Sticks (Black Addiction #2) (11 page)

“Hey, Joe.” Rusty entered the bar, heads turning as he strode past. It didn’t matter that he wasn’t interested; girls still flocked to the good-looking SOB. “Interesting evening, I hear.” The smirk giving me all the intel I needed to indicate that Max had already debriefed him.

“Yep, and aren’t you pissed it’s his dick and not yours which is getting all the attention?” I pulled out a chair, my chin giving him a hello as he sat down.

“Can we just leave my dick out of this?” Max shook his head, his bottle of beer lifting to his lips.

“Hey, I’m not the one who brought it up.” I shrugged. If anyone should be catching heat for the mention it should be Rus. “I was just explaining.”

“Whatever hard-on floats your boat, Joey. I’m not here to judge.” Rusty laughed, amused at his own joke. His hand signaled a waitress to bring over his usual.

“Whatever, assholes. I’m secure in my sexuality.” I lifted the longneck to my lips and took a swig. It was actually kind of nice to have the back and forth. Shit felt so normal and I’d forgotten how cool it was to just chill with these two, having a beer and some conversation.

“Hey, Rusty.” Rochelle, an old friend of ours sidled up close to Rus, her hand sliding up his thigh in a way that was far from innocent. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you in here. I’ve missed you.” Her tongue darted out to lick her cherry lips.

“Hi, Rochelle. You know I’m a one-lady-man these days.” Rus peeled her hand off his thigh and gave her a smile. “And I’d rather not disrespect Ali or you by pretending otherwise.” He gave her a front row seat to the trademark Rusty brush off. It was actually cool to watch, the dude was one hell of a smooth operator.

“Of course.” She laughed, throwing her head back for effect. “Just teasing.” She scrunched her nose in what I could only guess was flirting.

“Joey.” Her hand slid down my back. “How have you been, baby?” She eased herself down onto my lap. “You been hiding too?” She asked the second question without giving me a chance to answer the first.

Rochelle Roberts was hot. And as far as distractions went, she was a pretty fucking attractive one.

Tits that were worth every single cent she’d paid, and a body that could bend in ways that would make a pretzel jealous. She could also give head like it was an Olympic sport and I knew this all from first-hand experience.

It didn’t bother me that she flirted with Rus, a twisted part of me enjoyed the fact he kept turning her down. And I still fucked her because, well . . . why wouldn’t I? It was a tough gig and someone had to do it.

“Hey, babe.” I leaned back, letting her ass shift in my lap. “I’ve been busy.”

It wasn’t difficult to know what she wanted. After all, we’d fucked a couple of times already, neither of us interested in more than the casual hook up. It didn’t even bother me that she did the same to other guys. She was a nice girl who just happened to like sex. Nothing wrong with that.

“You want to go do something, baby?” She pushed her tits together, giving an even better view of her spectacular cleavage.

“Yeah, maybe later. I just want to hang with the guys for a bit.” I gave her a grin, still undecided if I wanted company.

It had been a few days since I’d been with anyone other than my hand—the night before Kenzie’s announcement to be precise. Part of it was the baby, but more importantly, I genuinely didn’t want to. Be with someone that was, the sex I still very much wanted. The raging hard-on I woke up with every morning proving the point. But every time I thought about actually moving to the fucking part, I couldn’t make myself go there. Lord knows I had a contact list full of willing participants. Maybe I should just get back on the horse. I didn’t have any reason to be lock-and-keying my dick, and the thought of relieving some of that stress sounded mighty appealing.

“Sure, whatever you want. I’m going to go sit at the bar with Gina. Call me if you get lonely.” She rocked against my cock a couple of times before climbing to her feet, a promise of what she was willing to do later. Sadly, I wasn’t even hard. God, I hoped my dick wasn’t broken.

“Will do.” I watched as she walked away, my eyes sticking to her ass as she headed to the bar. Even with the hip sway, it still didn’t even give me a semi.

“Asshole.” Max snapped his finger in front of my face. “You really going to go there? Seriously?” He eyed me from the other side of the table, the dude looking less than pleased.

