Stone Cold (36 page)

“I see. So I guess you were thinking about Conall the whole time you were dating Josh.”

“Yes and I can’t tell you the amount of guilt I’ve felt over this because I kept dating and even got engaged to Josh knowing that Conall is the one I’ve wanted all along.”

“Is this what you were referring to when you told me about how you didn’t have the same feelings for Josh that he had for you on our way home from Aunt Graces that time?”

“Yes and I know I should have broken it off with Josh years ago but I didn’t and now he’s dead and I feel like I was a terrible person. I deceived him and all he did was love me. He knew I didn’t feel the same way about him as he did about me but he kept dating me anyway.”

“Hannah, I can see how you feel guilty over this but you can’t change what has already happened. Josh is gone and even though you didn’t love him in the same way he loved you, the two of you had a bond that would
’ve allowed you to have had a successful marriage. You had no way of knowing if you and Conall would’ve ever met again and so you went for ‘safe’ instead.”

“You’re right, I did and that was wrong. I should’ve ended it with Josh even if I never met Conall again.”

“Maybe that’s true but it didn’t happen that way and now you have the chance to move on and have the right person in your life. Beating yourself up won’t change anything.”

“I know. I just wish I could make things right with Josh.”

“He knew what he was getting into and I’m sure he was okay with it. I’d really like to hear about Conall. What’s he like?”

“That’s just it. I feel so stupid for falling in love with a person who I met for a few minutes. I don’t even know his last name or anything else about him for that matter. He doesn’t know anything about me either but we had this amazing chemistry. It won’t go away even after all these years no matter how hard I try to make it stop.”

Hannah continued to tell Sara everything about what had happened over the past eight years where Conall was concerned. She felt better for having opened up about it but the guilt was still there.

As the weeks passed, it
only intensified. Instead of feeling sad that her future husband had died, she found herself relieved that she didn’t have to go through with a wedding to a man she was not in love with. She was relieved that she could love and pursue Conall as a free woman. These thoughts kept her guilt alive and coupled with an intense sadness that Josh was dead it finally made her cry for the first time since she’d been dating him.

Telling her mom had been a huge relief but Hannah needed to talk to her best friend because she’d been through all of it with her from the beginning.

“Gina! I’m the worst girlfriend in the world!! I mean, you know what I was feeling practically the whole time I was dating him. Now he’s dead and I feel like it’s my fault in some way.”

“Hannah, you didn’t kill Josh. I can see how you think you were a bad girlfriend and maybe there is some truth to that.
But he knew how you felt, I’m sure of it and he still wanted you. It’s time for you to stop beating yourself up and move on.”

“I know I know!
That’s what my mom said too, but then there’s the whole part about how I was relieved that I wasn’t going to have to marry him and I can love Conall with nothing holding me back now. That’s so wrong somehow.”

“For the last time, there’s nothing wrong with you wanting to be with someone you’re in love with. Everyone wants that for themselves. It’s why we don’t necessarily settle on the first person we date. This is no ones fault. It
’s something that happened and you have to keep living. Josh would want that for you. Try and honor that for him.”

She knew Gina was right.

“I’m going to try to. I guess it just takes time.”

Hannah was glad her friends had been there to support her through this low time in her life. Lana and Gina c
ancelled all of the wedding arrangements for her and helped her get her things packed. She was going through with her plan to take the job in London and was looking forward to the move. It was a welcome change.

Both girls were there to see her off when the time came.

“We’re coming to see you as soon as you tell us you’re settled in so don’t take too long or we’ll start to feel like you don’t want us to come!” Lana joked as she fought back tears.

“What she said,” Gina was crying too.

“Oh you guys, I’m really going to miss you both so much. I don’t think I could’ve made it through the last two months without you. I can’t wait for you to come and visit me. Londoner’s won’t know what hit them!”

After one last group hug, Hannah
smiled at her friends, went through security at the airport, and never looked back. If she had she might have changed her mind and stayed.

Chapter 31

It had been a month since he returned
to Iraq and Conall had finally been able to contact Eden. It turned out she’d gone to the ferry landing in his place but for some reason Hannah had not shown up again.

He thought to himself, “It probably had something to do with Josh being home. She probably wasn’t able to get away while he was there.”

That’s how he justified it anyway. As far as he was concerned, he could’ve cared less if he never saw Josh again. He didn’t dislike him, he just didn’t want to think about him being engaged to the girl they both loved especially since it was so soon after he’d broken his engagement with Addison.

Conall really didn’t have time to visit with anyone anyway. He was still working with Dr. Hamilton on his HBOT project and was also still responsible for protecting the team of scientists.

They’d apparently completed phase one of their work and were ready to move on to phase two.

At the same time
, Conall, Ryan, and the special operations team had been given what he thought was an odd order even for the military.

They were to get a
new tattoo to match the other Celtic tattoos they already had but this one was to be placed on their right shoulder blade. The tattoos were to be kept top secret. They were not yet told the significance of why they’d been ordered to get them and he knew they might never be told.

They were never allowed to have them removed while they were still in the military and that restriction might be extended for life.

