Stork Naked (25 page)

This time the monster pursed its lips and blew directly at Pyra. The gust of wind caught her skirt and boosted her off the tracks. She fell—

Directly into the monster's waiting mouth. The thing had fathomed the nature of its opposition and outsmarted her!

But it had also outsmarted itself. She landed on its tongue—and the flesh scorched as she heated incandescently. The tortured tongue flipped her up and out.

But as she sailed through the air she knew that she would fall far from the trestles, and not be able to defend the men any more. They might be doomed.

“Finn!” she called as she sailed by. “Spark!” She sent ignition as he opened his mouth.

Then she was falling, falling, and had to take care of herself. She heated the air around her so that it expanded explosively, generating cracks of thunder. That hot air cushioned her landing as she came to the floor of the canyon. She was safe.

She walked toward the trestles, hoping to climb back up to the track. That wasn't her concern. What about the men? Could Finn do enough with his flaming breath?

The monster, satisfied that it had eliminated the pesky opposition, opened its mouth and readied a mighty chomp that would take in all three men and the new planks they had installed.

Finn breathed out a devastating column of flame. It shot into the monster's mouth and down its throat. “HOOOOO!” it cried, truly in pain. In a big, in fact a monster moment, it turned tail and ran, surely for the nearest underground lake for quenching.

The women applauded again. Finn had saved the day.

By the time Pyra climbed to the tracks, the men had finished their job. The trestle had been repaired and was ready for the train. She walked toward the train, brushing herself off. She was hopelessly mussed.

“Pyra!” Finn cried, spying her. “I owe it all to you. You gave me fire. You're wonderful.”

“Well, I wanted to see the job finished,” she said gruffly. She realized that sounded ungracious, but she wasn't sure how to correct it. She wasn't used to being complimented, especially when mussed.

“I think I love you.”

That stalled whatever else might have been on her mind. She stood there, having no idea what to say. The very notion was ludicrous. She couldn't possibly return the feeling.

Then he kissed her.

Her knees melted, but she didn't collapse because he was holding her. Tiny burning hearts formed and orbited their heads. They set fire to the notion “ludicrous” and destroyed it like an ugly monster.

“Is that how they signal the stork?” a child's voice asked. Pyra realized belatedly that the trainful of children was watching.

“Hush, child,” the mother cautioned. “She hasn't even shown him her panties.”

Indeed she hadn't, Pyra realized, blushing at the suggestion. What had she so suddenly gotten into?

“I shouldn't have done that,” Finn said apologetically as he led her to the train. “I thought the monster was going to chomp us. Then you gave me the spark, and made me look like a hero. You're such a wonderful woman in every way.”

“I'm nothing of the kind! I'm a hot-tempered scheming hussy!” Of course now the parents and children were listening to their dialogue as the train started, but she no longer cared.

“Are you? Then you would do well at Always-Always Planet. Why don't you stay here with me? I won't need a spark if you are here.”

“I can't. I have other things to do.”

“You have to find the children, of course. But after that?”

The most astonishing thing was that she found herself tempted. Finn had proved to be a brave and capable man, and he did need her. She could do worse, much worse. Of course there was that elixir-inspired fixation she had on Che Centaur, but she had already concluded that was no good. This was a worthy alternative.

But there were complications. “I am not of this world.”

“None of us are,” he said. “We're all workers or tourists. Children come from all the Worlds of Ida to be entertained here.”

“I'm from Xanth.”

He stared, and the children and parents murmured in awe. “You're a real person? Not a might-have-been?”

“I'm real,” she agreed. “My body lies in a vault while I search here.”

Finn sighed. “I should have known you were too good to be true. Of course you won't give up your real existence for a might-be life.”

Now that he was seeing reality, she found herself warming to unreality. “Is this really what you want to do with your life? Put on fire-eating shows?”

He smiled ruefully. “No. It's just what I can do. Or could do, when I had the spark. My real passion is to be a sculptor and work with colored stone.”

