Still Thinking of You (33 page)

‘That’s just a job,’ said Jase, with an apologetic shrug. He would genuinely have liked to be a comfort to Ted and Kate, but honestly couldn’t see what he had to offer. Tash was stunned. For all the gang’s constant talk about friendship, they didn’t seem very friendly towards each other right now when the chips were down. Tash didn’t think she knew Kate or Ted particularly well. She had found them reserved and at times remote, but she wouldn’t wish this disaster on her worst enemies, not that she had any. She felt out of her depth. There was a need to say or do something, but what? Surely the gang knew.

‘Do you think she’ll leave him?’ Mia asked Jason.

‘It’s a very difficult one for any couple to get through,’ he admitted. ‘Kate certainly isn’t going to like giving up her lifestyle.’

‘I can’t see her in rubber gloves,’ added Mia.

‘What will Mummy and Daddy say?’ asked Jayne.

‘Will they be able to help out?’ asked Mia.

Jayne looked embarrassed. ‘Unlikely. They are not as wealthy as one would imagine. That old ruin they insist on hanging on to bleeds us dry. Goodness, by default, I’ll look like the perfect child following this scandal. All I’ve ever done to embarrass them is remain ringless on my thirtieth birthday. That’s small fry compared to fraud.’

‘It is awful, though, isn’t it?’

‘Simply dreadful.’

‘Poor things.’

Lloyd pushed back his chair and stood up. He carefully folded his napkin across his plate. ‘I’m not great with words. Even so, I think I’ll try to find Ted, if you’ll excuse me.’

53. Put the Kettle on

Tash listened at the door. She could hear movement, but not voices. She’d hoped to catch Kate on her own, so she knocked again. The movement immediately stopped, and there was silence. Tash waited, then decided to go. Maybe the others were right. They knew Kate best after all. It was obvious that she didn’t want to see anyone and, even if she did, Tash was probably the last person she’d want to see. It had been a stupid plan. Tash didn’t want to upset her further. She turned away from the room and set off back down the corridor.

‘Yes?’ Kate opened the door and called after Tash.

‘Hi.’ Tash walked back to the door, but noticed that Kate didn’t step aside and invite her in.

‘We’re just packing,’ said Kate. She was holding a wash bag and clearly thought Tash would be looking for an explanation.

‘I know,’ nodded Tash. ‘Ted talked to Rich and explained the situation.’ Tash fell silent. Her rehearsed speech had scampered to the darkest recesses of her mind, and suddenly she didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know what could be adequate. Certainly not ‘I’m very sorry to hear about your problems,’ which were the words that spilt out.

‘Come in,’ said Kate, remembering her manners. ‘I can make you a cup of tea.’

‘No. I don’t want to be any trouble.’

‘No trouble. It’s complimentary, and I want to feel we got our money’s worth from the room,’ Kate smiled, and Tash thought it was brave of her to make a joke about money, so she felt she had to agree.

The room was in chaos. There were clothes everywhere– in the wardrobe, on the backs of chairs and on the floor. Only some had made it into the suitcase that lay open on the enormous double bed. Tash edged the case to the side and sat down.

She took a deep breath and dived in. Still unsure of Kate’s response, it felt right to her to make the offer.

‘I came to say that we haven’t opened the bed linen yet. Your wedding gift, I mean. And, well, you’ve been so generous throughout the trip; you’ve already given us gifts enough. I wondered if you’d mind if we returned it.’

Tash blushed. She didn’t know if her offer would be seen as rude or thoughtful. From what Lloyd had said,
£
600 was a drop in the ocean compared to the extent of the debts that Kate and Ted were in, but, surely, every little helps. Besides, she just knew that she’d never have a good night’s sleep on those blasted sheets.

‘That’s very kind of you,’ said Kate. Her smile was weak but genuine. ‘I’d appreciate that very much.’

‘Really?’ Tash beamed, pleased to be of practical help.

