile body against his. "She died in my arms, her soul bleeding with anguish." He shook his head. "I didn't protect her. I failed her. And when she died, my humanity was gone. She was all that had kept me sane. There was nothing left, and I became the monster they wanted me to be."

"Oh, Ryland." Catherine's blue eyes burned with empathy, not the condemnation he deserved.

"No, no pity for me. I failed her. It's my fault." He dug his fingers into his left wrist, trying to pry off the cuffs he could still feel. "That night, they claimed me. The cuffs went on, symbols of my bondage to them. They owned my soul, they controlled the beast. I no longer existed as an individual."

"What did they make you do?"

His head began to pound, aching with memories that he'd kept hidden for so long. "I killed so many innocents. Again and again. I couldn't keep from doing it. I saw what I was doing, but I couldn't stop. My mind knew what was happening, and there wasn't a fucking thing I could do to stop it."

His body began to shake. Never would the screams of the innocents he'd murdered stop ringing in his ears. Never would his hands be cleansed of their blood. Never would it stop haunting him that he'd failed to protect the innocent. "There's no way to describe what it's like to kill again and again, to be enslaved to monsters like that. I did their bidding, indulging their every whim." He held out his hands. "Do you see the blood on them, Cat? There's so much blood of innocents—"

"No." She took his hands in hers, and folded them against her heart. "The blood is on their hands," she said. "Not yours."

"No," he whispered. "You're wrong. It's mine," he said. "All mine. I was too weak to free myself. That's my fault. My weakness. My failure." He looked down at his chest and saw that the entire tail of the dragon was a purplish-turquoise now, and the cuff on the left ankle of the monster was gold. He swore and pressed his palm to his chest, a sheen of sweat making it shimmer as if it were alive. "They sent me out into the earthly-realm to slaughter Dante, but he called an angel, and he broke their hold on me." He closed her hands in his fists. "He gave me freedom, Cat. The greatest gift a man can have. Do you understand that?"

She nodded, her blue gaze still as fearless as ever. "You're afraid of becoming enslaved again. Of losing your freedom."

"Afraid?" He was a warrior, an immortal warrior assigned to the Order of the Blade. Men like him didn't become afraid. "Not afraid, Cat. Not afraid," he said. "Absolutely, fucking terrified."

Catherine laid her hands on his cheeks. "We won't let that happen," she said. "If you get too close, we'll leave, okay?"

As he stared into her face, into the face of the angel who had been sent into his life, he knew the truth. The deadly, dangerous truth. The horrifically surreal truth. "No, Cat, you don't get it." He pressed a kiss to her forehead. "You're like Marie," he said. "Your innocence, the beauty of your soul, the softness of your touch, the way my body craves you." He slid his hands behind the base of her neck, holding her face before his.

Her eyes stared into his, so wide, so brave, and so pure.

"For you, I would fall once again," he explained. "You are the trap that was sent to reclaim me. You, my angel, are the key to the final destruction of my soul." He touched her face. "To save you, the beast would come, and they will know that, if they don't already. They will hunt you, take you, and then hurt you until I snap. Which I will."

She paled. "Desdria and the Dark Lord are still here?"

"They're immortal. They'll always be here." He looked past her, into the darkness that was so close. Two yards away, and their protection would end. "Do you think it's a fluke that the baby they kidnapped was the daughter of the Order's Guardian angel?"

"What?" She sat up, her eyes widening.

"The whole thing was a setup to bring me back," he said. "They knew that we'd be drawn to each other, that we would find each other, and then the noose would tighten." He looked at her. "We've been manipulated from the start, Catherine, and they're stealing what we both want. Your daughter, and my freedom."

A cold chill rushed down Catherine's spine and she scrambled to her feet. "You think they took my daughter to get to you?" At his grim nod, she felt her chest tighten in panic. Lucy had been targeted because they had wanted
Ryland
? He was the one who was the danger to her? How could she have been so blind? She'd been falling right into the hands of the man who would expose her to everything. "I need to get dressed," she mumbled, as she stumbled past him, grabbing for her clothes.

She'd trusted him. Despite all her claims, she'd started to trust him. She'd let him make love to her for heaven's sake. She grabbed her underwear and pulled it on, her hands shaking violently.

"Hey!" Ryland grabbed her arm as she fumbled with her bra strap. "Cat—"

"No!" She slapped his hand away and yanked her bra on. "Don't."

His jaw flexed, and his eyes darkened. "Hey," he said, his voice so low and lethal that she froze. "I am not your fucking enemy," he said. "I didn't steal your daughter—"

"I trusted you!" Her hands shaking, she grabbed for her jeans, needing to be covered up—

"Catherine!" He grabbed her arms and spun her toward him, his eyes fierce. "Don't pull away from me," he growled. "Not right now. I need you—"

"You need me?
You need me?
" How could she have forgotten her goal? Her plan had been to use him to find the entrance, and then continue on her own. And yet she'd screamed at him to come with her. She'd fallen under yet another spell of a man. "You—"

"I did nothing to you," he growled. "I swore I would give my life for you, angel, and I will. I didn't take your daughter. I haven't done a fucking thing but protect you and keep you safe—"

"You made me trust you!" She slammed at his chest, fear hammering at her. "Don't you get it? I trusted him and he betrayed me—"

"Him? Who?" He locked her down against him, trapping her. "Who did you trust? What are you talking about?"

"Simon," she gasped, still fighting to get free of the arms that had held her so tightly while they'd been making love. "I fell in love with him, and we had a baby, and then he stole her and brought her here. He told me I had to work for them to get her back and—"

She couldn't breathe. Panic hammered at her, and she struggled to get free of his embrace, of the arms that she had wanted to stay in so badly just a short time ago. "And now, again, it's happening again, just like before. You led them to me. How could I be so stupid?" She fought to get free. "Let me go!"

"Hey! I'm not Simon!" He swore as he fought to contain her. "Catherine! Look at me! I'm not Simon!"

She squeezed her eyes shut, not daring to look at him. If she did, she knew she would want to trust him, and she knew she couldn't. She had no faith in her ability to know who to trust, to discern who to believe in. She'd trusted Ryland, fallen right into his arms, and yet he was the cause of her losing Lucy? It didn't matter if he was culpable or not. The fact was that he endangered all that mattered to her, and she hadn't seen it. "Let me go," she whispered, finally going still in his arms, too exhausted to fight his superior strength anymore. "Just let me go."

"No."

Fear began to ripple through her, true fear. It started deep inside her, swelling with such fierceness it exploded through her. Her skin turned black, and the light went out in the cave.

Ryland sucked in his breath, and his body flinched. "Jesus, Cat, what are you doing?"

She knew his flesh was burning and decaying everywhere she touched him. Her defenses were taking over, destroying the threat that bound her. "Let me go," she snapped. "You have to!"

He tightened his grip on her. "Fuck that, angel. I'm an immortal warrior and it's not that easy to kill me." His voice was steely with pain, but he didn't release her.

"I'm death, Ryland. Release me!" The fear grew inside her, attacking Ryland and trying to destroy him before he could hurt her. That fear had come too late with Simon. Her weapons had been stripped from her by her love for him, by her disbelief, by the shattering of her heart. Too late, she'd realized what he was doing. It had been too late to stop him. Not so with Ryland. She was ready this time, protecting herself before all was lost. "Take your hands off me," she repeated, her voice becoming low and haunted, thick with death as her death touch came to life, infecting him, tainting him,
killing him
.

"You forget something, angel." He bent his head so his face was against hers. "I'm death, too. Bring it on, babe. Bring it on." Then he kissed her.