Still thicker than water (2 page)

Sasha thought of the irony of her reflection, this was the very reason why she was getting married; she didn’t think that she could stand on her own.

“
You ready baby?” Her father asked her, but Sasha couldn’t answer. She just looked at him with a smile as the doors opened wide.

The crowd stood at attention and focused on Sasha and her father as they began to slowly make their way down the aisle. Sasha held a plastered smile and studied the happy faces, grinning and snapping pictures. She felt like she was walking to her execution and she was hoping that her emotions weren’t showing on her face. Halfway down the aisle, she felt as if she should finally look at Mike, maybe something that wasn’t there, would suddenly exist in her when she saw his face. Maybe she could will herself to want him, need him, love him. The sad realization came about when she looked into his eyes and felt the need to run in the opposite direction.

He was looking at her with so much love, so much pride, so much adoration. The thought of her marrying him and depriving him of true requited love caused tears to form into her eyes, which people mistook for an overwhelming rush of emotion.

As she reached the altar, a sweat broke on her brow and she took a deep breath, hoping that she didn’t have a repeat of the bathroom stall.

“
Who gives this woman away?”

Don’t daddy, don’t say it.

“
I do.”

Her father and Mike exchanged Sasha with ease, as if she were money, and Sasha wondered why this was so easy for everyone else.

“
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today…”

Okay, okay, I can do this. Look at him, he’s good looking... I mean, he is a little corny, and why the hell is his tie so tight? No, no… he’s not corny, he’s safe. Safe, reliable, gives me no trouble… Wait, what am I marrying, a man or a car? Oh god, Sasha stop it! Take his hands. Are they telling us to hold hands…? I think so. He’s reaching for my hands. There, everyone is smiling, I must be doing the right thing. Why are his hands so clammy? …Look at him, he loves me. Look how happy he is. Concentrate Sasha, Concentrate…

“
Marriage is the union of husband and wife in heart, body, and mind. It is intended for their mutual joy…” The pastor’s voice subsided to a whisper, and then ceased.

What happened?
Sasha wondered.
Is it over, am I supposed to say something now?

She looked to Mike for some reassurance but was confused as to why he was not looking at her. Instead he, like everyone else, was focused on the aisle. Sasha turned, as if in slow motion, and swore that the breath left her body.

“
Oh my god,” she whispered.

Her heart raced, her head was light, and she had to reach out and hold onto the pastor’s shoulder for support. It was him, and just like always, he commanded everyone’s attention.

He was dressed in true street fashion, crisp jeans, fresh Air Force’s, blinding jewelry, head full of waves, chocolate skin glowing, confident smile. He stood in the center of the aisle as if he belonged there and as everyone stared at him, he focused on Sasha.

“
I tried to wait until the
‘if anyone objects’
shit, but I figured I wouldn’t waste anymore of your time…let’s go kid.”

Sasha held his gaze with tears in her eyes and stunned into silence. She hesitantly looked away at Mike and could see the rage radiating off of him. She looked back to Chauncey, who now held out his hand for her, as everyone studied Sasha wondering how she would handle the situation.

“
Daddy!” Aubrey exclaimed, rushing up to him.

He picked her up and kissed her face lovingly and then looked back to Sasha.

“
Come on princess, come on home. I got you…I’ll never hurt you again.”

“
You sure?” The question escaped Sasha’s lips before she even realized that she was talking.

“
My word…I love you,” he affectionately admitted.

“
I love you, too.”

Sasha’s feet felt as if they were firmly planted into the ground but as she admitted her love for Chauncey, they began to take flight and she made her way to him. She lifted her gown and didn’t even offer Mike an apology; she just rushed to her man, her love.

Chauncey pulled her close as she finally reached him, and looked deeply into her eyes. He held Aubrey with his right hand, as his left hand caressed Sasha’s face. He leaned in to kiss her lips and Sasha braced herself for what she had been missing. She could feel his breath on her face as he went from inches away, to almost nose to nose with her. She could smell him, almost taste him, she closed her eyes and her heart melted, and then…and then…and then…

“
Nooooooooo!!!” Sasha screamed, as she abruptly sat upright in her bed. “No, no, no!” She bawled, more quietly, when she noticed that Mike was still peacefully asleep next to her. Chauncey was gone. That was her reality. But in her dreams, she could still have him, or at least, she thought. Lately, it seemed that she couldn’t even have that.

She looked down at her wedding ring on her finger, that barely sparkled in the dark, but she still knew that it was there. It was all a lie. She could hear the crickets chirping outside as she gently lifted herself out of bed, and treaded softly out of the room.

She crept into Aubrey’s room and could see her sleeping serenely, clutching her worn out pink teddy bear.
We’ve got to get that thing out of here.

Her baby, she was so beautiful, looking more and more like Chauncey every day. She blew her a silent kiss as she turned around and headed for the stairs.

She quietly made her way down the dark staircase and could see the moonlight illuminating the dimness of their home. As Sasha entered the living room, she took a seat on the couch, looking around at her beige living room in the night and thinking of how it reflected her present situation. Her life was now so beige.
Chauncey would never allow all of this beige. He would have made me throw some color, or at least some black up in here. Mmm, Chauncey.

Her thoughts of him re-entered her head as she imagined him the way he appeared in her dream. Those thoughts then turned to ones of their old steamy nights, as Sasha thought of Chauncey’s lips and tongue caressing her body. Mike didn’t know how to do it like him; Mike didn’t know how to do it at all.