‘Yes. John Lewis has a generous returns policy. We can get the goods credited straight back to the card. It would be useful.’

Kate had already decided to return the new china set that she’d impulse purchased before Christmas. It was an eighty-piece set, very pretty, silver leaves embossed around the edges. The set had cost over
£
1,000, and yet she hadn’t even taken it out of the packaging yet.

‘I
am
very sorry,’ said Tash again. ‘If there is anything we can do –’

‘We’ll ask,’ assured Kate.

Tash grinned. There was something confident in Kate’s declaration that she would ask for help that cheered Tash. Kate’s spirit was entirely British ‘make do and mend’; it was heartening. Tash had expected to find Kate prone, in bed, sobbing helplessly and indulgently, perhaps calling her husband stupid and unreliable. It would have been understandable – forgivable, even. But she wasn’t. It was clear that Kate hadn’t enjoyed a good night’s sleep, and it was clear that she had spent much of the past night and morning crying, but she certainly didn’t appear defeated or even angry.

‘We’re going to have to leave our home, which will be distressing for the children, but we’re hoping to find somewhere cheap to rent until we sort out something permanent. I had hoped that we could keep them in their schools, at least until the year end, but I think we’ll have to move out of London altogether. It’s so frightfully expensive.’

Kate was bent over the enormous suitcase. She repeatedly picked up garments of clothing, started to fold them, then discarded them again, only to pick up the same thing a second later. Tash doubted that she’d ever finish packing at this rate. Carefully Tash reached out and picked up a jumper and started to fold it. It was Burberry cashmere. Tash knew clothes; this little number alone would have cost a fortune. Tash mentally shook her head. Poor Kate wouldn’t be visiting Burberry’s again in a hurry. Still, on the bright side, at least economies could be made; they could buy their sweaters from M&S from now on.

‘Where will you move to?’

Kate’s braveness wavered. She ceased her attempt to pack and straightened up. ‘I haven’t a clue. One normally lives near one’s work, but neither Ted nor I work. Now, about that tea.’ She put the kettle on and found a cup and saucer in the wardrobe. ‘I’m terribly sorry that we won’t be able to stay for your wedding.’

Tash had temporarily forgotten that they were in Avoriaz for her wedding. There was so much going on. She couldn’t believe that Kate had the presence of mind to be polite enough to apologize for her non-attendance.

‘I’m sure you understand.’ Tash nodded, but was speechless. ‘We simply have to stop haemorrhaging cash, immediately. Even saving a couple of nights’ hotel bill will help. Besides, we need to get back to the children and start sorting this awful mess out.’

‘You really seem to be dealing with this so well,’ blurted Tash.

Kate shrugged. ‘What’s the alternative? I won’t achieve anything by crying, “Woe is me.” I do wish Ted had told me earlier, but…’ she hesitated.

Tash sympathized with Kate. She also believed that the saddest part of the whole situation was that Ted hadn’t had the courage to be honest with Kate. Kate was so practical; perhaps she could have turned their fortunes around. She would have probably begged for his job back and, if that hadn’t worked, she would have dealt with the bad PR, found a new spin and helped him to secure interviews at other companies. At the very least, she could have stopped him buying the house in the Cotswolds and running up the enormous debts of the past five months. Maybe she wouldn’t have made any material difference, but maybe she would have. Now, they would never know, and they both had to live with that.

But, on the other hand, Tash also sympathized with Ted. Kate was formidable; he’d obviously been scared to confess to his wife. Kate must be saddened and chastened by that. Ted must be kicking himself now that his wife was being so eminently sensible and so entirely supportive. He’d be wishing that he’d unburdened himself earlier, before the situation had spiralled out of control.

‘I love Ted,’ stated Kate, ‘and when we married we did say “for better for worse, for richer for poorer” in our vows.’

‘Maybe, but nobody really expects the downside of the deal,’ commented Tash.