“Oh, are you good at that?”

“No, I have no sculpting talent at all. It's just my foolish dream.”

“To the left,” the engineer announced as the train pulled out of the canyon, “is the famed Ogre Orchard.” Pyra looked and saw the shaggy huge ogres tending stony fruit trees. “Those fruits are pummelgranites, good for practice fracturing stone.”

She had dreamed foolishly of snatching a centaur from his loving mate. Finn's dream was better than hers. He was not daunted by her fire; he liked it. “Suppose you were on an island in a swamp with nothing much to do all day, and only me for company?”

“With you for company there would never be nothing much to do,” he said gallantly.

The children laughed. They were finding this far more entertaining than the sights the train tour was showing. “He really likes her,” one said. “She likes him too,” another said. “Maybe if we're real quiet they'll forget we're here and will signal the stork,” a third said. “Yeah!” they all said, while the parents were suitably horrified.

Pyra forged back to the subject. “I meant the sculpting. Would you be satisfied to do that all the time?”

“Between kisses?”

She had to laugh. “Yes.”

“Would you give me all I wanted?”

She pretended to misunderstand. “All the colored stone?”

He pretended to believe that. “And all the kisses.”

Decision was coming upon her. “Yes.”

“Then there would not be time for sculpting.”

The children laughed gleefully, carrying the parents along. Pyra knew she should be embarrassed, but the idea of being with a man that hungry for her kisses appealed.

“There are ways for might-be folk to come to Xanth,” she said. “I have a friend who knows how to form empty bodies from organic material. Then the soul from the moon comes and animates it. Xanth was repopulated with dragons that way not long ago. You could do it too, if you wanted to.”

There was a murmur of awe through the train. All of the parents and children longed for exactly such an avenue. But it had to be carefully arranged, so most of them would never make it. That was their tragedy.

“I want to,” he said without hesitation.

“Then consider it a date.” She kissed him, and the children and parents applauded. This time the fiery orbiting hearts were twice their prior size and intensity.

The train completed its round. The engineer talked with his supervisor as the children unloaded. “These guards saved the train. A smart monster chomped out a trestle, but they organized repairs and used fire to drive it away. They're heroes.”

“Then they have a job here,” the supervisor said.

“No, she's real, and she's taking him with her.”

The supervisor turned on them a look of unadulterated envy. “Good for them.” Then he peered more closely at Pyra. “You're right; she's real. We don't get many of those here.”

But they had not yet found the children. Pyra approached the supervisor. “Have you seen three demon or half-demon children here in the past two hours, ages ten ten and five?”

“Multitudes. But I take it you mean from Xanth.”

“Yes. They are real children, though perhaps ensorceled.”

“Ensorcellments don't work here. Their souls would form their real selves. There have been none from Xanth.”

She was satisfied with his verdict. “Thank you.”

“Any time you want to serve as guard again, you'll have a free ticket.”

She laughed. “I earned it!”

“You did. We'll put guards with flamethrowers on the trestle bridge. We don't want to lose any more children.”

She could appreciate why.

She returned to Finn and joined him in his fire booth for a few more kisses and half a smooch, so he wouldn't forget their agreement. “Remember, check every so often for a body that looks approximately like you. When you find it, animate it. It will then assume your perfect likeness, and I will take you away to my island.” She paused. “It's not really an island, it's a circular mesa in a swamp. We'll have to wade through the swamp to get there. The swamp is made from love elixir.”

“It won't have any effect,” he assured her. He was probably right: he was already smitten. So was she.

She walked toward the exit. It was time to recover her body and report that the children were not in her sector. She was almost relieved; she had done her best, without having to make any difficult ethical decision with respect to the children. Instead she had perhaps found a solution to her social dilemma.

Surprise Golem conjured herself to the edge of her segment and started searching. She really appreciated the way the others were pitching in, including even the stork and the peeve; it made the search so much more competent. She suspected that they needed all the competence they could garner, and more, because the Sorceress Morgan le Fey was not about to make it easy for them.

