Stepping Over the Line: A Stepbrother Novel (Shamed) (19 page)

“I mean, did you at least try telling him? And did his house really burn, or was that just a metaphor for—Mary, don’t put your fingers in the peanut butter! Okay, sorry. The kids are helping me make school lunches. Where were we? Oh yeah, you were about to tell me why you and Garrett aren’t on your way to a wedding chapel.”

“It’s complicated, and yes, his house really burned.”

“Oh wow…I hadn’t had a chance to look at the paper, but now I see it made front-page news. Is he all right?”

“Physically.”

“The fire chief suspects arson?”

“Really? I hadn’t heard.” I pulled into my clinic’s back lot. Was that the reason for Garrett’s early-morning meeting?

“It says fifteen milk gallons filled with gasoline were used as the accelerant, along with a note that was spray-painted on the porch steps that read…” I heard Kenya’s swift intake of breath.

“
What?
Kenya, what did it say?” Why was I just now hearing about all this? Had Garrett found out and for whatever reason didn’t want me to know?

“Ask Garrett. You shouldn’t be alone.”

“Kenya—stop screwing around. Tell me.”

She sighed. “The note said,
Your whore burns next.
Savannah, sorry, but I have to ask. Is whoever did this referring to you?”

Oh, Canton
…
What did you do?

Parked outside of the Ridgemonts’ Jackson estate, I killed the Caddy’s engine and stared at the opulence of it all. Three stories of red brick, white-columned southern charm—in some ways, quite similar to my parents’ home. In others—mostly, the sheer size—not so much.

I’d been midway through cooking Savannah breakfast in bed when the fire chief called. He’d wanted to meet with me immediately to go over his findings. I’d assumed faulty wiring mixed with rain had been the fire’s cause. Wrong. It had been arson. Fifteen flammable gallons worth of arson.

What was I doing in Jackson?

Returning Canton’s favor.

I’d stopped off to buy a tarp, then lined my trunk with gallon-sized thank-you gifts. Two could play this game, and I was good to go.
Bring it, Canton. I’ll fucking annihilate you.

The damage to my house, I maybe could have gotten over, but calling Savannah a whore in print wasn’t going to fly. All those rude-as-shit texts? Hiding my son’s paternity? Posing as a trusted friend to Cook and Savannah when in reality, he was a pit viper? Fuck him. Today—
now,
he was a dead man like his brother.

Fury coiled through me like a rope anchored to rage.

I climbed out of the car, opened the trunk, and then glanced up from the gallons of gasoline waiting to be flung at Canton’s front door to see a boy about Cook’s age.

He rode a bike and had a backpack hitched high on his slim shoulders. When he smiled and waved at me on his ride by, I froze.

What the hell was I doing?

If I burned the Ridgemont estate, would it change anything?

There was already enough evidence to charge Canton with arson, so why was I once again going off half-cocked? Putting not only my future, but Cook’s and Savannah’s futures in jeopardy over vengeance? Especially, when I’d already won. I got the girl. I’d soon have the boy. Meanwhile, Canton would exchange his luxe life for a cell. I was intimately acquainted with that cell, and I’d hated it. Did I really want a return visit for the temporary satisfaction of a bonfire?

As much as I’d craved revenge earlier, I now craved holding Savannah, burying my face in her hair. As a soon-to-be-official father, Cook came before rash decisions like torching an asshole’s family home. Cook and Savannah came before anything, and so I slammed my trunk closed, drinking in fresh air to replace the toxic fumes in my lungs.

I drove to a convenience store with an attached gas station and set the jugs on the concrete islands between tanks.

I parked in front of the store, and went inside. Took a piss. Washed my hands. And when the smell of gasoline, of the fatal mistake I’d almost made of my life, still hadn’t been fully erased, I washed them again and again until I felt clean enough, worthy enough, of being the kind of man and father Savannah and Cook deserved.

After grabbing a candy bar and soda, I walked outside, tipping my face to the day’s warming sun. For the first time in my life, I was
free.
The frustration of wanting Savannah and never having her was gone, replaced by a warm, squishy emotion I wasn’t at all familiar with, but kind of like…love.

Right now, I needed to talk to her, and share this small victory over my fucked up emotions, but when I reached into my front pocket for my cell, it wasn’t there. I checked the car, but had no luck. To make sure I hadn’t dropped it outside of the Ridgemonts’, I did a quick check of the street outside of their house. When it wasn’t there, either, I assumed I’d left it at home.