A tattoo artist who was a high ranking officer in the Army with high security clearance was brought in to give them the tattoos. They were kept in seclusion until the area affected by the tattoos had no signs of anything new having been done.

No one would be the wiser.

Life for the soldiers in Iraq went on as usual. For some reason, up until Conall’s next leave four months later, the scientists were responsible for checking the condition of the tattoos on a daily basis.

None of the men talked about their tattoos or why they’d been ordered to get them. It was the military way and they were used to doing things without ques
tion.

When August of 2007 rolled around,
Conall went on leave again for another four months. When he returned in January, his mission had changed slightly.

The scientists were still there but they were being sent home for a period of time to be with their families. Conall and
Ryan and another sniper team were to work together to get the scientists out of Iraq without being noticed.

The scientists
were dressed as soldiers which had proved to be an effective disguise when they were brought into the country. They would use two Humvees as their method of transport. Conall and the other sniper would be the drivers and the team would be split evenly between the two Humvees.

The mission went according to plan on the way to the
plane. The scientists were safely onboard and the two sniper teams remained behind until they saw the plane take off and fly out of sight.

Driving back to the base, he was starting to get excited about going back into the field on missions. He’d been guarding the scientists for so long that he was afraid his skills had diminished.

As they made their way back to the base, Conall received a heads up from some soldiers on foot.

“We saw some insurgents fleeing the area so be on the lookout for IED’s or anything strange.”

Conall was well aware of the damage the IED’s had inflicted on too many soldiers and civilians.

“Thanks for the warning.”

He proceeded with extreme caution for about another half a mile and despite the warning, he unknowingly drove over an IED that had been buried beneath the dirt.

There was nothing he could
’ve done. The bomb exploded and Ryan and he were ejected from the Humvee. Shards of metal tour through their bodies as they flew through the air. Conall’s clothes were on fire and he somehow kept his wits about him long enough to roll on the ground once he landed.

He could feel the pieces of hot metal burning through his fatigues into his flesh. He began tearing at his clothes and managed to remove them to prevent further damage.

He could barely hear Ryan shouting his name.

“Conall! Conall! Help me!”

Conall was looking everywhere but he couldn’t see where the voice was coming from. Blood had started to pour into his eyes from the wounds on his head. His hearing was muffled and he felt himself losing consciousness but not before he realized that soldiers from the base had come to their rescue when they heard the bomb explode.

“Don’t move, I’ve got you. You’re going to be okay.”

That was the last thing he remembered until he woke up in a hospital in Germany ten days later.

His injuries had been severe. Conall had a ruptured eardrum in his left ear.
Although he’d lost most of the hearing in that ear, there was a chance he would gain some or most of it back in time. He’d had another severe TBI and this is when they learned about the one he had from his car accident as a teen. His motor coordination and speech were affected once again. He also had metal fragments in his chest that couldn’t be removed completely.

“Wh
ere’s my spotter? Where’s Ryan? He’s calling for me and I have to help him!”

Conall was thrashing about and trying to free himself from the wires and tubes
attached between him and the medical equipment.

“Lieutenant Stone! It’s Dr. Hamilton. You have to calm down! If you would just relax I’ll explain everything to you.”

Dr. Hamilton was standing over him as the nurses and hospital staff tried to subdue his movement.

Upon hearing his voice, Conall fell back onto the bed and gave up the fight.

“What happened? Is Ryan okay?”

“Ryan
is fine. He had a concussion and some shrapnel in his legs but he’s recovering back at the base. You on the other hand sustained another TBI and some other injuries to your body but you’ll be fine. You’ll be out of here in no time.”

When he was well enough, Conall was transferred back to the field hospital at the base for rehabilitation.

After a month of physical therapy, the doctors had made a decision that would profoundly affect his life from that point on.

“Conall, we have to talk.”

He’d heard that phrase before and in his experience it was never followed by something good.

“The other doctors and I have decided that although you’re physically capable of doing anything you want to do, the health of your brain is a different matter.”

Conall waited for the bad news.

“Your most recent concussion was
so severe on top of the previous one you suffered as a teen that we have no other choice than to recommend you be put on medical leave and can no longer serve as a ranger. You’re going home for good this time son unless you want to serve in the National Guard.”

Those were the words he’d been dreading since he’d had his first physical when he
’d signed up.

Breaking eye contact with the doctor he asked,
“How much more time do I have before I have to leave?”

“You have a week. Th
en you go home to get as much therapy as you need. Good luck to you son. You’ve served your country well.”

It took a few days for him to accept what had just happened. This was going to be quite an adjustment but there was nothing he could do about it so he’d manage.
He was twenty five years old and for the first time in his life he had no idea what he was going to do.

There was one thing he wanted to do before he left.

Conall decided he needed to find Josh again to wish him well in his life. If he didn’t see him now he’d probably never see him again.

He stood outside of the barracks where he’d last seen Josh, remembering t
he conversation they’d had. He said he was going to ask Hannah to marry him and Conall had to prepare himself for the next part of that conversation. He pretty much figured it would be about how she said yes and when they were getting married.