Stolen Dreams (31 page)

 

His
body responded to his hope as if it had a chance to be satisfied. That
was strange. Excessive lust had never been part of his normal behavior,
either. Perhaps some of the fever's symptoms were going to take a while
to dissipate.

 

As he was drying off, he felt Shara's mental
partition
weaken. She had been right. He'd recognized it instantly. What was she
up to? He remained in the cell and waited to see, fairly assured now
that she could do nothing without his being aware of it. At first he
only had a glimpse into her mind, but the dividing wall continued to
crumble, and he soon had a completely unobstructed view. His childhood
experience was sufficient to let him know her mind was at rest.

 

He
walked over to the bed and confirmed that she was sound asleep.
Apparently she was unable to maintain the partition while sleeping.
That realization made him wonder how much energy it had taken
for her to hold it in place all day as she had. It hardly seemed fair
that she should bear the entire burden, but he lacked the ability to
assist her in any way.

 

Unless she was also right about one
mate
being able to adopt the skills of the other. He tried to construct a
wall, but nothing happened. Perhaps he should ask her more about it
tomorrow. If he couldn't learn the blocking skill to give her an
occasional mental break, at least he could adjust to having her in his
head for a few brief periods during the day. It might not be so bad, if
he was prepared for it.

 

In fact, if the interval when their
minds
had been open to each other while they coupled was typical, he knew he
could tolerate that, as long as he was still able to have his privacy
most of the time.

 

He got into bed beside her and stretched
out.
After being doubled up in a pouch made for one and sleeping on the
ground, he should have enjoyed the luxury of the large, comfortable
mattress and fluffy pillow. Instead he found himself looking for an
excuse to wrap his body around Shara's as he had been doing in nights
past. It made little sense, but he seemed to sleep more deeply when she
was in his arms. Considering how much he valued his solitude, that sort
of thinking wasn't normal for him, either.

 

Just to prove he
could,
he rolled onto his stomach and turned his face away from her. Then he
ordered himself to go to sleep quickly, before she started dreaming.

 

He
remembered the dreams too well. And the nightmares. They belonged to
all the others. As a little boy they were so frightening and confusing,
he woke up crying hysterically every night. As he matured
and understood where the barrage of weird images and nonrelated scenes
came from, he stopped crying and learned to get by on a few hours of
sleep a night, before everyone else's minds went to rest mode and dream
mechanisms kicked in.

 

Although he managed to fight the urge to
entwine his body with Shara's, he had no control over the fact that
their minds were sharing the same space. There was something different,
unfamiliar, about the way it felt, though.

 

He remembered what
it was
like—hearing disjointed thoughts, one on top of the other, and seeing
images that he couldn't sort out or understand. He had always felt as
if he'd been invaded by an alien army. To practice his concentration,
he'd been instructed to sing songs, recite poems, do math calculations,
anything to override everyone else's thoughts, but they were always
there in the background.

 

He tried to identify what was
different
now. First of all, he wasn't receiving a multitude of jumbled thoughts
and memories. There were only his and Shara's, and he could tell which
was which. That much told him his jammer was still functioning as far
as everyone else on board was concerned.

 

The second major
difference
he noted was that he was able to focus on an individual memory of hers
and examine it as if it were his own. It wasn't at all like what he had
known as a child. This was nonaggressive, almost peaceful ... at least
while she was asleep and he had some control over it.

 

Asleep,
she
posed no threat to his privacy or his sanity, but she was completely
exposed to him. He didn't mean to take advantage of the situation, but
he also didn't know how to block her out. Suddenly finding himself on the other side of the proverbial
fence, he couldn't resist a little experimentation.

 

He
wondered what her opinion of the steward was, and effortlessly his
curiosity was satisfied. She had thought the younger man was pleasant
enough as a conversationalist, though too egotistical for her liking,
and she was annoyed at the way he openly assessed her feminine
attributes. She planned to avoid spending more time with him.

 

With
a
pleased smile, Gabriel shifted his body toward her and almost said
something before he recalled that she was asleep. What he had just done
wasn't polite, but he couldn't stop himself from trying it again. What
did she think of him?

 

Gabriel wrinkled his forehead as he felt
her
confusion. As he already knew, she had gone to sleep a bit angry with
him over the steward, and she was wary of him because of his intention
to prevent her from doing anything about Khameira.

 

He also
picked up
her contradictory attitude about his appearance. She admired him
physically and wanted to keep her distance from him because of it. A
bit more probing explained that better. She had been honest about only
having two close relationships with men in the past. Now he knew how
badly she'd been hurt by them and why she'd avoided coupling ever
since, especially with attractive, confident men.

 

Gabriel
scoffed at
himself, thinking how he'd assumed his dimpled grin and self-assured
attitude would affect her as it had other women he'd dealt with. He'd
used the wrong approach with her at every turn.

 

But she did
like some things about him. She respected his intelligence and
expertise, and trusted him to protect her and treat her fairly. Though she
didn't want to enjoy coupling with him, she did .. . immensely.

 

That
knowledge pumped Gabriel's confidence back up again. In spite of
everything, she had begun to care for him, a little.

 

The
positive feeling vanished the next second as he realized just how
deeply he'd hurt her by his hostile reaction to their joining. She had
used the expression a fate worse than death because she knew that was
how he'd thought of it in the first few moments of awareness.

 

Feeling
guilty, he searched for her thoughts about their accidental joining and
found nothing. Whatever she felt about it was buried too deeply for him
to read, which he guessed meant that she wasn't willing to think about
it at all yet.

