Stone Cold Charade (A Stone Family Novel) (2 page)

“Then the almighty government comes a callin’.
They want their cut of the pie. Good old TAXES! And how I lived in anticipation
for those audits that seemed to mysteriously happen every year!”

“Then relatives you haven’t laid eyes on for
the last thirty years come a callin’ to your doorstep. ‘Just passing through’
they say. Who are these idiot people trying to fool? Passin’ through when they
live all the way in God forsaken Tallahassee, Mississippi! Why is it that money
makes people lose what little brains God gave them to begin with?”

“Then comes your real misery, your own child,
Frank! The one thing in my life I believed was a constant. My son Richard, the
one person in the world I could trust with my life. So he comes to you, your
son. He sits down in front of you, and asks if you wouldn’t mind talkin’ with
him.”

“Okay, you think to yourself. This is your son.
The only sane person you know is left in the whole wide world. So, you tell
your son, ‘Sure son, what’s on yer mind?’ He then proceeds to tell you,
straight to your face mind you, how he’s come up with a way to make more money!
Your own son! Your own flesh and blood turns on his father! The dream of havin’
done somethin’ right in your life is gone! Poof in a flash! The knife you never
saw comin’ is buried six inches in your proverbial backside, and your beloved
son is asking you to pay him for puttin’ it there! Your life has now become a
Steven King novel, a walking, living nightmare.”

“Why would any man want more money when he
can’t get rid of the money he’s got fast enough to save his life? Well, I ask
you Frank, what’s a sane, reasonable father to do? Being an intelligent man,”
Max said with a smile on his face, looking like a cat that just swallowed the
canary. “I figured out a plan. I knew that if the money merely sat in the bank
it’d gain interest. I decided if my son wanted to go money hungry and betray
me, I would let him. I had it all worked out in my head. By lettin’ Richard
invest the money in some crackpot scheme he’d thought up. The money would
disappear that much faster! Which is what I wanted. Total bankruptcy! So, I
turned ninety-five percent of the money over to him.”

“I was prayin’ the good Lord would do right by
me this time by makin’ the boy fall flat on his face, and fast. Everythin’ was
going smooth as molasses,” Max said as he thought back with a sigh. “Money was
going out, but none was coming in, thank the Lord!”

“Richard was flying all over the world, living
the life of a spoiled playboy, spending my money like water. I was in the home-stretch,
and the promise land was in sight. The press hounded the boy snapping pictures
of one woman after another hanging on his arm almost every night, while he
traveled from one city to another, every week, and a different continent, every
month! In five years, I had only a hundred thousand in the bank.” He sat with a
smirk on his face, obviously reliving the moment of knowing he was almost
penniless.

“Just when it was lookin’ like heaven was
shinin’ on me; the curse reared its ugly head yet again. It was the one thing
any respectable father longs for, just not when that father is tryin’ to lose
his shirt! Richard fell in love. And not just with anyone mind you! No, Richard
had to pick a real beauty of a girl! I prayed every night that my future
daughter-in-law would be as dumb as a mule. I hoped all she would be interested
in was spendin’ my money. Did I get my wish? No, Frank! The girl was as smart
as a whip!” Max wailed.

“My daughter-in-law, Sandra Wilson, was the
epitome of my nightmares. I still wake up in the middle of the night, soakin’
wet and shiverin’ in fear. Sandra was an actress and a singer, and I thought
all actresses were good for was spendin’ money. They’re supposed to be out of
work and broke. Sandra, unfortunately, could put her face on a tube of
toothpaste and make millions! The girl had the Midas touch! Don’t get me wrong,
Frank, I loved my daughter-in-law; it’s just she was puttin’ money in the bank,
not spendin’ it.”

“Under different circumstances, I’d have been
applaudin’ the girl, but I needed an air-head! Looking back, I should have thrown
in the towel right then and there,” Max said with a sour look on his face. “But
then Richard decided to back Sandra’s next picture deal. What Richard knew ’bout
picture producing I could put on the head of a pin and still have room left
over, so I figured he would cry uncle in a few weeks.” Max grimaced as if in
pain. His bony body shook with a shudder as he exclaimed, “God hates me!”

