Stop Wasting Your Life & Do Something (10 page)

Here’s one way to gain inner peace. Always be present in the moment. This takes massive practice, especially when you’re completing tasks on autopilot such as driving, washing up, hanging out the washing.

If you focus 100% on the task you are completing, there is no room in your mind to be worrying about things that might happen/might not happen/did happen/didn’t happen/should have happened/shouldn’t have happened.

Did you notice the language in the last sentence?

Might happen/might not happen/did happen/didn’t happen/should have happened/shouldn’t have happened.

What do you notice about this list?

Every one of them is happening in your mind. Even the ones that DID happen are still happening again IN YOUR MIND. If you don’t think about them, they aren’t happening any more. Your mind is very creative, and can conjure up all sorts of disasters, but is this the best use of your time and mind? I think we’d both agree that it’s not. How do you stop it from happening then?

There’s a simple (but not always easy) three-step process for doing this. Here it is:

One – Become aware of your thoughts. The easiest way to do this is to be aware of your feelings. If you’re feeling nervous, anxious, worried, angry, bitter, guilty, or any of these negative feelings then you’re more than likely focussed on one of these areas (might happen/might not happen/did happen/didn’t happen/should have happened/shouldn’t have happened). As soon as you become aware of this, move onto step two.

Two – As soon as you’re aware of what you’re doing, focus on your breathing. Focus on your in breath, and then on your out breath, and focus on the few seconds of space in between your in and out breaths. This will immediately stop your awareness from being on your thoughts, and put your awareness into your body. You will immediately feel better.

Three – Once you’ve stilled your mind and put your focus back into your body, become fully aware of whatever task you are completing. Concentrate on each action and nuance of it for as long as you can.

This is it. The more often you practice, the more rapid the results will be, and the negative feelings/thoughts will become less frequent.

Chapter 30

Expectations

I remember reading a great book several years ago called “Expect Nothing: A Zen Guide” by Clarice Bryan.

The basic premise of the book is that you can avoid disappointment in your life by learning to remove your expectations.

Let’s have a real life example. Let’s say you invite a friend over for dinner. You’ve spent hours making it and preparing it, and you’ve tasted it and it tastes amazing. One thing that is concerning you however is that your friend is ALWAYS late. You find it very frustrating. They are late when you pick them up for an engagement, they are late when they are picking you up for an engagement, and they are late when they arrange to meet you somewhere.

So you have this dilemma. You are looking forward to your friend coming over and enjoying dinner with you, but if they are late it could put a dampener on the evening as in your map of the world, being late demonstrates a lack of respect.

Now you have several things you can do here.

First, you could let your mind do its normal thing and worry about it. This is not ideal and won’t help you achieve inner peace at this moment in time.

Second, you can use the technique learned in the previous chapter to control your state.

Three, you can alter your expectations. If you decide in advance that your friend will probably be late, you can decide right now how to feel about it when it happens. You could say to yourself that it doesn’t matter. You can say to yourself that the dinner will taste just as good no matter what time they arrive. You could tell yourself that no matter what time your friend arrives, you will love her anyway.

This removes your inner turmoil. This stops you having negative thoughts about her. You can decide that you will start reading a book or doing something else that you enjoy at the time they are supposed to arrive. This way, the later they are, the more time you get to enjoy whatever it is you’re doing.

Here’s another example. Let’s say that your idea of motherhood is to spend lots of time with your children, visit them every week, offer to babysit whenever they want to, and generally be around all the time for them. But YOUR mother wants to go on holiday, wants to spend time with her friends, and doesn’t pop round every week and offer to babysit. Where is the problem here?

It’s with your expectations. An expectation is simply another word for a desire. And as we know, unsatisfied desire is the root of dissatisfaction, and dissatisfaction will always lead you away from inner peace.

If you allowed your mother to be herself, it would be a lovely surprise when she visits, rather than something you just expect of her all of the time. Rather than hold bitterness towards her because she doesn’t act like you would as a mother, you would just have love for her.

Which is better?

Now from this explanation, I’m not stating that you should go through life with no standards, and no ambition, and no “Wants”, but what I am saying is that you shouldn’t become emotionally attached to them. For example, if you want to get a new job, you should do everything in your power to get it. Plan your preparation, think about the questions you’ll be asked, get a friend or colleague to put you through some mock interviews, and do your prep on the role and the company. Go in fully prepared and ready to wow them, and leave no stone unturned. What you SHOULDN’T do though, is base your entire future on the interview. As soon as you put too much emotional energy into it, you are leaving yourself open to getting hurt or becoming disappointed.

There is nothing wrong with being disappointed for half an hour or so, but it shouldn’t ruin your day or your week.

So in short, you can still make goals, you can still plan your future, you can still set out the things you want in life, but try to eliminate or at the very least reduce the amount of emotional energy to put into your expectations and attachment to them. This will help you remain peaceful inside.

Chapter 31

Do What You Love – Find A Passion

If you want to be happy, find something to be passionate about and do it as much as you can.

I once read a newspaper article about what made people happy. They looked at a variety of variables:

How much money people made

What sort of loving relationship they had

What type of work they were involved in

How they got on with their children

The relationship they had with their parents

Etc….