Kate laughed at the truth of this. ‘Maybe not, but we should.’ Kate handed Tash a cup of tea. ‘It’s made with a bag, I’m afraid, and the milk is that awful UHT stuff. I’m sure it will be horrid.’

Tash took the tea anyway. She realized that it had been made because women like Kate make tea in times of crisis and the right thing to do was to accept it.

‘Women like Kate.’ Tash mulled the phrase over in her mind. Did she really know what Kate was
like
? She had thought Kate was spoilt and cocooned. She had assumed she was girlie, overly pampered and would be useless in a crisis. But here she was being sensible, measured and loyal. Attributes Tash admired. Attributes Rich had said were there, and Tash hadn’t been able to see. Tash had thought Jayne was the sympathetic one, but at breakfast she’d appeared more than a little selfish and irresponsible. Rich had been right.

How had she got Kate so wrong?

‘Funny, this is the first time we’ve sat down together alone, isn’t it?’ commented Kate, as though she had somehow tapped into Tash’s subconscious and was answering the question for her. ‘I do hope we get more opportunity to get to know each other a little better. After the wedding and when we are a little clearer on where we stand.’

‘Yes,’ mumbled Tash, ‘I’d like that.’

As predicted, the tea was awful, so Tash put down her cup and picked up another jumper that was lying on the floor. She folded it neatly and put it in the case. Kate went to the wardrobe and pulled out some of Ted’s shirts and started to fold them. The women passed the next hour quietly packing. They didn’t talk much. For all of Kate’s extreme braveness, she was patently distracted, and Tash didn’t think this was the right moment for a postmortem or deep discussion of any kind. The silence was comfortable, compatible, and they worked alongside one another with efficiency and no fuss. At midday, Ted came back to the room and reported, with some relief, that he’d managed to get their flight times changed at no extra cost. This wasn’t surprising, as they had initially bought the most expensive but therefore most flexible tickets available.

‘Right, well, I’ll leave you two to get on your way,’ said Tash. She hugged Ted and Kate. She instinctively squeezed them tightly and planted a huge kiss on Kate’s cheek. A left, right, left air kiss was out of the question.

‘Thanks for your help with the packing,’ smiled Kate.

‘We’ll call you after the honeymoon,’ assured Tash.

‘Yes, do. We’ll want to see photos. I’m sure you’ll find Mia a big help if you want any support with arrangements. She’s good with detail,’ said Kate.

Tash looked at her feet. She didn’t want to be rude to Kate, who had so many more important things on her mind than planning a wedding breakfast, but she couldn’t imagine her and Mia having cosy little chats about seating plans. Kate clearly sensed Tash’s reluctance and added, ‘Really, you would find her a big help, if you let her be.’

Tash smiled, didn’t express her scepticism and set off back towards her room to try to find Rich. She wasn’t exactly sure why, but she needed to hold him.

Tightly.

54. In the Deep Stuff

‘Scaley Jase, do you think we ought to have gone to the airport to see Ms Monopoly and Big Ted off?’ Mia asked.

After her initial reluctance to comfort her friend, which was little more than shyness in the face of adversity – something Mia would never admit – Mia had popped by Ms Monopoly’s room. But Barbie Babe was in there, being all tea and sympathy. Mia had thought this was an imposition. It wasn’t as though Barbie Babe and Ms Monopoly were particular friends. Mia believed that two is company and three is a crowd, and decided that she’d leave them to it. She told herself that her friendship with Kate was so long-standing that she could call later, to see how things were after they’d talked to the children. Mia didn’t need to rush around and apply emergency aid. She convinced herself that this decision was nothing to do with the fact that Scaley Jase was heading off to the slopes and she was pushed for time if she wanted to join him.

‘See them off at the airport? Hardly,’ he looked at her with incredulity. ‘It’s not exactly a bon voyage moment, is it?’

‘No, I suppose not.’

