Sterling's Reasons (13 page)
“Always the den mother? Yes. They’re packed.” He picked up the basket while she took the blanket and the board. “After you.” He followed her, which
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provided him a satisfactory view of the way her swimsuit clung to the curve of her bottom and a good look at her long smooth legs and her bare back. She had tied her hair up on top of her head and some strands lay loosely at her neck. He wondered what it would be like to kiss the soft flesh there.
He moved to walk beside her after they left the steps, shaking his head. This was even more unnerving. She had the blanket under one arm and the board under the other. The top of the suit barely hid the gentle swell of her breasts as she turned her face to smile up at him.
Joe MacDaniels, you must be crazy,
a little voice said to him in his mind. But he didn’t listen. Not today. The voice, the one that taunted him in his dreams, reminded him that he shouldn’t be alive, was pushed far back into the recesses of his brain. Today was for nothing. Nothing at all. He’d contend with everything else later. For now, he was just going to try to relax and enjoy her company. And of course, find out once and for all who she was and what she wanted.
The cove was a half-mile walk from her place. She’d passed it on her first day there. Huge rocks, grass and sand over the top and around made a cozy little alcove just perfect for picnics. They spread the blanket, weighting the corners to keep the light breeze from flapping it around. The sun was hot, holding the promise of becoming even hotter. September weather was very unpredictable, but today was going to be a fine one.
“Okay. How do you ride one of these things?”
“You have to get in the water first,” he directed as he walked into the ocean.
The water was icy. Frigid. He heard her squeals beside him as she found out the same thing for herself.
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They were up to their waists; the water swirled about them making them sway. Sterling braced her feet apart and tried to keep her balance. “This is powerful stuff. It wants to knock me over.”
“Don’t get too far away from me. You have to respect the strength of the sea and not test it. Next wave that comes, dive into it and get yourself adjusted to the temperature. Now!” he shouted, and she followed his lead and dived into the oncoming wave. She came up on the other side of it, spitting saltwater and shivering.
“This is nasty,” she sputtered.
“You’re not supposed to drink it. Now take the board with you and pick the next wave coming in. Turn, jump on the board, belly down, and ride the crest all the way to the shore.”
She looked at him. “Right. I’ll watch you a couple of times first.”
Ride a boogie board? He thought not. Then he thought again. Why the hell not? He shrugged and, lying on the board, paddled out a little farther. She had trouble keeping her balance, but she watched his every move and then shouted with glee as he swept past her, riding the wave all the way to the sand.
He handed her the board when he came back out, but she shook her head.
“Not yet. Do more. I’m studying.”
And admiring.
Joe had forgotten how abandoned it felt. Out here, surrounded by nothing but wind and surf, a man could forget who he was. He had forgotten the exhilaration of freedom that came from doing everyday things. He paddled a little farther out and then swept past Sterling again, this time standing on the board. She yelled and clapped as he went swooshing by. Now it was her turn.
The first time she tried it she lost the wave and the board. He didn’t come to help her, simply stood by and watched her, nodding his encouragement. Three more times she lost the board and then, whoosh, she stayed on it, no matter how
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precarious, and rode the thing all the way onto the beach. Holding the board over her head, she shouted in triumph and headed out to join him again.
Joe smiled. It was the first smile that came from deep inside in a long time. It wasn’t entirely unpleasant. The sun felt good on his face. The sea felt good swirling across his legs. His heart felt good watching the woman with the boogie board try to stand on it and almost knock herself out with it.
Sterling fast became exhausted. The ocean worked her like exercise class. The board cooperated only when it wanted to, and she grew tired. Her eyes stinging from the salt and her heart pounding from the exertion, she swam the board over to him. “Hang on, it’ll take us in in no time.”
He put his arms across it opposite hers. Flesh touched flesh, slippery with water. Faces close, they floated into shore. She was happy. Happier than she had been in a long, long time. “Thanks, Joe.”