And if they failed to find the children, what would Surprise do? What could she do, except make the awful bargain the Sorceress demanded? Either way, something invaluable would be lost. She couldn't stand to sacrifice either the children or her baby. Yet she might have to choose between them. She did not know which way she would go.

She could fly if she chose, but concluded that walking was better; she wouldn't overlook anything on the ground. The children might be anywhere, in any form; only a tediously careful search could be sure of locating them. So she walked, and used her magic to make X-ray vision so she could see through trees and rocks, covering a wider swath.

This section of Xanth seemed to be deserted. She encountered no people, animals, or unusual plants; this was a purely routine quiet forest. That itself might be suspicious; why were the usual monsters and pun formations absent? Had the Sorceress somehow cleaned out the region? Why?

She saw something she could readily have missed: a crevice in the ground. It was only a finger-width wide, but quite deep, and it extended in a zigzag manner as far as she could see to left and right. She peered down it with her X-ray eyes, but saw only the parallel walls extending down. She picked up a thin stick and poked it into the opening, and it did not touch the bottom. How could it be so long and deep, yet so narrow?

She knew of only one crevice of that nature: the Gap Chasm. That was not very far from the Golem residence; she had often visited it in her own reality. This must be an offshoot, maybe one that didn't exist in her own frame. Was the difference significant? She could not afford to assume that it wasn't.

She followed the crack north, toward the main chasm. Sure enough, it soon widened, like a river wending its way down toward the sea. It became wide enough for a person to fit in, and still too deep to fathom. Could the children have wandered here, and fallen in? That didn't seem likely; they were active and often obnoxious, but not foolish. Also, as full or part demons they had some demon powers, and could float when they put their minds to it. Still, they were insatiably curious, especially about significant natural features. They might have followed it, and entered it where they had opportunity.

And if they followed it far enough, they could wind up in the Gap Chasm itself. Of course they knew Stanley Steamer, the Gap Dragon; he was no threat to them. Or was he?

She paused in place. In this reality she was married to Epoxy Ogre and had no soul. Umlaut was married to Benzine Brassie, and had no soul either. Why should the Gap Dragon be any child's friend in such a reality?

But Ted, Monica, and Woe Betide didn't know of the ill nature of Surprise Seven. They might think this reality was more similar to their own than it was. They could run gladly up to the Gap Dragon to play—

She shuddered. She needed to check more swiftly. She doused the X-ray vision and made herself float, using a variant spell she hadn't used before. She floated rapidly over and along the widening crack. Her best bet might be to locate the Gap Dragon and ascertain first whether the children were near him, and second whether he was dangerous to them. If neither was the case, she could move back and search the Gap offshoot crevices more carefully.

The crevice widened into a canyon. Now the bottom was visible, a thin line way down. She cruised along and the walls retreated on either side. Then the canyon debouched into the main valley that was the Gap Chasm.

Now the walls were far apart. There were trees here, and rivulets, and grazing animals. It was a peaceful scene, part of a land isolated by the fantastically high cliffs that bounded it. There was only one predator here: the Gap Dragon. If it appeared, the grazers would take evasive action, though there was nowhere they could really escape. They might even be resigned, and simply let the dragon take whichever ones he selected.

That was not her concern. Her business here was only the children. If she could be sure they were not here, she would depart. She wished she could orient on their identities, but in this different reality she lacked a way to fix on them. She needed to tune in, in their presence.

She saw a puff of steam ahead. That should be the dread Gap Dragon, a terror to all except his friends. She floated toward the steam.

She was correct: there was the Gap Dragon, a low-slung serpentine six-legged monster with a big toothy head and small wings. He had to have been descended from a variety of flying dragon, but he couldn't fly. Instead he whomped, making vertical wriggles, one set of feet lifting and landing at a time. He was a steamer, considered by some to be a lesser threat than a fire-breather that could roast an animal where it stood, or a smoker that could stifle it in a roiling cloud. But steam, when used well, was just about as dangerous. Steamers had been known to stifle the other kinds, dousing their fires and dissipating their smoke.