 

He didn't really believe being mated with her
was
worse than death; he simply wouldn't have chosen it if he'd been given
the opportunity. But it was only right for him to remember that she
wouldn't have chosen it, either. By separating their minds while they
were awake, she was doing what she could to make it easy on him. What
could he do to make up for her stolen dreams of finding the perfect
mate?

 

Since she didn't know the answer, he couldn't find it in
her mind. He fell asleep with the question pending.

 

When
he awoke, he still had no answer, but he did have Shara's warm body
curved against his. The fact that they were in the middle of the bed
indicated they had each sought out the other in their sleep. The
ridiculous nightgown was tangled around both their legs and did
absolutely nothing to cool his desire for her.        
 

 

Realizing
his hand was on her breast, he moved it to her waist. He wasn't going
to give her an excuse to accuse him of taking advantage of her in her
sleep, although he knew that was what his mental probing had been. He
was also determined not to be the one to initiate further intimacy
between them. Understanding better why she felt the way she did about
coupling, he would be careful not to pressure her into doing anything
that made her uncomfortable. He wanted her to admit that she desired
him. He needed her to accept him without the fever hanging over their
heads. He couldn't help but wonder how long she'd remain stubborn about
it.

 

He sensed a change and realized she was beginning to
rouse. He
worried that she hadn't had sufficient rest until a glance at the clock
on the wall told him she'd been asleep over twelve hours and he about
ten. He'd never slept that long in his entire life!

 

Feeling
her
awaken was like watching a flower bloom. Good morning, he thought to
her as gently as possible, then felt a thrill at being able to send a
thought at all after so many years of inability. She stretched and
snuggled closer, and the contentment she was feeling made him feel
secure as well. He also knew the moment she realized she was not alone
in her bed in Innerworld and that it hadn't all been a bad dream.

 

She
sat up with a start and reconstructed the wall between them. "I'm
sorry. I didn't let down the wall on purpose, I swear."

 

"I
know. It's all right." But it wasn't at all right. Having her separate
from him so abruptly was extremely disturbing to the peace he'd been
enjoying. Knowing that she'd expected him to be angry with her for invading his privacy when she obviously had
no control over it made him feel like a heartless villain.

 

"It
probably only happened because I was so tired. I'm sure I'll learn how
to hold the partition subconsciously with a little practice." She
started to scoot off the bed, but he stopped her.

 

"Shara, I'm
not
upset. We both had a good night's sleep and I awoke only a few minutes
before you. The truth is, it was very selfish of me to expect you to
hold the partition constantly. I want you to let it down from time to
time when you need a rest. Just warn me, and I'll be fine."

 

Her
shoulders relaxed with the removal of part of her burden. It would be
easier if she could take an occasional break, especially if she needed
to concentrate on something more difficult than eating dinner and
listening to inane flirtations. "Thank you. That would help." He didn't
stop her from getting up when she moved again. She ordered a clean
jumper from the supply station and carried it into the sanitation cell
to dress. "I'll only be a moment," she assured Gabriel without looking
at him.

 

Waking up to discover the mental wall deteriorated
wasn't
nearly as unnerving as finding herself cuddled up next to him. She
reminded herself that this was the only available cabin and it would be
unreasonable for them not to share the bed. However, perhaps tonight
she would build a partition of something more solid, like blankets and
pillows, to keep her body from gravitating toward his.

 

They
may be
joined, but she still had her moral conscience to answer to. Because of
the fever, she had set aside her conviction that it wasn't right to
share her body without an emotional attachment, but
the fever was gone now, and with the exception of being mated to a man
who resented her very existence, things were pretty much back to normal.

 

As
soon as she opened the cell door, she smelled breakfast, but her gaze
latched onto Gabriel. He was setting the small dining table for the
both of them, which was nice, but she wished he had gotten dressed
first. His total lack of modesty might not have bothered her if her
mind didn't automatically travel to carnal thoughts every time he
showed a little flesh. "You can use the cell now," she said, hoping he
didn't notice her flushed cheeks. "This looks good. Thank you."

 

"You're
most welcome," he said with a mock bow. "Order whatever else you'd
like, then go ahead and start. I'll be right back." He ordered a fresh
jumper for himself, then disappeared into the cell for a few minutes.
When he came out and sat down with her, he launched directly into what
had been on his mind since she first mentioned it.

 

"Yesterday
you
made me an offer that I'd like to take you up on." He could tell by her
expression that she needed reminding. "You said if you let the wall
down, I might be able to acquire some of your mental skills. If the
offer still stands, I'd like to try. I attempted to block you this
morning and failed. If I could learn to do that, at least you wouldn't
have sole responsibility for keeping our thoughts separate."

 

"That's
a rather drastic change of attitude," she bluntly pointed out.

 

"I'm
trying to be reasonable."

 

"Oh, yes, we must endeavor to be
reasonable, mustn't we?" She studied his face for a moment while
she took a bite of omelet. "You understand, I can't promise that your
privacy will remain intact. You may not have any secrets left once we
start experimenting with this."

 

He nodded. "I understand, but
I don't believe I have any secrets from you anyway."

 

She
wondered if that could possibly be true. If she agreed to this, she'd
know soon enough. She would also have to face his resentment of her.
She supposed there wasn't much sense in putting it off, though. "Fine.
Let's work on it after breakfast."

 

The speed at which he
finished
eating and cleared the table revealed how anxious he was to begin, and
her curiosity about his real reason for wanting to do this increased.

 

"I'm
going to lower the partition now. Try to relax. If you feel nervous, so
will I. Remember, this is strange to me, also."

 

Gabriel
tensed as he sensed her mind melding with his, but it only took him a
moment to get used to it. As before, he immediately noticed how
different this was to what he had known before.

 

"Gabriel
Drumayne! How dare you crawl around in my head without my knowledge?"