He ran a fingertip across her lips. She wanted to lean closer and kiss his mouth. She wanted to feel the soft brush of his mustache against her face. She wanted to lean into him and feel the power that was there. She wanted to be cocooned in his arms until the world went away. Just for a little while.
They propped the board against the rock and collapsed onto the blanket, laughing and tired.
Lying on the blanket next to him, she still felt the motion of the sea. It was a long time before she settled, then she wasn’t sure some of her restlessness wasn’t caused by the man lying silently next to her. She had begun to think he had fallen asleep when his hand found hers. Covered it.
Soaring. Floating. It was such a simple gesture. Really, not a big thing, but the feel of his hand holding hers… She smiled and turned her hand over so she could clasp his. She didn’t speak for fear it would break whatever mellow mood 102
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he had fallen into. They lay there, side by side for long minutes. His thumb rubbed the back of her hand. She squeezed his fingers.
“I suppose you’re hungry now,” he said lazily. They both had their eyes closed against the blaring sunlight.
“Not just yet.” She didn’t want to break the contact. It was warming her, calming yet exciting, knowing yet unknowing.
This was hard to believe. She wasn’t hungry yet? He smiled inwardly. She didn’t want to move any more than he did. As long as they were where they were, as they were, no talking was needed, no questions would be asked and no answers given, if only this could last. But it couldn’t. They were real people in an all too real world. But for now it was enough.
“You’re going to get terribly sunburned,” he murmured, letting his gaze wander over her exposed flesh.
“Umm,” she answered, not caring.
“I brought some sun block,” he offered, resisting the urge to touch her.
“That was thoughtful of you.”
And sweet,
she thought.
“Won’t help if you don’t put it on,” he persisted. He liked to watch the way her lips curved in a smile.
“Shut up, MacDaniels. You’re breaking the spell.” She sighed loudly and put her other hand under her head to get a little more comfortable.
“Spell? You are a witch! That would answer a lot of questions I have about you.” She could hear the restrained smile in his voice.
“Oh, yeah. What questions do you have?”
“Why aren’t you married? You’re not completely horrid to look at. And I judge you to be around thirty. Most women are married with kids, up to their hips in laundry, involved in the PTA.” He couldn’t conjure up a picture of her doing those things.
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His words hurt, but not like they would have in a different situation. Here with the sounds of eternity all around her, it didn’t crush her so. “Not everyone is,” she said, choosing not to get into it just now.
“Evasive answer, Powell. I’ll try another one. Do you like being a secretary?
It seems a bit tame for you.”
“It’s a job, and a well-paying one I might add. I know my stuff. I get to travel and see things and learn things I might never get a chance to do anywhere else.”
She ventured a question of her own. “Tell me what it’s like to be a cop. I’m sure it’s rewarding, but it’s got to be a lot of hard work and I know the pay is nothing compared to the danger.”
She felt his fingers tense and then relax again before he spoke.
“I don’t know a cop who does it for the money. Same as a soldier. I only met a damn few who were there for the killing. You’re trained. You do a job.”
“Yes, but you have to elect to do the job. Where does a decision like that come from? I guess it must be the heart. The soul. The brain would tell you it didn’t make any sense.”
“Somebody has to do it. Somebody has to flip the hamburgers, somebody has to pick up the trash. Somebody has to head big corporations, and somebody has to type the letters. Amazingly enough, it all balances out.”
She had never thought of it that way before. He was right. “You put your life on the line every day. Were there times when you wanted to flip the burgers?”
“No. My reactions to life are too intense, I guess. I have to make that difference. I’m good at what I do. It’s curious…I learned one thing about myself in combat.” He paused, and Sterling was very careful not to breathe or move lest his thoughts be diverted.
“When you’re calm, you do your job. When you’re mad, you want to hurt someone. When you’re scared, you want to kill. I was scared a lot in Vietnam.