Mia and Jason were sharing a chairlift heading up to the top of the fairly challenging Les Gets runs. Jason had wanted to see the Les Gets, Portes du Soleil, since he arrived, and asked Mia if she would join him. After hearing about Kate and Ted’s bad luck they both had an unexplained need to be with each other, though neither was prepared to say as much. Jase suggested that they spent the day skiing together, alone.

‘You’re sure you are happy skiing, rather than boarding?’ he asked.

‘I am so bruised that I resemble one of those inkspot charts that psychologists use to analyse their patients’ moods,’ confessed Mia, laughing. ‘I don’t think it’s my sport.’

‘And if I saw you naked, what would your inkspot chart of a body reveal?’

‘Just that you were horny. Situation normal.’ Mia batted off the suggestive comment, without noticing it. She took a deep breath and owned up, ‘I’ve been disappointed with my ability to snowboard. I was expecting to sweep up and whizz down. I’m used to my legs operating independently, but at least cooperating with one another. But when they are stuck together, like glue, and the board seems to have an entirely different agenda to mine, well, let’s just say I didn’t shine. I am happy to get back on to my skis.’

Jason shook his head. ‘You are too harsh on yourself. You were making good progress on the board. You can’t expect to go from rookie to expert in a couple of days,’ he said sympathetically.

‘You did,’ argued Mia.

‘Yes, but that’s different. I am a superstar.’

Mia laughed at his arrogance, partly because she agreed with him.

She hadn’t exactly apologized for her behaviour the previous evening, but Jason chose to interpret her good mood as a form of apology, and he accepted it with good grace. He was enjoying learning to board, but he put on skis today, for Mia.

Jason hadn’t exactly apologized for his behaviour the previous evening, but Mia chose to interpret his offer to ski as a form of apology, and she accepted it with pleasantries and polish. She knew he put on skis today, for her.

‘Did you have a good night?’

Mia wished she hadn’t asked the moment she heard her own sentence. Indeed, all morning, she had been telling herself she wouldn’t ask anything of the sort. She was no longer intent on getting Scaley’s sperm, so what did she care what he got up to or whom he got up. So how had the question slipped out? It infuriated her that, while she could bend most other people’s wills, she could not, it seemed, control her own. She asked the question without looking at Scaley Jase, keeping her eyes firmly fixed on the snow-dusted evergreen trees below her.

‘Yes, thank you,’ said Jason, coolly.

He wasn’t telling the truth. Yes, the pretty plump poppet had happily accompanied him back to his room and, yes, she had been very keen to strip off and slip between his sheets. Like the Jason of old, Kiki clearly thought that holiday screws were part and parcel of the vacation – a bonus, so to speak, like duty-free shopping. However, Jason was stunned to discover that he could not summon the necessary enthusiasm. His penis was more of a sponge finger than the magnificent pole he was used to waving.

Jason racked his mind for an explanation and excuse. Kiki obligingly licked and massaged; she even did a bit of DIY on herself, and watching a girl masturbate had never failed to get him in the mood in the past. Kiki was quite drunk and after putting, if not her heart and soul, then at least her lips, spit and elbow grease into the job in hand, she had become disinterested. She’d raided the mini-bar for as much chocolate as she could find, and then she’d fallen asleep.

It was humiliating. Being replaced by a large bar of Nestlé’s Crunch was humiliating.

It wasn’t even that he was more interested in the Dutch girl who had been an option. He wanted to believe that it was the drink, but he knew he hadn’t drunk
that
much. The problem was every time he kissed Kiki’s juicy, willing lips he thought of Mia’s broad smile and deep-red lips. Mia’s lips were full, like Kiki’s, but somehow Mia’s lips were more sophisticated, sexier and more splendid.

There had to be some fucking mistake.