She floated before him. “Stanley Steamer,” she said. “I am Surprise Golem. I know you; do you know me?”

The dragon shot a fierce column of steam directly at her. She barely had time to conjure a protective shield. The steam bounced off it and formed a frustrated cloud.

But when she conjured the shield, she stopped floating. She could exercise only one talent at a time. She landed on her feet with a jolt.

The dragon whomped forward, ramming into the shield. Surprise had to levitate hastily to avoid getting flattened by the falling barrier. Which of course faded out.

The dragon aimed his snoot upwards and fired another fierce jet of steam that would have cooked her in place had it scored. She summoned a gust of wind that blew it away—and dropped to the ground, her levitation gone.

The dragon pounced on her. She became a tar baby that caught and held the crunching teeth. “Stop this attack, Stanley,” she said. “I'm trying to talk to you. I know you can understand me.”

The dragon blew out a waft of steam that melted the tar baby, freeing his teeth. She countered by becoming a fire woman, not solid like Pyra, but made entirely of fire, her flames unaffected by the teeth. “I don't want to hurt you, I just want to talk to you.”

The dragon snapped repeatedly at the flames, getting nowhere. Then he got smart and inhaled, sucking the flame woman into himself.

Surprise became an iron-spine cactus, impossible to swallow. “I'm warning you: desist.”

Stanley steamed the cactus, melting the spines. Surprise converted to a diamond girl, her sparkling flesh invulnerable to both steam and teeth. “You crazy beast, quit!”

The dragon picked up a stone in his mouth and made ready to smash the diamond body to diamond dust.

That did it. Surprise became a device, a form of demon adept at crushing things: Demon Vise. She caught the dragon's head in her square jaws and squeezed, slowly. He struggled, whomping his green body around, but was unable to break the powerful grip. “Give up?” she asked grimly.

Instead, Stanley blew out so much steam that the ground below the vise melted and caused it to sink. Rather than get mired in forming lava, Surprise changed form again, releasing the head. This time she became a small cloud of smoke, demon-fashion, while she considered her next approach.

“Okay, no more Miss Nice Girl,” she said. “I'm going to make you pay attention.”

Stanley charged the cloud, revving up a new head of steam. Surprise transformed into a female gap dragon, with six legs and long eyelashes. “What are you up to, steam-for-brains?” she inquired in steam pulses.

This did get his attention. “Who are you?” he demanded in the same language.

“I am Surprise Golem, as I said. You don't remember me?”

“If I had encountered you before, I would have steamed and eaten you. You're a shape-changer?”

“Not exactly. My magic is to have any talent once. When I studied the matter, I discovered that I actually borrow each talent from someone else, but thereafter that person resists losing the talent again, so I can't take it twice. Eventually I might be able to, but it doesn't matter, because there are so many talents that I can simply take a similar one next time. Did you notice that I never repeated?”

“No. What I noticed was that you didn't know my name.”

“It's not Stanley?”

“It is Stefan Steamer. So I knew you were an impostor.”

Surprise took stock. No wonder the dragon had been determined to steam her! “I apologize. In my reality you are Stanley.”

“Your what?”

“I come from a different reality. It's hard to explain. Things are like this, only not quite. Like your name being different. Like myself being different. The Surprise Golem of this reality is a soulless creature who doesn't care whom she hurts.”

“What do you want with me? I doubt it was to smooch.”

“I am looking for three lost children. I need to know if you have seen them. I hope you didn't eat them.”

“If I had seen them I would have eaten them,” Stefan agreed. “But I didn't. Are they bouncy delectable sweet-tasting children?”

“No, they're part demons.”

Stefan blew out a discolored wad of steam. “Yuck!”

So demons didn't taste good. “That's all I needed to know,” she said. “I must find those children.”

“Hold up two moments, Golem. You're really from a different reality?”

