Sticks & Stones (18 page)

Neither of us said anything. Liam looked down at his boots.

“Do you know who wrote the other ones? Was it Mr. Todd?”

“I dunno,” he said. “I didn't see the person, just the paper. I don't think Mr. Todd would do it, though. Doesn't seem like his kind of thing.”

We stood there in silence for another minute, both of us looking at the ground.

“So … do you want to, like, apologize?” I asked.

But he wasn't listening. He was looking down at the compass, and his shoulders were heaving up and down like he was really worried about something.

“I think we went the wrong way,” he said with a gulp.

“We have a walkie-talkie,” I practically whispered. “We can call a teacher and get help.”

The sky was now a deep, dark black. The other teams were probably on their way back with all the clues in tow, getting ready for an awesome dinner of grilled cheese and tomato soup with triple-chocolate cupcakes for dessert (my idea, thank you very much—even Snotty Ami had agreed with that one).

The other teams probably actually used their brains and didn't just blindly follow people who were tall and cute and had eyes like little kiwis and looked like official explorers in their fancy thick scarves and hiker-guy boots and giant jackets. People who had said they knew where they were going.

Anger bubbled up inside of me.
How could he?

But worse than feeling furious with Liam, I was mad at myself for trusting him and liking him. For going along with his note and doing what it said, even when it felt wrong.

I looked ahead and realized that Liam was nowhere to be found. The dark sky had swallowed him whole, fancy hiker-guy boots and all.

“Liam?” I called, and got no answer.

A shiver went down my spine, and not just because it was freezing. My heart pounded and my whole body got sweaty despite the cold.

“Liam?” I yelled again, louder this time. Then again. “LIAM!”

Nothing.

It was getting darker and darker. The snow was coming down furiously, and even if I had a hundred tongues I'd never be able to catch it all and get it out of the way so I could see clearly. No matter what direction I turned, it was like staring into an angry marshmallow.

I shivered again, and thoughts of fuzzy socks flashed through my mind. Would I ever see my green knee-highs again? Would I ever see anything again besides snow?

I couldn't help it; I started to cry, but even that was a failure, because the second the tears dropped out of my eyes and onto my cheeks, they froze into mini icicles on my face.
Facecicles.
I was too scared and sad to laugh at my hilarious new word.

“Okay. It's going to be okay.” My voice shook with each word I spoke to myself. “It's cold and dark and scary and you are not carrying any of the explorer supplies, but you will be okay. You just have to go back the way you came.”

Except—all the ways looked the same. Even if I could tell which direction I had come from, I wouldn't have known, because the only thing I'd looked at the whole time was the back of Liam's thick brown jacket. And a jacket isn't exactly a landmark.

I traced over
UNWANTED
with a frozen finger. Even through twenty-nine layers, each letter still managed to feel like a little rash of doom. I let out a loud whimper. My legs throbbed, and the rest of me felt heavy and empty at the same time. What I wouldn't give for some of Mom's nasty anti-itch goop right now. I was hungry, thirsty, tired, and totally, completely alone.

For once, I hated the quiet. It reminded me that no one was coming to save me.

“Help!” I shouted at the top of my lungs.
Good luck with that,
I imagined the snow replying.

Liam had never cared about me. He just wanted to go out with Jeg.

Only people like Nice Andy cared about me.

People like Liam would never, ever like me. Ever.

And why should they? Yeah, I was Explorer Leader, but Mom and Mr. Todd didn't really think I could do it alone.

And they were right.

I burst into a whole new set of tears, not caring about the facecicles that were sure to form.

I plopped down in the snow right where I was. My butt froze immediately; snow seeped right through my snow pants and probably my regular pants, too, and maybe even my underwear.

That was a stupid thing to do, sitting down.

I cried more. Everything I did was so stupid.

The word formed and I knew it was coming and I didn't even care. When it jabbed me, I jabbed it right back with my fingers, making everything itch more.

For a few minutes, I just sat there like a lump. Poking myself. Crying. Feeling like the biggest failure in the history of failures.