Home.

What a clean, simple, wholly complete way to convey a complexity of feelings I may never fully understand, but forever appreciate. Home was not a physical thing, but the people who made life worth living.

As soon as I reached my office, I slipped on the white, monogrammed lab coat I’d worked all those years for the privilege of wearing, then wished myself back in bed, awaiting Garrett’s homemade breakfast.

I tried his cell again, but still got no reply. I called Mom and then Dad, casually asking if they’d seen their son. Neither had. At this point, I was worried. I got Grady’s number from Kenya, and even he hadn’t heard from his friend. Something was wrong. I knew it. But what? His meeting was long over. Why hadn’t he come home?

“Doc?” Red opened the door and poked her head through. “Are you ready to start seeing patients? We’ve got ’em stacked like jets out here.”

“I’m sorry.” I reached for my phone. Since I was already in a funk, might as well deal with Canton. “Let me make one more call.”

“Sure.” She backed out of my office, closing the door behind her.

Hands trembling, I punched the autodial for Canton’s number. I couldn’t believe those ugly texts had come from him. During the past couple months, he’d struck me as a confident and kind soul. At no point, except on the day of Cook’s birth, had I gotten the impression Canton was anything other than a devoted brother to Chad and uncle to my son. But if he’d been secretly stalking me all this time, then he’d known about Garrett from the start.

Had the friendship we’d shared been a lie?

The notion made me shudder.

He answered on the third ring. “Savannah. I’ve been worried. Please tell me you’ve seen my mom.”

His mom?
“No, Canton. I’m calling about the vile texts you sent. And what you did to Garrett’s house. What’s wrong with you? How could you be so cruel? He did his time, and—”

“What are you talking about? I’m on business in New Orleans. Have been for the past three days.”

“Then how do you know your mom isn’t home?”

“Dad told me. She’s been gone for nearly forty-eight hours. He said they had a fight. After she saw the tabloid with you and Garrett, she wanted my dad to sue for sole custody of Cook. He tried reasoning with her and told her that the boy needed to be with his mother, but she was hysterical. She told him she was going to a friend’s, but she never showed up and he hasn’t heard from her since.”

“Canton, that
is
awful. But what about the texts I got from you?”

“I thought I lost my phone, but maybe she took it? I had my old number forwarded to my new phone.”

“Okay, well, Garrett’s missing, too.” He hadn’t been gone long, but long enough to give me cause for concern. “You don’t think she could have done something to him, do you?”

“Why? I mean, I assumed that tabloid rag was lying to sell copies, but was it all true? Are you sleeping with the guy who killed my brother?”

“Let’s turn that around,” I managed above the sound of my heart pounding so fast I was surprised I could even speak. “Are you the guy who lied about my son’s paternity?”

An eternal pause, and then, “Are you talking about the speech I made in your room the day he was born?”

“Damned straight, I am.”

“All right, yes, I lied. There was never any test. I don’t have a clue who Cook’s true father is. But Chad did tell me about the night he found you and Garrett together. It destroyed him. If I had to guess, that’s why he turned around and screwed your friend. It’s not a good reason, but it’s all he had.”

Tears started. Would all of this ever end? I seriously couldn’t take much more.

“Are you going to be in your office all day?”

Even though I was alone in the room, I shook my head. “I-I can’t stay here. I have to find Garrett.”

“Okay, look, let me charter a ride out of here, and I’ll get to your house in a couple hours. Please, don’t do anything without me. Together, we’ll find Garrett and my mom, yes?”

“Please hurry,” I managed through my tears. “I’m scared—for both Garrett and your mom.”

“I know, sweetheart. Trust me, everything’s going to be okay.”

I ended the call and prayed he was right.

At home, I called Cook’s school again to ensure he was safe, then tried reading, but couldn’t focus on the page. I cleaned all three bathrooms and made a Crock-Pot stew for dinner. In between all of that, I kept trying Garrett’s cell. Once I dragged out the vacuum and moved a pair of Cook’s sneakers from the front hall, I realized why Garrett never answered. When he left my note, he’d dropped his cell. It was set on silent and showed all fourteen of my calls.

Sighing, I set the phone on the entry hall table.