“Well, my son got the picture out on schedule
and under budget. By the time the movie hit the theaters, I started to get a
little skittish, not to mention that nasty rash of hives I developed. The
picture was not only a box office hit, but it was a real moneymaker! By the
time, the Academy Awards came ’round, I was the one cryin’ uncle and gettin’
drunk! Frank! All that blasted money was goin’ back in the bank and gainin’
interest, again!”

“Well, what unfolded in the next five years was
total anarchy, in my opinion, not that anyone bothered to ask me for it. I
should have packed my bags for Bora-Bora when I had the chance, but do you
think I was smart enough to see treason in the ranks? Heck! No!”

“The followin’ summer Richard and Sandra opened
their own production company and announced that they were expectin’ a baby in
the spring, Emma and mine’s first grandchild. I got down on my hands and knees
every night prayin’ to the good Lord. Please, let it be a boy!”

“Well, when spring rolled ‘round, the
production company was makin’ more money than I wanted to plum think about. And
they added a satellite network, ‘the wave of the future’ they called it! I’d be
able to watch hundreds of channels broadcast from all over the world in my very
own livin’ room. Well, that’s just dandy, if I could speak and understand
twenty different languages! Whoever heard of Farsi as a language? It sounds
like some snooty dessert on a fancy menu.”

“Richard also decided to ‘try his hand in the
hotel business’. Over the next few years, Sandra and Richard acquired over a
dozen. Each one, more profitable than the first, at least accordin’ to the
financial statement I received every single month from the gall darn
accountant. Rubbin’ salt in a wound I tell ya!”

“Oh, I almost forgot the racin’ cars, and
drivers; he decided to back in Europe! Plus, all those tuna cans he calls cars
he started to restore. Richard had more trophies than he knew what to do with
as the racin’ end of the business started to take off and bring in money from
sponsors and prizes the drivers won in the competitions overseas. I was just
prayin’ the baby wouldn’t inherit any of this family’s kooky ideas. However, as
it turned out, even my own grandchild was conspirin’ against me!”

“Sandra gave birth to not one, but two baby
girls! While everyone celebrated, I considered suicide. Even so, knowin’ the
good Lord the way I do, the bullets in the gun would have been blanks! They
named the twins Maxine and Samantha. Richard told me he named the first born
after me. How can the child be named after me, Frank, when the child’s name is
Maxine, not Maximillion?”

“Everyone called the girls by their given
names. Not me! I wanted boys, blast it all! If I was gonna be stuck with girls,
by God, I was gonna make sure they grew up thinkin’ they were boys!” Max
exclaimed while he raised his fist in the air, shaking it at the heavens above.

“They did rebuild and refurbished the old
homestead. That’s the only thing that made me happy, if anyone had bothered to
ask. The kids also bought bigger cattle ranches in Oregon, Texas, California,
and Montana. I figured that, at least, wasn’t so bad since Richard did know somethin’
‘bout cattle. Then, the ‘Big One’ would strike and the entire coast would be
under water and there goes my dreams! And, with my luck, they’d find a new
market producing water wings for cows!”

“Then if that weren’t bad enough, the blasted
reporters started coming ’round, sneaking up on a man and asking stupid
questions. Like,” Max’s voice became high pitched as he began to imitate a
female’s voice, his expression looking as if he had just swallowed a nasty
piece of fish. “‘What color underwear are you wearing’, and ‘How does it feel
having all that money?’” Max, speaking normal, “Like even the reporters needed
to pour salt on the open wound of my life! Richard and Sandra worried about me
talkin’ to reporters and stuck me with a twenty-four-hour babysitter… you!”

“Then, of course, there’s the crownin’ glory to
this story. Richard, in his infinite wisdom, decided to name this monstrosity
after me. The company is known and recognized as Maximillion Enterprise. My
name linked to this calamity! The day they told me, I could have sworn I had a
heart attack! You ’member Frank, they had to rush me to the emergency room.
‘Nothing serious’ the doctor said, ‘just need to relax a bit.’ Relax? When my
life is a livin’ hell?”