After a little while, the wind slowed down slightly, and the snow came down lighter and flakier. I made myself get up, and then I dusted off as much snow from my cold, wet body as I could.

I had to move, I figured. I had to try. Staying in that spot forever wasn't going to do anything.

I glanced up at the dark, hazy sky. In social studies we'd talked about the North Star and how you can use it to help you if you're lost.

We hadn't talked about what to do if you couldn't see it, though. Seriously not cool, snowstorm.

A big gust of wind blew in my face, sending my hair flying around my head. There had been wind before, but it was the nice kind of wind that felt like it was patting me on the back and pushing me forward.

Wait. That was it!

If Liam and I had set off going west, and there wasn't wind in my face, but now there was, I must have turned around. That meant that I was facing the right way. To get back, I just had to walk into the wind. Which would be kind of awful, but not nearly as awful as getting ditched.

As I took one step and then another, I thought back to what Liam had said about how he had only written one of the notes after someone else—
not Mr. Todd
, in his opinion—had given him the idea.

It was the same thing I'd started thinking. It just didn't add up for the notes to be from the principal. And if that were true, and the rest of the notes weren't from Mr. Todd, that meant there was someone out there who actually really did want me to be Explorer Leader. Who believed, against all odds, that I could do it. That I could do anything.

And I was letting that person down.

I was letting
me
down.

And really, up until this point, I had done a pretty good job as Explorer Leader. I had taken charge at the meetings. I'd kept track of a whole bunch of details in my fancy Explorer Leader binder. I'd planned fun things. A couple of weeks ago, Mr. Todd had finally put my picture in that blank poster with the question mark, and right away people had started filling it in with compliments about what a good leader I was.

Maybe they weren't just doing that because I had the job and they wanted me to listen to their ideas. Maybe they really meant the compliments. I'd earned them, hadn't I?

“You planned a great trip,” I said out loud. Totally dorky, but no one was really listening except for the snow-covered trees, and they probably wouldn't tell anyone. “You're brave to stay in a room with Jeg and not let Mom talk Mr. Todd into changing it. You're nice to people even when they're not nice to you. And you look kind of adorable in all of your winter gear, even though it makes you feel very poofy.”

I lunged forward as I talked, feeling a little better and lighter as
BRAVE
,
NICE
, and
ADORABLE
formed and the itchiness subsided. I plodded on, taking one step after another, and as I did I began to hear faint voices off in the distance. I couldn't make out what they were saying, but they were definitely there. I took a huge, relieved breath. I was going the right way. Holy. High. Heels.

I continued going toward the voices, and as I did, Mr. Todd's words from a long time ago echoed in my mind.

I have a lot more hair than most people.

I have a lot more hair than most people.

I have a lot more hair than most people.

He had more hair than most people.

And I had words on my body.

And sometimes, they were bad ones.

And then it occurred to me: So what?

I moved closer to the voices, and most all of my itchiness went away as I realized I was getting back to camp, somehow, all by myself. Me. Elyse. With no help, no compass, no phone, no blue notes, no boy, no friends. Just me.

In place of the itchiness, I felt something else, something amazing. I didn't know what it was, but I wanted it to last forever.

A blast of energy spiraled through my whole body and I didn't even notice that all my clothes were sopping wet. I smiled through chattering teeth and started running—running!—through the mountains of snow toward the voices.

Soon, I could make out actual words, and I sprinted toward them with all the strength I could muster. I could do this. I had made it this far, and now I was almost there.

With one final push, I flew through a thin crest of trees and found myself right in front of the flagpole, a sight that had seemed so regular hours ago. Now it was the best, most amazing flagpole I had ever seen in my entire life. I hugged it as tightly as I could.

“Elyse!” Mom's eyes were red and puffy, and she had facecicles, too. Giant ones. She took me in her arms, and I let myself fall into them and sigh into their warmth without caring who saw or what they thought.

I had found my way.