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That’s why I was good at what I did. I’ve been scared as a cop. That’s just the way it is. It’s the way I am. It’s me.”
She tightened her hold on his hand. “Is that the way you are, Joe? Right now.
Scared?”
It broke the ambiance. She almost knew it would before the words were off her lips, but she wanted to know the answer. She wanted him to know the answer. It was such a sweet gesture, taking her hand. Did he realize? She held his hand even tighter and motioned for him to remain lying there. She knew he wanted to get up, but then this talk would be over.
“Joe?” she coaxed him gently.
“I guess it could be described as scared. Angry. Sad. Lost. Shocked.
Disappointed in myself. Generally ticked off. I have come across something, the first something that I can’t handle. I don’t know what to do.”
“What would Red do, if things were reversed?” She kept her eyes closed tight. If she opened them tears would slide down and she knew he didn’t want that. What he wanted was important to her. Very important.
Joe grunted. “I don’t know. Red was different from me. He was more like you. Always laughing and cutting up. I don’t take things any more seriously than they deserve, and generally that’s not serious at all, but Red, he…had a lightness about him. Things bother me till I set them right. I thrive on challenges.
Red, he didn’t like challenges. Things weren’t right, that was okay with him unless it had an adverse effect and had to be corrected.”
“You two made good partners. Balance.”
He took his hand from hers then and slid over to rest his back against the rock. She heard him opening the picnic basket.
“Conversation over for now, huh?” she concluded, wanting the special feeling his touch gave her.
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“For now. I wouldn’t want you to accuse me of starving you, and the Miracle Whip might spoil on your peanut butter sandwich.”
She laughed then. “I know you have to be kidding, but I do love that.
Seriously, with Fritos crushed up all over.” She opened one eye and looked up at him, shading her face from the sun.
He was smiling down at her, shaking his head. Nothing about this woman could be as it appeared. Absolutely nothing.
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“Besides, conversation would lead me to giving you the third degree,” he continued. “That’s the only reason I brought you out here. It was to get to the truth. But…” He laid foil-wrapped sandwiches on the plates and pulled a bag of chips out of the basket, “I already know you were sent here by somebody to do a job. There’s some reason why you’re here, Sterling. Maybe I don’t want to know just yet. Are you going to eat or just lie there and tempt me to kiss you?”
She didn’t move. A sly smile parted her lips and he watched as she slowly sat up. “You bought me a boogie board so you could tempt me out here and question me? Yep, that sure is a cop thing, Joe.” She had to laugh a little. “You’re different from any man I’ve ever known. One minute you’re so sure of everything and then the next you’re sure of nothing. Did it ever occur to you, even once, that you might be wrong?”
He peeled the foil from the wine and popped the cork. “Stuff’s warm. And no, I’m never wrong.”
She fished around and found a glass. Holding it up for him to fill, she stated flatly, “Yes. Yes, you are. You came here like a wounded elephant heads for the graveyard. That was wrong. I won’t let you just lie down and wait until your bones are bleached.”
He filled both glasses. “You won’t let me? That’s an interesting statement. A little snip of a woman like you couldn’t prevent me from doing anything.”
“I didn’t mean it as a physical challenge, Joe. Besides, it doesn’t fit the character of the man that unfolds before me. You just need time.”
Joey Light
“Time. I’m glad to hear that’s all I need. I’m really relieved to hear the answer to all this stated so simply.” His tone wasn’t entirely pleasant. There was a resentment lurking there.
“You’re too valuable a person to just cease to exist. I like you, Joe.” She held her wineglass up for a toast. “Here’s to friends.”
He considered her comment and wondered. He hadn’t had many. Hadn’t needed them. Hadn’t wanted them. Hadn’t taken the time to make them. He raised his glass and touched the rim to hers.
After a leisurely lunch, they got back into the water. Conversation danced around nothing and everything. She even managed to get him to laugh a few times.
“You’re turning red,” he observed as they floated across from each other on the board.