“Probably. Since when have you known me to turn down sex?” After all, the idea of tonight was to get my mind off things, couldn’t think of a better way than being with a girl who knew exactly what she was getting. Not to mention I was slightly concerned by my lack of interest. And if Rochelle couldn’t resuscitate my cock then there really wasn’t much hope.

“Besides, she’s knows the score, it’s just casual. No harm, no foul.” And no freaking hoping for a relationship either, which was just another positive.

“Have to agree with Max, Joe. Walk away.” Rusty weighed in, the eyeball-of-death also getting shot my way from his side of the table.

“Why?” Neither of them had taken an interest in my love life before, I wasn’t sure why they felt the sudden need to get involved. It’s not like either of them were interested in her.

“Oh, I don’t know, Joe.” Max kept his voice tight, the noise of the bar not allowing anyone other than the three of us to hear the conversation. “You knocked up Kenz and now you’re just going to go off and fuck someone else? Please tell me you’re not that stupid.”

The reason why the two of them tried to cock block me was finally laid on the table. They were worried I was cheating on Kenzie.

Which would have been a fair call except we weren’t a couple. Far from it, and I was free to screw whoever I wanted. And while I hadn’t taken the opportunity up until this point, there had been zero reason for it. None. I could have had sex a hundred times by now, why I hadn’t I still didn’t fully understand.

And another thing, as much as I liked to fuck around, I’d never cheated on a girl. The few times I’d been in a relationship, I’d kept my dick in my pants with no problems at all. I was a lot of things; scumbag wasn’t one of them.

“It’s not like that with us. We’re not together. Trust me, Kenzie doesn’t care who I fuck.” Well at least that’s what she’d led me to believe.

“So she can just fuck other dudes?” Rus asked, a smug grin creeping across his face. “Sorry, man. I didn’t know. All right then, as you were.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Kenzie is pregnant, she’s not fucking anyone.” I scoffed, the idea of her getting down-and-dirty hilarious. I may not be the sharpest dude but my recollection was pretty clear—she had no interest in it.

“Pregnant woman have sex all the time, dumbass,” Max added like he was the oracle, and knew all about pregnant chicks and their sexual urges.

“That’s not what she said. From the vibe I got from her, if she never saw a dick again it would be too soon.”

I replayed the conversation in my head. Yep, her own words were
her
interest in my dick was suspended
. She’d also threatened to rip off my balls more than once. And that wasn’t dirty talk or foreplay. She actually meant it.

“Yeah, that passes. Sometimes pretty quickly. And some get even hornier, wanting sex all the time.” Rusty volunteered information, the conviction in his voice sounding like he knew what he was talking about.

“What the fuck? She is going to want sex?” A wave of panic washed through me, my body all of sudden having trouble running its internal thermostat.

“Yep. Probably a lot of it too.” Rusty threw in, adding more fuel to the fire.

“No. No. No.” I shook my head, not believing what I was hearing. “You mean to tell me that she will be having sex with some other dude?”

The idea that she would be with someone else was something I hadn’t considered. Obviously we weren’t together, but I just assumed . . . Fuck. I don’t know what I assumed, but her screwing someone else wasn’t it.

“Yep. It’s good that you’ve got the agreement though.” Max anchored his hands behind his head, his eyes not moving from me despite him relaxing into his chair. “Have to say, it’s pretty admirable. Not sure I’d be so cool with it.”

“No. I don’t want her fucking other guys. This can’t happen.” More like, I’d do whatever the hell I needed to do so it wouldn’t happen. It didn’t even make sense as to why I didn’t, but there was no rationalizing the fucking emotion.

“Didn’t you just tell us how you guys aren’t a couple?” Max’s eyebrow rose, his voice steady as he made his point. “You can’t expect her to not see anyone else if you’re fucking anything that moves. Double standards much?”

“But my kid is in there.”

“It’s still her body. And a girl’s got needs just like a guy.” This time it was Rusty making the argument. The two of them tag-teaming me like a bad episode of WWE.

“I feel like I’m going to throw up.” I didn’t even care how much that made me sound like a pussy. The thought of Kenzie fucking some other guy while my kid was inside of her literally made me feel sick. Whatever agreement we had was fucking bullshit and I can’t believe I’d been dumb enough to give it the nod.