 

29

OKAY

When I came out of the hug, I saw adults all over the place, shouting into their walkie-talkies and texting like their thumbs were on fire. “She's okay!” I heard. “She's back!” It was nice to know they'd all been so concerned about me, but the only person I could concentrate on was Liam. He stood there with his jaw practically on the ground. Was he surprised to see me? What'd he expect, that I'd stay there forever waiting for him to come back and rescue me? That I'd turn into a human ice cube and spend the rest of my days in the Minnesota wilderness?

Jeg, Olivia, Hannah, and Hannah came running up to me. Their hands were full with grilled cheese and cupcakes.

“We were so worried!” Hannah Z. said. She handed over a warm chocolate bundle of joy.

“Ladies, this is a lovely thought, but I think Elyse needs blankets first. And warm clothes,” Mr. Todd suggested.

“No, cupcakes will work,” I said through my frozen mouth, and everyone laughed.

“I see the ordeal hasn't harmed her sense of humor!” Mr. Todd chuckled. “But really, Elyse, are you all right? We were so concerned. Your mom was this close to having the police come out here. What happened?”

“I'm okay,” I said. I snuggled back into Mom's arms. “But I am a little blue.” I pointed to my wet blue jacket. “A lot blue, actually. And I don't really know what happened … I guess I just kinda veered off-course a little. My partner wasn't so good at sharing the compass. Or sticking around.”

Mr. Todd shot Liam a look like he was in huge trouble, and Liam stared down at the ground. “We'll talk about that later. And I mean seriously talk, Liam. For now, I'll grab blankets while you go change, Elyse. Then we'll meet in the dinner cabin.”

Mom led me to my cabin without saying a word. She started a fire and carefully helped me peel off wet layer after wet layer until you could finally see my cold, red skin.

She went over to her bag and pulled something out. I was bracing myself for a goop-down (I didn't have that many bad words left, but Mom would probably slather me anyway) when she opened her hands and showed me what she was holding: my fuzzy green knee-high socks!

“I thought we should have these here,” Mom said. “Just in case.”

“Thanks.” I grinned from ear to ear as I felt the new word that spread across my entire arm, all the way from my hand to my shoulder:
OKAY
.

I threw on a sweatshirt, some sweatpants, and the fuzzy socks. When I got back, everyone had already finished dinner, but a huge crowd swarmed me in the dinner cabin as I polished off three grilled cheese sandwiches, two enormous bowls of tomato soup (mmm, soup), and two and a half gooey chocolate cupcakes. Hey, I earned it.

“Were you scared?” Paige asked.

“Did you see any bears?” asked Kevin.

“I wish you had told me you were going to be late,” Ms. Sigafiss insisted. “I would have appreciated knowing I'd have to prepare so many grilled cheese sandwiches so long after dinnertime.”

“It wasn't exactly something I planned,” I said, and everyone laughed, even her. I wondered if the grilled cheese comment was actually her way of trying to be funny.

“Give Elyse some space,” said Mr. Todd. “She's had a very long night. It's getting pretty late. Let's all start heading to our cabins.”

People slowly trickled out in small groups until no one remained except Mom and Jeg.

“Sweetie, you should really get to sleep,” Mom said. Her arm was still around my shoulder. It was starting to feel a little heavy. “Let me know if you need anything tonight, okay? You can wake me anytime. I'm just a few cabins over from you.”

“Okay,” I said. I jumped to my feet and shook her arm off in the process.

To my surprise, Jeg grabbed my arm and linked hers through my elbow, like we used to do when we were little. Like she'd done all year with Snotty Ami.

“I'll take good care of her, Mrs. Everett,” she promised.

We stepped outside. It was still cold, dark, and windy, but I wasn't scared. It was hard to believe that I had just been all alone out there, not sure if I would live to eat grilled cheese. It all seemed like such a long time ago.

For a few minutes, the only sound was our boots crunching in the snow.

“You know,” I finally said as I stepped on a small piece of ice, crushing it beneath my foot. “Liam isn't so nice. He totally ditched me out there.”