Stones (Data) (8 page)

“Nope. He’s afraid I’m in danger without him to protect me.” He downs Jessica’s glass of milk and sets it out on the edge of the table for a refill.

“What kind of danger?”

Matt scans the restaurant and lowers his voice. “We’ve had some close scrapes. Before we moved here, we lived in Santa Teresa, a New Mexico border town. We came home to our little house one night and found some commandos in tactical armor on the inside, tearing the place apart like we were terrorists, looking for jaxes and memory cubes, according to my dad. Good thing we saw them first, or we might be dead. That was just before we moved here. Seven years ago.”

“Are they still after you?”

“Nothing’s happened since then. Dad says we’re still in danger, but it’s been a long time.” Matt stretches out his legs and leans back in the seat, hands up behind his head. “I’m willing to take my chances. Sooner or later, I have to get away, on my own. I’ll go crazy otherwise. Besides, Dad’s taught me a lot. I can take care of myself.”

“Well, you
are
prone to accidents.” She squints out the window of the café at a billboard across the street with white letters against a blue background that says
Find Peace through Shinto
. “Doesn’t he see what a great opportunity this Japan trip is for you?”

“It’s complicated.” Matt slips the rock back into his pocket. “My dad’s a good man. A truth-and-justice type of guy. Just a little too paranoid for my taste. My guess is that they’ve given up looking for us. Dad’s done too good a job of keeping us out of sight and off the grid.” Matt slumps down in the seat and takes another big whiff of Jessica’s hair. Then he lets it out in a long, steady sigh. “You’re lucky. You have a normal family.”

Jessica rolls her eyes. “All my dad cares about is money. And putting his name on buildings.”

“But you have brothers and sisters, a mom and dad. Your family laughs together and goes on vacations together.” Matt grinds his teeth. “Your dad is out there in the world doing things, not afraid to attract attention. Putting his name on buildings. That sounds so cool. My dad doesn’t have that option, if he wants to stay alive.”

She puts her hand on Matt’s. “Can you tell me?”

“Tell you what?”

“Tell me why your dad is running. Who he’s running from.”

Matt feels his chest tighten. Talking about the past, especially his dad’s past, is the last thing he wants to do. “He hasn’t done anything wrong, but some very powerful people want him dead.” He decides not to tell Jessica about the threats against himself. “When I hop on that transport tomorrow, I’ll be leaving all that behind for good. That’s all I can say.”

“But Matt.” Jessica lifts a hand up to his chin and turns his head so he can’t look away. “I need to know. People are asking questions.”

“What
kind
of questions?” Matt’s eyes narrow.

“About you and your dad.” Jessica’s hand slips off Matt’s, and her voice trembles. “Like why your jax ID changes all the time. Most people just get one when they’re born and keep it for the rest of their life.” Her gaze drops down and away from Matt. “I really don’t care. I know who you are inside. I don’t care about your past. But—”

“It’s your dad.” Matt reaches for a fresh glass of milk, just refilled by the waiter.

Her hand goes up to her eyes, and her fingers come away wet. “He said he’s worried about me. He knows how much time we spend together.” She picks up a napkin and wipes her nose. “I think he hired someone. To do some looking. He says there are too many questions, too many unexplained gaps about you and your dad.” Jessica’s mascara is running in black streaks down her cheeks.

“I’ll tell you everything. Just not right now. Trust me.”

Her fingers are trembling. “You know I do.” Her foot slips out of her shoes and rests against Matt’s ankle. “Ever since we met, there’s a connection between us I can’t explain. But I love my dad, too.”

“Let me guess.” The muscles in his jaw flex. “He doesn’t want you to see me anymore.”

Jessica doesn’t say anything.

A giant knot forms in Matt’s stomach.

A half hour later, they’re standing together on her doorstep.

She turns off the porch light. Matt wraps his arms around her from behind as she snuggles under his chin and looks into the infinite darkness above.

“Jess, can I ask you a question?”

“Anything you want.”

He pulls her a little closer. “OK. What do you see in me? I mean, why—”

“Do I love you?”

“Yeah. Exactly.” He looks down and kisses the top of her head, taking in a deep inhale of the fresh fragrance. Roses with a hint of apple. “I mean, I’m really just a big mystery. A past I can’t tell you about. An uncertain future. With all your connections and family money, you could have any guy within a thousand miles. Why bother with me?”

“I don’t want
any
guy. And I certainly don’t want one that’s only interested in my family’s money. Love is strange when you think about it.” One of her hands comes up to his shoulder. “I could say it’s because of your irresistible dark hair or those mysterious Asian eyes. Or because you’re smart. Or because you’re kind and gentle. Or because you like to ski and rock climb, just like me.”

Matt waits for her to go on. His internal camera is recording everything about her in this moment so he can recall and savor it later.

She turns around and lets her eyes drift up to meet his. “All those things are true, but that’s not why I love you.”

He shakes his head, not understanding. “Then why?”

“The truth is, I don’t know. I just feel peaceful and calm when I’m with you. No particular reason. Nothing I can put my finger on. We’re just meant to be together. Chemistry, I guess.”

“But what about your dad?”

She turns back around without answering and stares up into the night sky. “So many stars. Worlds without number.” Her breath is sweet below him. “Do you really think the universe just happened by chance?”

“It doesn’t really matter,” Matt says. “The fact is that it
did
happen. Whether by chance or design. And somehow you and I are here together. That’s all that matters to me.”

She backs closer into him, lifts her hands up and weaves her fingers into his. “I wonder what it’s like to be God, to have cosmic power. To be able to do anything you want, but only use that power for good. To create worlds and life and people. To love them and feel their love.” She pulls away and turns to face him, looking up into his dark eyes with that piercing intensity that he worships. “What would you do if you were God? What kind of world would you create?”