The ONE thing that made the biggest difference to how happy a person was, was whether or not they had a hobby or a passion that they were actively involved in. The study found that people with a hobby or obsession (we’re talking healthy obsession here, not the “Stalker” type) were the happiest.

If they had a hobby, or interest that they regularly participated in, they were more likely to score higher on the happiness test (that’s my scientific name for it).

If you enjoy something so much that you lose all track of time when you’re engaged in it, you are more likely to be happy. For me, the three things I enjoy doing that make me lose track of time are playing the guitar, reading, and writing.

If I pick my guitar up and set myself a proper practice schedule, I can literally play for hours without stopping. Likewise with writing. If I sit down at my computer and the words start to flow, I will look up at the clock and see that three hours have gone by and I haven’t even noticed.

What could you start as a hobby that you would really enjoy? What did you do as a kid that was fun, that you were passionate about, that you could reignite? Did you collect things? Did you draw? Did you take part in a sport that you loved? Did you read? Did you take photographs?

With all of the possible fun things that are available in today’s world, there will probably be something you would love to do. There are courses both online and offline on just about any subject you’d care to mention. Weird as it may sound, I knew a girl that had always had an interest in embalming, but just thought it was a silly idea. She then looked into it, and realised she could train in it locally. She started the course, and absolutely loved it. When she qualified, she quit her job, and now runs her own funeral directors.

No matter how silly or foolish you think you would feel by starting something you’ve always wanted to, you will not be the first person to ever feel like that. You won’t be the last. This should not stop you in any way, shape or form.

I remember when I was young and wanted to play the guitar. I was such a shy kid, and I thought people would laugh at me if I got a guitar, and I nearly didn’t do it for that reason. So I mentioned it just in passing in front of my family, and because nobody laughed, I went ahead with the idea. I’m so glad I did as it’s changed my life. That one decision to actually start led me to going on 11 UK tours with my band, playing hundreds of gigs, meeting lots of cool people from around the world, and releasing several albums and EP’s.

If I hadn’t taken that first step I would never have had those experiences, and I wouldn’t have a lot of the friends I have today.

Write a list of the things you’d like to try. What step could you take TODAY to find a new hobby or interest? Who do you know that could point you in the right direction?

What new skill would you like to have? Learn a new language? Play the piano? Learn computer programming or iPhone App development? Learn Japanese cooking?

I’ll tell you this. In five years time you will be able to look back at this moment. You will look back and say, “That was the day I decided on learning this new skill/acquiring this new ability”, or you will look back and say “That was the day that I was going to start learning that new skill/acquiring that new ability, but I never got started”.

Which would you prefer? 5 years will definitely go by no matter what you decide. Would you rather look back with happiness at the new skills/experience/ability/friends, or look back with regret that you never started?

Starting a new hobby could change your life for the better. It can open up a whole new world of people, experiences, and fun.

It might even make you just a little bit happier.

The other beauty of getting good at something is that you can then charge for your services to teach others how to do it. So you can turn your new hobby into a business, or money-making asset.

What do you want to do? Are you going to do it?

Chapter 32

Search For The Answers - Books

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this, but books are a pretty good way of figuring stuff out. This book may have helped you along that path? If it didn’t, then I’m sure there are other books that can.

One of the things Jim Rohn used to say was that “It is rare that a good idea will interrupt you. You must go and find good ideas. Read the books, go to the seminars, listen to the MP3’s”.

This is so true. If there is any skill you wish to acquire, there will be a book on it. If there is a book on it, there is probably an audio book on it. If there is an audio book on it, you can listen to it whilst you’re doing other things and learn as you go about your day. Learning can be so easy. You just need to find a learning style that works for you.

If you spend 30 minutes in the car on the way to work each day, and 30 minutes in the car on the way home, that is 5 hours per week that you can learn a new skill or pick up some new ideas. That’s 20 hours per month, and 240 hours per year. What could you learn in 240 hours per year?

All leaders are readers.

The world is changing. If you want to keep up with the moving times, you need to CONSTANTLY re-educate yourself. Ten years ago, you couldn’t send an email on your phone. Now, I never log into my email account on my computer because everything is on my phone.

Five years ago, there was no Kindle. Now you’re reading this book on one. What else is going to change in the next five years? If you’re not re-educating yourself about what’s going on, you will be left behind.

Whilst there are principles in life that will never change, such as honesty, integrity, hard work, and love, the one major constant in our day to day lives is that everything’s changing. Business is changing. The way we shop is changing. The way we read books is changing (after hundreds of years). The way we entertain ourselves is changing.

Learning new things will keep you moving forward. If you stay the same you will not stay where you are, you will actually move backwards, as everything else is moving forwards.

Can you tell that I think reading and learning is a good idea?

I just re-read Rich Dad Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki, and he talks in the book about a course he attended on real estate. He said that going on that course cost him $500, but the information he got on the course has made him in excess of $2,000,000. Was that information valuable?

I have a goal to learn something new every day. Even if it’s something very small, I try to do it so that I’m better today than I was yesterday. I’m wiser today than I was yesterday. I have more solutions today than I did yesterday.