I traipsed back to the kitchen to make chamomile tea. Back in the living room, I turned on an old black-and-white Clark Gable classic, then curled up on the sofa. That morning’s sun was long gone, and now rain pelted the windows.

Pretending I was indulging in a cozy—and rare—afternoon away from the clinic, I sipped my tea and waited for Garrett to come home.

The movie’s credits were rolling when the doorbell rang. Garrett? My heart sang. He must have forgotten his key. I tossed off the afghan I’d cuddled beneath, anxious to warm myself alongside the man I loved instead. At the door, my relief was palpable—until I opened it to find not Garrett, but Canton. “Oh…” I stepped back. “I forgot you were coming.”

“That’s not exactly a warm welcome.” He smiled. “Still no sign of Garrett?”

“No.” I stepped aside to allow him inside. “How about your mom? Have you heard from her?”

“I’m afraid not.” He rubbed his hands together. “It’s nippy out there. That rain is really coming down. Funny, I just talked to my dad, and he said it’s sunny in Jackson.”

“It’s not that uncommon for our weather to be different than yours.” Was it wrong that talking about such a mundane issue set me further on edge? “Would you like coffee or hot tea?”

“Tea, please. That sounds good.” He followed me into the kitchen.

While I filled the kettle, I struggled for the right words to convey how disappointed I was in him for his lie about Cook’s paternity. But then I was just as much at fault. If I hadn’t been so afraid of Garrett being Cook’s dad, if I hadn’t worried about what our parents and friends would think, I would have ordered my own paternity test years ago.

“I can’t apologize enough for what my mother did.” Canton sat on a stool at the kitchen island. “When we do find her, I’m not even sure what to say. You’re family. How could she treat you that way?”

“Am I family?” I bowed my head, curling my fingers around the counter’s edge. “Canton, if Cook isn’t Chad’s son, then I have no ties to the Ridgemont name.”

“That’s not true.” He left his seat to stand alongside me. His proximity was too close, making me feel unhinged. I sidestepped away, but he caught my hand, drawing me back in. “Please don’t shy away from me. We’ve come a long way in the past few months. I feel close to you in a way I never expected. Please, tell me you feel it, too?”

“Canton…” I forced a long, slow breath. This exchange was beyond uncomfortable.

The teapot whistled, so I busied myself making his tea.

“Aren’t you having some, too?” He nodded to his cup.

“It’s been a long morning. I’ve already had too much.” I put my cup in the sink, eyeing the microwave’s digital clock. It was almost twelve-thirty. Where could Garrett be?

“What could one more cup hurt? Come on,” he nudged my side with his elbow. “I hate drinking alone. We’ll grab a pad of paper, sit at the table, and do some good old-fashioned list making to figure out where my mom and Garrett could be.” He took a fresh mug from a counter rack, then made me a cup.

“You think they’re together?”

“Anything’s possible.” He took both of our mugs and set them on the table. “I hate to be a bother, but do you have any cookies? I missed lunch.”

“Would you rather have a sandwich?”

“That would be wonderful. Thank you. It’s a true testament to your spirit that after all Mom did, you can still be so kind.”

I had no answer, and I suddenly wasn’t feeling kind, but annoyed. Why was Canton even here? Why did he think I would know where Suzette could be? After finishing the prep work on his basic turkey and Swiss sandwich, I set it in front of him, before taking my seat.

“You are too kind. Drink up.” He nodded toward my tea.

Too exhausted from worry to fight him, I downed half my now lukewarm tea, then crossed my hands in front of me. “I don’t know how to say this, so I’m going to come right out with it. I think it would be best if you go. Garrett will be home soon, and—”

“He’s living here? With you?”

“Yes.”

“Are the two of you…intimate?”

If we are, is it any of your business?
I’d meant to snap at him, but my mouth didn’t seem capable of forming the words. My mind had grown sluggish, as if there was a disconnect.

“Are you okay?” he asked, once again far too deep into my personal space. “You look pale. Maybe you need to lie down?”

I nodded. Why was I so sleepy? The room was spinning, yet I couldn’t find my hands to hold on.

“Poor thing. I’ll help you to your bed.”

No! I need to be here for when Garrett comes home. He’ll be home any minute.

“Come on, sweetheart.” He inched back my chair, then hefted me into his arms.

What was happening?