Sasha’s sex life was lacking and she was in desperate need. Sasha thought of how Chauncey used to throw her on the dining room table and eat her like dinner. She imagined Chauncey parting her legs and kissing her thighs as her fingers made her way down her white silk nightie and to her thighs, tracing her fingertips softly up and down, trying her best to emulate a tongue.

Then, she thought of him parting her second lips with his tongue and discovering her tender clit, gently sucking on it and flicking it, the way she loved. Her fingers tried to do these visions justice as she lay her head back on the couch and kicked her legs up on the table.
Oh,
she softly moaned.

You like that?

Yes…

Show me.

She moaned sultrily the way Chauncey liked it, and even said the dirty words lightly that he loved to hear.

Yes, right there daddy. Eat your pussy…this is your pussy.

That’s my girl.

She could hear him. She could feel him. And she wondered if whatever he was doing in his cell right now, could he taste her?

She could feel herself building up to an orgasm as she moved her fingers faster and faster.

“
Oh Chauncey, oh yes…oh my god, yes,” she cried in passion. Her face grew hot and her left leg began to shake as her hair lay against her wet forehead that was now sweating.

“
Yes…yes…”

“
Sasha!” Mike yelled, interrupting her one on one party, and cutting her orgasm short.

“
Hu-huh?” She stammered, hoping that he hadn’t heard her.

“
You alright down there… You coming to bed?”

She took a deep breath to regain her composure, and pulled her nightie back down to her thighs. She
was
cumming, but now she figured that she was just coming…back to bed.

“
Yes…yes I’m fine,” she stuttered. “I’ll be right up.”

She could hear his heavy footsteps retreat from the stairs slowly back to the bedroom, and she wondered how she had missed hearing them in the first place. She also wondered how Mike had managed to keep her dissatisfied, even when he wasn’t involved in the encounter.

Damn
, she thought, standing up and making her way back to her bedroom. Back to reality.

Chapter 2 - Truth

The past couple of years have been so crazy. I never knew we would end up like this.

For starters, my best friend Sasha, and her baby’s father Chauncey, are apart now. And they were like the hood’s Bonnie and Clyde, Newark’s own Beyonce and Jay. She’s married now, to some square dude, Mike, living down in Atlanta, and Chauncey’s locked down doing a bid. And it’s such a shame.

Chauncey was like a big brother to me, he grew up with my own brother Chris, and they even worked for the same man…for my man, Respect. Or Ree, as I like to call him.

See Ree, he’s like the alpha man, he’s got it all; swagger, boss status, intellect…and my heart. But, my brother got caught up and snitched on him and Ree had to go on the run. Now, my brother’s dead. And Kim’s dead... Kim, our sister, our girl, damn.

See she was the life of the party, and I miss her so much. Sometimes I even miss Neli…Nah, maybe I just miss the way the four of us used to be.

Neli, she was our other friend, and she’s in the damn crazy house now, but really, she deserves more. I don’t care if she don’t have it all, the way she set it all up, fucking Chauncey behind Sasha’s back, trying to get Sasha killed, and even having Kim murdered, I could never forgive her! I’m kinda glad Chauncey beat her the way that he did, even though that’s what got him locked up.

Damn, see what I mean, it’s been crazy for everyone. And me, now here I am…But where am I?

“
Where am I?” Tatum questioned aloud. She stared at the cursor on the computer screen for a couple of seconds before she became frustrated and slammed the laptop closed. This was the third time this week that she had attempted to put her thoughts on paper, hoping that it would help get her book started. After all of the drama that occurred two summers ago, writing her dream book went from being a fantasy to a checkpoint on her must do list. In addition to forgetting
him.

Tatum had way too much shit on her mind.

She got up from her computer desk and walked over to her bed, picking up a throw blanket and wrapping it around her shoulders. As she made her way to the thermostat to turn the heat up, she wondered what the weather was like in Jamaica.

“
It damn sure aint 48 degrees,” she whispered, turning her heat up to the max.

She never did have the courage to pick up and follow Ree to Jamaica, even though she had contemplated heavy on it. She hadn’t heard from him, or even had a sign of him, since he had sent the mysterious postcard in the summer of ‘08.

Now, here it was, a year and a half later, and he was still in her thoughts.

It gets better every day though. I get over him a little more every day.

Tatum felt like she had made the best decision, not wanting to live her life on the run, and bank her whole future on a postcard.
I don’t care what Sasha says, sending a postcard does not equal, ‘I love you, come to Jamaica, and spend the rest of your life with me.’

But no matter how much she tried to convince herself, she knew that he had wanted her to come.

Had? But would he still?
Tatum wondered, laying her head back against the wall, getting lost in her thoughts.

Just then, her phone began vibrating on her computer desk as she walked over and answered, not recognizing the number.

“
Hello,” Tatum greeted, sounding more like a question.

“
Heyyy bitch, what it do?”

Tatum smirked.

“
What it do? Okay, Atlanta overload…Whose number is this?”

Sasha paused briefly before answering.

“
Oh… it’s mine. We got a new house number.”

Tatum laughed.

“
Oh I see, you mean Chauncey been blowing yall shit up so much that Mike finally decided stop playing ‘yes m’am’ to you, put his foot down, and change that bitch up.”