“Breathe through it, buddy.” Rusty, slapped me on the back. “You want me to call Rochelle back? Maybe she can give you a hand job and calm you down.” The asshole throwing in the cheap shot for good measure. It wasn’t needed—the point was well and truly made.

“What the hell am I going to do?” My eyes volleyed between them, hoping that one of them would have a freaking clue that would help get me out of this mess.

“I think instead of talking to us about it, maybe it’s a conversation you need to have with her.” Max’s head nodded to the cell that was sitting in front of me. And wasn’t that fucking ironic since the whole reason we were out here was so I didn’t call her.

Oh well. This was important.

I’d never intentionally broken my word to anyone, but there was no way I could let this lie. We would have to sort it out and then if she wanted to go back to doing the phone avoid, then I’d play nice. Just as soon as we agreed on where we stood on the issue of fucking other people. Or more to the point, we would
not
be fucking other people.

“Hey, you guys cool if I bail? I’m not chancing this to a phone call.” Besides, she might not answer, so the only way I saw this conversation happening was face to face. Which technically meant I didn’t go back on my word, and this shit could still get straightened out. See? Who said I wasn’t smart?

“Yep. Go do what you need to do. Max and I will hang here.” Rus answered with a complete lack of surprise, taking another swig of his beer.

Max grabbed my arm as I went to get to my feet, the chair scraping the floor noisily as I scrambled to get up and get gone.

“Hey, I’m sure I don’t need to remind you not to be an asshole, right?”

“Trust me, that’s one thing you don’t have to worry about. Not with me and not with her.”

I wasn’t entirely sure what those words meant but I knew that while I didn’t love her, and she wasn’t my girlfriend, it would be a cold day in hell before I’d hurt her. Add into the mix she was carrying my kid and I could guarantee I’d crawl through fire for her if she asked.

And what a fucking wake up call that was.

I was so incredibly fucked.

Pathetic.

I was tucked up in bed at nine p.m. and had been wearing PJ’s since seven. And so was the glamorous life I was leading, my ass getting handed to me daily with every single ounce of energy disappearing into thin air.

Pity I couldn’t make myself care. The idea of being snuggled down under my covers more appealing than heading out with the girls. Who knew the idea of sleep could make me excited, the ten-hour stretch I had planned literally making me giddy.

Just me, this bed and no interruptions. There wasn’t a thing I wanted more.

What the hell?

The buzzer from my front door smashed through my zen-like contentment. The continuous, obnoxious noise refused to stop despite my mental urging.

It is just someone wanting the wrong apartment
, I rationalized, holding a pillow over my head to drown out the drone.

But despite my expectation that whoever it was would either stop, move on or spontaneously combust—yeah, slim chance, I know—the incessant buzz continued.

“God damn it.” I kicked off my covers, ready to get medieval on the dumbass who dared derail my plans.

That poor bastard.

I hoped they’d had a nice life.

“Hang on,” I huffed, not caring the demon spawn fixated on my buzzer couldn’t hear me. “I’m fucking coming.” Again, air was my only audience as my feet stomped loudly to my front door.

“What?” I breathed through the door not willing to open it. All pretenses of hello or manners went out the window, my mouth unable to lie. It could have very easily been
fuck off,
so the way I saw it, they were getting off lightly.

“Kenzie, it’s me. Let me in.” The muffled voice answered through the wood, my hostile greeting left unacknowledged.

“Joey?” The edge fell from my voice as I waited to confirm the origin of the disturbance, not willing to open the door until he’d given me the green light.

What was he doing here? It’s late. Okay, so maybe not late but still we hadn’t spoken in three days, the time out I’d called still in effect. And he had been so respectful about giving me space, he was the last person I expected on my doorstep.

“Is everything all right?” I asked as I searched for the keys to my deadlock, the stupid things not in the bowl where I usually left them.

“I need to see you. Please.”

Crap. He sounded strange and he’d said please. Something was definitely wrong. Why hadn’t he picked up the phone? My curiosity superseded my agitation as I finally found my keys and twisted the lock. My mumbled pleas that it not be anything serious continued as I swung open the door.

