Stink and the Great Guinea Pig Express (5 page)

Nineteen guinea pigs! Stink was feeling pleased as punch all weekend about the Great Guinea Pig Giveaway.

Until Monday at school, that is. Parker stopped Stink in the hall. “We have to give back our guinea pigs,” Parker said. “Both Hash Brown and Butterscotch chewed holes in the new sofa. Blackberry made a nest out of my sister’s doll’s hair. And Jelly Bean ate a whole bag of jelly beans and made rainbow poop in my mom’s go-to-work shoes.”

Stink couldn’t help laughing. “What about Astro?”

“Astro tiptoed across my dad’s computer keyboard and e-mailed his boss by mistake.”

“Good boy!” said Stink. “I mean, too bad. Well, you’ll just have to take them back to Mrs. Birdwistle.”

“Can’t you take them? My mom’ll freak if I bring them home again.”

“My mom will freak, too,” said Stink. He peered at the squirming heap of fur balls. Astro looked up at him and made a tiny trumpet sound. Stink’s heart melted.

   “Never mind. I’ll take them back for you.”

Parker handed over the cardboard carrier to Stink.

“Astro!” Stink whispered to his furry friend. “You came back!”

The five guinea pigs slept their way through social studies, ran their way through recess, and squeaked up a storm all the way through Mrs. D.’s exciting reading of
The Mouse and the Motorcycle.

On the way home, Stink told Judy what happened. “Do you think if I ask super-duper nice this time, Mom and Dad might let me keep Astro?”

“Yes,” said Judy. “When guinea pigs
fly
.”

“Hardee-har-har,” said Stink. “But I’m serious. I let Astro go and he came back. It’s a sign.”

“A sign that you’re cuckoo if you think you can keep him.”

When Stink got home, he rushed up to his room before his mother could see him and slid the carrier under his bed. Maybe he could hide them for just a little while. How hard could it be to hide a few furry critters?

He ran down to the kitchen and piled salad greens and a baby carrot, a strawberry, and a melon cube on a plate. “Good for you, Stink,” said Mom. “A healthy snack for once, instead of all those jawbreakers.”

“Uh-huh,” said Stink. He hurried back upstairs to his room.

Judy met him in the hall. “Stink, I wouldn’t go in there if I were you,” she said, blocking the doorway.

Stink tried to see past her. “What do you mean?”

“Your underwear, Stink. It’s
alive
!”

Stink pushed past her, and Judy followed. A pair of underpants dashed across the floor, up and over his bed, and around the legs of his desk.

“Holy underwear!” Judy yelled. She jumped out of the way.

“Attack of the Mutant Undies!” said Stink, chasing the runaway underpants around his room. “Helppp!”

   Judy helped Stink corner the undies behind his wastebasket. Stink pounced on the undies. “Gotcha!” Up popped Astro’s head through a leg hole.

   “Look over there!” Judy said. Four more guinea pigs were peeking up out of Stink’s bottom dresser drawer. “It’s the Brotherhood of the Traveling Undies.”

“You guys are going to get me busted,” said Stink, putting them all back into the carrier. “Stay in there, Astro, you hear me?”

“I’m outta here,” said Judy in a squeaky-high voice, pretending to be Astro. “This place is really stinky.”

“Very funny, Judy,” said Stink.

“Stink, you’re the one who’s a Guinea Pig Whisperer. You can hear guinea pigs talk, remember? That wasn’t me. That was Astro.”

“Oh, yeah? What’s he saying right now?”

Judy held her ear up to the carrier. “He’s saying, ‘Help! Save me! I have a piggly-wiggly wedgie!’”

After the Attack of the Mutant Undies, Stink took all five guinea pigs back to Fur & Fangs and broke the news to Mrs. Birdwistle.

“One hundred and one guinea pigs minus nineteen that were adopted plus five that were brought back equals eighty-seven guinea pigs,” Stink said. “You have a lot more fur than fangs.”

Mrs. Birdwistle laughed. “There is some good news, though. I have a friend in Virginia Beach who started a guinea pig rescue. She says she can take about twenty guinea pigs if I can get them to her.”

“Virginia Beach!” said Stink. “I’ll go!”

“Aren’t you a little too short to drive?” Mrs. B. asked.

“But
you
could drive!” said Stink. “Webster and Sophie and I can find homes for guinea pigs along the way!”

“Wait just a minute,” said Mrs. B. “You’re saying you want me to drive you and a rattletrap camper full of one hundred and one guinea pigs all the way to Virginia Beach?”

“Eighty-seven guinea pigs,” said Stink.

“It’s a great idea!” said Mrs. B.

On the day of the trip, Mrs. B. handed the kids a map. “Let’s each choose one place to stop where we might be able to find homes for guinea pigs.”

Mrs. B. pointed to Bull Run Castle. Webster chose the Reston Zoo. Sophie picked the mermaid fountains in Norfolk. And Stink chose Smithfield, home of the World’s Biggest Ham.

“Let’s get this show on the road,” said Mrs. B., and they all piled into the camper. But Violet didn’t want to stay in her cage. Midnight hid under the seat. And Miss Piggy ate half a bag of chips before they even started.

It was going to be one wild ride. The kids sang at the top of their lungs.

“Eighty-seven guinea pigs rolling along,

Eighty-seven guinea pigs.

Take some down, pass ’em around,

Eighty-seven guinea pigs rolling along . . .”

First stop was Bull Run Castle.

   “It was built to be somebody’s house once,” said Mrs. B. “But now it’s a museum. And people can rent it out for parties and events.”

“Look!” said Stink. “A bunch of kids dressed up like witches and wizards.”

Six kids from a Harry Potter party talked their parents into letting them have guinea pigs!

Next stop, the Reston Zoo.

At the elephant house, Stink saw the most amazing animal that wasn’t even an elephant. It was the world’s biggest guinea pig!

“The sign says it’s a capybara,” said Mrs. B. “It comes from South America, just like guinea pigs do, and it’s the world’s largest living rodent. Scientists found a skeleton of one rodent relative that’s eight million years old. The ‘giant rat’ weighed fifteen hundred pounds.”