“Emma was in heaven of course, why wouldn’t she
be? Emma always wanted a girl, so it’s fittin’ she now has five! Sandra
proceeded to give birth to three more traitors. All were girls: Jessica, or
Jesse as I insist on calling her, Alexandria, or Alex, and last but not least,
Jacqueline, or Jack for short. My life, in my opinion, is God’s idea of a
blasted joke, only I’m not laughin’! If anything, I'm considerin’ buildin’ a
polar outpost in Antarctica and movin’ in! However, I fear even that would be
cursed! With my luck, the darn ice would melt because of global warmin’, and
I’d have beachfront property worth millions!”

Setting back in his rocking chair Max’s eyes
clouded over. Frank knew the next part of the story extremely well. Even after
all these years Max would not speak of it aloud, the pain of it far too great
for any man to bear.

On Richard and Sandra’s tenth anniversary, the
girls had been staying with their grandparents because Richard had wanted to
surprise Sandra with a trip to the Caribbean. This was the moment of the story
where there was no happy ending. Frank would never forget it. He was there
through it all.

That was the year that Richard and Sandra died
in a tragic plane crash. They experienced a fluke mechanical error and went
down en route back to the states. Max had wanted to give up the money right
there on the spot, to the first charity he could find, but Emma stopped him.
She said that without the money, their son would never have found Sandra, and
they wouldn’t have their granddaughters.

Max asked her what she knew about running a
multimillion dollar corporation, to which she replied, “Nothing, but you had
better figure it out, and quick”. So Max took over running the company. It
wasn’t so bad, just a pain in the backside when what he really wanted to be
doing was fishing.

That’s when Max decided to relocate the family
to Wilkinson. Upon their parent’s death, his granddaughters were dubbed “The
Stone Heiresses” by the press. Richard and Sandra, despite their short lives,
amassed a sizeable fortune. Maximillion Enterprise was placed in trust, to be
managed by Max, until the girls were old enough to take over control. Max’s
dilemma was that not even one of the girls seemed to want to step in and take
over the reins of running the entire company.

“No man should outlive their own child Frank.
It’s just not natural,” Max said his voice gruff in the night. Shaking his head
as if coming out of a dream, Max answered Frank’s earlier question, as though
he hadn’t just gone off on a tangent.

“The plan is fool proof! I didn’t just have an epiphany
all of a sudden you horse’s behind! I’ve been workin’ on this for the last
fifteen years. I just need to nudge or wrangle, the girls into takin’ over now
that they’re all grown up.”

“They know the company inside and out. I just
have to convince each of ’em to take over a section of the business completely.
Each one can handle a different part of it. Except they will need someone to
lean on, someone responsible, reliable, honest, and most importantly, not
married! My plan is simple really. I just need to marry off the lot of them.”

“It’s not that I don’t think the girls can
manage the company on their own, Frank, it’s just that they’re not men. The
challenge with this well-laid plan is findin’ the precise man for the right
position. That’s where you come in Frank.” He pointed his bony finger at Frank
to emphasize his point.

“I don’t like this Max. You can’t just snap
your fingers and find someone that the girls will fall in love with! It’s not
that easy! Besides, how did I get roped into this again?” Frank accused, all
the while feeling as if the imaginary rope around his neck was getting tighter
still.

“Just shut up and listen will ya? Do what I tell
ya. I pay yer salary don’t I?” Max reminded him.

“If the girls find out, you are toast, old man!
They will never forgive you for this one,” Frank warned. “I still need to know,
Max. Have you made up your mind yet? Who is the first casualty?” Frank
questioned getting to his feet.

“Alex.” rumbled Max.

“And I suppose you have a man picked out?”
Frank asked skeptically all the while praying the file wouldn’t hold the name
he suspected it would.

“Of course, you cow patty, or I wouldn’t have
hauled you down here! Now, take the blasted file.” Max flung a three-inch thick
file folder at him. Frank caught it one-handed, barely. “Look it over, read the
thing, then high-tail it to the ranch in Texas and wait for my call.”