“This is probably confusing for you,” he said. “My apologies for this unorthodox matchmaking strategy, but honestly, with Garrett now sharing your bed, you gave me no other choice. I had to make you see I’m the better man.” He mounted the stairs. “What better way to do that than to love you the way a real man should?”

He kissed me, and I was powerless to stop him.

Did you drug me?
My mind asked when my lips couldn’t.

He set me on my bed. I was so tired. So very, very tired.

“It’s okay, my love.” He smoothed the hair back from my forehead. “Sleep. You’ve earned it. I’m going to lock the doors to make sure we don’t have any surprise guests, then we can finally consummate our relationship.”

I fell into a deep sleep.

My dreams were chaotic, filled with angry slashes of red and black, shooting flames, and rolling smoke through which I tried to reach Garrett, but never could.

I cried and cried for him, but every time I stretched my arms out to hold him, he was gone.

But then he wasn’t…

I felt his delicious weight on top of me, and his fingers stroking my hair. “Mmm…You came home.”

“I told you I would be back for you, sweetheart. You and Cook. Now, it’s our turn to be a family. Just like we always should have been.” His kiss turned suffocating, his tongue thick. I struggled against him, but my limbs refused to work. “Don’t fight me, darling. What we share is perfect and good. We’ll be the toast of Jackson.”

Jackson?
No. This couldn’t be right. This wasn’t Garrett. But if it wasn’t him, then who?

I struggled to open my eyes a sliver, and found not the man with whom I wanted to spend the rest of my life, but Canton. He was naked and leering, and I was naked, too.

“No!” I cried. “Let me go!” Adrenaline shot through my veins. Fighting the lingering drug, I tried recoiling in horror, but found my arms and legs restrained. I remembered him pushing me to drink my tea, and then blacking out. How much time had passed? Why wasn’t Garrett home? “This is sick!
You’re
sick! You pinned all of this on your poor mom, but all along it was you. Where’s Garrett? What did you do?”

“Shh…”
He palmed my breasts while kissing a trail up my arm. “This will feel so much better for us both if you relax. Besides, why would you fight me when you know you love me? Silly girl. From the day we first met at the Ole Miss homecoming all those years ago, I knew we were destined to be together. Chad thought you were perfect for him, but all along, I knew we’d ultimately be one. There was never any other woman for me.” He swept his hand lower, along my hip and outer thigh.

“
Stop!
You’re crazy!” I struggled against the restraints.

“I never wanted our first time to be this way.” He rose off of me to leave the bed. “In fact, if lover boy had stayed in the pen awhile longer, I truly believe you and I would by now be quite the hot ticket.” He’d walked into the bathroom, then came back with a washcloth, wadded it, and shoved it into my mouth.

I gagged, but he didn’t seem to notice.

He climbed back on me, and I squeezed my eyes tightly shut. If this happened, if he did rape me, I didn’t want to be wholly present. I’d pretend I was anywhere but here. Far, far away on some exotic island with Garrett.

Where was he?
Please, God, let him be okay.

Canton’s flesh felt cold and clammy against mine. He was strong, but not toned. The exact opposite of my love in every possible way.

“You know,” he whispered in my ear, “I thought about using a condom for our first time. After all, I don’t particularly care for sloppy seconds, but then it occurred to me that I don’t want to miss a single chance for us to finally conceive our first child. I’m sure you’ll agree. In fact, it was my mother who had you and lover boy photographed. She also leaked the story to the press. She had planned to destroy you, but I took the high road. I was the visionary behind the new plan to make you mine and gift her with more time with her grandson, to marry you. What’s wrong with you that after your precious Garrett killed the man you loved, you’re still lusting after him? It’s sick, darling. Really and truly disgusting.” He traced the tip of his tongue along my jawline and I gagged. “But once I’m inside you, everything else will happily fade away. Don’t you worry about a thing. You’ll soon be my queen and I’ll be your king. Little Cook will, of course, be our prince. Once our daughter is born, we’ll add a princess to our flock and our family will be complete.”

I shook my head side to side, struggling to wriggle my ass enough that he couldn’t ram himself into the spot where he intended to go.

“I’m going to tell you a secret…” His breath spilled hot in my ear and on my cheek. “I never much cared for my brother. Mom and Dad thought he hung the moon, but I saw right through the sainted firstborn. He not only cheated on his women, but school tests—used to brag about it. With him out of the picture, my life—our lives—have truly just begun.”