Mia was a nag, a bitch, a whinge. She was not sexy, sophisticated and splendid. She had been. Yes, OK, he’d admit it. He had been the most envied undergraduate in all of the university because he was the only one who was ever able to describe himself as her boyfriend. Admittedly, seemingly scores of men could describe themselves as her lover, but only he knew how she liked her tea and toast.

But that was all a long time ago. That was before she finished with him. Oh, yes, Mia had finished the relationship. Switched it off. Snuffed it out.

The official line was that they mutually agreed that they were too young to settle down and that they both needed time to see what else was out there. Only Jason knew that what really happened was that, as soon as Mia started mooting ideas about it being ‘a big world’ and needing ‘a bit of space’, he had seen the writing on the wall. Instead of telling her that he didn’t want to chase skirt and that he only wanted to see the world if she was by his side and seeing the same sights, Jason had rushed to disassociate himself from their relationship. He didn’t tell her that he loved her and believed she was his One. On the contrary, he told her that he quite fancied the little blonde fresher girl that she was mentoring at the time, and he asked if she’d put a word in for him.

A man had his pride.

The path Jason had chosen was cool. He had a great life. He loved his job. He believed working in advertising was the ideal career opportunity for all Peter Pans – he was ridiculously well paid for not growing up. Unfettered by a wife or kids, with demands for country houses and fees for posh schools, he was free to squander his money on cars, a penthouse flat, champagne and the other things that attracted the constant stream of young, nubile and willing ladies – all of whom he considered to be little more than a perk of the job.

It wasn’t as if he lay in bed thinking about Mia every night for the past thirteen years. He’d never done that.

Not until last night.

He didn’t know what circuit in his brain had been tweaked to make him suddenly think of her in a different way. It could have been that he’d discovered Rich hadn’t been honest with him about his relationship with Jayne in the first place. That had stung – he thought they told each other everything. He’d believed that Rich was the one person in the world he could rely on, but, no, he wasn’t. Which meant Jason didn’t have one person in the world he could rely on. Or it might have been because, despite the most extraordinary array of women that had trailed in and out of his bedroom since he and Mia split, their exoticism only seemed to expose how alike they all were to him.

The problem was that when Jason told Mia he remembered she didn’t swallow, the intimacy of the moment sent a searing sensation up and down his body. A bolt of curiosity, sensuality and affection set him alight. It was quite unlike anything he had experienced in years, despite all the tiny, frilly Agent Provocateur knickers he’d edged down silky thighs. He had suddenly, and with great clarity, remembered that she kept a box of tissues by her bed. He remembered how she turned her head. The way she discreetly emitted his sperm was somehow very endearing. Her particular brand of prudery ought, logically, to have been a turn-off, but it never had been. Love was odd like that.

At that moment Jason had known that all he wanted to do was kiss Mia. Kiss her so hard that she finally stopped moaning in a bad way and started to moan in a good way. Kiss her so hard that she started smiling again. Of course, Mia hadn’t given him a chance to act on that crazy impulse. In a split second she’d picked up her jacket and stormed off in a huff.

As usual.

Why would he be thinking about her unwilling, unsmiling lips when he had Kiki’s willing, smiling ones, ready and waiting? He didn’t know. Jason looked at Mia in case the answer to his question was written on her forehead. She grinned at him. A wide, genuine, warm smile. He tutted. Bloody hell. The last thing he needed right now was for her to start being amenable.

‘So, you scored?’ asked Mia.

She hated herself for needing to know this, but she did need to know, for reasons she wasn’t prepared to analyse.

‘I had a fantastic night, thank you,’ said Jason, without telling a direct lie.

Because he had had a fantastic night laughing and chatting with Mia. It had been pure comedy looking through those old photos that she’d brought along and a right giggle arsing around on the dance floor. A fantastic night – until Mia had got the huff.

They jumped off the chairlift with grace and ease, righted themselves, adjusted their goggles and turned to scope out the slopes. They had chosen a fairly inaccessible run, away from the vast majority of skiers. Most of the snow in their view was virgin.