Matt nibbles on his lower lip. A mischievous thought passes through his mind.

“Well,” he says. “My world will be in a far corner of the universe. Orbiting a triple-star system. There will be an ocean full of whales and dolphins.” He stops to think.

“Is that all?” Jessica says. “There’s got to be more to it than that.”

“Now the good stuff.” Matt draws in a deep breath and lets it slowly come out. “It will have one massive continent with a pristine white sand beach all the way around. A few hundred meters in, I’ll make a warm green jungle full of towering trees and gentle dinosaurs, and perhaps a few scary ones just for fun. Above the jungle will be a mountain range that spans the continent parallel to the shore. It’ll be covered in dry snow as warm as sunshine, year round. Ultra-light powder, like what they have in Utah. The best skiing in the universe.”

Matt pauses, waiting for Jessica to reply, but she is silent as her eyes scan his face.

“What do you think?” he says.

“I was just imagining what it would be like,” Jessica says. “Sounds pretty awesome, but there’s got to be more.”

“I’ll have three homes, each one Japanese style with
tatami
on the floor and open rooms. I’ll put one on the beach and keep one in the jungle. A mobile home will float just above the peaks with access to skiing out the front door. There will be Japanese-style hot tubs in each one and a portal so that you can move instantly between them. We’ll have sushi and gyoza every night.”

“We?”

“That’s the best part.” Matt bends down with his mouth next to Jessica’s ear and nibbles with his lips. “Just the two of us and a bunch of kids as crazy as me about you and skiing. And then I’ll put the rest of the universe on auto-pilot and just enjoy life with you and the kids.
Forever
.”

Jessica turns back around to look at the night sky, pulling Matt’s arms down and wrapping them around her.

“Maybe it will happen,” she says. “But not the auto-pilot part. If you were God, you’d still have to take care of the rest of the universe.”

He squeezes Jessica extra hard and nuzzles her warm neck with his lips. “Seems to me that’s exactly what God
has
done. Taken a long vacation and just left the world to itself.” He regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth.

Jessica is silent for a long time.

He knows that she’s thinking, trying to figure out how to answer him in a way that will help him understand.

He
wants
to understand.

“I know that’s the way it looks sometimes,” she says. “Maybe even most of the time. But it’s not true. Somebody is out there. And they love us. We just have to be patient and trust in them. All things have a purpose. It will be clear soon enough, and we’ll agree that it’s been worth the suffering.”

“Wow.” Matt takes in a deep breath. “I want to believe, Jess, but I can’t. Don’t you see? You just gave me the stock answer given by people who believe in God.
Just have faith, and everything will work out.
” Matt feels himself getting pulled into the same old conversation, one they’ve had many times before. “Why can’t you just accept the
facts
without trying to explain them? The world is full of suffering. Innocent children die every day. People get cancer. There’s unspeakable injustice. If there were an all-powerful, all-loving God, he surely wouldn’t allow any of this to happen. He wouldn’t allow sadness, period. So there must not be a God.”

Matt doesn’t want the evening to end in an argument, but he also doesn’t want Jess to believe in fairytales.

Jessica stretches out her arms and points up at the stars. “There’s only one way to take away all the suffering. God would have to use force. He’d have to control our minds and choices. Turn us into slaves.” Her hands come up around Matt’s neck, pulling gently. “But he loves us too much to do that. A world without real choices would be its own version of hell. Everything might look great on the surface, but we’d all just be little robots underneath. No freedom. No growth. No joy. A nightmare.”

There’s more silence between them.

Matt decides it’s time to concede defeat, at least for now. “That’s one of the reasons I love you. You have an answer for everything.”

The porch light goes on, bathing them both in brightness and erasing the night sky.

“Yep,” Jessica says in her usual confident voice. She turns around to face Matt again. Her lips move slowly, but no sound comes out.

It’s a game she likes to play, mouthing words and letting him read her lips. She always says it will come in handy someday. And he always plays along, happy for any excuse to focus on her lips.

Now he sees them moving and knows what she’s saying.

“My dad is on the other side of the door, listening. I have to go.”

“I’m not saying goodbye.” Matt moves his lips in silence. “Things will be better when I get back from Japan in September. I’ll talk to your dad, answer his questions. Make him understand. Don’t worry.”

Strands of long brown hair rise and fall around Jessica’s face, moved by a gentle evening breeze that blows across the porch. Matt slides his arms around her one last time, holds her close and feels the warmth of her body in the cool June air. Dropping his head down, he inhales the smell of her hair one last time. Intoxicating.

A symphony of crickets plays in the darkness.

With his head still bent down, Matt touches his lips to the top of Jessica’s head. His eyelids float shut. He makes a conscious effort to burn this moment forever into his mind. It’s like turning on an internal jax to make a permanent record of every sensation flowing through his mind and body at that instant. His mother taught him to do it as a child, a way of capturing memories for later recall. He did it often up at Skull Pass, pausing at the top of a long expanse of powder before ripping through it. He adds this moment with Jessica to his collection of perfect memories so he can replay them later.

When the dark times come.

And then, with his eyes shut, Matt senses a strange urge to reach into his pocket and wrap his hand around the rock. As he lets his fingers find it, time and space fall away, leaving only him and Jessica. Her thoughts become his thoughts. Her senses become his senses. Her fears become his fears.

For a fleeting second, they are one.

When it’s over, Matt releases the rock and takes a small step back. “I’m not going to say goodbye, ever.”

“Neither am I.” Jessica puts her arms around his neck. “But I am going to give you something to remember while you’re in Japan. I’ve been saving for a long time.”

She pulls him down, and he feels the warmth of her lips against his.