“Hey.” I watched as he stood on my front step, the look of his face stone cold serious. God, please don’t let him be dying.

“Okay, so here’s the deal.” He grabbed my arms and moved me through the doorway, back into my apartment. His resolution unwavering as he closed the door behind us. “We’re not fucking anyone.”

“I’m sorry? What?”

My face twitched like I’d had some kind of seizure as my brain tried to rehear the words he said. Even trying to rearrange them didn’t help, feeling like I’d stepped into the twilight zone.

Was I dreaming?

Did I already fall asleep and this is some fucked up dream? It was surely too bizarre to be real.

“We aren’t fucking other people,” he reaffirmed, like the words made any more sense the second time around. “I’m not going to sleep with anyone and I want you to do the same.” His hand reached out and touched my arm completely discounting this as a dream.

Well, then.

I was out of ideas.

Unless he was drunk, but other than the weird talk his breath was noticeably absent of booze. His eyes were also clear and his stance completely devoid of the too-much-to-drink sway.

“Can you slow down and find the part of the conversation that I’ve obviously missed?” I’d say at least thirty minutes of it if I had to take a guess. The start of it probably happening when he’d left The Bronx, forgetting I actually had to be
there
to hear what he was saying.

“I know we aren’t dating, and you don’t owe me anything but I think we should do this,” he continued, the elaboration not helping much more than the original explanation. Perhaps he could draw me a diagram, whatever he needed to say couldn’t get any more lost in the translation than it already was.

“Do what exactly?” I blew out a breath, too exhausted to keep playing the guessing game. So far I’d gotten bits of puzzle words that didn’t fit, their significance as much of a mystery as to why he was here in the first place.

“Not. Have. Sex.” He said each word slowly and deliberate, like that somehow helped. “With other people and I’m serious. It’s going to rely on an honor system but I swear, I’m not going to fuck another girl while you’re pregnant.”

The penny finally dropped.

What his whirlwind of confusion had failed to explain was spelled out plainly. He wanted fidelity. Something he’d never asked me for when we actually
were
sleeping together, now that we weren’t—maybe he was dying?

“Why would you do that?” My voice was small, unable to pretend that I wasn’t floored.

Hearing him say he wasn’t going to sleep with other people was something I thought I’d never hear. Along with him voluntarily giving up sex because effectively that’s what he was signing up for. We weren’t fucking, so if there was no one else, he and his hand were going to get very close over the coming months.

“I’ll be honest, first it was about me not wanting you to be with anyone while our kid was in there.” His hands moved up my arms, his touch not having left me since he’d walked in. “The thought of some other dude being inside you while my . . . while
our
baby is in there too makes me want throw a chair through a wall.” He took a breath continuing. “But on the drive over here I realized how much of an asshole I was.”

He was definitely dying.

Or it was the end of the world.

But this was not the guy I’d slept with. This was not the man I knew.

“You got the rough end of the deal, Kenz.” He steered me to the couch, my feet following without resistance. “You’re the one who’s been sick, it’s you who has to carry our baby.”

I blinked, the back of my knees hitting the edge of the sofa and my brain not able to compute what to do next.

“You’re the one who’s going to have to go through god knows what when it’s finally time for him or her to be born.” He didn’t blink an eye, easing me down onto the couch before joining me by my side.

“And as much as I can tell you I’m going to be there, nothing I say or do will change that it will have to be
you
who does the heavy lifting. Fucking around while you are doing that just isn’t the right thing to do. It doesn’t have anything to do with whether or not we’re together, it’s got to do with the fact I need to put someone else first. And you’re giving up a hell of a lot more than I am during those eight months so the least I can do is keep my dick to myself.”

My throat was tight, the lump that formed made it difficult for me to swallow as my eyes started to water. I couldn’t help it, the tears I was so desperately trying to hold at bay crept at the edges and broke free. My body sagged against the cushions at my back but it didn’t register, I could have been sitting on a bed of nails and my attention would have still be on nothing other than Joey. My heart thumped erratically as I tried to say something, but stunned silence was the only thing I was able to offer.