‘Wow, however often I see clean, uncut snow, it never ceases to take my breath away,’ smiled Mia.

Jason took a deep breath. ‘And nothing on earth smells as clear as mountain air. No wonder Unilever and Proctor and Gamble spend a not-so-small fortune on trying to recapture and re-create that smell in washing powder and disinfectants. God, even I would be moved to do some housework if they ever really successfully managed it.’

‘No, you wouldn’t,’ laughed Mia.

‘No, maybe not, but I’d definitely get a cleaner.’

They laughed, high on the view, the snow and each other’s company.

‘Are you happy, Scaley?’ Mia blurted.

Jason blushed. He hated the way women asked questions about how he was feeling, particularly because these types of questions were always asked at inopportune moments.

Women often asked him how happy he was when he was at a movie. Wasn’t that odd? He knew the subtext, of course. ‘Are you happy?’ was girl-speak for ‘Do I make you happy and when are you going to propose?’ Not that he thought that was Mia’s subtext. No, this ice queen was not the type to look for love – when she opened her legs, she dispensed ice cubes. But other girls, ordinary girls, would ask him how he was feeling as he watched the latest romantic comedy from Richard Curtis. It was insane. No amount of cinematic confetti made him feel like proposing. Why would it? His answer would always be that he felt like buying a hot dog or some popcorn. If a woman were to ask how he was feeling as he watched a DVD of any of the
Star Wars
or
Lord of the Rings
movies, he would have been able to answer that he was ecstatic, really excited, but they never asked you how you were feeling then.

They would nearly always ask after sex – that was one of the all-time favourites. Well, the answer was obvious, wasn’t it? Knackered.

Jason didn’t understand why women wanted to talk about their feelings all the time. What did it prove? What did achieve?

Jason shifted on his skis. He wasn’t expecting the ‘feeling’ question from Mia. Mia was normally too rational to feel much, and too selfish to care if other people were feeling anything at all. To be honest, he quite liked that about her. Jason didn’t like Mia wandering into the feeling territory, it wouldn’t do at all. He tried to think of an answer which was as bland and noncommittal as possible.

‘Yeah, I’m happy, I’m cool. I’m having a fantastic time. I’m here with all my mates. I’m scoring with almost indecent regularity.’

Mia interrupted him, ‘I was just thinking about Kate and Big Ted.’

Chastised Jason stuttered, ‘Of course, of course.’

Of course Mia wasn’t suddenly going to turn into one of those girls who went on about romantic stuff, emotions and feelings in an ungrounded, unfounded way. She’d asked him if he was happy because she was worried about her mates.

‘Kate knew there was something wrong. Do you remember she asked us if we’d noticed anything different about Big Ted, and you know what? This makes me feel so ashamed, I hadn’t. I don’t notice Big Ted much at all. If pushed, I might have said he was a little more irritating than normal –’

‘Yeah, you said that to me –’

‘All right,’ Mia guiltily cut off Jason.

She would have preferred it if he didn’t remember her foibles quite as well as he so clearly did. She’d prefer it if raking over her shortcomings was her sole territory and, even then, she wasn’t one for feeling unnecessarily guilty about her actions.

‘We’re supposed to be best friends, and we didn’t have a clue how much trouble he was in. He couldn’t tell us. It scares me that we don’t really know what’s going on in one another’s lives.’

‘Don’t be too hard on yourself. His own wife didn’t notice anything was amiss. Ted’s a very clever man; he worked hard at deceiving us.’

‘And just maybe we wanted to be deceived.’

‘What?’

‘Well, that thing Tash said this morning about a friend in need is a friend indeed.’

‘What are you trying to say, Mia?’

‘Oh, nothing.’ Mia waved her hand dismissively. ‘I’m just saying, well, maybe we should all take a bit more care of one another. So that’s why I asked you if you are happy. I mean, is this holiday turning out as you expected?’