“Yes, where you are named Stanley and are friends with Princess Ivy.”

“Ivy?”

“Evidently not the case here. She has three daughters, triplets, who like to play with you.”

“They wouldn't last longer than the time to steam them.”

“They are Sorceresses.”

He considered. “That would make a difference. Queen Ivy does not have triplets here. I would know.”

“Queen Ivy?”

“Queen of the Naga folk, because her husband Naldo Naga is their king. He and I get along. Therefore I tolerate Ivy; Naldo would be annoyed if I steamed her.”

“Then who governs the human folk of Xanth?”

“King Dolph, of course. And his wife Nada Naga. I get along with her too.”

Surprise realized that this was another marital realignment. In her reality, Dolph had loved Nada but married Electra, and they now had twin daughters. So what had happened to Electra, here? She decided not to inquire. “In this reality I am married to a different person than I am in my own. I can't say I like the person I am here.”

“As it happens, I do know of that Surprise. I understand she's talentless.”

That might explain why Surprise Seven was so ready to make an ugly deal with the Sorceress, and even signal the stork with a man she detested. Surprise's talent was attached to her soul. When the Demons took her soul, that deprived her of it. Fortunately in her own reality they had returned her soul, or enough of it so that her body regenerated the rest. “That should establish my foreign nature.”

“Yes. I thought that the Sorceress was with you. But she couldn't do what you're doing now.”

“I certainly hope she couldn't. She has my baby. I must recover my baby girl.”

Stefan evidently made a decision. “I will summon Nada.”

“I'm not sure I want to meet her in this reality, unless she has information on the lost children.”

“She may. She can find out, if she chooses.”

There was something skew about this. “If she chooses?”

“She has a problem. Maybe you can help her with it.”

“She would want to bargain?” Surprise asked distastefully. “Over the lives of children?”

“Isn't that what you humans do? Make deals?”

“Sometimes,” she agreed grudgingly.

The dragon lifted a foreleg. On it was a thin golden chain supporting a ring in the form of a snake biting its own tail. Stefan gently steamed the ring, and it seemed to wriggle. It was surely an amulet.

There was a sound beyond the rim of the great canyon. A huge bird appeared, flying swiftly toward them. It was a roc.

Surprise looked for cover. “Even you can't handle a roc,” she warned the dragon. Rocs ate dragons, and anything else they chose.

“That's King Dolph in bird form. He's carrying Nada.”

Now she saw that the monstrous bird carried a large snake in its talons. That would be Nada Naga in her serpent form. She could move rapidly in that form, but not nearly as swiftly as a roc bird could.

The roc came in for a landing, shaking the ground. The snake dropped down just before that, slithering out of the way. It became a serpent with a human head: a naga. The naga slithered up to the dragon and they touched noses with no harsh steam issued.

Then Nada Naga faced Surprise. “You are human?”

Surprise changed back to her natural form. “I am Surprise Golem, daughter of Grundy Golem and Rapunzel Elf. I am from another reality.”

Nada became lushly human, in the form of the serpent woman Surprise knew in her own reality. She lacked clothing, but in a moment the roc became the man Dolph, who brought her a royal robe. She donned it, and then a small gold crown. “I am Queen Nada Naga, now Nada Human. What is your business here?”

Surprise tried to condense it. “I have to recover my lost baby from my alternate self here. The Sorceress Morgan le Fey hid the children who accompanied me and wants to make me give up my baby to recover them. So now I need to find them.”

“Why not just let the Sorceress have your baby?”

“I couldn't!” Surprise said in anguish.

“Why not?”

“She's my baby! I'm her mother. I can't give her up.”

“Then why not let the children go?”

Did the queen truly not understand? “My conscience won't let me. One of them is your daughter, in my reality.”

Nada turned to the dragon. “Thank you, Stefan. You were right to summon me.” She turned back to Surprise. “Come with us.”

“Will you help me search for the children?”

“We may. First we must talk.”

“I have hardly two hours. I can't take time off.”