“Fuck, I’m sorry.” His eyes darted across my face, my tears being misinterpreted. “It sounded better in the car. I said it wrong.”

“No, you didn’t.” I finally found my voice, another tear rolling down my cheek. “You said it all exactly right.” My fingers reached out for his and interlocked. “I’m just really emotional because it’s one of the nicest things you’ve ever said to me.” Or any man for that matter.

The single most selfless act of putting
me
first, even when he didn’t have to, knocked the wind out of me. If I hadn’t already been sitting down I definitely would have needed to. Something else I was thankful to him for. My hospitality had been missing in action when he’d first walked in, so we might still be standing. Still, shock will do that to a girl.

“Wow, I’m really going to have to work on stuff I say to you because if that’s the best, it’s pretty bad.” Joey smiled, not understanding how amazing those words had actually been.

“You’re doing great.” I smiled, my leaking eyes finally slowed as I tried to get a handle of my emotions. “Really, this is more than I expected.”

“Well, we have to get through this together, right? So what do you say we try this?”

God he was sweet. And so incredibly tender I hated myself for every bad word I’d ever said about him. Conceited. Arrogant—sure. But the good bits far outweighed the bad ones.

“You really think you can do this?” It’s not that I doubted his intentions, his eyes and words being crystal clear of his commitment. But theory and practice were two different things, and he was surrounded by beautiful women who
wanted
to sleep with him. It was like putting a drug addict into a crack house and then expecting them not to sample the product.

“It’s a few months, no biggie.” He shrugged like he expected it to be a walk in the park. “What about you? This here is a two-sided deal.” He grinned. “You think you can hold out?”

He had definitely drawn the short straw. Sex, on my list of priorities was on par on with getting a root canal. I couldn’t even imagine wanting it, let alone fighting the urge not to. In fact, I might never have sex again. It would probably be safer and any orgasms I’d be missing I could happily provide myself, if and when I felt like them.

“Joey, the no sex part isn’t going to be a problem for me. Honestly, I can’t even think about it right now without wanting to stab myself in the eye with a fork.” Or stab a penis if it even looked like it was coming near me.

“Yeah, Max and Rusty said that’s going to change and you’re going to be super horny.” He looked at me sideways, the smile curving at his lips.

“You spoke to Max and Rusty about
me
having sex?” I was trying to not fly off the handle given how sweet he was being, but the last thing I wanted was my bedroom habits being discussed with most of Black Addiction. I didn’t even want to know the circumstances as to how it was brought up, let alone their opinions on it.

“It was more them talking to me about it.” He tried to reason, like the alternative would be more palatable.

“Not any better.” I shook my head. “As much as I love Rusty and Max, they are going to be wrong.”

“So you
aren’t
going to be super horny?” Joey’s voice rose in disappointment. It was obvious he’d been secretly hoping.

“I can’t see it happening.”

“But if it does.” He turned his head to the side, either contemplating or choosing his words before he continued. “And don’t take this the wrong way—but I’ll be happy to help you out.”

“What? Like you’d service me? Jesus, Joey.” The back of my hand flew across his chest only slightly offended. It sounded terrible even though I was sure he hadn’t meant it that way.

“You know what I mean.” He tried to dig himself out of the hole he’d put himself in. “And sex for us isn’t all tangled up in all that other stuff, so I’m just saying if you
needed
me, I could do it.” The smile he’d been wearing teased into a smirk, the direction his mind was currently heading plainly obvious.

“You really are trying for sainthood, aren’t you?”

“I assure you, Kenz, it wouldn’t be a sacrifice.”

“It won’t happen.” My resolve so sure I’d probably reclaim my virginity.

“Well either way, I’m good.” He leaned back, stretching out his arms across the back of the couch.

“I bet.” I laughed, the idea of Joey being my own personal sex toy would have been so appealing a month or two ago. Such a waste he was offering it now. Sometimes life was just unfair like that.

“Do you want to stay? I was just going to go to bed, but if you wanted to hang around, we could watch movies or something.” Pushing him out the door and being alone didn’t fill me with the same joy it had an hour or so ago.